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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

To push or not to push - that is the question!

49 replies

mersmam · 12/01/2009 21:23

I'm very interested to hear of anyone's birth experiences (good or bad) where mothers have relied completely on their own instincts about when to push.

I'm expecting my 4th baby, and while my first three labours have had good outcomes (gorgeous healthy babies and no major interventions) they've not exactly been positive and wonderful experiences! The last two times I've had the urge to push an hour or two before being given the go-ahead by the midwife (either because the midwife hadn't arrived or because I was told not to push yet).

Things I've read since then indicate that perhaps if I'd pushed GENTLY when I first felt the urge things would have progressed more naturally and quickly and less painfully. However, I am a bit apprehensive about relying purely on my own instincts... and also wondering how the midwife will react when I tell her I don't want to be examined at all!

Any thoughts or experiences would be very welcome!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

littleducks · 12/01/2009 21:26

I just told midwifes i was pushing though tbh even if they had said not to i couldnt have not pushed the urge was very strong

morocco · 12/01/2009 21:30

i was examined every now and then (previous c section so a bit higher risk) but just went with the flow for dd. it was amazing. (erm, still v painful though) I wouldn't say I pushed as such, not deliberately anyhow, just let my body do what it wanted. all of a sudden the contractions made me involuntarily breath down v hard, bit like pushing. can't say it was quick, took another 45 minutes of that kind of 'pushing' but it was the most amazing experience

Ecmo · 12/01/2009 21:33

I made myself push with my first 3 as I never really had an overwhelming urge to, I just felt that I ought to push IYSWIM. However with DC4 I HAD to push and I asked. The midwife said not to as I was only 9cm dilated but I had no control over it and could not have stopped it. DC4 was the only time I didnt tear!

Original poster

mersmam · 12/01/2009 21:34

I thought generally people were examined straight away and told they were xcm dilated? That has always ben the case for me anyway!
If you're giving birth in hospital don't they like to examine you to decide how far along you are?

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 12/01/2009 21:35

I tried to push gently - DD2 completely failed to budge and so I ended up holding my breath and pushing like billy-oh. I only had a small tear all the same, as she still came out slowly.

In a MLU birthing centre I actually had to ask to be examined - as I know that I was further along than they thought - they were very hands-off.

Original poster

mersmam · 12/01/2009 21:37

That's quite encouraging Ecmo! I've had a very strong urge to push with the last two, but always been too scared to do it without being given the go ahead and the feeling has subsided and then come back again an hour or two later.

OP posts:

liath · 12/01/2009 21:39

With my second birth I put in my birth plan that I didn't want to be examined. I really felt that I could trust my body and labour and deliver instinctively. My midwife was happy to go along with this and was very hands off. I delivered the baby's head myself too . It was a very empowering experience.

treedelivery · 12/01/2009 21:40

I was pushing when I wasn't fully dilated [dd was op] and I started doing it at about 7cms. There was no stopping me and I had nooooo control at all. Fecking disaster - cevix got swollen and dd got distressed and I ended up needing to get out of pool, into an epidural and drip to shift my poor puffy cervix. The more babies we have the cervix tends to be much more stretchy and dilates faster in response to oncoming head so not as significant as with first, but if the cervix wont get out of the way pushing on it can really really slow the deivery down

Can remember the satisfaction of pushing with the urge very clearly.

treedelivery · 12/01/2009 21:42

Looking forward to doing that bit again actually.

rolandbrowning · 12/01/2009 21:42

I had an overwhelming urge to push, but the midwife had left the room at the time. My Mum told me not to push, as she was obviously concerned about me not being fully dilated. I do wonder what would have happened if I had done what I really felt like doing. After that I never got the urge to push again, so had to be told to push. I found it a very, very unpleasant feeling and I was absolutely exhausted by the time ds was born. At the time I just wanted them to use ventouse because I was so tired, but obviously I am glad they didn't.

I think now that there must have been a reason I felt the urge, I can still remember the feeling now, it was so powerful. I think maybe the labour would have been a lot shorter if I had gone with the urge. Hope everything goes well for you.

Original poster

mersmam · 12/01/2009 21:44

oh dear liath and treedelivery - two completely opposite outcomes!!
As this is my fourth baby I'm hoping my cervix is pretty stretchy (?!)

OP posts:

Original poster

mersmam · 12/01/2009 21:45

rolandbrowning - thank you. Your experience sounds quite similar to mine with dc1 - I think this is a question that many women must want answered!

OP posts:

rolandbrowning · 12/01/2009 21:50

I think you are right mersmam. It just seems strange that your body would have that feeling if it was actually likely to cause a load of problems for you. I wonder if there has been much research done on it?

treedelivery · 12/01/2009 21:55

Ah but t'was my first and dd was in crappola position.
When you labour as someone who has done it before and without problems, there will be 'external signs of full dilatation' and so providing there isn't an undeniable need to push way earlier than these showing up, the midwife should be ok just having a peek to see if theres a head in the distance [parting the labia for example] or sitting on her hands.
The body generaly times the external signs, full dilatation and the impulsive need to deliver quite nicely. You may rememember the transitional bit where we go loopy and start screaming at everyone - we often want to push then but aren't quite ready and the midwives try to talk us through. Then the 'urghhhhhhh' noises start and we're off!!

Original poster

mersmam · 12/01/2009 21:56

Here are some useful links I've found through a previous mn thread:
www.birthpsychology.com/messages/push/push.html
www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/pushing.asp

both in favour of pushing when you feel ready (not really 'research' though...)

OP posts:

MarlaSinger · 12/01/2009 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mersmam · 12/01/2009 22:00

Treedelivery are there any other external signs of full dilation? Preferably ones that I could look for myself!! I really do not want to lie down and have the midwife examine me as in my previous experience it is torturous!
The links above suggest that pushing gently before full dilation can actually speed up dilation... any thoughts?
Also, I've never really had that transitional stage - just worsening contractions and then what felt like a desperate need to go to the toilet!!

OP posts:

chilledmama · 12/01/2009 22:01

I was in bath at home. Said I felt like I needed a poo and MWs cheered. No examination, they just let me crack on. To be honest, even during that point of labour I was paraniod about tearing so wasn't fully pushing as I though if I go slowly I'm less liekly to tear...MW gave me into trouble She told me to listen to my own body! DS was born 5 minutes later!!

MarlaSinger · 12/01/2009 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

treedelivery · 12/01/2009 22:03

I think there's also pressure thats satisfying to push against and then there's the need to push like the need to breathe!

I remember feeling so so heavy and so like was pooing and wanting to strain against that. Then I remember not wanting to ever stop pushing as it was so necessary to me. Was like being told to stop breathing - there was no question of it.

It's nearly always down to the position of the head and how this relates to your bony pelvis. I had the crown of dd's head sat on my bowel much earlier than if she had faced the other way - hence the early pushy feelings. Had she been 'oa' then it would have been her forhead there and so less pressure and more head to push the cervix out of the way.

The mechanics of birthing are fab. It's so well designed but because of babies relatively big heads it's a very precise business with not much room for variations!

RedOnHerHead · 12/01/2009 22:08

i had an urge to push on ds1 when the midwife was out of the room and told dh i needed to push - midwife checked and it was all go from there. my body just did what it did. tbh, the midwife just abserved and i did what my body told me to do.

on ds2, i started pushing, and told the midwife i was pushing - she didn't examine me (i had a home birth) but she monitored the external signs (whatever they were). I caught my own baby whilst on my knees and brought him to my chest myself.

i didn't need to be told to push or not push or anything on either, i just did what my body told me to do.

i didn't tear on either.
a fantastic experience - especially the homebirth, compared to a hospital birth!
fantastic!

treedelivery · 12/01/2009 22:08

Well, you asked.....
anal gaping
perineal bulging
bowel opening with contraction

Can have one, a few, or all. Yum!

But the noise, a gutteral groaning roar. It's very distinctive and always gets a midwife smiling and opening gloves!

DevilsAdvocaat · 12/01/2009 22:10

apparently i was involuntarily pushing so i have no idea!

RedOnHerHead · 12/01/2009 22:10

oh forgot to say...
ds2's second stage was only 6 minutes!

DevilsAdvocaat · 12/01/2009 22:10

apparently i was involuntarily pushing so i have no idea!

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