bitterly regret vbac [sob] please help me to think of it as a positive experience

[drivingmebatty]

Hi all I had my vbac 7 months ago and the birth itself went well.
But I sustained a small tear to my labia that I just couldn't live with as every time I went to the loo wiping would pull and catch it.
A couple of weeks ago I had it fixed, they basically had to cut away the whole edge to remove it {vomits and feints at the memory}
To look at it {which I must do at least every hour} it matches the other side now kind of but it is still so sore and obviously is never going to be as it was.

I just feel absolutely griefstricken that this could happen to me my first section was a breeze in comparison I just cannot stop wishing I had had another one.

I think of it every second of every day and have done for the last 7 months. I am just so tired now I would love to forget this experience and move on but I just can't I feel so sick.

To top it all my lady bits are wonderfully sore for a week or two after every period and no one seems to know what is causing it or be able to help me.
I really am at the end of my tether anyone have any kind words of wisdom please?

(please no "i'm glad I had a section posts please")

I had a repair (fenton's procedure) after horrific natural birth experience. Surgeon told me I should be recovered within 2 weeks, but I was still in lots of pain. When I saw a pain management specialist, he said a more likely recovery period was 2 years as I had sustained nerve damage. Seemed like forever at the time, but it got gradually better and now don't even think about it.