Please could you share your experiences of the pushing stage?

[Anglepoise]

Hello ladies

I'd be very grateful if you could share your experiences of the pushing stage of childbirth. DD is 12 days old and I found this stage rather traumatic, but I'm not sure whether I was unlucky or just horribly naive - since most things seem to concentrate on dealing with the contractions, I had kind of assumed that the pushing section would be brief and not too uncomfortable! Instead I ended up pushing for an hour and a quarter, on my back on a hospital bed (quite a long way from the home water birth I wanted ) and while I didn't have my legs in stirrups, the MW advised me to raise them - I eventually ended up bracing one against her and one against DH but my arms ached for three days from holding them. At one point I asked whether I should be in a different position (I'd been on my knees over the head of the bed previously) and the MW told me that this was best, although she also said I was pushing round a corner and uphill (which is why I thought it wasn't recommended any more). She also told me (I think) that I couldn't have gas and air during the pushing stage, so I was without pain relief for the whole thing. Does this sound right or was I badly advised? DD was 7 lb 12 oz, so not huge, but had gone back to back if that makes a difference.

Thanks

split in half about sums it up! Slowly, with a rusty jagged toothed saw!

ok so pushing from the diaphragm is one thing - but what is the difference between the pushing really really hard to squeeze it out, and not pushing but "breathing" it out instead. Is it like the difference between trying to squeeze out a hard poo when you're really constipated or letting time and gravity help ease it out (sorry, TMI I know, but I am curious)

Yeah I guess that's a good analogy!

OP - sounds so much like mine! I was stuck on my back (had to have tummy monitor on) and she sad the back had to come round, and they kept pulling the G & A off me. The whole thing was really traumatic, I feel sick even slightly thinking about it. My contractions were going off and I could only get 2 pushes in before they went. DS was 10lb 5oz aswell and I could feel myself literally tearing. I was desperate to get on all fours at least but wasn't allowed. I try not to think about it too much.

I'm an NCT teacher and I like to think my classes do prepare people for 'the pushing bit'!

I use people's accounts of their second stages from here on mumsnet to stimulate discussion about what it feels like, how the sensation and pain is quite different from what you feel during first stage. Also cover breathing, pushing techniques, positions, problems etc.....

Have to say though - I sometimes worry that people are going home and crying into their pillows with fear afterwards!

That's interesting fabsmum - mumsnet must be quite useful!

Personally I found NCT brilliant - it was just the pushing part that I could have done with more help with.

I believe that most women want honesty about what labour will be like. What would have helped me, is if someone had said, yes, pushing is incredibly strenuous, it can be very painful, but that it is the shorter stage of labour. Also, that crowning will feel like your fanjo is on fire, but that it will be over quickly. Also, that panting and allowing a controlled delivery is very important. It was the contrast between first and second stage that had me reeling. I still feel years later that I would do first stage again no problem -0 to 10 cm, but the pushing was something else!

I don't think you should worry about scaring your clients off - really. There is no point in glossing over the fact that childbirth hurts, but that there are many ways of easing the pain and working with it. Also,if any woman is really terrified of the idea of the pain, there is the option of epidural to block the pain. These were discussed at NCT, along with the pros and cons. Most of us opted to give birth without, but it's there as an option for women who are really scared. I would definitely have welcomed an honest discussion about how much it was going to hurt.

"Also, that crowning will feel like your fanjo is on fire, but that it will be over quickly"

That's so funny findtheriver - because that's almost exactly what I say. I actually finish the class with a round of quotations (from Bounty, not mumsnet) from mums, one of which is "When you feel your fanjo is on fire, baby is nearly here, not long to go"....

And I yak on and on and on about panting, listening to the midwife, the urge to push like mad to get past the pain at the end (try not to!), or alternately holding it all in because it hurts too much to push (you're going to have to let go or that baby's not coming out!). I often do exercises which get the mums to gently bear down to identify where in their body they're going to feel the stretch and the pressure (tend to cover this bit in the women only class - understandibly. One day someone's going to crap themselves in class - me probably!).

Not sure how much people take on board. At my local hospital they have almost everyone sitting on the bed in second stage, being told to 'hold your breath, put your chin on your chest and push down hard into your bottom'. They don't encourage women to change positions if they're making slow progress, and there's lots of shouting and bullying going on to get the baby out as fast as possible, even when everything's progressing fairly normally. I'm sure that's why so many of the mums I see end up with bad tears. Makes me a bit sad really.

I don't tell people it's going to be agony - but some of the quotations I use from mums who've been there make it quite clear that some people find pushing and crowning excruciating.

On a personal note, just thinking about it makes my eyes water. First time round I'd had an epidural so didn't experience the sensation of pushing and crowning. Second time round I pushed out an 11 pounder with no pain relief. Bloody hell, it hurt beyond anything I could ever have imagined. Getting that out the way was the biggest relief of all time. You should have seen my face in the post-birth pictures. I must have had enough endorphins and oxytocin in my system to floor an elephant.

Yeah, being split in half is exactly how I felt, especially when I actually (finally!) pushed her head out - I remember thinking that it was like being ripped asunder.

This has been so useful, thank you I may try having a read through of my notes too. I'm determined that things will be different next time and might think about getting a doula or private MW (though cost may be an issue).

kiff5 I pushed part of my bottom out too - not very nice and a bit alarming to hear it doesn't go back!

i pushed for about an hour and a half or more then dd's heartbeat was slowing down so ended up with ventouse

was on back as legs too tired for anything else (about 2 days of labour and not much sleep) and in the end was in stirrups too as i somehow seemed to be squeezing her back in as i was inadvertantly closing my legs up...

my over-riding feeling was that i wasn't very good at this pushing lark!

fabsmum - you sound like a lovely NCT teacher and very funny! I'm imagining someone crapping during your class now!!

TBH, I think despite all the preparation, there's actually no way anyone can really know what it's going to be like first time around. It really is like nothing on earth! Second time I gave birth vaginally I remember thinking 'I really should get it right this time' ha ha - well at least the second stage was over quicker as boy, did I know how to push! Also, I guess once your body has done it once already, it's never quite so horrendous again. I still didn't like the crowning - god it hurts - but at least once your fanjo's been stretched that far the first time, you know it can do it and survive. I think if I'd known how painful giving birth would be, I'd actually have opted for an epidural for the first one!

i had feet in stirrups but didn't tear so it doesn't necessarily correlate...think dd took so bloomin' long to come out i stretched nice and slowly!
oddly i can't remember how the crowning felt at all-no worse than the rest of it i think...

I never found it too bad, I was always saying it's the easiest part as you can do something with each contraction iykwim.

Well thats untill I had my 3rd 3 weeks ago!

It was a fast labour and pushing him out took about 15 mins, but it was the most horrendous experience of my life!

As soon as I started to push I knew something was different, his head stopped at his nose, then his chin, then shoulders!

When he was born and weighed he was 10lb 10oz! A big jump from my other two who were both 7lbers

I can with all honesty say never again !!

'They don't encourage women to change positions if they're making slow progress, and there's lots of shouting and bullying going on to get the baby out as fast as possible, even when everything's progressing fairly normally.'

Yeah, that's wot happened to me, only I misunderstood and thought I had to try and do a big poo through my fanny, so I was clenching my buttocks. 3 hours later I finally got it.

Personally with no.1 I found being 2cm the most painful - I was asking for a gun to shoot myself, crawling around the floor and hullucinating until they brought me pethidine and gas and air which helped focus me. It got progressively less painful from there on.

2nd time I actually LOVED the crowning. I could actually feed the endorphines flowing, but then I'd had a lovely labour too in a lovely place with lovely people.

reluctant Breathing and pusing are different.

Pushing is very hard work and you strain. You concentrate on using your muscles. The baby comes flying out and may need hands on guiding to try and prevent tearing. It is often accompanied by bullying cheerleading.

Breathing is where you concentrate on your breathing and try to relax into the sensations and the baby just falls out. Probably doesn't need any guiding out.

"I can with all honesty say never again "

Ah yes - I remember chanting this phrase like a mantra straight after the birth of number 2.

13 months later I was pregnant again.

Why did I do that?

No, it is not unusual, but it isn't necessary!

Forgot to add, with my second, I ONLY used g&a for the second stage.

Hi I am new here but was just wondering something...When you got to pushing, did you do it yourself and did the midwife encourage you to push (or not!) however felt right or did she tell you to hold your breath, push down, chin on chest, not into your throat...keep your mouth shut etc? Also how did it make you feel when the midwife starts telling you you are not pushing properly?
I feel nosy asking but interested!

happypoppy - welcome to mumsnet!

I have no idea what I did with my mouth and chin when I was pushing, I just did what my body was telling me to, I have no idea how you can push 'wrong'.

I did have supportive midwives each time, and they did encourage me to push, but I really don't think I needed encouragement to push.

Hi I am new here but was just wondering something, when all of you got to pushing, did the midwife just let you get on and push (or not!) how you felt best and follow your bodies or did you find they were telling you what to do, chin on chest, not into your throat...keep your mouth shut...big breath and hold it in...?
And how did it make you feel? Did you feel in control? Or did you feel the midwife was in control? How did this make you feel afterwards?
I feel a bit nosy now! Just interested!

oops! am a bit clumsy with this! wasn't sure it had posted! now there are two versions of my nosy question!

I think it depends on the situation.

With ds1 they let me go on for 2.5 hours without saying a word to me until the very end.

Ds2 didn't tolerate labor very well and his heartrate was decreasing pretty quickly so they were more vocal about me getting him out fast.

No matter what they say, you are the one in control though. You can choose to listen or not, and at the end of it you are the one doing all the work.

I should say that I am a student midwife and am interested because there is loads of research that shows that that midwives should not be 'directing' women how to/when to push (like taking big breath in and holding it etc..) as that actually might cause harm to the baby (it gets less oxygen) and may cause mothers to have more tears.
We are taught that it is best to let a mother push if she wants but that the baby will be born anyway because of the expulsive contractions (and I have seen this quite a few times) but where I work most of the midwives still command the women HOW to push and that they should do it a certain way and often actually SHOUT at the women and tell them they are not pushing strong enough or in the wrong place!
This makes me a bit mad as I feel it totally undermines our ability as women to deliver our own babies!
And basically I was interested in finding out how it makes women feel! (another waffly post, I'm not good at short and sweet!)