Please could you share your experiences of the pushing stage?

[Anglepoise]

Hello ladies

I'd be very grateful if you could share your experiences of the pushing stage of childbirth. DD is 12 days old and I found this stage rather traumatic, but I'm not sure whether I was unlucky or just horribly naive - since most things seem to concentrate on dealing with the contractions, I had kind of assumed that the pushing section would be brief and not too uncomfortable! Instead I ended up pushing for an hour and a quarter, on my back on a hospital bed (quite a long way from the home water birth I wanted ) and while I didn't have my legs in stirrups, the MW advised me to raise them - I eventually ended up bracing one against her and one against DH but my arms ached for three days from holding them. At one point I asked whether I should be in a different position (I'd been on my knees over the head of the bed previously) and the MW told me that this was best, although she also said I was pushing round a corner and uphill (which is why I thought it wasn't recommended any more). She also told me (I think) that I couldn't have gas and air during the pushing stage, so I was without pain relief for the whole thing. Does this sound right or was I badly advised? DD was 7 lb 12 oz, so not huge, but had gone back to back if that makes a difference.

Thanks

Yes! Your experience sounds quite like mine!

Do you think it might be due to not knowing how to push? I certainly felt that with my first. I'd been to NCT classes, which waxed lyrical about breathing exercises to breathe through the contractions during first stage - and to be fair the breathing worked brilliantly for me. But second stage is something else!! I hadn't anticipated how you are basically trying to do two totally different jobs - first stage is all about 'letting go' and letting the contractions wash over you and trying to 'distance' yourself from the pain. Second stage is about damn hard work, pushing a baby out. And it fucking hurts!! Way more than first stage. I too had the gas and air taken away, so was pushing for two hours on no pain relief. I had a fantastic midwife, btw, but I really found the pushing stage difficult. What made me eventually push the baby out was seeing forceps being waved - a good incentive. I think I also 'held back' from pushing because I knew that each push would hurt - I found crowning excruciating. On the plus side, with my next vaginal birth, I at least knew how to push, and once the midwife told me I could start pushing I just went for it - the baby shot out (I tore quite badly as it was far too quick) but at least it was over. the hospital put '5 minutes' for second stage on my notes - I don't believe that, I reckon it was more like 1 minute, but they were embarrassed to write that down as it was way too quick and actually quite mismanaged.

I personally feel the pushing stage is by far the hardest part of birth and I would have appreciated a lot more advice about it during antenatal classes. I am left feeling that I can cope with first stage of labour no problem - I seriously would do the 0 to 10 cm dilation with no pain relief again tomorrow, but the thought of another baby crowning brings tears to my eyes.

fabsmum - that's interesting, thanks Like MoonlightMcKenzie says, you kind of assume that the MW knows what they're doing (and I think she generally was very good) so don't question too much, though I now wish I had. Incidentally, when I said I wanted a physiological third stage, the same MW told me that it would take an hour, when I knew that it would take up to an hour; we agreed I'd have the injection only if needed (eg lot of blood loss) and in fact I didn't have it and the placenta was delivered after 12 minutes and one push (now that was satisfying! )

Thanks wtfhashappened. I really want to feel positive about it (and as I said, there were lots of positive elements), both for my own sake and because I don't want to be one of those women who peddles horror stories to pregnant women, but I spent most of the next day wondering if they'd let me have DC2 under general anaesthetic!

benandoli I think I did have quite an easy time for a first birth - I'm now in total awe of anyone who has ever given birth.

findtheriver - it took me a while to work out what I should be doing but I think I got it eventually, and at least honing my technique gave me something to concentrate on! Tbh by the end I was just pushing pretty much all the time because I was so fed up and wanted to get the whole thing over with, which was probably the wrong thing to do. She seemed to get stuck for a very long time - we had a very long time of being told that "we just need to get past this point" (what point I have no idea) and I think she kept slipping back again - all very dispiriting.

Thanks for the replies, particularly those who have said they had better experiences with subsequent births - perhaps DD won't be an only child after all

With my first (Breech, epidural, ending with a botched cesaerian), knowing nothing, I listened to the midwives and lay on my back and the labour all but stopped.

With my second - very quick labour (3 hours) knelt facing the headboard to push - really good position, comfortable, you can't see what is going on around you (doctors, midwives etc) so can concentrate on listening to your body. The urge to push was overwhelming. Only draw back - a bit tricky keeping on the gas & air, so I just took off the mouthpiece and stuck the tube in my mouth! Sounded like I was on helium!!

With my third - longer labour - kept active, walking around as long as possible, then on side to rest and be comfortable for a while, then kneeling for pushing stage. Tore quite badly, but stiched up well.

My main advice is - stay active, and don't lie on your back!

I found the pushing stage really hard with my first and after 2+ hours of pushing while trying all sorts of positions with a very good midwife - the midwife called time and I went into hospital - the threat of an episiotimy was enough for me to push my DS1 out in another 15 min!

I really needed alot of coaching, help and encouragement to push - I didn't understand the process of how to breath properly and pushing through the pain like doind a big poo!

I then wrote loads of notes in my 2nd birth plan about help & coaching with the pushing stage and went on to not having to push at all - I just panted DS2 out. The whole process took 45 min from start to finish.

My first, I pushed for about 3 hours. I was also on my back but I was allowed gas and air which i puffed on inbetween contractions. The midwife said it took so lond as I wasnt pushing effectively . I must say I found the second stage much less traumatic than the end of the first (transitional), that was absolutely awful and I came close to losing it a few times.
My second, I pushed about 3 or 4 times. I was on my back again but didnt really use the gas and air as it all happened so fast. i think the worse part of that labour was the crowning, it happened very fast and I found it traumatic.

Are you me anglepoise??? Ds is nearly 6 weeks now, am by no means traumatised by my experience but it is something I have pondered a lot. Like to think wasn't totally naieve about it but felt quite surprised I suppose that no-one really told me how hard the whole thing was...esp the pushing stage. Was on my back for whole thing due to constant monitoring, (babies heartbeat was deccelerating with each contraction), literally couldnt move for 15 hours, when it came to pushing i was there for an 1hr 45, being told baby's head was in wrong position...turned to side so everytime I pushed he went back up, eventually was a ventuose delivery, episiotimy and fair amount of stitches.Also resusci-cart bought in for him due to heartbeat which terrified me, was prepared to perform my own c-section by then!!! He was worth every second but it was very far removed from all the things I wanted and quite traumatic, felt like had gone through 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. I promise tho that the memory fades quickly, you would do it all again, esp when thay start grinning at you and it's lovely when you can get off the rubber ring!!! Sorry for long post, nice to get it off my chest.

CONGRATULATIONS

Lets see the pushing stage....
DS1 3 pushes and there he was
DS2 the same

Loath the pushing stage, it really frightened me every time. dd1 2 hours on back, had leg in plaster so no other option really. DS1 kneeling over end of bed 20 mins. Tore badly with both. DD2 Really didn't want to tear again so MW suggested left lateral, got cramp, so on back, no tears and 15 mins. By far the best but still horrid.

didn't really understand when to push with the first. no gas and air at this point. never got that overwhelming urge to push either. midwife for first said "oh god, she's been to nct" when i started pushing!

I didn't get the chance to try to push as I had c-section at 2cm. BUT - for next DC (if there is one), I have learnt sooo much and to give me a chance of a 'normal' birth, will refuse internals, induction and monitoring unless they tell me baby/me in danger. i feel I succummed (can't spell) far too easily to medical intervention and advice - basically was given an internal which caused waters to break pre-labour and as I had strep b, this meant induction, which failed. Hopefully, next time I'll have the chnce to go into labour naturally.

Good for you imoscarsmum. Although my first birth was painful and hard work (see above post!) I ultimately felt it was a 'good' birth because it was in a midwife unit, I was supported in giving birth naturally, and no one rushed to intervene. They did call a doctor in from the local surgery after I'd pushed for two hours, because they thought I might need forceps and midwife wasnt qualified to use these. However, when the doctor got gowned up and held the forceps ready I was terrified (no epidural in a midwife unit so I thought, oh my god this will hurt even more than it already does!). My lovely midwife gave me another chance to push the baby out and I managed it by myself. The feeling was out of this world! I know that had I been in a big hospital, I probably wouldnt have been allowed to push for so long. I know people in big hospitals who have been whisked off to theatre for csections, or given drugs to speed things up, or encouraged to have an epidural (which increases the risk of forceps/cs etc)and they've been allowed far less time to labour by themself. Childbirth is essentially a natural process.

Of course, once you have had a cs, you won't be able to deliver in a midwife unit, so even more important that you stand your ground and avoid interventions. I had a cs with dc2, and then went on to have a VBAC with dc3, which was in a big hospital and where the doctors were far too quick to intervene - eg feotal scalp monitor etc.

Pushed for about 3 hours. A mixture of kneeling over back of bed and laying down towards the end cos knackered. dd was crowning for ages, but just couldn't get her out. Was told I would have an epesiotomy after next push if I didn't get her out. Put in a massive effort and didn't have an epesiotomy (just a 2nd degree tear ha ha). dd had a big cone head which was so sore and bruised from being stuck, she screamed when it was touched for a couple of weeks after birth which was very distressing.

Didn't have any pain relief - chose not to have epidural and gas and air made me feel sick.

Pushing stage of labour was hell and I've put off having a second baby because of it.

I was dreading the pushing stage as I thought I would get too tired too quickly and wouldn't be able to carry on. Wanted to be vertical as I believe in gravity and wanted as much help as possible. As it turns out, I was on my back, legs in stirrups and pushed for 20 mins. Out she came. Dead easy. Each experience is different I suppose. All the best xx

I don't understand why people don't have epidurals - they do work. The pushing stage for me lasted 2 hours, and I needed a ventouse - big baby, big head, episiotomy and big tear. Very glad didn't have to do that without pain relief. I did not feel a thing until a few days after when the stitches were healing. Then I was desperate for the 12 hourly pain killer. I think NCT just convince people there is something wrong with having an epidural. Friends have said to me that epidurals 'are for wimps' or if you have an epidural 'you're not at the birth'. I just don't understand this attitude. Why suffer when you don't have to?

katy - main reason I think for a lot of women is that an epidural does increase the risk factor of various things - instrumental delivery, c section and so on, all of which carry a greater risk to the baby. It may be a small risk, but it's an increased risk none the less, and many women don't want to have something which increases it.

Second to that, I think many women do see giving birth as quite different to other painful situations. It is not the same as a surgical procedure (unless it's a cs of course!), and it isn't the same as other forms of pain. I'm not making a judgement here about whether women should have an epidural -it's up to each woman to make an informed choice - I'm just explaining why most births are without an epidural. I wouldnt have had my csection without an epidural - but I gave birth naturally without one! The two things are totally different. Many women want to experience the feeling of giving birth, they don't want it to become a medicalised procedure, and they feel all the more empowered for it - I know I did. I felt able to cope with anything once I'd given birth naturally.

I think it's a shame if people feel that the NCT are 'against' epidurals. I know NCT focuses a lot on breathing and other techniques to deal with the pain, and I guess to an extent if you opt for an epidural you may feel you're then not getting the benefit of all these other types of coping with the pain, but that's not really the fault of the NCT. I found NCT was very honest in describing the different pain relief options and was clear about the pros and cons.

Dc1.. needed ventuse then forceps.
Dc2.. 20 mins pushing in the same position as you.. I had gas and air inbetween pushes.

Gosh, everyone's experiences are very very different. But for what it's worth, I've had both dcs at home. Dc1 pushing lasted 40 mins, small graze. Dc2, 8 mins, no tear.

The second was so quick, I managed without any pain relief. But the first, having used tens for the first stage, the mws actually handed me the gas and air, telling me it would take the edge off the crowning, so I don't understand the difference in advice here, I could still feel the contractions to push.

And despite wanting homebirths, so being unable to have an epidural anyway, for me, the pain levels and labour lengths (15 hours and 6 hours) didn't necessitate an epidural.

DD1 was hospital delivery. Epidural. Can't remember how long the pushing was, but they rolled me onto my side so I could bear down more easily. (Given I couldn't feel anything.) Hospital antenatal classes (in Dublin) gave a very fine description of how to push down with your diaphragm, not strain like you're having a poo and I'm sure that helped.

However, with next two I had home water births and delivered kneeling up with legs spread wide, leaning on side of pool. I didn't push with either of them. In fact, I had the urge to "hold them in" because I find the pressure of the decending head so weird and uncomfortable. I had done hypnobirthing classes, so focussed on breathing the babies out and "allowing them to be born" as opposed to "pushing".

I think few women get the birth they want or expect the first time simply because they don't know what to expect or what's going to work for them.

Congratulations to you.

Congratulations on your baby. My first birth experience was not dissimilar to yours and I felt I was not well-advised or looked after by one midwife. It took me some time to come to terms with that experience and 'put it to bed'. One thing which helped was requesting and reading my hospital notes from the birth. My second and third births were so much better.

In my antenatal class the teacher said that the pushing stage was intense but quick.

Therefore, when I had dd1 after 4 hours of pushing, an episiotomy, a ventouse and a 3rd degree tear, i felt a bit hacked off!

I tried all sorts of positions (started labour in a birthcentre, on a giant beanbag - which still features largely in my nightmares now!), but was too knackered after 2 days of first and second stage, and no sleep in that time.

Dd2 was induced, I had an epidural, lay flat on my back strapped up to all sorts of moniters, because i kept passing out. Pushing stage lasted about 1 minute, because I gave one push and she was out.

DD1 was hospital delivery. Epidural. Can't remember how long the pushing was, but they rolled me onto my side so I could bear down more easily. (Given I couldn't feel anything.) Hospital antenatal classes (in Dublin) gave a very fine description of how to push down with your diaphragm, not strain like you're having a poo and I'm sure that helped.

However, with next two I had home water births and delivered kneeling up with legs spread wide, leaning on side of pool. I didn't push with either of them. In fact, I had the urge to "hold them in" because I find the pressure of the decending head so weird and uncomfortable. I had done hypnobirthing classes, so focussed on breathing the babies out and "allowing them to be born" as opposed to "pushing".

I think few women get the birth they want or expect the first time simply because they don't know what to expect or what's going to work for them.

Congratulations to you.

Like some of the others here I was (contrary to my birth plan) drugged up to the eyeballs and unable to move or feel any part of my body from the waist down. When I was told to push I had no urge to do so because of the epidural but I knew I had to. So, what it came down to was using my imagine to focus on what pushing would feel like. Despite the drugs the pushing only lasted 20 minutes and I must say I found it very much more bearable than the first stage of labour.

It's really interesting to hear everyone's experiences.

I was induced with ds, monitored constantly so spent a lot of time on my back on the bed, never had an 'urge' to push, I just pushed when I was told to. Ds was delivered by ventouse in the end after 2 hours of unsuccessful pushing.

Home waterbirth with dd. As soon as I entered the pool my contractions intensified. I felt like my body was doing everything and the bearing down feeling was overwhelming. I knew myself it was progressing. I think I was pushing for 40 minutes ish.

To me it proved the difference between an induced labour and a spontaneous one.

i pushed for two hours with dd but demanded that i was upright. i tried lying down and there was no way that was happening!!!

pushed for 17 mins with ds (seemed like muuuuuch longer) was upright again.