40+9 - babies head still not engaged, large baby. Can anyone help calm me down?

[Lcy]

Hi
I am 9 days over due with my first baby and booked in for an induction on Sunday (will be 14 days overdue then). The baby is only 3/5 engaged and the midwife thinks this is because it is a large baby. I have now had 2 sweeps that have had no effect and have had no contractions. I had hoped to have a home water birth but as nothing is happening i expect i will end up being induced. My midwife told me today that she thinks i will probably need help to get the baby out.

I am feeling really upset - i really wanted to have a natural birth. I had a terrible experience at the same hospital when i had a miscarriage this time last year and i am worried about going in again. I have been told that the midwifes are very busy and there will be no continuity of care. There is also only one pool so i am unlikely to be able to have a water birth.

I am so tired and uncomfortable - so probably being a bit irrational. Also have people phoning and texting for the last two weeks asking if the baby has arrived. Just need someone to help calm me down, has anyone experienced a situation like this?

Why is your MW saying all these worrying things?

I was booked in for an induction with DS who is DC3. His head was not engaged at all. I had 4 sweeps to try to start things off and none of them worked - then he turned OP. I was told he was a big baby ans some people suggested I would have the troubles that have been mentioned to you.

As it turned out he was only 8lb 2oz and I went into natural labour 12 hours before I was due to be induced (as did a lot of the mums on my antenatal thread). The birth was fine - no assistance even though I had an epidural. The labour ward was very under staffed but I didn't notice at all.

I thought it was not unusual for the head to not engage until late with the first - I thought it was with more unusual in subsequent pregnancies when, in theory, your body is well aware of what is going on, has lost all ability to hold onto anything and lets the head in easily.

Good luck with the birth

hi Lcy, we are waiting for news on the knicker checkers thread. It's a race between you and iliketosleep now

Not really much advice, but I did go ten days over with DS and he was only 3/5th engaged when I was induced. He wasn't too big though at 8lbs3.5ozs and in hindsight I wish I'd waited (or known that waiting was a choice I had to make)

I did end up with an emCS but not because of pelvic disproportion or anything; more a mechanical fault with my cervix.

Anyhoo, like i said not much in the way of advice (you seem well covered for that anyway ) but I just wanted to add a supportive word or two and say that 9 days over is still early days; frustrating though it may be. Thinking about you and sending big labour vibes in your direction.

Good Luck and i hope you get to meet your squishy thighed baby very soon

Hi Lcy, nice to "meet" you. I can't offer any advice on being late - mine was 4.5 weeks early. But I wanted to wish you all the best anyway. Actually I do have some experience of being late, from the other perspective. I was born a little late, only 6 days but for some reason Mum was booked for an induction on day 7. But I beat them to it! So it can be done.

Also, I was fretting about all the intervention, and really wanted a natural birth if possible. I really wanted to avoid the large hospital and had my heart set on the small midwife led unit near us. But being early I had no choice and ended up in the big hospital, and know what, I had an entirely natural birth, with no pain relief other than about 2 sucks of G&A and some paracetamol before going in. Baby was 7lb in the end, despite being so early. So it doesn't have to be bad, and in the end all that matters is that you get your baby, be he/she big or small, early or late. Good luck!

I have just been swimming and had a sleep (the life of a woman pregnant with her first born). Feel more relaxed now i have heard all your experiences and also feel more positive that it could still happen naturally.

Oh and hi Daisy - i have just had a lurk on the preg after mc thread and it looks like ILTS is in a pretty similar position to me. Is she being induced today?

Hey Lcy, Bumper directed me over here too from the PN thread.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but as soon as the hospital intervenes its a hospital birth. I went to 13 days overdue , she was a 10 pounder but was number 4 and they all got progressively bigger.

It was Xenia who told me, stand up for yourself and get the birth you want. And she was right. Speak to the midwife and see if there's a compromise you are both happy with. Mine was a quiet room with no distractions and my CMW who was on the rota for that day. You might find you can negotiate taking your pool in with you. But my problem was that at the 5th sweep I was 6 cms dialated with no contractions, so they were concerned that labour wasn't kicking off.

I tried everything. She came the day after I had acupuncture (with electrodes). Nipple tweaking got some contractions going, but nothing to tip me over the edge IYSWIM.

Fury's expectant management was an insipiration. My hospital MWs weren't keen but that was more to do with working outside of their protocol than anything else. I'd wake up in the morning and my first thought would be 'must log on and see if Fury's had her baby'

That beby is coming out, perhaps when s/he's ready and not to the MWs schedule. Work out what you want to do and use that as your base. Things change and nothing is set in stone, but if you don't go for what you want, it'll never happen.

Good luck, will be watching out for news!

Oh, and only baby 1 engaged. Very common for it not to happen. They still come out!

Thanks Foxy - that is very reassuring. I will speak to hospital tomorrow when i go in for monitoring. Bouncing on birth ball as i type

wise words from the fox as usual

ilts is only (ha!) four days over and is booked for a sweep on Saturday.

You sound like you are doing all the right things with the swimming and the bouncing, and you will meet your baby very soon. You can always try some Lulumama inspired visualisation as well as burning clary sage oil, eating pineapple and hot curries, have sex (if you have the energy and inclination ) and nipple tweaking if that floats your boat.

Good Luck! Thinking about you and sending lots of labour vibes

Keep us updated!

evening

1st baby was 10 days overdue, arrived night before booked for sweep. Was never more than 3/5 engaged even at final appointment, but spontaneous labour - show at about 2am, a bit of waters breaking, bit of back pain for next couple of hours, went to hospital at 5am and 8lb 3oz baby born by 11am.

I kept going to aerobics (even at 40 weeks +) in the desperate hope that baby might appear. No idea what worked in the end, I tried everything - even sex against my better judgement.....

had a curry the night before, but that just meant I prob breathed curry breath over midwives and poor newborn....nice.

good luck!

Thanks Hatcam and Daisy- just been for another long walk and now going to try two person natural induction methods (please let baby come tonight!!!)

Morning, hope you are feeling ok.

If things haven't started moving yet is there a reflexologist nearby who you can go and see?

Have DH's parents gone yet? Did they bother you? Do you think that might have been holding things up?

Hope you are doing ok. Thinking labour vibes xxx

lol at 2 person natural induction methods

just checking in to see how things are this morning...did it work?

HI - I was predicted all through my pregnancy to have a small baby.... I was adamant about my dates of conception, the scan and period dates disagreed and so apparentely I went 18 days overdue

I got denied my homebirth, but had a really lovely birth in the end, stayed at home as long as poss and was 6cm when I got to the hosp. Went to fully dilated within half an hour and gave birth naturally to an 8lb 6er.

I was monitored etc from 10 days over and he never fully engaged - my waters broke first so I think he just dropped at that stage !!

my big regrets are a) not bullying the midwife into letting me birth standing up - sure I wouldn't have torn that way and b) not holding out for my homebirth !!

But I suppose it's easy to say that in hindsight and if the situation had been different and we'd struggled I'd be telling you to be guided by the experts - it's very hard !! good luck and i hope you get a great birth experience and a lovely baby at the end of it

Just been to hospital for monitoring and me and baby are very healthy. Midwife was lovely but the way she described induction sounds like a nightmare.

Apparently they are very busy at the moment so they will admit me on Sunday but i might not get induced until Monday (when i will be 40+15). There protocols are all based on NICE guidelines from 2001 - when there are 2008 guidelines on induction. She told me that i wouldnt be able to labour in water - when i said it was recommended in NICE guidelines 2008 she didnt no anything about it . There was also alot of "if we decide it is best we will do this" - so don't feel i will be in control of my birth at all. I feel like i have just been told what will happen and that it hasnt been discussed with me at all - certainly not individual led care...

Just phoned community midwife and asked her to contact me to arrange another sweep and to ask for an appt with a consultant or midwife prior to induction to discuss options.

Not happy

Hi Lcy

My DD was 12 days overdue and I was induced, she was also not engaged, she refused and was predicted to be big - she was 7lb14oz.

I remember how it felt in the run up to induction etc, it's not much fun but honestly I couldn't have cared less once DD arrived. I had a pretty hideous induction and it ended in emCS and I would do it all again tomorrow. My DD arrived and she was healthy, as was I, if a bit tired and sore!

Good luck with your birth, what I found helped was focussing more on my baby and less about how she was getting here!

I was in a very similar situation to you, very late partial engagement and a 'face' presentation, and DS WAS big at over 10lbs. However, I didn't need any 'help' getting him out apart from the normal "Push!" .

I was induced at 41+13 and it wasn't the birth that I had envisaged but it was all good.

Try not to worry yourself too much. Eat curry, go for a gentle walk, twiddle your nipples and enjoy these last few days of rest!

Hey Lcy, don't be . Time is still on your side.

Remember, this is YOUR birth. You do not have to do what is convenient for them.

How does your DP feel about things? Will he be supportive if you decide to buy more time with some expectant management?

I know how depressing it is. I'd wake up crying because I'd be so disappointed I was still PG in the morning.

If they aren't likely to induce you until Monday, i would tell them I'd only go in on Monday that being the case. I think that is fair. You don't want to be in there any longer than you have to be. And if you went into spontaneous labour on Sunday, would they let you go home or would you be in 'the system'?

Be prepared for rolling of eyes and heavy sighing from the hospital MWs. But stand your ground. Its not just the birth of this baby, but may affect any future ones. I'm sure you won't do anything to put either you or the baby at risk, but take the power back as far as you are comfortable in doing so and go for the birth you want.

If it goes tits up, it goes tits up. It does happen. But I believe you have to start from a positive position.

Lecture over

Sorry. Got a bit bossy.

Once you hold that baby, how s/he got there isn't as important. Just the fact that LO is there.

Agree with Foxy, if they say monday try and hold off going in till monday, and monday is aaaaages away, plenty can happen before then.

Just remember this part is just a really small part of it all, I don't mean that in a belittling it way (it's a huge deal), I mean in a timescale way, what ever happens you will have you baby within a week. A week, that's it, and then you and DH and little Bloddwyn or Geraint can just get on with things !

Hello everyone, I am new to mumsnet, I found it through searching in google about babies not being engaged at full term and I found this post, thank god I did as it is very reassuring. I am 40+7 and the baby is not engaged at all, this is my first baby and I have been booked in for an induction this Tuesday. I also want to avoid this at all costs, so am doing all I can now to bring on labour and I hope this will make the baby engage!! I had a water birth planned at a local MW unit but I cannot do that now as they will not have me as the baby is not engaged. I am prepared that I have to go to hospital now but I really really want to avoid the induction. If the baby does not come this weekend I will be rethinking the induction on Monday as I might cancel, as long as the baby is still ok of course.
Anyways I look forward to getting to know you guys and good luck lcy - I hope you go into labour before Sunday!!
VezzyP

Hey Vezzy, good luck with your birth. Don't see why they'd refuse you a waterbirth if the baby's not engaged. Its quite normal for babies not to engage (perhaps more so for subsequent babies) so why won't they?

Honestly, it really pisses me off that we have to stand up for ourselves to get the birth we feel is right for us.

If you do cancel and want to go for expectant management Hellhathnofury knows about it. I'll point her over this way again.

Anyway, Monday is a loooong way off in birthing terms so fingers crossed for you both.

Hi Foxy - the MW unit won't have me as they only take straight forward births and as the baby is still not engaged this is not straight forward and there can be complications such as cord prolapse and for this I need to be hospital and also the baby doesn't also engage when in labour so I might need 'assistance'. Here is hoping babba decides to engage over the weekend!!

Hi Lcy,
Just wanted to say good luck with the birth, and hope you go into labour before they induce you. I know that probably makes it more stressful though! Try to enjoy the last few days before your LO gets here.

I had a similar situation where I had to constantly "fight" against all their "advice" so I know it's a pain and the last thing that you want. Finally went into spontaneous labour, and delivered on 42+1 (their dates).

Lcy - we appear to have the same due date, the same desire for our births and the same potential issues! i actually thought you were my MILF posing as someone else to get info!

i have an extra dilemma - i went for a stretch & sweep today and my MW couldn't reach my cervix. so was sent up to the hosp and another MW tried, reached the cervix but couldn/t perform the S&S as not at all open or effaced or anything! i really thought i was getting somewhere as have had a few strong B-H and some cramping etc but no zilch!

have politely refused induction on sat/sun and agreed to be monitored from sunday onwards...

anyone got any experience of not being able to have a S&S because of this issue? anyone know how quickly this situation can change?

in the meantime just been advised by everyone to have lots of sex. it's weird when 3 people you have never met before say this to you in the course fo an afternoon!

cheers