40+9 - babies head still not engaged, large baby. Can anyone help calm me down?

[Lcy]

Hi
I am 9 days over due with my first baby and booked in for an induction on Sunday (will be 14 days overdue then). The baby is only 3/5 engaged and the midwife thinks this is because it is a large baby. I have now had 2 sweeps that have had no effect and have had no contractions. I had hoped to have a home water birth but as nothing is happening i expect i will end up being induced. My midwife told me today that she thinks i will probably need help to get the baby out.

I am feeling really upset - i really wanted to have a natural birth. I had a terrible experience at the same hospital when i had a miscarriage this time last year and i am worried about going in again. I have been told that the midwifes are very busy and there will be no continuity of care. There is also only one pool so i am unlikely to be able to have a water birth.

I am so tired and uncomfortable - so probably being a bit irrational. Also have people phoning and texting for the last two weeks asking if the baby has arrived. Just need someone to help calm me down, has anyone experienced a situation like this?

3/5 is partially engaged which is good

They thought my first would be large, had a scan at the end etc but he was only 8lb
Induction was booked but he beat them to it and arrived without intervention at 42 weeks

You still have plenty of time
Have you tried any natural induction methods?

I can't believe your midwife said those things, very insensitive IMO.

While I realise an induction is very far away from a home water birth, it really isn't as bad as it seems (I have been induced twice) and you still have a good amount of time to go into labour before then anyway.

IME the more stressed you are, the less likely labour is to happen. Having said that, it is well known that once the fear of childbirth sets in, as it sounds like it has with you, labour isn't too far off anyway.

If I were you, I'd try and take a lovely long bath, the type where you don't get out till you're all wrinkly, eat chocolate and popcorn with the curtains shut and a favourite DVD on, let yourself relax a bit. There are things you can do that are said to help bring the labour on but TBH, the baby will come when it's ready, and not before. The best you can do is try to enjoy the last few days of your pregnancy, and see what happens.

Good luck

Thanks TheBlonde - i will try not to give up hope just yet. I have tried every natural induction method - many times (actually feeling sorry for DH).

Thanks NatalieJane - that sounds like a good idea - will go and run a bath. After speaking to midwife i just felt that major intervention was going to be the only way ahead.

My DD never engaged and was born at home (planned), she weighed 8lbs so a good size. Relax or have some light exercise - all helps!

I was 3/5 on my last midwife appointment which was one week before my due date. They also thought my baby was going to big - The sonographer on my 34 week scan 'warned me' that it looked big.

I gave birth a day before my due date to my dd weighing 7lb 1oz.

I went on loads of longish walks, had loads of nice long bubble baths and read a good book. Good luck x

Hey, I've been wondering about you. I'm sorry it is all seeming so crap at the moment.

There are loads of threads on here about people being predicted large babies and the MWs being wrong, so there is still a chance.

Do you have to have the induction Sunday? Can you ask for expectant management? Remember, according to your calculation you are only a week over due.

Also, when you think about the continuity of care thing, I expect that in reality while you are in the first stages of labour you don't want a MW hovering over you constantly checking you. By the time you get to the second stage I am sure they won't just abandon you mid push. My MW was on lunch time cover when she got lumbered with me. Three hours later she went back to the post natal ward!

Thinking about you all the time.

Hello bumper

Just seen your name pop up in active convos. I am feeling a bit better about everything today because i had a relaxing bath, lots of chocolate, and a good nights sleep. Baby is still happy as can be where it is - right under my ribs. I am going into hospital tomorrow for expectant management (my blood pressure, monitor babys heart beat, scan of fluid etc) - so i am going to talk to them about what will happen. As you know my main concern is once i go into hospital i will end up with lots of medical intervention and will feel out of control - very scary!

Also so pissed off because have birth pool upstairs already and feel very prepared for giving birth at home - but baby obviously feels differently. Also worried that there is a reason baby isn't engaging properly!

Anyway very therapeutic to write all my concerns on here xx

Oh and i am so uncomfortable i def want some help on Sunday if baby has not come!

Lcy I was predicted a large baby and was 19 days overdue when I was induced. He was only 7lbs6oz!

I was also induced and it wasn't the horror story I was warned about either, it was all just fine.

Please don't worry, MW's seem to predict large babies and I think they just scaremonger. Sounds to me that your LO, like mine, just isn't ready to come out yet.

Chances are you won't get your waterbirth - I didn't and was told that they keep it for people that are having a very 'easy' time of it (ie, baby fully engaged and come on or before due date). Also when the hospitals are very busy they don't seem to use it, but you never know!

Stay strong and relaxed, do what your instinct tells you and you will be fine x

Ah didn't realise you had a birth pool, you might be ok then!!

HellHathNoFury - Thanks thats reassuring about your babys weight and that you went 19 days od and your baby was ok. Unfortunatly i cant take pool into hospital - i have one because i was planning a homebirth.

I had expectant management and opted for an induction at 19 days (I was just bored of being pg by then!). The labour was quite long but that was just down to my own individual circumstances.

I know how much they bully you to be induced, do it a certain way etc. They tried to frighten me with all sorts of horror stories. Just ignore them and remember that women were giving birth successfully all on their own for many many years before doctors came along.

March to the beat of your own drum, they are only there if you need them.
If they threaten you (as they did with me), just smile sweetly and say ok then and still just do whatever you like.

It's your body, your baby, and who are they to say you CAN'T give birth in your pool? What are they going to do, lurk outside your house and drag you into hospital kicking and screaming as soon as they sense a contraction? Just do what you had planned to do, even if over due, they won't desert you in your hour of need.

Expectant management helps but is a bore.

What type of induction did you have - was it the pessaries or the drip?

Hi Lcy,

I just wanted to say even if you have got a big baby it doesn't mean you will have a difficult birth. My dd was my first, she was 12 days overdue and weighed 8lb 11oz. I gave birth to her in 4 hours from the start of the first contraction til the end. I was induced with her as well, so even if you are induced it may not be a horror story, like so many others you hear. I also got to have a water birth with her, which was fab.

My son was 3 days overdue, no-one mentioned the fact that he might be a big baby, despite the fact I was the size and weight of a shire horse! My waters broke at home and I had my first contraction in the car on the way to hospital. 2 1/2 hours later he was born, completely naturally with only g&a and he came in at a whopping 10lb 8oz! The birth was actually easier than dd's and I had no stitches at all, only a small 1st degree tear.

Big babies rock! They are much more cuddly and less delicate than tiddlers. I don't mean to scare you by telling you about my huge babies, but generally you won't grow a baby that you can't give birth to.

Good luck and turn your phone off! I feel your pain, I had the endless "have you had that baby yet?" phone calls both times and it made me want to commit murder!

Hope it all goes well for you and hope you get the birth you want xx

My dd3 was only 3/5 engaged a few hours before i went into labour, she was 8lb 11oz and born in just under 5 hours with no stitches etc

Thanks Holly - did your baby engage properly - mine is only 3/5ths which i have been told is very unusual for 1st babys.

"you won't grow a baby that you can't give birth to" - this needs to be my mantra!

I am looking forward to squeezing chubby legs...

Are you sure that you can't take your birth pool into hospital? Have you asked?

I gave birth to a 9lb baby naturally without drugs or intervention (just G&A), so don't be put off by the 'large' threat. Only had 3 stitches for a very superficial tear too.

I was 6 days late, and there was no sign of imminent labour until it actually happened (though she had been engaged for several weeks beforehand!).

Hope you get the birth you want.

Um, I think my dd was about 3/5 engaged when I went for the induction, I don't remember either of them being more engaged than that. I only had one prostin pessary and that kicked things off. An hour later I was contracting every 3 mintutes!

I had a sweep the day after my due date with my ds and the mw said my cervix was very posterior and unfavourable and I wouldn't go into labour within the next few days. 2 days later he was born, so poo to her!

Ahhhh, chubby thighs, new baby fluffy hair, little sucky mouths...STOP...I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER BABY!!

CantSleepWontSleep - no they said i can't because of health and safety. There is a pool there but only one. However, i have looked at the NICE guidelines for induction and it says that "the opportunity to labour in water is recommended for pain relief" so if pool is free they hopefully will support that (will take guidelines with me). Thats reassuring that there was no sign of imminent labour - so it may still happen!

Hi again!

Glad you are hanging in there, I knew Holly and Fury would be able to set your mind at rest. We all remember Fury's mammouth pre-labour! Didn't realise it was 19 days though! So there is still hope yet. And Holly gave birth to a toddler and is still here to tell the tale.

You still might get the birth you want so we are sitting here with fingers crossed (actually we are sitting here waiting for my mum to rock up and take DD so DH and I can go to London for the day).

Btw Rachel is on Friends on T4 not having her baby either!