'Calm' 'spiritual' childbirth - positive stories please!

[princesslina]

Would love to think that for some people (myself included) childbirth can be a calm and spiritaul process, I don't see myself screaming and yelling in pain (would probably just have tears rolling down my face!) obviously cannot know until the time comes, if it comes (not pregnantt currently) but would be really keen to hear from anyone who did have a 'calmer labour' and did not feel the need to scream and swear etc.
Thanks xxx

Umm.... the pain is quite something else. I think there can be a spiritual dimension to labour and I think you can get through it calmly without swearing or screaming (by making other noises)- but I'm not sure about it being the serene experience you seem to be imagining...

I had a calm (hypnobirth) labour at home. I used essential oils, homeopathic birthing kit, TENs machine and a tiny bit of gas and air. It was lovely (gas and air isn't lovely though and made me feel a bit sick). My advice (worked for me) is not to listen to any hellish birth stories (ie if you don't have a positive birth story I do not wish to hear it, thank you) as there is really no reason for it to be horrid but if you are scared then the endorphins kick in and you may have a hard time of it, remain relaxed and the birth should be easier. I loved giving birth and it was relaxed. Good luck

I'm afraid I wasn't serene in either of my labours!! But it's true that screaming and yelling are more likely to inhibit progress. I'd been screaming with each contraction for 2-3 hours with dd2 and when the midwife turned up (I was at home) she got me to try to avoid the screaming and the minute I did it I realised the baby was going to arrive, and sure enough 20 minutes later there was the baby. It was an incredible experience.

I really, really recommend that you read Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth, as it's a marvellous catalogue of birth stories from women who have huge faith in birth as a natural process, it's really inspiring. And she definitely would favour other noises rather than screaming and yelling, and she certainly believes in the spiritual side of birth - her first book was Spritual Midwifery and is much more 'far out' than the Guide to Childbirth.

I didn't do hypnotherapy with my last 2 births, but they were calm. I was at home, in the pool. Midwife only arrived as I was pushing, and I was just in my own space. I did say 'can I just say, fuck this hurts' and 'can you come in, the head is crowning', but other than that I was quiet, just concentrating and breathing with the contractions with my eyes closed.

It did hurt, but I was letting my body do what it needed to and I wasn't tense at all.

I was more tense with my first birth in hospital because I didn't know what to expect, but the last two were serene. I am not sure about spiritual, but I was on a big high for days afterwards, and very proud of what my body could do.

I think not being scared is the key. However, you can't predict how you will react in labour, although being prepared is a good idea, as is yoga and being able to move and do as yur body tells you.

Best of luck - I hope you have a wonderful experience

I think it depends whether there are complications, if you have to be in hospital it wont be calm and relaxing, and it depends what pain relief you plan. I had accupuncture and used breathing to control the pain but I was induced I only had gas and air towards the end but it still hurt a lot and obscenities and screaming were abound. Screaming actually made me feel a lot lot better in fact I fancy having a damn good scream every now and again

I did scream with dd1. Did not swear though. I didn't do hypnobirthing, but I've had two medication free deliveries and I did find myself in a sort of 'trance', that happened naturally.

With my second birth, the midwife told me to make 'ooing' and 'aahing' noises and that helped, which is why I didn't scream.

Piglett, endorphins are the body's own painkillers and are the only thing that (in the state of nature with no synthetic anesthesia) make the pain of labour bearable. Do you mean adrenaline? Or something else?

I had a lovely homebirth with DS2,

5 hour labour, got in the pool after 2, very calm, floating breathing, no drugs, no gas and air, he was born in the pool and it was just amazing!

I'm not sure I would describe my birth as serene, but I certainly didn't want to shout and scream (nor did I), and was in a nice quiet place of my own throughout.

Mine was a prem labour, in hospital, on continuous monitoring so could only be on the bed, so a bit different from the home waterbirths above.

My doula was the one that made the enviroment as nice as possible in the circs, and used aromatherapy massage to give me pain relief in my back (DS was back to back), and I just used some gas and air apart from that. If I'd had time to do some more preparation prebirth, I'm sure it would have been even better.

I rather liked the tranquil bit when I was labouring on my own without anyone at all there (had been admitted due to PROM, had asked when they wanted to know if I started to feel contractions, got 'when you want to push ha ha', and then things sort of started and I didn't get round to telling anyone until a mw came in to give me antibs and I was 6cm) - but I wasn't on any monitoring then and could walk around, so that may have been the difference

Mine was quite calm and very positive and chilled, didn't scream and shout. Long, with quite a few complications but fab hospital staff who were v reassuring and communicative. Am hoping and wishing this labour (6 weeks til due date) will be as lovely.

Did have an (mobile) epidural though so that might not be what you were after .

For my second I didn't actually make much noise, it was waterbirth and because all pain relief had failed during my first birth, I had to have the second with nothing except a deep sense of weary resignation

It was still a big fat baby ripping its way through my vagina though - not my idea of meditation but each to their own

IME childbirth can be calm, and there is of course a spiritual element to it, but I would describe it more as the most physical, primitive, animal, earthy thing I've ever done. My first was pretty horrible after being induced, ending in emergency c-section; my second was a complete contrast: natural, at home, no drugs, no stitches. The MW remarked on how calm I was (I had been listening to a hypnobirthing CD in the previous weeks). IME you are taken over by this overwhelming physical process that is utterly beyond your control, it's like surfing a wave. And the pain is 'something else', I agree, but it really helps if you can go with the pain and the contractions, thinking of each one as bringing your baby closer to being born. In the second (pushing) stage I found myself making noises, but moaning rather than screams or swearing. My DH did annoy me somewhat by describing it to people later as if it had been a walk in the park, when actually it was something that had taken every once of everything I had!
And yes, read Ina May Gaskin's book. And I think it's more likely to be a calm experience if you're at home, in familiar surroundings, with a MW you've met and trust, and support from your DP or someone else.

mine were pretty calm. i swore a couple of times, but only when people said stupid things ie my mum; 'remember to breathe'
i know she meant do that labour breathing thing, but as no-one had ever shown it to me i was annoyed at the 'remember' part and all i could think, and say was' im in labour, not a fucking coma'
which i still think was rather witty, considering.

annyhoo... i believe that if you know whats coming, understand the processes and possibilities and have trust in the people around you to support you and your wishes in any given eventuality, then you can 'relax' into childbirth and allow your body to do its thing. i found it a primeval experieince and it did have a connected-with-womankind-through-all-of-time element for me. id say i enjoyed childbirth, especially the second and third times.

i watched a lot of birth programs on telly during first pg and saw one in partic where the woman was quiet and utterly focussed the whole time and i thought, 'yeah, that looks good to me'. in my own birth then, i felt like i was able to take all my energies and use them inside me to allow the birth to happen as smoothly as it could. i found waterbirth extremely empowering like that.

good luck

First birth was noisy - but more farmyard impersonations than screaming (&dh was actually rather shocked at my lack of swearing )
Second birth was totally transcendental. I had planned homebirth, but bled so was summonded in. I was on the ward breathing & chatting & quite in control when I suddenly stated finding contractions more pronounced (although could still breathe through them). Passing mw asked if I was starting to want to push. At which point I realised I did. Cue rapid move to labour suite
Dd was delivered about 20 mins later. I laboured looking out of a window watching some crows circle over the trees. I can remember imagining myself floating over the contractions like a bird - felt hugely connected to the outside world/a sense of natural lore & not really aware of the hospital room. Then realising what an astounding hippy thing that was to be thinking . I was utterly in the moment & felt both totally out of rational control (just doing what my body told me) & totally in emotional control, if that makes sense.

Only remembered g&a (which I had LOVED with ds!) after the birth.

I sometimes contemplate getting pg again just to go through it - luckily dh has restrained me so far.

HTH!

I should also say that if you met me in RL i would guarentee that 'calm' & 'spiritual' would not be the first words you used to describe me

lol, ditto fp.
i suppressed urge to speculate on op doing a total turnaround in labour and screaming the place down with total potty mouth. which im quite sure she wont do, of course

I've had lots of clients who have have calm birthing experiences. I find that my clients who give birth in water tend (note the word tend) to be calmer but I have had lots of dry land clients that I could say the same of.

you see, mars is just the sort of person you need around in abour so you could trust her utterly to take care of things outside your own body and just let go and experience the process.

lol! Thanks naps!

I was pretty calm but I'm not sure I was actually serene whilst ripping my clothes off and dripping with sweat or wandering the hospital clutching a paper towel to my bits .
I didn't scream or swear though (except for once when DH blew his nose in the middle of contraction ) - the noises I wanted to make were more like singing long 'aaaah' notes (though I'm sure I sounded like a walrus).
The pain just wasn't the sudden 'Ow! I've trodden on a lego brick / burnt my hand / stubbed my toe' etc type - screaming wasn't a natural response.

Being in the pool really helped with the calmness and I didn't need any other pain relief - by the time I was getting a bit worn out and was eyeing up the G&A the midwife could see the head and I knew it was nearly over.

ver' welcome m'lady.
tis true. i have an instinct for these things.

fp is spot on - "I was utterly in the moment & felt both totally out of rational control (just doing what my body told me) & totally in emotional control, if that makes sense."

I didn't have the whole 'nature' thing though - I laboured at night and delivered in a basement room with low lighting so was getting a bit of a cavewoman vibe

lol at cavewoman vibe.

what about my connected-to-all-womankind-throughout-the-ages vibe? that was quite descriptive wasnt it?

My first labour hurt quite a bit but I mooed rather than screamed and this seemed to help. I second the recommendation for the Ina May Gaskin book Pidge mentioned above. I read this in my second pregnancy and also did hypnobirthing. Both helped me to have to an incredibly relaxed labour which meant contractions didn't hurt as much and I had a very easy second stage with no need to push (2 midwifes and DH screeching at me for 2 hours in my first labour to 'PUSH, just PUSH like you're doing a POO' weren't conducive to a spiritual birth!). I felt incredible as DS came out and for quite a few days afterwards. Despite the fact I only want the 2 children I have, I would almost like to be pregnant again just to go through labour and birth once more...

Agree with WindUpBird - mooing rather than screaming helps. I found that vocalising - ok, mooing - helped me manage the pain of contractions, and while perhaps not serene didn't prevent me from feeling calm. I think if you scream or sound scared, it will make you feel more scared, kind of like how if you are anxious and you breathe quickly you will feel even more anxious.