'Calm' 'spiritual' childbirth - positive stories please!

[princesslina]

Would love to think that for some people (myself included) childbirth can be a calm and spiritaul process, I don't see myself screaming and yelling in pain (would probably just have tears rolling down my face!) obviously cannot know until the time comes, if it comes (not pregnantt currently) but would be really keen to hear from anyone who did have a 'calmer labour' and did not feel the need to scream and swear etc.
Thanks xxx

and saying YES rather than NO. Opens rather than closes you.

Oh Mars, 'saying YES rather than NO', I like that. Sadly, I can't afford your services for baby no 2 due in six weeks but I will remember that freebie, as it fits so much with my philosophy of life (gosh, having dd has definitely unearthed my inner hippy )

I had a very calm waterbirth with DS1 then a screaming/swearing waterbirth with DS2.
My mind was better focussed the first time and I had a female birth companion as well as DH which I truly believe made a difference.

Second time it was only DH and he flaps a little and is not 100% sure what he should do for me. I think his apprehension rubbed off on me.

This time I am hoping for another calm waterbirth.

Thanks so much for all your replies and I will def have a look at the book that has been mentioned a couple of times (being too lazy to scroll back and look for name now!) I think that 'spiritual' may have been the wrong word for ME to use although I have a friend who found it spiritual. i worked for a lady who had a wonderful experience with the birth of her second baby and that was a water birth, which is something I would really like to consider along with a home birth circumstances permitting. For years I put off considering having a baby because of fear of childbirth I had heard many horror stories, seen much screaming and yelling and blood on tv and films and I think that my mind had filtered out all the amazing stuff and left a horror story in my minds eye! Now I am no longer scared, will not go into why that is a whole other story, but I also feel that I want to be able to influence my experience of childbrith if that is atall positive by erasing the negative with the positive in my brain, I am in no way naive, I know there will be pain and blood but I also have a true belief that it can be a more calm experience. Thanks again.
xxx

P.S Have also looked into hypnobirthing and this may be something I will pursue, also good luck to all those expecting...

I'm not sure if serene is that word to describe me in my labour.

i didnt shout or scream though.

i listened to birth preparation hynotherapy cd's during pregnancy so used visualisation techniques and breathing to cope with the pain which worked amazingly well.

i used gas and air too and just got into my own zone, rocked, imagined and breathed. i was not scared and felt in control and allowed my body to be vocal however it wanted so i kind of made cow noises and when it came to the second stage i was in desperate pain, i was making a kind of primal noise that came from the pit of my stomach. its good to be vocal in labour as apparantly the more open your mouth then the more open your cervix so i dont mean screaming but just allowing sound to come out.

i really felt like i was transported to another place, teh gas and air did assist this but i think my natural endorphins took over and I felt calm through most of it. i did not speak much to my partner, he was just at my side and caressing my back and hair which made me feel happy and secure. he could see i was happy and so only spoke to me when needed like to remind me to use the loo... i think he was glad of the silence for a change

Also if you can try and do an active birth course - really takes the fear out of childbirth and helps you feel prepared which also relaxes you.

even if you end up with all interventions possible if you feel prepared mentally then its a less stressful experience.

I had two lovely births, first one very long labour with a posterior baby, long pushing stage, I used a birthing stool, and was absolutely silent throughout. Was knackered by the end but it was a "good" birth if you know what I mean, in a darkened room, baby straight to skin to skin etc. Second labour at home, also very quiet, lovely birth, in a pool, it was actually kind of trippy around the time of transition due to all the endorphins, I do remember feeling actually quite high as if I was on something and even thinking during pushing that I was enjoying it! (Didn't enjoy the last few pushes though, that's been the worst bit for me both times). It was a very happy experience yes. You can even see a slide show of it if you're really interested! I would describe both births as hard work, yes there was pain, a lot of effort, etc but I was pretty calm - did a lot of work on my breathing and relaxation and had absolutely fantastic support from my doulas and my DH. However...I agree that you can't predict how you will respond. A lot depends on the preparation you do but also on how the labour goes, and the environment you are in - it can be hard to be calm if you have midwives coming in and fiddling with the CTG machine every two minutes. I think my natural response to pain is to try and focus, to sort of go inside myself. But other women prefer to verbalise, make a lot of noise, scream, move around. Neither way is necessarily "better". And I have found that how you behave in labour does not necessarily relate to how you are in life - I'm normally quite noisy, but in labour very quiet. However I work as a doula and have seen the quietest of women bellowing and mooing like the best of them once their contractions get going! So you just never know.

Bluestocking - yes you are right didn't mean endorphines and I think it is adrnaline but I think it was a special adrenaline - am I making any sense?

My labour was painful but by the time I got to hosp I was nearly 8cm dilated and when I found that out I calmed down a lot! Ended up having a private room with a birthing pool and everything was very chilled although suspect a lot of that was down to the attitude of my mw who was luckily lovely. Even when my waters broke and there was mec in them it still wasn't stressful, I just got out of the pool and onto the bed to deliver and was able to stay mobile so I didn't deliver on my back but leaning over the back of the bed. Only used gas and air and really kind of enjoyed the experience. More worried now that I might not have such a good time if I have a second baby!

ok I am just going to say ONE thing here

I really understand that you want to think positive etc

but there is NOTHING wrong with screaming and shouting and swearing throught labour. NOTHING. I know Odent is against it but he is, remember, a man. Ina May I love but at some of her stuff.

I have given birth 3 x with quite minimal pain relief. All my kids were between 8-9 lb. Shouting and screaming is a very natural response to squeezing a baby out, imo. (mother nature doesn't care much if you're in pain or not, tbh.)

I am not trying to put a damper on things. Just that to give birth at ALL is empowering. Don't be worrying about creating a calm atmosphere or anything, just go with it.

And I am going to say it again. there is NOTHING to be ashamed of in screaming like a banshee, not when you are pushing a new life out into the world. NOTHING.

(ALSO

if you are that way inclined, I think it is actually impossible for birth not to be a deeply spiritual experience.)

I feel quite strongly about this, having worked with nct groups and seen how women can get quite disapointed by "weaknesses" in labour-and that varies from woman to woman. some women get upset at not having a hb, or not managing to do the ina may thing. Some by having a caesarean.

Don't let yourself be disapointed by your birth experience if you possibly can (of course some women have traumatic births, I am not denying that, and they NEED proper support)

Hear hear fillyjonk...

I am naturally a very quietly spoken person and first time around, i had a planned a 'spiritual' birth if a calm, natural birth is what you are describing. So I was very surprised with both my birhts to find that I was definately in the mooing/shrieking group of labouring women! It was completely primal and some loud 'aaaaahing' helped me focus and feel in control (DH said at one point i was singing but I have no recollection of this!).

I think that fillyjonk makes a very valid point. There is a lot of pressure/expectation these days to (some of which we create for ourselves) to have a 'certain' type of birth and I think it is incredibly sad when women who are coping with a newborn are also feeling guilty/disappointed because their birth experience falls short of their expectations.

Personally in hindsight, i think it is better to explore all options but keep an open mind and don't discount one plan over another. You can not always know what is going to happen and I wish I had spent less time obsessing with how I was going to get the baby out and a bit more time enjoying the last few days of being able to be spontaneous and learning a bit more about what I was actually going to do when I got the baby home!

For what it's worth, I had a pretty 'spiritual' experience on pethidine (which I swore I would never had and resisted for over 24 hours - I had been induced and the epidural had failed twice)... Now a shot of that after a day of wrangling work and two toddlers would be marvellous but as I won't be having another, it will have to be a class of vino tinto instead.

i have had 3 very different births.

with ds1 i was a screamer. I was frightened and i just could not help it!

with ds2 i was loud but didn't scream and it was Fast.
with ds3 i didn't even speak for about 4 hours! DP describes it as very scientology like. In fact the only time i spoke while i was in labour was to say yes to gas and air and to tell them my waters had broken!!