More possible homebirth problems

[FrannyandZucchini]

seems a few threads on this atm...

ok my story is that I am not particularly committed to a homebirth (not convinced I actually want one tbh), however I do want the option of labouring at home and possibly delivering if all going well and I feel comfortable etc

have explained this to midwife who says fine fine fine no problems, if that's what you want we can book you in

I have said each time I see her yes I do want to be booked in. She has said right we'll do it, blah blah etc

it is just dawning on me that I am now not going to see her again until I am 37+ weeks and she has not booked me in or done any kind of check or assessment or whatever I hear they like to do when you are having a HB

am I being fobbed off? is this usual?

she also hasn't been through any information with me about bfing, which it states in my notes she must do by a certain time (I am well past the certain time)

what's up? is she just a bit laid back or am I missing out on stuff here?

Message withdrawn

thanks Duchess that is reassuring

thanks Pruni
hmmmm 4 cylinders of entonox hmmmmm
so they may bring this round my house in advance of the birth eh? hmmmmmmm

yes I felt terribly pressured to 'choose' and 'prepare' for one kind of birth or another
NOT ending up having my (booked) homebirth last time was quite a big deal to get over, I think
eventually I realised I needed to have the kind of birth I wanted ON THE DAY
and no-one is going to say 'no actually you can't come to hospital', whereas they may well say 'no you aren't booked in for a HB so in you come', so it seemed obvious to do it this way
I really haven't strong feelings about it other than that I want the CHOICE
annoying when they want to tick boxes I know

Message withdrawn

Franny - where I am we don't tend to do the assessments until 36/37 weeks. We leave it this late as sometimes things crop up such as high bp, breech, other problems which means the women is now advised to have a hospital birth. So leaving it to the last minute is to try and ensure that we're not "wasting time" doing assessments which are never going to be used when we could be doing other stuff instead.

Franny- I saw my midwife the other day for the first time this pregancy and we discussed me having another home birth. She told me I could as long as:
the baby is head down
I go into labour at 37+ weeks (full term)
I don't have a temperature
My BP isn't high
The baby is showing no signs of distress (eg; meconium in waters).

When I had my 20 week scan two weeks ago the doctor told me a home birth was fine.

I never actually decided for definite for a home birth last time. I was always prepared to go to hospital at the last minute if necessary - but it wasn't necessary and dd2 waqs born at home. Like you, I always want the choice, and I'm not 100% certain this time either.

franny,just rememember that you can transfer home to hospital not vice versa

do you know what it is that is stopping you from fully committing to a homebirht? is it due to the last birth?

Pruni cheers
it won't actually be this midwife if I do labour at home - I haven't met any of the midwives who it might be unfortunately - there are so many it wasn't worth trying to
but I have my doula so am not too fussed

Stripey of COURSE
she's probably waiting for my placenta position scan (next week) as I declined the 20 week scan

Belgo it is nice to keep your options open isn't it?

Lulu yes i think the last birth, plus the thing of 'failing', and also the concept of birthing in my own house confuses me a bit - all the different concepts of it as a private act, my home as a personal space, but wearing a public face there, and having lots of people there (not explaining this very well)
I also feel anxious if I feel I am 'trapped' into one course of action or another - pressurised
I might want a more impersonal space - one that I don't know - I definitely relaxed more when I got to hospital last time - well partly because they actually gave me gas and air there but that is another story

F&Z - the feeling of being pressurized into one course of action is the reason why we didn't tell anyone we were planning a home birth for dd2. I didn't want to feel as though I had to have to a home birth simply because I had told everyone I was planning one, and I didn't want to hear people's opinions either. But of course I put pressure onto myself...

I also feel as though I don't want to get my hopes up over what sort of birth I have - I suppose that's a rather superstitious feeling - that if I expect it too much, then it's won't happen. Strange isn't it?

franny when you are labouring, you hopefully won;t be worrying about your 'public face'

you can ask the MW to be in a different room, and your doula to support you until the birth is imminent.

at the moment you are thinking with the rational intellectual part of your brain. when you are in labour, you will shut off that part of your brain.

i think you are transferring what happened last time with an unsupportive midwife who did not want to be there, to what has not yet happened with this birth.

i think you should discuss with your doula some sort of something to do to put away your first birth and draw a line under it, so it is not informing the birth that has not yet happened.

IFYSWIM !

I agree with what you've said belgo

Lulu I'm taking on board all your advice but I have this very clear picture of being in my bedroom last time, reacting instinctively and privately, and getting completely put off by the midwife's comments and attitudes

in hospital I felt more free to do what I wanted, bizarrely

so yes I am transferring the thoughts
but I may well get those same feelings with this labour - I may feel more relaxed in hospital - who knows? I want to be able to go where I want to go to have the baby
this way I can do that

I'd try writing a very detailed account of your last birth (i don't mean what you'd post on a forum),try to recall as much as you can and your feelings and how you feel it was handled in retrospect -it's really helpful to 'put things to bed' ,you're kind of debriefing yourself and making it your reality IYKWIM , mine was 5 pages long,I'd never show it to anyone,because it's so personal and would need too much explaining even for the others that were there, but to see things in black and white is really cathartic.
on the subject of assessment etc, they only do them in our area if you're high risk and in a lot of areas, the midwife on call picks the homebirth kit up and brings it to you when you call that you're ready for her to come, the only things i've had early for my last 2 were nitrile gloves and latex free tubing for the entonox bottles, she had to liberate them from the labour ward allergy trolley!

thanks jamila
everyone has had great advice for me, I appreciate it
am seeing doula tomorrow so will discuss with her

It's very off putting if you feel like you are 'on show' during labour. As lulumama says, you can ask if the midwife goes into another room whilst you are labouring.

My midwife sat in my room knitting. She must have been there for hours, but I don't remember. We do have photos of her knitting though!

Maybe ask the midwife what she plans to do whilst you are in labour?

it won't be this midwife
it'll be someone from the community team but definitely not the midwife I have been seeing for my appointments

mine sat and asked me to make her a cup of tea, and made polite conversation about books on my shelves

she made it clear she thought I should not be making the kind of fuss that I was
(had been in labour on my own for about 6 or 7 hours at this point)

ooh dear I DO need to put this behind me, don't I?

so you don't know who you'll be getting? That's difficult. It's good you've got a doula though, at least she'll know what you want and can be your advocate (and your dh of course).

yes I think it will be fine
you don't get to meet 'your' midwife where I live - just whoever is on the rota when you call - and so many on the team that it was not even worth trying to meet a few, in hope that it might be the right one

regarding your post of 08:54:04: being pregnant again does bring up the old memories of your last labour and birth! I'm having a bit of trouble myself thinking about last time, and I may start a thread about it at some point.

Your midwife shouldn't have been talking to you during labour - that shows a basic lack of understanding about what a labouring woman needs.

There's a midwife (male as it happens) in Belgium who really believes in the hands off approach during labour - I spoke to a woman who had had him attend her home water birth. Or rather not attend it as he stayed out of the room and let her deliver the baby on her own! Almost like free birthing, but with the back up of having a midwife in the other room. I'm sure this approach to birth has a name.

franny, you need a good cathartic rant and scream about your last labour and look forward.

your doula will support you and will , if things midwifery wise, are not going how you wish, can encourage a different attitude.

That's why I got a doula too Franny. Hated the thought of someone I just didn't feel right with delivering my baby.
As it was I had a fab midwife, really lovley and the most amazing Doula - Marslady

Are you hiring a pool?

thanks chaps
you have lucky clients lulu
hope all goes very well for you belgo

lulu can I change the subject completely and ask about positioning?
I have mild SPD and the baby has been R or LOA like a good well behaved baby
I was told pelvic pain would get worse inevitably as baby moved down
have been having a lot of trouble walking, but now the walking pain is virtually gone
I did wonder a couple of days ago if baby had changed position - I woke up with a big hard lump higher up than usual
now seems lower again, but still possibly quite hard and pointy and larger than I thought it was
I wondered if the head coming out of my pelvis has relieved the pelvic pain
am 36+ weeks
would the baby have gone breech at this point? I can't get anyone to check position until scan on Wed - at which point if it is breech it will have been that way for nearly a week
however I don't want to start mucking about with trying to get it to change position now in case I am wrong and this is a big bottom I am feeling

sorry for all these worries
pg women are such a pain

oh yes I understand TC
no I am not really committed to the HB thing so have not booked a pool
tbh I would LOVE one
dp already having vapours over what all this is costing, but never mind...

Franny, where are you? I could let you have my pool. All you'd need is a new liner. Thing is you need to get it inflated and start filling it as soon as contraction start.

Bet you have this baby at home It's fab. Feel very excited for you

oh that's so kind
am in N E Essex

I do feel excited and happy mostly! just the worries start pestering at around this point I think
or else I am just a panicker