Child benefit

[VenusJupiter]

I'm not married to DP, but we live together .. My feeling is he might have claimed child benefit before me. I have already submitted a claim. I'm the one that is obviously on maternity leave. I'm just wondering if HMRC will notice this and the claim will come to me? First child, so no experience of this..

Just about the Birth Certificate, remember that the one he has hidden from you is just a copy. The original is kept in the Register, so if you need to order another copy yourself, it will be just as valid. (Make sure you order via gov.uk as other, more expensive third-party sites will come up higher on a Google search.)

Good luck, stay strong.

I would be very worried that he has applied for a passport behind your back. Does he have relatives in another country?

Leave as soon as you can.
Notify the passport office that it is lost so it gets cancelled (get another one sent to you).
Apply for a new birth certificate.

But leave this week. Anywhere.

So the outcome now... He got a notification that the CB has come to me and has told me to leave..
I have somewhere to go to and I will be packing everything to leave..
He has said he will fight me for full custody.
I told WA that I want to leave before going to the police. Is it worth going to the police when I move ?

In regards to passport... yes he is Nigerian , but a British citizen.

What a pathetic man.
I would definitely do as someone else suggested - claim the passport has gone missing so the one he has will be cancelled.
Leave as soon as you can.
Hope it all goes ok for you 🙂

This is quite abusive. You are the one who should get it as you need the insurance contributions. Have you a job to go back to after maternity leave.

Leave now.

Once safe contact Women's Aid for advice. They can signpost you to other support so start with them.

Good luck OP. And cancel that passport before he takes the baby out of the country and is "lost" to you. This is what abusive men like him do.

Yes, I have a job to go to after maternity leave , but I need to tell them about what is going on as I have training I haven't managed to complete ... Anyway back to the situation yes I am leaving by next week.
I'm utterly heartbroken , but I can't live like this . He is so hurtful 💔 😢

Thank you for all your support

Have you got someone that can help you pack while he's a work? Things came escalate very quickly when they realise they are losing control.

I would report any/all abuse to the police. It means moving forward you won't have to do mediation as you a victim of Domestic Abuse. You might also get support with legal aid.

I would apply for a child arrangement order. You want access to be court ordered. I reckon he's the type to refuse to return the child. The police can't do anything if you don't have a court order they will call it a civil issue.

Moving forward. I'd get a parenting app and communicate via that. Something like my family wizard. Shut down all conversations unless they are about DC and contact with DC.

If he's talking about full custody. I'd just say your happy to do whatever the court feels is in DCs best interests. He's trying to scare you.

You can order a new birth certificate, it doesn’t cost much. Passport is trickier. Honestly, it sounds like you need proper advice from both women’s aid and also a solicitor. If you have a local women’s aid (google your town/city and women’s aid) they might be able to point you in the direction of an appropriate family law expert.

Hello everyone,
Thank you for your posts.
Yes HV referred me to WA and another organisation called 'Homestart'. I have a wonderful lady there that is calling me today.
Yes, I'm going to pack and leave.
When I am safe at my new place I'm thinking to go through the police. WA advised this.
I just want to move on.
It's disgusting how he has treated me.
Farm animals are treated better.
He just did not like that I got to the CB before he did. What does he want ? I'm the one on maternity plus I am mostly with our child. I don't know why I'm trying to justify myself...

Good luck with the phone call. Hopefully they can help you move out quicker

Hello everyone ,

Hope you are well 😊

So yes had the phone call today and contact was mentioned . She mentioned supervised contact ? Has anyone been through this?

I think supervised contact in a contact center is a good idea in the short term.

Who did you talk to? Woman's aid?

Good morning to all and thanks again ☺️

I'm going to deal more with WA when I move out, instead I'm just speaking to another organisation. I have a file open with WA , but told them I'm making my own way out.

I want to start the ball rolling for CM, but should I wait until I have moved? Also he tells me nothing about whether or not he is going into full time study. He already has a post graduate I think, so could be possibly funding studies again. Would it be worth applying for CM?

At present he is working non stop this week and has gone silent on me because I got the child benefit ( which he has possibly put a rival claim in for).
I can't discuss anything with him because if I go to clarify something again ( baby brain) he calls me stupid and says I don't listen bla bla bla.....

You don't need to talk to him. You dont need him to clarify things for you. He is not your friend, and his not on your side. You need to change your view point on him which can be hard. He's an abusive man who is trying to control you and limit your options. He trying to use your child as a tool to create fear.

He's being silent because he's trying to punish you. He wants you to be uncomfortable in the silence. He wants you to contact him and make ammends. Thrive in the silence and in his absence. It gives you time to work and organise. Do whatever you can without him knowing.

I wouldn't apply from CM until you are out. Presumably, he's still paying his share of stuff.

Sorry if I've missed this are you on the tenancy (if you rent) or any of the utilities? You'll need to take meter readings and inform everyone on the day you leave. You don't want to be liable for his bills.

Have you checked what help UC will give you? Are you entitled to any benefits?

I am not on the lease, no. I have found somewhere and I'm getting the keys on Thursday. Planning to go there Friday whilst he is working to clean it.
I need to look into what benefits I'm entitles to. I have money from when I worked plus maternity leave . Never been on benefits before as I was single and worked my butt off.
Really want to get new address for baby and me looking like a home. Rents are very high here , so will be in a one bedroom for now, but we should manage.
Yes I understand best to start process when safe. Should be moved fully by next week fingers crossed.

@VenusJupiter this might sound really obvious but DO NOT TELL HIM YOUR NEW ADDRESS.
If you get the keys on Thursday - go on Thursday. Don't wait.

When I move I will be filing a police report ASAP.

Would you consider leaving ? It will be harder now there’s a child involved and it doesn’t sound healthy z

Sorry just caught up, well done x

You can do a benifit calculator to see what help you will get.

https://benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/

You can also do CM calculator. You can call CM and asl for advice of the best method of collection due to abuse in the relationship.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

This move in checklist might help. Ignore the time frames on it and just tick off what needs to be done as you do it. Like redirecting mail or changing address with the bank. Also make sure you change your logins for online stuff. You dont want him reading your emails. Make sure you logout of all devices at his home.

https://homelet.co.uk/tenants/tips-for-tenants/moving-checklist

Also just a random one because someone I know forgot to do it. You apply for council tax benefits with your local council not via UC.

@VenusJupiterhope you get out safely.
It can be a dangerous time when you leave an abuser.
Maybe flag with local police you are leaving an abusive relationship.
What’s his immigration status ? Has he got leave to remain in Britain ?
DO NOT give him your new address. EVER

Hello everyone ,

So I thought I would update the situation...
Found out today my dad stupidly told my mum I got the child benefit then she told my (ex) partner ... I thought when he taunted me about it was because he had received confirmation from HMRC, but no it was my mother. I think I have spoken already about my mother here...

Anyway today before he left for work her through in my face how he wants to sit and write an agreement for 50 50 child care as I'm not allowed to leave with the child until this is done.... I won't be doing anything of the sort.