Got some questions about Doula's...

[NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain]

I have a long old way to go yet, but am thinking about hiring a doula this time for a few reasons.

My last labour was 2 hours long, I don't drive, the hospital is more than a taxi ride away, I have very little support in the way of child care for my two boys, DH will be working anything up to 4 hours away, I really don't want a homebirth, no mater how romantic the idea seems, and the last two births have been induced so probably wouldn't get a home birth anyway.

OK questions about Doula's:

Firstly, without sounding ungrateful, but if I hired a Doula, but then ended up being induced so DH would be around, the kids would be sorted etc. so basically I wouldn't need the support from a Doula, can I cancel her services at the last minute? (Oh god, that sound's much worse than how I intend it!)

Secondly, If for example, my labour started as quickly as it did last time, (waters broke, contractions started immediately) so I call the Doula, she get's here 10 minutes later (have checked and there is a Doula within 3 miles of me) but then DH makes it home within an hour (and in time) can I then ask the Doula to forget me and sort the kids out?

And thirdly, (partially unrelated to the Doula) if I go into labour at home with both my boys here, Doula and DH both can't make it in time, WTF do I do?

Arghhhhhhhhh I only have another 34 weeks to fret about this......

Oh and one more question, do I look like a dumb arse for hiring a Doula for my third labour when I managed the other two without?

Because the whole point of me hiring a Doula is so that I am not alone if DH can't get back, but if I am induced (i.e. have a 'pre-booked' date) DH would be here IYSWIM?

I see where you're coming from, I would still pay though.

Oh no, I know DH would be fine, he has been fine the last two times!

lol.

Firstly, congratulations.

Very common questions imo. Have you looked at

www.doulauk.org

and also

www.douladirectory.co.uk/

If you hired a Doula, booked, and signed her contract, then decided at the last minute she wasn't needed, then you would probably be required to pay the full fee. This takes into account the fact that the doula has probably done antenatal visits and turned away work, to be on call for you. This is how i run my business, also if it is within the on call time, ie within 2 weeks of your due date, same would apply.

If you cancel before the on call period, and before any antenatal, then i charge a £50 fee, the remainder of your deposit would be ruturned.

If you wanted the doula to sort out the kids at the last minute as dh was there and you were happy, she would probably be ok with this, however, it's always a good idea to make childcare arrangements as you never know how you will be/feel even if dh is there.

If noone makes it in time, call 999.

hth. x

incidentally, I am ttc no. 6, and am hiring a doula myself when the time comes.

If you don't think you require the support of a doula, why not just ask a trusted friend to be on stand by for the big day in case dh can't make it. You don't sound like you need a doula tbh, just a back up plan.

We don't have any close enough friends as in both emotionally and distance to step in.

If DH is there then I will be fine, if I am alone it will not be fine, if a Doula is there, I will be better than not fine, but not quite as fine as if DH is there, and if DH and the Doula are there, I will go mad. I am deffo one of those women that if I could actually speak towards the end I'd be telling the MW's to F off and mean it! My ideal birth would happen with just me and DH there, with someone who knows what they are doing hanging around outside just in case!

I know I must sound like a nut job, but it is just the way I feel about it.

You are right, I don't need a Doula, just a back up plan, but since we have very little options in the back up plan stakes, a Doula is the back up plan!

I hope you all understand it is not as selfish as that sound's, [eek]

lol. I don't think it sounds selfish, just erhaps a little expensive for what you require.

perhaps a trainee doula? Explain exactly what you wanted, that said, (thinking aloud) a trainee would want the birth experience.

hmm, a tricky one, why would dh not be there?

He works anything up to 4 hours drive away, sometimes he is only down the road, sometimes the other side of the country, and sod's law would have it that if my body ever did go into spontanious labour it would be on the day he is the other side of the country.

I thought about a trainee but came to the same conclusion, it possible wouldn't be what she needs.

My only other option is to possibly get my mum to come and stay, thing is she foster's so she isn't always available to just drop everything. (And not sure how DH would feel about 'the MIL' staying for god knows how long! - not sure how I'd feel about it either TBH!)

All depends on the doula tbh, I am looking to do my training in november and whilst I was training (or if no-one else was due the same time as you) then I'd be happy to do it, including sorting the kids out if need be.

VS - I'm looking at maybe starting training in January. We could be trainee doula buddies

NJ - I would be happy, as a trainee, to get the experience of just being there, it's well worth asking a trainee if this is the sort of thing that she would be interested in doing.

I think that if you are up-front at the beginning, and get all your questions answered by the doula, then you're laughing, because you've got all your bases covered then.

(or you could always ask on here if there is a random mumsnetter who would want to be your back-up plan...)

Well I am due in January if any of you want to train on me?!

I would be very up-front and explain it all to the propsed Doula, if we decide to go ahead with one.

I just can't see any other way around it, except Sqonk's other idea!

Any MNer up for a little Doula moonlighting?! LOL

Squonk's, so sorry

NatalieJane, I had a doula for my third labour, having not had one for the previous two. She was great.

(It's only a random "U", it doesn't matter ) Whereabouts in the country are you - there's no point in any random mumsnetters volunteering to come and hold you hand if you're in Aberdeen and they're in Dover...

She's in Accrngton

Sorry was having lunch, yep Accrington

(And Squonk, don't put your U down, it means everything to your name, the Q wouldn't work with out it, the sound of the word would be completely different, you must learn to respect and bow down to your U young lady)

oh yeah, checking profiles, right. >

I heart my U as well, am glad you feel the same

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU they look a bit like lucky horseshoes, don't they

or staples

Do you know what else it looks like?

A bit line of U's