Please help me feel better about getting an epidural!

[chasinghilltops]

Ok I’m aware this sounds so silly. But I’m pregnant with my second child and am fairly certain I’m going to go for the epidural.

I had an extremely traumatic birth with my first. Induction, forceps and a lot of blood loss in amongst other things. I had an epidural because the induction intensified contractions quicker than I had chance to adjust to them. I don’t feel negative about getting it because quite frankly the time between getting the epidural and actually giving birth was the only moment of peace I experienced.

I feel like I’m already a failure for saying I’m going to get an epidural this time and like I won’t have “done it properly”. I know that’s so silly but could do with some words of encouragement to get out of this mindset!

Thanks so much x

Have all the pain relief you are offered and if that's not enough ask for more- it's barbaric women are encouraged to give birth 'naturally' with as little intervention as possible-why??!
Would you have your appendix or wisdom teeth wrenched out without sedation or painkillers? Giving birth hurts a lot and you need all the help you can get. That's how it was for me and I hate the natural narrative it doesn't work for everyone!
Of course MIL popped six babies out at home with no drugs 😫

It is not a competition! I didn't have one with my last child as quite a fast labour and have strong memories of thinking "if I ever do this again I'm having a f*cking epidural".

If you want to see how brilliant an epidural is, watch the episode of ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ where Khloe gives birth to True. She’s glam, relaxed, joking, family all around having flown in on private jets.

That’s what billionaires do when they give birth. They don’t grunt and sweat away with a twig between their teeth like some medieval wench screaming curses to the ‘doing it properly’ Gods.

They do do it properly. With the best that modern medicine can provide...They get an epidural.

I felt the same after overv30 years ago. I didn't bother with the epidural as it didn't work with my 1st, but when I resisted the gas my midwife pointed out that they don't actually hand out medals for bravery in the end. That's all I needed to hear. If you feel an epidural will give you a traumatic free birth, go for it. Mother guilt really is a waste of time, especially when you have nothing to feel guilty about.

I demanded an epidural back in 1983 because I knew I couldn't cope with it at all after several hours of being induced.
I didn't give two shits about having it properly. I just needed to get through it without getting PTSD.
I had one a few weeks ago for a hip replacement too, it was great. Can you imagine if I'd popped up and said hey don't bother with the epidural, just do the op, I'll be fine.
Nobody will care if you didn't have a natural birth. People died of "natural" births all the time in times past. We are lucky to have decent pain relief and far less loss of life these days - we should celebrate that and take full advantage of it.
Even Queen Victoria had morphine for her last baby and said it was wonderful.
I asked my sisters if they planned on having natural births and they both laughed. They went for elective caesarians. I take it that meant no thanks.

So my first baby was induced at 42 weeks and like you, I couldn’t cope with the contractions after a while and asked for an epidural. There wasn’t really any peaceful bit in my case because by the time the epidural was in place, I was pushing and baby was born 20minutes later. The process of getting the epidural in place was seriously unpleasant, I think partly because I was having such powerful contractions by then and it took three attempts for the anesthetist to get the needle in the right spot. But I had no pain for the pushing phase, episiotomy and stitches. Baby was huge too (9lbs+).
I gave birth to my second a week ago. Because I was keen to try without an epidural this time, and because I live somewhere that doesn’t really do gas and air and it was a super quick birth, I ended up with no pain relief whatsoever. This baby was a whole pound smaller, but I can confirm that the pushing stage fucking hurts. It was quick and straightforward in my case so the pain didn’t last that long, and it was my choice to avoid an epidural this time, so I’m not upset or traumatized with how the birth went. But, having tried birth with and without an epidural, if someone is telling me they think they want an epidural, I’d always say yes, have the epidural and skip the pain.

You are not a failure. You are not a failure. You are not a failure.

Hold your head high. Let’s fix your crown.

You are amazing. You are amazing. You are amazing.

An epidural takes nothing away from you and your experience. As the doctor said to me “it just takes the edge off your fight or flight instinct and the body relaxes.” If you want it, absolutely do it.

I had both children with an epidural. The first because it was predicted forceps, back to front baby. The second was in place just in case but baby two was keen to come so nothing pumped in me. Channel your inner Queen Victoria . She knew what she was talking about .

IIRC Queen Victoria used chloroform rather than an epidural. Hasn't been used for years now though due to the unacceptably high risk of death!

I can’t tell you how much better some of these replies have made me feel! Thank you so much. Getting through this birth with as little trauma as possible is my goal, so I think I’ll be taking the epidural and not second guessing myself. Thank you!

My only regret was not getting the epidural hours earlier, absolute bliss!!!

I had one birth with and one birth without epidural.

Quite apart from the birth itself, I was so much better rested and less traumatised after my epidural birth that I bonded quicker with my baby, breastfeeding went better, and I felt much better mentally.

Labour and birth is exhausting and painful and epidural helps no end.

There is nothing to be ashamed of by requesting (or indeed not requesting) an epidural for any reason, but if you do want some reason to justify it to yourself or anyone else, it really can help give you and your baby a well rested and peaceful start together.

Good luck!

A comedian I like once did a bit which was something along the lines of ‘you wouldn’t get your appendix out without any pain relief so why would you push a baby out of your vagina without pain relief?’ I don’t understand why it’s seen by some as some sort of badge of honour to birth without an epidural. Just before I went on mat leave my manager said to me ‘remember there are no medals for suffering unnecessarily’ which was very wise I thought!

I loved my epidural for my first, would recommend to anyone. I didn’t have time for my second, and let’s just say I wish I had….

Please don't fall into the trap of there being a 'proper' way of giving birth, you do whatever makes you feel the most safe. Fwiw I had an epidural for my first (of3), very similar sounding birth to you but I wouldn't have one again, my recovery was so much harder than for the two I had with just g&a but able to move around etc. I'm sorry your first birth was so traumatic, hoping this one is a much better experience whatever you decide

Definitely get an epidural if you want one. I wasn't keen on the sensation but I'm a firm believer in women having the birth they want as long as it's safe.

I had an epidural the first time (needed forceps) and didn’t have one the second time. If I could go back I’d have an epidural the second time without a doubt. It was horrendous!