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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Please help me feel better about getting an epidural!

42 replies

chasinghilltops · 28/02/2025 19:31

Ok I’m aware this sounds so silly. But I’m pregnant with my second child and am fairly certain I’m going to go for the epidural.

I had an extremely traumatic birth with my first. Induction, forceps and a lot of blood loss in amongst other things. I had an epidural because the induction intensified contractions quicker than I had chance to adjust to them. I don’t feel negative about getting it because quite frankly the time between getting the epidural and actually giving birth was the only moment of peace I experienced.

I feel like I’m already a failure for saying I’m going to get an epidural this time and like I won’t have “done it properly”. I know that’s so silly but could do with some words of encouragement to get out of this mindset!

Thanks so much x

OP posts:
Lindtnotlint · 28/02/2025 19:37

I had an induction with my first. I think I would absolutely not have got through it if I hadn’t had an epidural. It was so so awful and the epidural brought peace. I remember thinking I would happily die if I didn’t have to continue.

second time round I had an epidural but barely needed it - the baby slipped out easy…. But I don’t regret it, it was insurance against an experience I will NEVER repeat.

mobear · 28/02/2025 19:41

Everyone I knew who had children told me to get an epidural asap, so I had an epidural early with both my births and I’m so glad I did. I was happy, relaxed and well rested by the time the babies arrived. I can’t imagine going through hours/days of no sleep, pain and stress and then having to deal with a newborn.

Pinknotpurple · 28/02/2025 19:45

You are allowed an epidural

It's entirely acceptable to have an epidural

Your baby will not want you to dread the birth or suffer unnecessarily

Relax! X

Faloooon · 28/02/2025 19:49

Whaaaaat!!?!

You are absolutely allowed to have an epidural and should feel no guilt about it. I presume you wouldn’t feel bad about taking antibiotics for an infection or having a general anaesthetic during an operation? Modern medicine has evolved to mean that you don’t have to face terrible pain. There is no prize for putting yourself through torture!

I didn’t want an epidural. Had one after the hormone drip for induction nearly polished me off. It was brilliant. Wanted one for baby 2 but didn’t have time.

Brenna24 · 28/02/2025 19:51

Anything that makes a birth more comfortable is not 'not doing it properly'. It is important that you are feeling ready and able to do what needs doing. One of my friends is a farmer and horse rider and the fittest person I know. Her first birth was apparently excruciating and very difficult and she was very glad of all the epidural she eventually opted for. I would have thought if it was simply a case of being fit and used to being in pain then she would have breezed through it. Birth is very individual and there are loads of opinions to make it easier and more comfortable with modern medicine. Take what you need. For what it is worth I had multiple miscarries and a whole load of treatment and by the time I managed to keep a pregnancy I was much less fit that I normally would be and had put on 10kg. Then I spent a lot of the pregnancy in bed with complications. In the end baby was 6 weeks early and a nice petite 2.8kg at birth. I had a short labour with no time for any .ore than gas and air and coped well. I don't feel like either I or a person who had a long labour/huge baby/epidural/section did it more properly than another. We all grew our babies and helped them into the world.

Bigfellabamboo · 28/02/2025 19:53

I feel like I’m already a failure for saying I’m going to get an epidural this time and like I won’t have “done it properly”.

Is that what you actually think? That women who had an epidural didn't do it properly? Whatever the hell that means.

Whowhatwherewhyhow · 28/02/2025 19:54

Omg. Get the epidural. As early as possible. They’re a magical invention of modern science. Why do women get all S&M over birth? Be more M&S.

weareallqueens · 28/02/2025 19:56

I honestly wanted to name my baby after the anaesthetist when I had my epidural. Baby was back to back and I was in agony. Best decision I've ever made.

WhatALovelyWayToBurn · 28/02/2025 19:56

There’s a weird culture of women being made to feel as though they need to feel the pain of childbirth in order to be worthy of motherhood. It’s clearly ridiculous, have your epidural and enjoy your baby.

I was going to write a paragraph to justify my own epidural experience but you know what, I’m not going to because there’s absolutely nothing to justify!

Herewegoagain8 · 28/02/2025 19:57

You don’t get a medal for doing it without an epidural. Absolutely get it if that’s what you want.

Ive done one birth without and one one with. I’m now 31 weeks with my third and definitely planning to get an epidural and that’s even after I suffered complications from the last one!

Gettingbysomehow · 28/02/2025 19:58

I can't see what the problem is. I had one back in 1983 when I had DS.
I didn't give a monkeys what anyone else thought.
I'm having another one in 2 weeks instead of a GA for my hip replacement.
I'm sure nobody will tell me that I am pathetic for not having surgery without one.

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 28/02/2025 20:11

Realistically you can have a tooth pulled without anesthetic but not one person rocks up at the dentist and says I'd like to so this "natural" without pain relief!
I had epidural for my first as it was an induction and then ended up in EMCS my second was VBAC and I was all prepared for another epidural but only arrived at hospital with 20 mins to spare so there wasn't time. I'm all for whatever makes birth as easy and uncomplicated as possible.

cadentiasidera · 28/02/2025 20:19

Goodness, it's awful how women are made to feel they must endure pain for the sake of it! I wish I had got an epidural... I was admitted in early labour due to meconium in the waters, all my ideas of a water birth went out of the window, I was then put on the hormone drip as I wasn't progressing quickly enough, gritted my teeth and tried to do it 'properly' with gas and air, had some pain relief injection at some point, can't remember what... I was so exhausted when it came to pushing that I didn't really know what I was doing, 'failed' on that too and ended up with forceps... After almost 24 hours with nothing to eat (drip) and no decent pain relief I was an exhausted, hallucinating mess and went on to have awful PNA/ PND etc. Not saying that wouldn't have happened if I'd had an epidural, but in hindsight I wish I hadn't swallowed the stuff they say at NCT and had just gone with an epidural, at least I might have had a bit of relief/ rest during the ordeal!

All that to say don't feel guilty!! Epidurals sound like an excellent invention and if I ever had another baby (I'm not!) I would be demanding one without a second thought!

Original poster
chasinghilltops · 28/02/2025 22:06

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to reply. I already feel so much more at peace with my decision.

I also want to add that I absolutely did not mean to offend anyone or imply other women haven’t done it properly. I’m extremely hard on myself and view myself as a failure in so many aspects of life and this is just another one. If a friend told me what I told you of course I’d tell her she’s being ridiculous. I’m in awe of every women for giving birth, regardless of how their baby enters the world. I just can’t seem to give myself the same grace.

But your comments are really helping. So thank you!

OP posts:
fragglerockrocks · 28/02/2025 22:32

I always find it so bizarre that women are expected to 'suck it up' when it comes to anything womb related. And yet any other type of pain has a multitude of offerings that people almost look down on you on for NOT taking. Stubbed your toe, take a paracetamol. Migraines, we have both preventative and curing tablets for that - we actively encourage them. Period pain, childbirth however, no we must 'suffer'... Sod that for a game of soliders, take the pain relief in whatever form it comes and be as happy, safe and healthy as you can be to welcome your new baby into this world.

Pinkelephant66 · 28/02/2025 22:34

Take the drugs. It’s not a competition!

Bells3032 · 28/02/2025 22:34

Had two completely drug free labours - not out of choice but because they progressed too quickly. first was spontanous, second was induced though only with the propess pessary and the second was waaaaaay more painful and intense and that was without the drip which i hear makes it worse.

There's no medal for giving birth without an epidural and honestly no pride in it either, who cares. you wouldn't expect to have any other medical intervention without pain relief. even a headache people don't tell you "oh you should power through as your body was made to have headaches". it is nonsense. Have whatever birth you want and anyone who tries to disagree with you tell them to buzz off!!

Also i ended up feeling like i failed because i got a second degree tear with my second even though i hadn't with my first and felt like my body failed me. it's utter nonsense i know but it is so easy to feel guilty about every little thing

jjeoreo · 28/02/2025 23:04

I'm sorry you feel that way. I can relate
..in the end the second came too quickly for pain relief, I was proud of myself, but I had no other option and it was BLOODY PAINFUL (but marvellous in its own way). How old is your first one? Could well be you go very quickly this time.

But if not, nah, don't feel guilty. All these feelings pass with time, anyway.

BC2603 · 28/02/2025 23:05

I had a 28 hour labour with contractions a maximum of 6 minutes apart and horrendously painful and couldn’t have an epidural even though I asked for one as there were too many emergencies requiring the anaesthetist. It was horrendous and ended in an emergency section….

It would have still ended the same way regardless but would have been a much more pleasant experience with the epidural

LemonBitter · 28/02/2025 23:11

Do what's right for you! No one else should even have an opinion.

I'm due my second soon and had one with my first. The only thing putting me off of having another is that I then ended up laying down and everything slowed then ended up with forceps / tear / blood loss. All the advice I've been getting is to try and avoid laying down and let gravity do its job 🤷🏼‍♀️

LoveSandbanks · 28/02/2025 23:33

I wanted a home birth with my first but after a non progressing labour I was being transferred to hospital. The midwife gently suggested I might want to think about pain relief.

I was well ahead of her, I’ll have an epidural and I’ll have that before they start the drugs to speed up labour.

there is no proper way to give birth, as long as you both get out well and happy it’s job done. Vaginal, c-section you still get a baby. Personally I hated my epidural but I’d not ever think anyone hadn’t birthed properly with one!

TheaBrandt1 · 28/02/2025 23:35

Why are you even thinking in this way? Are you a masochist? Do you refuse pain relief at the dentist etc? Weirdest most
messed up thing I’ve read for a while.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 28/02/2025 23:41

I really don’t get all this nonsense about ‘natural’ childbirth. Having analgesia doesn’t make you less of a woman/mother. Would you choose to have a root canal with no analgesia because you wanted to ‘do it properly’? Of course not, so the same applies to childbirth.

Pyjamatimenow · 28/02/2025 23:50

I’ve had two with no epidurals or any pain relief. I would have loved a epidural. Both times I was too late for one. You get no medals. I was actually very traumatised by the terrible pain I experienced with my second and couldn’t even hold my daughter. I actually think I had PTSD following it and suffered intrusive thoughts around pain. This pressure women put on themselves to suffer is ludicrous. We need to move away from it. Women suffer enough frankly. You’ll do plenty of suffering when the baby arrives. Motherhood is hard! Get the epidural and hopefully have a lovely calm birth. I would have loved a birth like that.

mummytalking · 28/02/2025 23:56

So would this mean that anyone that has a c-section also isn't doing it properly? I had an epidural and don't feel guilty at all. I feel blessed that I was able to actually remember the birth relatively pain free. Women need to do what is best for them individually without feeling like it's a badge of honour to experience all the pain that comes with it.

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