I regret choosing vaginal birth

[Sept2024]

Calling all expecting mums- I gave birth vaginally and I feel misled. I needed ventouse, episiotomy and forceps and ended up with a third degree tear. I needed to go into a theatre FULL of staff for stitches without my baby afterwards and now suffer incontinence as a result of my tear.

i wasn’t told how very common it is to need an instrumental birth.

if I could go back in time I would have gotten a c section. I just want first time mums to be aware of what can happen if you’re unsure how to give birth to help your decision making because I didn’t know how common it was really. It was honestly horrible

I suppose you know a lot more do you ? From reading your birth books etc. Yes it is dangerous to be spreading the message that medics who have studied for years know “fuck all” about women and their bodies. I agree people should always be informed but it doesn’t mean medics know “fuck all”

Yes you're right. That sounds really scary and I don't know what I would have done in that situation. I know someone who was coerced into taking antibiotics because they were convinced there was an infection when there wasn't so I might have refused then I don't know what would have happened if that was the case.

I’m the one who made the original post. it’s true that I didn’t acknowledge that c sections are no guarantee for an easy experience, so apologies to those who have had a c section and complications/ issues resulting from that! Absolutely agree that any option has its risks.

i meant to just say that I wished the statistics were made more readily available to me, especially because I asked about the risks with vaginal delivery and found out later that forceps is needed in something like 1 of 9 vaginal births and that a room of something like 8 nurses may rush in to watch you push in a crowd :(

I’ve heard many similar experiences to mine- so I appreciate it sounds like scaremongering and that wasn’t my intention, just that I did seek out this info and feel like it was quite hard to find!

true that no matter what you choose there are risks

I do believe poor care for those in labour is behind many of the complications in VB. It all starts when inductions become so common. Why do we insist a baby is overdue when France has a longer period for pregnancy? Everything thereafter has to run by the clock. DS2 was 12 days “late” and a perfectly normal home birth. Provided there is good monitoring and skilled care nature should be allowed a bit of free rein to get on with it. In the 1990’s we were told a natural tear healed much better than a cut. Yet from posts on here it seems episiotomies are very common. We were encouraged to squat on the floor, which really helped my DS1 get out but again it seems there are a lot of births now with the mother on her back.
Times change and people want different things but if someone opts for a natural VB they should be supported to make this happen, not set up to fail.

This is such a good post. INFORMED choice is right. We need to be able to choose what is right for us, because every woman is an individual.

Like the pp who is an athlete and now can't run because of prolapse. Not so much of an issue for me (although still extremely annoying) because my hobby is reformer Pilates and I can still do that. (I know you can prolapse after c section but it's more of a risk with vaginal births, particularly if forceps are involved because 50% of those deliveries result in avulsion of the levator ani muscle.)

Some people prefer not to be induced if they go overdue, but for some the difference between risk of stillbirth being 1/1000 and 3/1000 is too much.

I am a primary school teacher and thank my lucky stars my tear hasn't resulted in too many permanent bum issues, as I won't be able to just leave the class to run to the toilet when I go back to work.

If BFing is important to you you'd probably opt for vaginal birth as you're more likely to have problems with it after a c-section.

Informed consent, informed consent, informed consent!

As a side note, we women often don't help each other and threads like this demonstrate that. If OP came on saying she'd been injured in a car accident, I'm sure people would respond with sympathy and wish her a quick recovery. There wouldn't be a pile-on of people rushing to say 'Well I drove a car and was fine' or 'I had a car accident and wasn't traumatised at all' or 'Shit happens' or 'You should have educated yourself about the risks of getting in a car if you didn't want this to happen' or 'Stop trying to warn people off getting in cars'.

I very much wish I'd had a c section too.

Two vaginal births, both ventouse and forceps and episiotomy.

I didn't mind about the staff seeing me though, that doesn't bother me.

I now have all the kinds of prolapse, have had one prolapse surgery that hasn't worked fully, need two more in the next few years. I feel wrecked. I am sick of the fact that if I sneeze or cough when I'm curled up in bed, my entire pelvic floor tries to leave my body, even with a strong kegel reflex. It's agony.

You have my sympathy OP.

My birth was much like yours, ‘cascade of intervention’, utterly uncaring hospital staff, forceps and episiotomy after 48h of labour, no after care, ongoing issues from birth injuries etc.

I’d be led to believe I’d have some element of control over my treatment, and that I could elect to give birth in a way that I felt most comfortable with.

As it was I was induced for being overdue (low risk and uncomplicated pregnancy), on a ward for days, failure to progress, ARM, birth pool not available, decided I couldn’t do that anyway as long labour, baby turned out to be back to back, had no pain plan without pool, ended up with epidural, no ‘walking epidural’ as discussed at NCT, just on a bed on my back with wires coming out of me, not allowed to move, legs akimbo with an army of people looking at me. Ended up with forceps and episiotomy after 48h. Could barely walk for weeks.

I’d been led to believe instrumental births were uncommon too and they aren’t. I had ‘no forceps’ on my birth plan but… it’s not a choice is it. And as you say, giving informed consent difficult when you have not planned for this outcome.

The conversations I’d had at NCT and with midwives just bore no resemblance to what actually happened.

I don’t think there was any interest in me as a patient, managing my pain etc. It took me a year to stop waking up in the night panicking about it.

I felt completely degraded by the whole thing. It’s put me off having another.

So sorry to hear this. Honestly I’m going through something really similar and feel like I want it to change systematically x

Oh these stories are terrible. I’m so sorry. I hated my NCT antenatal classes because of their attitude. As soon as I told them I was having an elective c section, I got a sniffy attitude in response. I know c sections aren’t easy but my births were just wonderful. My body and I were treated with autonomy and dignity. There was no screaming or groaning or begging for pain relief. My legs weren’t akimbo and tits flopping out for all to see. No blood, poo and mucus splattering the sheets. My vag wasn’t torn up.

My body was respected. My pain was managed. My husband was assured. Everything was calm. Every decision discussed and agreed. Yes, there was a degree of pain afterwards but again this was expected and managed. When I think back to my births, I feel serene. I had to pay for this experience privately. I wish the NHS was better so more people experienced this.

@IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine snap! I just felt this enormous sense of relief when my consultant told me my son was breech. We mightn't even have discovered he was if we hadn't been lucky enough to have him privately after my husband changed jobs to a US firm whose health insurance covered birth!

The NHS midwives I saw in ante natal appointments totally missed the fact he was breech. Planned C at 38 + 5, easy recovery and zero regrets.

@Destiny123 yep 11% is high. Who wants to be the one in nine?

If men gave birth, it'd be 100% elective C.

The problem is that those of us who had non traumatic births are reticent to share them because, as has been illustrated on here, it's considered unrealistic, or smug or unkind. Women should be free to share their experiences. I absolutely agree that women should be able to make informed decisions though. Is there a source, by the way for the 1:9 forceps statistic?

My first birth was instrumental (ventouse), I was then in theatre for a retained placenta and had stitches from my arse to my elbow.

my second and third births were at home which would not have been appropriate after a ceaserean. I could also drive a week or so after the births which is not possible after a c-section. I could pick up my babies after the births and get myself in a nice warm bath.

Id go for vaginal delivery every time.

I have had a very traumatic vaginal
birth 14 years ago and wish they did a csection when my baby became distressed. I am against c-sections if they can be avoided but not when baby and mother are distressed the way we were. I was out of it from all the gas and air, list all my strentgh, was too late for epidural, 16 hours labour and they had to use forceps and physiotomy as a last measure because I just couldn't dilate or push any more . They should have done a csection. My baby was bruised and my pelvic floor was a mess for a long time. I think birthing partners need to take action in these circumstances and push for c section.

I think it depends on the context. I definitely agree that women who've had an uncomplicated birth should be free to share their experiences, but if people aren't necessarily want to hear it when they've just shared their traumatic birth story. For example, @Sept2024 started this thread to state that she regrets her mode of delivery and suggest that women should be better informed of the possible complications. She wasn't saying that all vaginal births are like that or that people should be told it's always horrible. So when other posters come on and say 'well I was fine and didn't have a single stitch' it does come across as a little smug. That's different to people who are trying to make OP feel better by pointing out that c-sections can be bad too or that every birth is unique.

Sorry for bad grammar, I meant that people don't necessarily want to hear it.

Yes, people keep hand waving away my inability to run anymore like it’s a small thing. It is not. It dramatically impacted my life and my hobbies. I had to undergo extensive rehabilitation that I would not have needed had I done an elective c section.

My former workout partner had one and was back at it in two months. I am eighteen months out and still struggling.

@Matthew54 I'm really sorry to hear that.

I think if part of your identity is being active and healthy before pregnancy it's particularly jarring to have to have all this physio, appointments and possibility of surgery in the future. Plus the lack of understanding from others. I have an NHS therapist because of PTSD from the birth and I was moaning to her about having to watch buses drive off because I can't run anymore, and she said 'well surely running won't make it worse, will it?' then was incredulous when I said it probably would.

@Bubbles332 I see why you mean. But if you approached birth having only read Mumsnet, you would absolutely assume the worst. I remember once starting a thread asking for positive stories, but it was taken over by people sharing their horror stories and being upset and angry with those of us who didn't have a horrific time.

Yes and that's wrong too. If I see a thread asking for people who've had an ok time to share, I assume they don't want me popping up like the ghost at the feast going 'woooo, my bum got ripped and I nearly bled to death!'

Weirdly, I did actually have quite a good birth compared to some people on here. I'm ok, my baby's ok, I was in theatre anyway so there was no rushing off crashing through the double doors, my husband was with me and the doctors explained everything that was going on and treated me with as much respect as you can while fixing up a bum. It's more the aftermath/ me and the baby's recovery that I'm quite traumatised by.

I’m a first time mum about to go for my booking appointment where I know they will ask me about my birth options. I was 99% certain I wanted an elective C section before this post, having already done a lot of reading and digging through the journals. I’m now 100% committed to that.

@Givemestrength1000 just wondering how you found a private hospital? Was it a private wing of an NHS hospital? I’ve got no idea how to go about this but potentially have the means (fortunately) to at least consider it.

Sorry to hear about your experience OP. I am one who regrets it too. Did everything 'naturally' until baby was in distress (facing wrong way round) and I needed an emergency c section. My uterus couldn't contract as it was totally exhausted and the procedure done to it to stop it bleeding left me infertile. Doctors tried to explain it to me but I was exhausted and on morphine (and glad to be alive) and I couldn't really take it in and spent the next few (5) years desperate to try (and fail) to conceive a second child. Other doctors gave conflicting advice....but it came down to the damage done to my uterus post birth. Horrific and traumatizing.

So, natural birth - 0/10, would not recommend. Slightly tongue in cheek, as obviously it's a truly wonderful thing for some, and I would have loved it had it been possible. But sometimes things aren't perfect no matter how much we prepare.

That's awful.

Not really by any medical definition of "high". I've had many a patient be near death from csections too, that and repeated csections put you at increased risk of all sorts - scar tissue, adhesions, scar rupture (can kill baby +/- you), abnormal placental implantation which can cause uncontrolled haemorrhage requiring hysterectomy/death

I wouldn't even contemplate private obs unless it was attached to an NHS hospital. When things go wrong in obs they go wrong in seconds and the nhs is far far supervior at dealing with such