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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

What to do with toddler when giving birth to DC2?

38 replies

hopecro · 17/12/2024 15:55

I'm 27 weeks pregnant and My toddler will be 2 when this baby comes.
Our families are abroad and we have just moved to the new area so we don't have any friends and relatives around to help with childcare for few hrs while my DH and I go to hospital for birth.
I would consider doing it alone but he is so against it as my first was undiagnosed breech and was delivered that way ( vag ) which is ok but at the time we were unprepared and traumatized as the staff didn't seem prepared as well.

I don't know what to do...

OP posts:
FumingTRex · 17/12/2024 15:58

if you dont want a home birth you will need to find a babysitter or childminder who is happy to help at short notice.

FumingTRex · 17/12/2024 15:59

If your DS is at a nursery or playgroup you could ask there.

HPandthelastwish · 17/12/2024 16:01

Any family members that can come and stay for the two weeks?

But essentially it may happen quickly or in the middle of the night and youll have to go it alone.

MaltipooMama · 17/12/2024 16:08

Is there still time to consider a home birth, and would you consider this as an option? I only ask as I'm in the same situation - my boy will be 19 months old when our second is due so I'll be having a home birth to keep him (and the dog lol) at home with me to save having to ship them off. I actually started a thread recently asking women who'd had home births how they found the experience and it was overwhelmingly positive

pitterypattery00 · 17/12/2024 16:19

I believe having a breach baby increases the risk of the next baby being breach as well (and anecdotally I have two friends who have both had two breach babies). So I'm sure you'll be closely monitored and a home birth may not be recommended (and may not be what you want - it's definitely not for everyone).

At this stage it's probably better to assume that you'll be giving birth in hospital and make plans now for that scenario. You've got time to get this sorted. Do you have a friend/family member who could come to yours? If not, then a local childminder/babysitter? Or ask other mums if they have used anyone?

Nc546888 · 17/12/2024 16:19

Nursery or childminder or babysitter

local friend with children who you trust

family to stay with you

giving birth without partner

StressedMama88 · 17/12/2024 16:33

if you went for Homebirth they would probably want to do a presentation scan to check which way up baby is anyway,
so this may still be best option for you?

CrispAppleStrudels · 17/12/2024 16:44

What about getting a doula to support you with the birth whilst DH stays at home with your eldest? You'd be able to meet them in advance and it might put your DH mind at ease.

I sympathise - its hard when you don't have family nearby. I was due to have a planned section for DD2 who was breech, and we had childcare all lined up, but i went into labour 3 days before the section and DH only just made it after we sorted some emegency childcare. I was thinking id have to do it on my own.

If you have moved area, also worth checking with your midwife about the hospitals protocols - in our trust, everyone gets a 36w scan as standard so you hopefully have a bit more warning of another potential breech baby in that case.

Geranium1984 · 17/12/2024 16:54

I was in this situation OP although I did have one friend 20 mins away who was our number 1 to call.
We had a couple of months before baby was born so I got a couple of local babysitters around for playdates and to look after our son once or twice a week before baby was due. They were both brilliant and we still use them now.

It ended up that baby arrive on a Friday night, so my friend was able to help but it gave me so much peace of mind to know that two others we trusted were available if it had been during the week.

Get on any local mum Facebook groups and ask for babysitter recommendations. You can also go through a nanny agency, they do provide people for births, but you have to pay a bit of a retainer for about 2 weeks to ensure someone is available across the due date period.

Good luck x

Rowaround · 17/12/2024 16:57

We have been in this situation and i was lucky that my mum could come over to stay for a bit.

Jk987 · 17/12/2024 17:02

You've got time to make friends. Do you go to a prenatal
Club.? Is your child in nursery? What about other parents.

You need to use this time to build up a few contacts. When baby is born, you'll need them for support. It won't be fun to cope with others.

Why can't a family member come over?

Original poster
hopecro · 17/12/2024 17:31

Thanks for suggestions everyone!
Our DD doesn't attend nursery or any kind of childcare and I am a SAHM.
I am definitely planning to make some friends when taking DD to playgroups so I'm hoping I'll have at least one or 2 other mums who will be glad to jump in.

Both of our parents are elderly and can't cope with our daughter by themselves, MIL never stayed alone with DD, not even 5 mins. My mum is suffering with bad back, hips, knees... all the bones 😅 and my dad has dementia so she is looking after him.

Homebirth is something I have considered but don't really feel comfortable with it tbh, mostly because of what happened when delivering my daughter. And as PP said, I am aware of second baby being breech so will probably be hospital birth or birth Centre if she is head down ( fingers crossed 🤞).

I am really hoping to make friends in this short preriod of time to have more options available.
I only have one friend actually that lives close ish but she is working most of the time so if she is not available I'm not sure who else I've got

OP posts:
Original poster
hopecro · 17/12/2024 17:32

Another thing,

Anyone gave birth with no partner in the delivery room? Was it ok??
I think I'll be ok with that if other things don't work out.
But would love to hear experiences

OP posts:
angstridden2 · 17/12/2024 17:41

I was on my own at both (induced so quite fast) births. It was fine, the midwives were great and tbh the contractions were so intense I didn’t care who was there! DH arrived shortly after the births to hold the baby and it was all fine.

PurpleThistle7 · 17/12/2024 17:45

I intended to birth alone for similar reasons. The timing worked for my husband to be there but it would have been fine on my own - possibly better as I was anxious about my daughter and he wasn't very useful. I would reach out to local friends in a month or so when you're better situated (I'd do this for anyone!) but please don't worry if it doesn't work out - the staff will help you, you won't be alone.

mathanxiety · 17/12/2024 17:48

You need to start looking now for a babysitter who will be available at the drop of a hat when you are due.

Who are your neighbours? Do they know anyone? Nursery workers? Do they know anyone?

It's all right and mighty fine for your H to say he'll be with you, but surely he realises someone needs to take care of the toddler?

Could you contact a doula service and see if they either offer professional services like emergency babysitting or could they refer you to some service that does. Or get a doula for yourself.

Otherwise, could your LA social services department place the toddler in emergency foster care with no notice?

Is there a local child minder who could be called on (and paid, obviously)?

Ask your midwife what she can advise, and what contacts (if any) she has.

mathanxiety · 17/12/2024 18:04

Would you consider an elective caesarean just to be sure you'd have all your arrangements lined up?

mathanxiety · 17/12/2024 18:05

Could your one friend use a sick day for you? Big favour I know...

Geneticsbunny · 17/12/2024 18:17

mathanxiety · 17/12/2024 17:48

You need to start looking now for a babysitter who will be available at the drop of a hat when you are due.

Who are your neighbours? Do they know anyone? Nursery workers? Do they know anyone?

It's all right and mighty fine for your H to say he'll be with you, but surely he realises someone needs to take care of the toddler?

Could you contact a doula service and see if they either offer professional services like emergency babysitting or could they refer you to some service that does. Or get a doula for yourself.

Otherwise, could your LA social services department place the toddler in emergency foster care with no notice?

Is there a local child minder who could be called on (and paid, obviously)?

Ask your midwife what she can advise, and what contacts (if any) she has.

@mathanxiety lol. There are no social care places for people who actually need them. We have been waiting 4 years and have only just got one and it was urgent and we were classed as in crisis and at high risk of family break down.

Germanjio · 17/12/2024 18:25

Otherwise, could your LA social services department place the toddler in emergency foster care with no notice?

Don't be ridiculous- social services aren't a baby sitting service.

I'd echo PP and look into an elective section, so you know the time (hopefully) in advance and can book a baby sitter for it.

needhelpwiththisplease · 17/12/2024 18:34

Honestly I would get a Doula for the birth and your husband stays at home

Nc546888 · 17/12/2024 18:38

mathanxiety · 17/12/2024 17:48

You need to start looking now for a babysitter who will be available at the drop of a hat when you are due.

Who are your neighbours? Do they know anyone? Nursery workers? Do they know anyone?

It's all right and mighty fine for your H to say he'll be with you, but surely he realises someone needs to take care of the toddler?

Could you contact a doula service and see if they either offer professional services like emergency babysitting or could they refer you to some service that does. Or get a doula for yourself.

Otherwise, could your LA social services department place the toddler in emergency foster care with no notice?

Is there a local child minder who could be called on (and paid, obviously)?

Ask your midwife what she can advise, and what contacts (if any) she has.

You win the award for the silliest thing I’ve read on mumsnet this month.

get social services to babysit your kid…what??????

LadyQuackBeth · 17/12/2024 19:42

This is your DHs problem as well and he will have more contacts and people he knows through work.

His colleagues might be able to step in if it was a weekend, or might have a university age child at home that could help. Get him to ask around as well.

Original poster
hopecro · 17/12/2024 22:26

Social services are a bit extreme and would never do such a thing.

I think my problem is that I need to trust the person i would leave my DD with so random people like DHs colleagues are a big no - I have no clue who he works with ( he works in construction ).

I will try to make some friend over the next 3 months that I have left and if it doesn't work out I will just have my DH drive me to the hospital with our DD and then they will leave me there.

I've got a lot of anxiety about leaving my daughter with others, I don't trust people easily.

And for the birth itself, it would be nice to have my DH with me, but he really was useless last time, the only nice thing was experiencing it all together.

@mathanxiety she might do that if I go in labor while she it not at work 😁 she is a nurse so has a long shifts.

@needhelpwiththisplease I have considered that too, do you know approximate cost of a doula?

OP posts:
Original poster
hopecro · 17/12/2024 22:29

@angstridden2 that is reassuring to know!
I am usually better alone when in pain, as I mentioned above, would be nice to have DH there to experience it together, otherwise he will be pretty useless... what he knows about birth anyway🫠

OP posts:
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