What to do with toddler when giving birth to DC2?

[hopecro]

I'm 27 weeks pregnant and My toddler will be 2 when this baby comes.
Our families are abroad and we have just moved to the new area so we don't have any friends and relatives around to help with childcare for few hrs while my DH and I go to hospital for birth.
I would consider doing it alone but he is so against it as my first was undiagnosed breech and was delivered that way ( vag ) which is ok but at the time we were unprepared and traumatized as the staff didn't seem prepared as well.

I don't know what to do...

I was going to suggest neighbours? Do any of them have children so at least you know that they now what to do?

You could start getting your DD to know them now.

I gave birth on my own as had no other family around and Dp looked after our other children, it wasn't ideal but it was fine, I had no choice so just got on with it.

There is such a thing as a temporary emergency placement with licensed foster parents. Last resort of course, but emergency foster care due to parental hospitalisation can happen. A friend of mine had a toddler at home and husband away on a work trip to Canada when she was told she needed to be admitted immediately with complications of pregnancy at 32 weeks. The toddler remained with an emergency foster parent until the H could get back to London (less than 24 hours).

I had elcs with both my dcs, dc1 was in nursery 3 days a week so we booked it for 8am on the first day of her nursery days. DH took her to nursery and I went to hospital on my own, then he joined me for the operation. He picked her up from nursery and looked after her at home overnight, so I had no help overnight, and I managed fine.

We don't have anyone to babysit or other paid childcare either, so if I'd had a vaginal birth and not been able to schedule it, I would have done it on my own rather than use a sitter that my dc wasn't used to. I know quite a few people who gave birth alone during the pandemic and they say they preferred it.

Just jumping on to say I gave birth on my own and it was fine. Actually pretty peaceful (c-section) that the only people around were medical professionals 😂

In the room I was in after the birth, none of the 4 of us had had partners whilst giving birth (1 was single, 2 stayed home with the other kids), so it's not uncommon 😊

Just a thought on the suggestions for a home birth as an option. It doesn’t begin to solve what happens if something goes wrong and you need to go to hospital. Husband would still need to stay home with dc. Or have someone on standby to come over in a hurry.

Well I ended up giving birth with my toddler in the hospital delivery room because of the way things worked out. My labour was so quick my mum couldn’t get there fast enough.

You say you just moved. How far away are your closer friends. My mum was just over an hour away. We called as soon as my water broke and she set off to get our toddler from the hospital and take her to ours but her brother arrived so fast by the time mum arrived I was already having my buttered toast.

Do you have a close friend that sort of distance who would be willing to be on call for an urgent dash?

I do think that with another baby on the way you should be exploring local nursery options for your first child. That would give you something of a support network (many nursery staff often babysit too). But also, with a young baby around, it’s good if the older child has some kind of routine and activity. I kept my child at 3 mornings a week for most of my mat leave (down from 3 full days before leave and in the first 6 or so weeks). That meant that I could spend some time on the ‘baby bubble’ (and also nap in those early days) and then prioritise my older child when he was at home.

What do you not trust about other people?

I was babysitting infants and toddlers at age 14 onward. Pre cell phone days with only a vague idea of what restaurant or cinema or pub the parents might be in. There were no problems. Kids have been minded by teenagers and neighbours for the past 100 years at least.

Why would your husband's colleagues be suspect?

Surely you can contact some agencies and find a professional sitter. Book and pay for a couple of meetups so your child is acquainted with them.

Birth or not, it's really unfair to your child to keep her world so small, stunted and restrictive. She deserves to know people other than her parents, for healthy development. May as well start now.

I moved to a new area 35 weeks pregnant, and often met my beautiful elderly neighbours on the stairs. They were lovely to my toddler.

I had an unexpectedly fast second labour and realised we needed to get to hospital far quicker than it would take our support to arrive. We knocked on the neighbours door at 6am and they took my toddler, with no prior discussion about it!
They were lovely to him and by the time my MIL arrived I had given birth (in hospital). They had a beautiful bond with us all from then on.

You have the time to develop community relationships. And most people, given the chance, love to help their community.

I chose to leave husband and child at home so I could concentrate in hospital knowing they were perfectly fine at home

Yes, actually loads better!

Good friend moved 400 miles for her DHs job with a toddler and 8 months pregnant. She immediately advertised for and found an emergency nanny to care for toddler. The nanny came around for 2 or 3 sessions at home to get to know the house and the toddler and no longer be a stranger. And was then on call to do child care for the birth. All worked smoothly.