Let's talk birth plans..

[xtina2608]

I'm going to be a first time mum in May next year (yay!) I'm filled with so much excitement but this also comes with feeling quite overwhelmed and anxious.
I have so many questions but I want to start with birth plans. I'd really like to hear from woman about their plan, what were the pros and cons to what they chose and did it actually go to plan?

I'm considering an elected c section at the moment mainly because I do not cope well with pain, and Im just the type of person who likes to know exactly what's going to happen and when.

Any advice, stories and insights would be really helpful

I found the recovery from my C-section much more painful than my VBAC with an epidural once in active labour.

An elective C-section is a perfectly valid choice but it's not going to guarantee that you don't suffer any pain.

i didn’t do one
just went with flow
first one had an epidural
second one too late
baby just passed to me immediately following birth

lovely

Im just the type of person who likes to know exactly what's going to happen and when.

good luck with parenting

You are about…. 4 weeks pregnant?

What a weird comment to make, I'm obviously not saying that in context to parenting but planning for birth?

I would have a look at hypnobirthing in the first instance (applicable to all kinds of births!) and focus on birth 'preferences' rather than plans, such a simple change in language can really help prepare you for the sometimes unpredictable nature of birth! My preference was to have an elective section at 41+5 if I hadn't gone into labour naturally by then, and no inductions. I did go into labour at 39+6 but ended up having an emergency c section which went very well and I had a normal uneventful recovery.

I'm due again in February and I'm opting for an elective section this time because my first section was so great!

There are some.post birth preferences to consider too like immediate skin to skin, delayed cord clamping etc so have a look at your options and speak to your midwife for advice.

Good luck, it's so exciting isn't it!

I didn't make a birth plan until about 1-2 weeks before giving birth. I know a few women who had c sections and they were in a lot of pain afterwards. Their tummy didn't go back to what it was like pre pregnancy either.

I do not cope well with pain, and Im just the type of person who likes to know exactly what's going to happen and when.

You'll be in pain during childbirth if you have a vaginal delivery. You'll be in pain for weeks after a c section. Neither one is pain free. Also, childbirth and parenting is unpredictable. You'll never know exactly what's going to happen and when.

My main point was don't talk about me. Talk to me. Don't talk about me during contractions. Turns out I didn't like anyone talking at all during contractions!

Dd on her stomach for weighing and put on my stomach to crawl up (she did!).

Lots of it went out the window but key parts were honoured.

I have had 2 births and had a birth plan for each. The birth plans were totally pointless as the births were dictated by things beyond my control.
The birth plan is more a guide about what pain relief and intervention you would be ok with but the actual event will depend on many other factors. Same for every other mum I know that has given birth.
Also, if you're in the UK, an elective CS is extremely hard to get unless you have extenuating circumstances, especially for a first.

I didn't make one. Went with the flow. I will say that if pain is the issue just have an epidural. I had one with my second and I just read magazines and chatted to the midwife. Pain free.

This sounds like the ideal birth!

You must be very early pregnant? Honestly, there’s a long way to go so I’d focus on where you are now. I’m 39 weeks and only thought about birth preferences in last couple of weeks. C sections aren’t pain free - obviously personal but likely your recovery will be tougher than a vaginal birth. Why not wait and go to antenatal classes nearer the time, then decide? You cannot plan things-I haven’t made a ‘plan’, I feel very informed and have a few preferences but I think much better to go with the flow. It’s much better to think of your preferences, than have a plan.

All of this. This is a very well rounded, thought-out response.
Hypnobirthing will help you to relax and focus on the birth process however you choose to birth and be more open to the changing circumstances of a birth.
For example, I had elective c-sections with all of mine. The first decided they wanted to come 3 days before my planned section date when my waters broke. I still got the lovely, calm elective c-section birth I’d wanted but not when I’d wanted. Hypnobirthing really helped me move from the abject terror I felt when my waters broke to a place of “okay, the hospital bag is already ready and we’ll be at the hospital within the hour and I’ll be meeting my baby soon after. Let’s do this”.

Also please ignore all the “c-section recovery is SOOOO much harder” stuff you read on here. C-section recovery CAN be harder, certainly more than an uncomplicated vaginal birth, but they can also be much easier than a complicated vaginal delivery. And elective c-sections are NOT the same as emergency ones with very differing physical and psychological impacts. You can’t compare elective with emergency.

Pointless in many cases. I had one with my first. Don’t think anyone looked at. I went into labour at 39 weeks and was 5 cm on arrival and 10cm 20 mins later. Didn’t get any pain relief. You have to try to mentally prepare for anything really. I thought I had it all planned out for my second by getting induced so that I got pain relief with my second. That didn’t go to plan either

They aren’t always hard to get (or at least shouldn’t be!) because hospitals are starting to understand that they can’t really say no anymore.
You can find guidance here and this organization will help you if you face problems:
https://birthrights.org.uk/factsheets/right-to-a-c-section/#whatdoes

@Nodlikeyouwerelistening
That is good to hear and I'm so glad things have changed. Women should get the birth they want. As it happens, 2nd birth was very easy but I was very worried beforehand and the (male) consultant was awful and very difficult about me wanting a CS.

OP, sorry for the derail. My point was that you can make a birth plan which will follow your ideals but your baby will follow its own plan! Don't expect that the birth plan will be how the birth pays out. Ultimately, however the baby arrives is amazing though as then you have your gorgeous baby.

You're way, way too early to make a birth plan. And tbh they're a bit ridiculous anyway.

If there was an ideal way to give birth without any pain, everyone would do it the same way. I've had a c section and vaginal birth, I preferred baby coming out as nature intended to the major surgery approach, all things considered.

yes i understand that

and the “good luck” most definitely still applies

Congratulations! I made a birth plan, although when I asked my midwife around 34 weeks about making one, she said they used to do an hour's appointment to discuss it around 38 weeks but they don't have the time anymore so just write one if I wanted to
And I did, but turns out no one actually even looked at it which was frustrating.
However what I did find useful was reading books and doing a hypnobirthing course (friend gave me a code for free, wouldn't have paid as books are just fine)
So although my birth 'didnt go to plan' I still was informed and found that really helpful
My waters broke at term but I had no contractions, due to being group b strep positive I went to labour ward instead of midwife led unit but I felt informed enough to refuse immediate induction and give myself 12 hours (with IV abx due to the gbs), spent that trying to relax, bounce on the ball, walk around the room hoping for contractions to start naturally
They did not so I had the drip induction, eventually an epidural but smooth vaginal delivery brilliant recovery
So overall I'd still write one, I did put things in that were important to me like skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, partner doesn't want to cut cord, rather than a plan on the actual birth. I went into it thinking I don't want an epidural, but I didn't put that just in case, I just put things I felt sure on

I wrote birth "preferences" and personally I found it super useful if nothing else than to ensure I knew where I had options. For instance the exercise itself made me read around pain relief options and I decided which I would and wouldn't accept. I'd also read up on things which happen after birth, around cord clamping, vitamin K injection etc.

I also had non negotiables that I would want in every situation, including c section, such as immediate skin to skin, delayed cord clamping etc (obviously with the exception of a true emergency situation).

My birth plan included c section, induction etc so it's not about your birth following a perfect plan (and neither of my births were in any way perfect). And most importantly it's your birth partner's job to know your birth plan and what is important to you and advocate for you, as mine did wonderfully.

You are doing the right thing thinking about your birth plan - If you don't make the decisions ahead of time then you either make them in the moment, possibly uninformed, or the decisions are made for you.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant with my first, due December.
I opted for an elective c section as I have tokophobia and like you, I like to know what's going to happen (within reason). It helps ease my anxiety massively.
Please ignore some ansty previous posters, I discussed my csection with my midwife at my very first appointment, at 7 weeks. My midwife actually applauded me for knowing what I wanted and thinking things through. So there is absolutely nothing wrong with enquiring and weighing up your options early on In pregnancy, pregnancy and the birth are a huge undertaking for a women, especially with your first, so I'd say it's completely normal to be thinking about it.

What I'd suggest, is doing LOTS of research, I read forums, read information on the nhs websites, followed pages on instagrams such as Csection UK and went into my decision to have a elective c section well informed about the risks, procedure, pros, cons and recovery. What I've learnt is that every birth has pain, vaginal has pain during, sometimes after depending on if you've needed medical intervention or had a complicated birth, elective c sections you will of course have pain after, you will have just had major abdominal surgery, but I feel it's more a controlled pain, your back at home, in your own surroundings, calm and able to process the pain hour to hour. I've learnt emergency C-sections are usually worse, because women have often laboured for hours on end and it's ended that way for the safety of mum and baby and is usually done in a rushed way and the recovery can be harder. But I've also spoke to many women who've had vaginal births and had horrendous tears and problems for years to come who've subsequently had a ELCS for their 2nd and found the recovery easier: sadly, no two births are the same so you'll hear very varied responses. So you really have to pick a birth plan that you feel best suits you, your needs and wishes.

But also go into it eyes open and know that not all plans go the way you intend, birth is unpredictable but there is no harm in having ideas of how you'd like it to go just don't be too set on them and be open minded to change.

Good luck!!

I have two DC, one (first) was a vaginal birth, the other (second) was an ELCS.

Firstly, try not to let fear be the deciding factor when making birth choices. And I say this as someone who was absolutely petrified of giving birth!

Secondly, there is no “painless” was to have a baby. I know that’s not what we ever want to hear but it is true. Which again means I would caution you on making a birth choice based on this assumption.

Being pregnant with your first is really scary sometimes, and it’s so natural to be scared too. I found writing a birth plan for DC1 really helpful. You can write a birth plan with the knowledge that some decisions may be taken out of your hands but it also gives you an opportunity to reframe the fear of birth and think about what a positive birth would look like for you.

The birth on my DC1 was one of the most empowering moments of my life. It shifted my whole perspective on who I was what and I could do. Six years later I still marvel at how I did it! And it wasn’t to do with pushing through the pain or anything like that, it was to do with how amazing my mind and body worked together and how I faced a huge fear and came out the other side of it a better person.

My ELCS with DC2 was due to their size and second time around I felt a lot more confident in making decisions for myself. ELCS felt like the best option with a 10lb baby on the cards (who was indeed 10lbs at birth!!)

Your birth is your choice, but do not underestimate how powerful you are.

Healthy mum
healthy baby

Those are the only things that matter. The rest is fluff.

Elective c section is brillant. Less pain than a lot of vbacs. And no tearing.

If you don’t ‘do’ pain then I don’t know what you expect with a CS. It’s major abdominal surgery. You will be rendered pretty much hopeless and unable to lift, drive or do much afterwards. The polar opposite of being in control.
Of course no problem having one if you need one for medical reasons but it’s not an easy route.