Want a 2nd child but don’t want to give birth again

[Busybee1991]

Hi all, I know I want a second child but I am anxious at the thought of having to do labour again which delays me in trying for a second child. Will this ease?

My little one is almost 2 and I always wanted a gap of about 3 years between my first and second (if I’m lucky enough to have a second). So did plan on trying around now, however the thought of giving birth again makes me so nervous!

My labour with my first was about 20 hours and I was pushing for 3 hours before they had to do an episiotomy and use forceps. Forceps were the one thing I didn’t want but had no choice in the end (couldn’t use ventouse due to risks to baby). Luckily they only pulled once with the forceps before his head came out so it wasn’t a big intervention I suppose. But I did feel guilty for a while after that he needed this intervention. Also, 1 hour into pushing a midwife asked my midwife if she’d checked my bladder (I don’t think I’d urinated for a while at this point) and they had to catheterise me and emptied almost a litre from my bladder. I’ve always wondered if this contributed to me pushing for 3 hours as I was obviously tired an hour in with little progress. Because of some medical issues I wasn’t allowed an epidural. I had gas and air and pethidine, but I swear the pethidine did not help with the pain but only made me drowsy if anything.

I wouldn’t consider myself to have birth trauma as I didn’t ever feel like mine or baby’s life were in danger? I just remember being in a lot of pain and so exhausted my the end, which I know is the case for everyone. I feel a little silly as I think my labour was probably a good one compared to a lot of women. But will this worry about giving birth again go away? Could a birth debrief help?

I would advise doing hypnobirthing this time around - did you do this last time? If you don't know what it is, it's not as hippy dippy as it sounds, it's literally an education piece about what is happening with your body at every stage, and provides you with coping mechanisms for every stage. Knowledge is power and all that.

I have had 2 babies, both awful labour's- it turns out I have very long latent labour's (both 48 hours). However due to hypnobirthing by the time established labour finally started, I knew what positions I needed to be in to aid delivery etc., and I only had a graze with my first, and no damage at all with my second. I know there are other factors at play but I massively credit hypnobirthing for getting me through two hellish long labour's.

I recommend the positive birth company if you want to take a look.

I would also have a birth debrief as it will help you understand what happened with your first - again, knowledge is power. Good luck

You can always have a C section, remember!

Elective c section. You can even opt for general anaesthetic

I second the hypnobirthing recommendation. I did it with both, my first labour was 40hrs start to finish with 1hr pushing and my second labour was 5hrs start to finish with only 15mins pushing but I actually found the first one easier as I’d had time to get really ‘zen’ with the hypnobirthing.

Elective section for similar reasons. Fantastic. Recovery was a walk in the park in comparison.

Same here and I will be doing this next time

ELCS

I’ve just had the best experience of an elective section! Like someone else said you can even have general if you want

Hi all, thanks for your responses! I had issues with my blood which is why I couldn’t have a epidural, this also meant if I had a c-section I’d have to be put under general anaesthetic and I don’t want to do that as I’d want to see baby come into the world (unless I had to). I’ve heard great things about planned c-sections though!

Highly recommend the positive birth company digital hypnobirthing pack in that case

Would you consider having a doula OP? I had one for DC1 and she was invaluable. I also did hypnobirthing and it really helped me to get through those early stages with my sanity. I was far more mentally composed than I ever thought I would be. DH was there too and was great but having someone neutral to advocate for me and guide me through the harder contractions helped so much. My birth was long and I ended up needing a ventouse and episiotomy, I also had a catheter put in at the eleventh hour as well, I still remember the pain of that more than I do any of my actual contractions!!

I do understand your fear. I was petrified second time around because I actually knew what it was like! I ended up needing a planned c-section but even for a c-section I used m hypnobirth techniques to keep me calm.

Second birth is so much easier. I breathed out my second with no pain relief in 3 hours from first contraction to delivery. First baby was 30 hours of agony.

I would actually love a third parrot because I would love to give birth again

Baby! Not parrot! I don't have any parrots

🤣🤣🤣

Home birth. A completely different experience and a world away from hospital births.

I felt the same, but wouldn't go for an elective section because, were it not deemed necessary by medical professionals, if something went wrong it would have been my fault.
As roarrfeckingroar says, my subsequent birth were far less traumatic.

My first birth was similar to yours. Mine was longer (30hrs), prolonged pushing stage 3hrs, catheter, waters manually ruptured by midwife at 10cm dilation, meconium waters, ventuouse and episiotomy, just gas and air, and baby ended up in NICU for 5 days with partially collapsed lung - that bit was traumatic!

My second birth, I had nerves about it as you do. But actually it was wonderful. From first twinge at 1am to babe in arms was just about 8hrs. I arrived at the hospital at A&E drop off then baby arrived within 13mins (in the delivery suite, was wheeled in on a trolley just in time). No complications, no pain relief (no time!) no intervention no stitches and home to receive the food shop that afternoon.

I think it's very common/normal for the pushing stage to be much shorter in subsequent labours. Your body seems to know what to do 2nd time around.

I think exceptions to that are with back to back labours.

With subsequent labours it is different because you know what to ask etc. so more informed, more empowered.

I'm sure it was probably discussed in detail before you'd first birth but a de-brief discussion of future births might be a good place to start. I was told during my first pregnancy I couldn't have an epidural because of clotting issues but then ended up having one because I had gone that long without medication during labour. Future pregnancies were planned section's ( not out of choice) but they let me stay awake and just stop medication.

You can certainly request a birth debrief.

Second births are typically significantly faster and more straightforward.

I had 2 hours pushing on both of mine, and I've never felt exhaustion like it, just utterly debilitating and not enjoyable at all. 3 hours must have been horrendous.
Things that made the second one better for me: no pain relief. Sounds counter intuitive, and labour was grim, but I recovered much faster without any drugs in my system. Secondly, although I needed an episiotomy again because the scar tissue wouldn't stretch far enough the second was born without intervention, so no internal tearing this time. Finally, as she was born in the morning and was a great feeder we managed a same day discharge and I escaped the hell of the postnatal ward.

I had therapy to help me process the first birth and get ready for the idea of a second. I found it really helpful. First birth was similar to yours but second was an at home water birth and I am about to do it for the third time!

For the sake of having the baby you really want I’m sure not seeing the baby arrive is a small price to pay. Depends how much you want a baby.
For what it’s worth my children are KS2 and KS3 and I pretty much never think about their births.

I was anxious about giving birth when pregnant with DC2, due to a long-ish first labour (24 hours) and nearly dying from blood loss due to placenta not coming out properly, followed by a 6 day stay in hospital.

2nd labour was 3 hours, no problems and home the next morning.