Help me prepare for tearing

[Ididivfama]

I’m going for a vbac any time now and really scared of the whole crowning process (and the bit after I guess). I never got to push last time but went through a lot of hideous contractions so at least I know a bit more what to expect with those.

Ive tried perenial massage but its just made me feel worse! It sets my teeth on edge and the stretching stings. So now I just think how the fuck am I going to manage a baby tearing it’s way out?
does epidural make a big difference for this and if so, when should I get it?

I desperately want to try a vbac and need a bit of reassurance otherwise I’m worried I’ll panic and demand a cs when I know deep down I want to try.

(nothing against csections btw I’m actually booking one for if I’m overdue. I just know deep down I want to try vbac first).

Agree with everyone. I was terrified too, as a first timer. However, I couldn’t feel myself tearing at all; the pain of the contractions were all I could feel. Midwife asked me to push down like I’m having a big poo, while contracting. I didn’t know I teared (3rd degree), until the midwives mentioned it. I had stitches after. I couldn’t feel myself having an episiotomy either. I had a spinal during the stitching process. Agree that the pushing feels like a relief, as you know the contractions pain will be over! I was on my back, legs spread, when giving birth, but I read that the position can make a difference to the tear degree!

Congrats and good luck!

You really don't feel tearing. I mean giving birth hurts but it's the contractions that hurt you and you can learn to cope with those: tens, water, gas and air all good, resort to pethidine if you must. I don't think epidural a good idea as it can lead to more interventions.

Being stitched up from a tear is WAY better than a c-section. That hurts for ages. You recover from a tear or episiotomy much quicker and the cut is much less deep and in an area that you can't see like c section scar.

I reckon you've already experienced worse pain with your last section than you would do from any tear.

Also it might not happen, not everyone tears. Even big babies can be born with no tearing.

Stop with the perineum massage. I don't reckon it does anything except make worried women feel in control.

It's a burning sensation and it's over very quickly. I had 2 tears and 1 episiotomy (3 kids).

I would go for the episiotomy as at least you're numbed! (If it's advised anyway)

I'm assuming that 70% statistic is including all grades of tears from 1-4. Grade 1 tears don't even need stitching sometimes. Labouring releases tonnes of hormones that helps the perineum to stretch. As well as many others, all the contractions and birthing a baby somewhat distracts you from feeling the tear happen. Your midwife will also coach and assist you through pushing (panting, pauses, perineum compress) to reduce the likelihood of severe tearing.

FWIW I (like many others) tore during labour. I had a second degree and no clue it had happened. I had local and G+A during the stitching up. Not the nicest sensation (mostly tugging), but very manageable.

I didn't tear either time. It's not inevitable. But in any case you won't feel it, so it's not worth worrying about it.

I had two VBs and a bit of tearing with both. I didn’t feel the tearing and unlike PPs I didn’t even feel the crowning. No drugs either so it wasn’t that. I think there is so much pressure down there generally that the sensation of any tearing of tissues is nothing in the grand scheme of things. I did practise perineal massage in pregnancy (or rather got OH to do it as I couldn’t reach) so maybe that helped. Also listen to the mw- if the pushing can be controlled, it’ll help avoid the worst of the tearing.

Also meant to say- although I tore, I didn’t need stitches as the tearing was minimal. I also got ‘labial grazes’ which I didn’t know were a thing. Basically where the labia stretch and the tissue is slightly damaged. It was all a bit sore afterwards but I followed mw’s advice to pour water on the area while weeing (or wee in the shower) and to have baths with lavender oil, all of which helped the healing.

Second time round I was also worried about crowning as first time round I had an epidural and induction. Honestly I didn't feel any pain in crowning and had two minor tears, was so strange. Was expecting 'ring of fire' but was actually a relief feeling. Very nice. Although the babies hand was by his cheek he scratched me and his head on the way out, i felt his hand move about but no vaginal pain. Contraction mostly back pain was 10/10. Crowning 0/10.

I had an episiotomy, it was numbed and I didn’t feel a thing when it was cut or when it was stitched up. Least painful part of the whole process.

I would opt for an epidural, it makes a huge difference. I didn’t have one with dd1 and teared badly, the stitching up was almost as bad as giving birth. With dd2 I had an epidural and I didn’t feel a thing and was still numb for stitching, I had some pain when the epidural wore off as I birthed very fast and damaged my coccyx 😬.

Do you remember at what stage you requested it? I’ll be at risk for needing a c section so have been told epidural will help anyway.

I asked for an epidural when I could bear the constractions pain no longer. But I could only do it lying down not sitting up, which is easier for the anethatist, and worried i wouldn't be able to hold still. It was fine though. I would probably ask for it as soon as possible in your case, if you know you want it. I heard somewhere that there is no bad time for an epidural.

Something to consider with an epidural though is you may need a catheter. That was sore when the epidural wore off.

It was in my birth plan for dd2, apparently I was too far along (last stages of labour) but they agreed to do it. My labour was slower with dd2 but less painful, I was in the birthing pool but because things were taking ages I asked to get out and to have an epidural, I was almost fully dilated at this point. I would be asking as soon as you get to the hospital as it can take a while.

I was absolutely terrified of tearing. It was my number one fear.

In the end I actually told them to cut me as DC was stuck and needed to be born asap. (I also had a tear with DC2).

It really won’t be top of your concerns in the moment. Promise. You just want them OUT.

I had a VBAC and pushed for ages. Skin just wouldn’t give and tear. They gave me a local anaesthetic made no difference, then an episiotomy and out shot baby. All healed up fine and if I had another I think I’d want the same.
I did have a couple of really tiny tears as well

2nd degree tear DD1, didn't feel it and actually when the midwife went to pop a stitch in she accidentally nicked me and made it slightly bigger. Didn't feel that either and heeled fine. DD2 no tears at all, yes the crowning stings, but weirdly I have no recollection of it with DD2, definitely remember it with DD1