Help me prepare for tearing

[Ididivfama]

I’m going for a vbac any time now and really scared of the whole crowning process (and the bit after I guess). I never got to push last time but went through a lot of hideous contractions so at least I know a bit more what to expect with those.

Ive tried perenial massage but its just made me feel worse! It sets my teeth on edge and the stretching stings. So now I just think how the fuck am I going to manage a baby tearing it’s way out?
does epidural make a big difference for this and if so, when should I get it?

I desperately want to try a vbac and need a bit of reassurance otherwise I’m worried I’ll panic and demand a cs when I know deep down I want to try.

(nothing against csections btw I’m actually booking one for if I’m overdue. I just know deep down I want to try vbac first).

Midwife told me tearing rate is about 70% shudders

I've had two tears, 3rd degree with DC1 and 2nd degree with DC2.

I can promise you whole heartedly that you do not feel the tear happening.

The 3rd degree was really annoying afterwards because of the repair but I went to a women's physio and it caused me absolutely no problems whatsoever.

The 2nd degree was barely noticeable afterwards - healed super quickly.

Both were home water births. Only reason I tore with DC1 is because I pushed too hard at the end so go slow, breathe, and don't panic at the end. Your body is going to do the work for you.

Crowning hurts, as you might imagine, but it's also sort of the best bit!

You don't notice it. There's so much going on and you'll be tired honestly it'll be the last thing on your mind.

Epidural is amazing, they tell you when you can get it. I said no on my first and by the time I changed my mind it was too late, got an episiotomy that time and wasn't really aware of that either.

Agree with PP's. I did not feel it when I tore with both dc's. The crowning process was over after a few quick breaths x

Thank you. This is helping.

Didn't feel it and had 2nd degree with all 3, you really don't notice it 😊

Another to say I didn’t feel the tears on my second delivery at all. I had absolutely no pain relief. Though admittedly I had gas and air whilst I was being stitched, but I barely recall what it felt like now 12m later. I was too in awe of the tiny (though she felt huge coming out) human that I’d just pushed out. Recovery was an absolute walk in the park.

first delivery didn’t feel the tear or epesiotomy but I had a spinal block. However recovery was worse than the second time. By a county mile. But I put that down to the amount of drugs baby and I had, and the lengthy dramatic labour and delivery. The stitches hurt me loads by day 5 - the cuts/tears didn’t bother me. The actual stitch was poking my perinaeum. Unpleasant. But called the midwives and they came and removed them.

honestly tearing was the least interesting/bothersome thing. Appreciate that others do have worse experiences in recovery, but you generally hear about the bad experiences and not those with manageable ones.

my advice would be go for vbac as planned, put tearing out of your mind as you can’t control that and just breathe and listen to your body, push when you feel a contraction and not when they tell you to push. Makes the world of difference.

good luck!

Heartily agree. You don’t feel it. It’s just so nice to be pushing after all those interminable contractions. It’s so exciting too. I’d redo it all again in a heartbeat if I could. You’re going to push your baby out and meet them. You lucky thing!!

Didn't tear with either. Well had forceps with first. My second was very fast. Started having contractions 5.30am deliverd baba 8.50am she shot out. I think cause she came out that quickly I didn't tear. X

I felt crowning, it hurt and there was a part of me that didn't want to push. The much bigger part of me did want to push though! It hurts but it was also exciting as the baby is about to be born. For me the entire pushing and crowning stage (luckily very fast for me so basically one stage) was overall a relief from the extremely painful contractions of transition. I didn't feel tearing. I had a borderline second/third degree tear and it wasn't more painful during crowning than when I had a first degree tear. I've had 3 vaginal births and I couldn't have told you after any of them whether I'd torn or not, or by how much. I had no pain relief other than a tens machine (highly recommend) for any of my labours - I don't take pride in that it's just how it worked out for me and if you want an epidural then go for it! I think with an epidural crowning doesn't hurt at all and the contractions hurt less or not at all, but you can still feel pushing.

I also hated perineal massage and found it uncomfortable/ bit painful. I didn't bother with it for my last pregnancy but it's probably worth doing ahead of your first vaginal delivery.

Good luck with your delivery however it happens <3

The pushing feels amazing. Yes the crowning bit stung but the actual pushing felt so good. Probably weird for saying it. But it was relief from the contractions

Felt*

Listen to your midwife as she’ll limit the tear where she can - panting, blowing where necessary. Didn’t feel it at the time but knew about it when recovering, I didn’t listen and got a 3rd degree tear - recovery much worse than the elcs I had afterwards.

I think there’s a link between if you have stretch marks and if you tear, must be linked to elasticity I suppose.

Sorry, just to add that I had no pain relief as no time so not sure about effect of epidural. Take the drugs if you need them!! No award for being in more pain.

Honestly ime the contractions are the painful part, if you can handle them the rest is easy!

You don’t know if you will tear or not as every birth is different.
the midwives will guide you
I tore slightly and the only pain relief i had during labour was gas & air - I was pushing for 1.5 hours though.
I had to have stitches but was more mortified that they out pain relief up my bum for it to work quicker 😂 recovery was fine - pour water over your bits as you pee is good advice.

You might not tear. I didn't. Either time

Not everyone tears, I got a minor one with dd1 (no stitches needed) and not at all with dd2 - and no I didn't prepare with massage or anything else

You don’t feel the tearing happening. I had a very quick birth, less than 30 minutes so no time for any pain relief not even gas and air, and I didn’t feel the tear. The stitches afterwards were worse.

I had no pain relief

You don't feel them. The skin is super taut. I was shit at not pushing - in hindsight I'd recommend watching lots of Call the Midwife for training tips 😂 - and got stage 2/3, then stage 1 tear.

Puff 😁

If you do get one - practice gentle pelvic floor muscle clenching every day, to get oxygen to the area and help healing. You can also get cooling pads and ones with witch hazel. I just used saline solution though.

I had no idea I had torn with DS until the doctor brought in their sewing kit! I found Spritz for Bitz sprayed all over a maternity pad really helped soothe the sensitivity afterwards.

I didn't tear with DD, second baby. I was on my knees with her. I'm not sure if that helped or not, but the whole birth was much more pleasant than being on my back. Gravity certainly helped!

Yes 100% this. It's such a relief to just push. I had a tear and didn't feel it at all, and I'd had zero pain relief other than huffing the gas and air like it was going out of fashion 🤣🤣🤣

And it's true not everyone tears. My 2/3 degree tear was with my big and overdue DS whose head circumference was 99th centile. My DD was far more average and that was the so-called 'graze'.

I didn't find the stitching that bad either.

Deep 2nd degree for my vbac, but I had precipitous labour and shoulder dystocia. I felt the hand being inserted to free baby, but I didn't feel the tears. Hope that helps.