TW- BLOOD
Hi,
So I know I've always wanted more than one child, and have always wanted a larger family. Only problem is, I'm absolutely terrified of childbirth.
I had a really traumatic experience with my ds where I was induced and taken to a midwife led unit. I was planning on having a water birth, and I did actually stay in the water for quite a while but my waters hadn't gone, and I was really struggling to push. I had to get out, they broke my waters and I had an episiotomy.
After a lot of painful pushing (gas and air made me feel so sick and I didn't have any other pain relief) I finally gave birth to my sweet ds, the placenta soon to be followed. But then I started bleeding, like, really heavily.
My ds was taken out of my arms as the midwife started panicking about how she couldn't stop the bleeding, then loads of people were in the room and the next thing I know I was being rushed off, and I just kept asking the nurse if I was going to die. I was absolutely petrified.
I finally got to a doctors unit, cannulas were being shoved into my arms, an oxygen mask onto my face and a doctor massaging my womb to stop it contracting.
They told me after that I had haemorrhaged and lost 2 L of blood, and now I'm petrified of it happening again.
Is it something common to happen? If it's happened once, does it mean I'm more susceptible to haemorrhaging?
I just keep thinking if it happens again and they can't stop the bleeding I will die, and that's so so scary.
Has anyone else got this fear?
Any advice would be appreciated