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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

I want another baby but am absolutely terrified of childbirth!

26 replies

Bethandfreddie · 10/11/2023 05:03

TW- BLOOD

Hi,

So I know I've always wanted more than one child, and have always wanted a larger family. Only problem is, I'm absolutely terrified of childbirth.

I had a really traumatic experience with my ds where I was induced and taken to a midwife led unit. I was planning on having a water birth, and I did actually stay in the water for quite a while but my waters hadn't gone, and I was really struggling to push. I had to get out, they broke my waters and I had an episiotomy.

After a lot of painful pushing (gas and air made me feel so sick and I didn't have any other pain relief) I finally gave birth to my sweet ds, the placenta soon to be followed. But then I started bleeding, like, really heavily.

My ds was taken out of my arms as the midwife started panicking about how she couldn't stop the bleeding, then loads of people were in the room and the next thing I know I was being rushed off, and I just kept asking the nurse if I was going to die. I was absolutely petrified.

I finally got to a doctors unit, cannulas were being shoved into my arms, an oxygen mask onto my face and a doctor massaging my womb to stop it contracting.

They told me after that I had haemorrhaged and lost 2 L of blood, and now I'm petrified of it happening again.

Is it something common to happen? If it's happened once, does it mean I'm more susceptible to haemorrhaging?

I just keep thinking if it happens again and they can't stop the bleeding I will die, and that's so so scary.

Has anyone else got this fear?

Any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:
Original poster
Bethandfreddie · 10/11/2023 05:06

Bethandfreddie · 10/11/2023 05:03

TW- BLOOD

Hi,

So I know I've always wanted more than one child, and have always wanted a larger family. Only problem is, I'm absolutely terrified of childbirth.

I had a really traumatic experience with my ds where I was induced and taken to a midwife led unit. I was planning on having a water birth, and I did actually stay in the water for quite a while but my waters hadn't gone, and I was really struggling to push. I had to get out, they broke my waters and I had an episiotomy.

After a lot of painful pushing (gas and air made me feel so sick and I didn't have any other pain relief) I finally gave birth to my sweet ds, the placenta soon to be followed. But then I started bleeding, like, really heavily.

My ds was taken out of my arms as the midwife started panicking about how she couldn't stop the bleeding, then loads of people were in the room and the next thing I know I was being rushed off, and I just kept asking the nurse if I was going to die. I was absolutely petrified.

I finally got to a doctors unit, cannulas were being shoved into my arms, an oxygen mask onto my face and a doctor massaging my womb to stop it contracting.

They told me after that I had haemorrhaged and lost 2 L of blood, and now I'm petrified of it happening again.

Is it something common to happen? If it's happened once, does it mean I'm more susceptible to haemorrhaging?

I just keep thinking if it happens again and they can't stop the bleeding I will die, and that's so so scary.

Has anyone else got this fear?

Any advice would be appreciated

Forgot to add, I'm also scared of postpartum haemorrhaging, that is scary as heck too, how are you supposed to know you're bleeding too much?

OP posts:
Aria999 · 10/11/2023 05:08

Planned c section?

Original poster
Bethandfreddie · 10/11/2023 05:11

Aria999 · 10/11/2023 05:08

Planned c section?

There's a higher risk of a PPH with a c-section:(

OP posts:
NigelTheCrab · 10/11/2023 05:22

I don’t have experience of this myself, but I have a family member who had extensive blood loss after giving birth to her second child - she was whisked off and immediately operated on under GA. She too said it was terrifying and she thought she was going to die.
She went on to have a third. Because she’d had such severe bleeding with her second she was induced and closely monitored during labour. Her medical team were prepared for it to happen again. It did. But because everyone knew this was likely to happen there was no mad panic. It was much calmer.

TootiiFrootii · 10/11/2023 05:27

I'd recommend a planned c-section too. Or all the pain relief they can give you. CBT to cope with your anxiety? A fiesty DP with you throughout or someone who will speak up for you while you're in the thick of it. You had it tough last time. Always focus on the end goal. That being said, you can stop at one DC. Life with one can be wonderful too. There's a whole board about it!

notasillysausage · 10/11/2023 05:39

I’m sorry you went through that, it sounds very scary and I can understand why you are scared to go through it all again.

Do they offer a birth debrief in your area? I know when I had mine that was something they offered and I think that would be helpful in this situation, as you can ask what they would do in a second labour for someone in your position. It may provide you with some reassurance.

Kalodi · 10/11/2023 05:43

Have you had a debrief? You can also ask what their plan would be to help prevent this from happening again.

I had a traumatic birth that worried about me having another baby but found speaking to a Consultant about what happened, how it could be prevented next time really helped. I gave birth 8 days ago and it was a positive experience, the things I feared didn't happen this time (one of which was hemorrhaging again but I only lost 600mls this time!). I think that's because DH and I spent a lot of time working on birth knowledge and preferences around different options. He could advocate for me when I wasn't able to. We made everyone we saw aware of my fears and they all listened and helped me how I wanted them to.

Nosleepforthismum · 10/11/2023 06:05

I’ve had two planned c-sections although the first was for medical reasons. When my lovely doctor was chatting to me about my fears he said statistically a planned c-section is the safest way to give birth for both mum and baby and it was down to cost why the NHS preferred mums to give birth naturally rather than encourage a planned caesarean as an alternative option.

Both were really great experiences, very calm and I felt completely in control. I did lose a fair bit of blood with my first but that was due to complications which I was already aware of. I’m sorry you had the experience you did, it sounds terrifying. I just want to reassure you that there is another option if you do choose to have another baby.

WhoHidTheCoffee · 10/11/2023 06:12

That’s interesting that apparently there’s a higher risk of bleeding with a planned section - is that something you’ve researched or has a medic told you that? What I would say is that if you do have a bleed in the course of a section, they can be prepared and you’re already in an operating theatre with the full attention of a surgical team on you. They don’t need to spend time transferring you to another bit of a hospital, etc. It would definitely be worth discussing with a consultant.

Mummymummy89 · 10/11/2023 06:13

I have no advice but just want to say you're not alone, I also had a terrible first birth including too much blood loss and sepsis but I decided to have another. I'm due next month (elective c section).

No medical professional can promise me that I won't haemorrhage or get sepsis again, because I might. But at least they're taking me seriously as I harp on about it literally every appointment. And just statistically I had such bad stuff happen in my first, chances are the second can't be as bad, who'd be that unlucky?!

I just know in my case if I didn't have a second because of this fear, I'd always regret it. I'm really traumatised by my first birth, but, weirdly, I feel like a less traumatic second birth might "cure" my trauma from the first (I know this is illogical but don't pop this hope bubble...!)

Good luck whatever you decide.

JC89 · 10/11/2023 06:32

That does sound terrifying! FWIW I had an elective CS (baby was breech) and everything was very calm. I did have a PPH but to be honest I barely noticed - I lost much less than 1L so didn't need a blood transfusion or anything, I was already in theatre under local anaesthetic being sewn up anyway. At this point I couldn't move my lower half so the midwives were dealing with the blood down the lower end while the surgeon sewed me up I held my baby. I don't know whether the risk of PPH is higher for elective CS but mine was a very different experience to what you describe as it was a much more controlled environment. I would expect they'll class you as higher risk this time around - which means more appointments where you can find out about the options and probably less resistance if you want to choose to have a CS.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 10/11/2023 06:44

WhoHidTheCoffee · 10/11/2023 06:12

That’s interesting that apparently there’s a higher risk of bleeding with a planned section - is that something you’ve researched or has a medic told you that? What I would say is that if you do have a bleed in the course of a section, they can be prepared and you’re already in an operating theatre with the full attention of a surgical team on you. They don’t need to spend time transferring you to another bit of a hospital, etc. It would definitely be worth discussing with a consultant.

It is true overall, OP is correct in her research/what she's been told. However I think it's also true that women who have emergency c sections are at higher risk than those having planned. So I'm not sure if that is what's is dragging the numbers up, and whether the risk is also increased for planned c sections, vs vaginal birth. I believe it is (but I'm less sure), but even so, it's still not as bad as the overall c section figures look, as they include the emergency ones.

I agree with your point that the benefit is that you're already in surgery, with Drs etc.

Dyra · 10/11/2023 06:50

That sounds completely terrifying, and it's understandable you would be traumatised. I would definitely recommend a birth debrief if possible. In my trust, it needs to either be requested within a year of birth, or once you're pregnant again. Failing that, seek some counselling.

I work in obstetrics, and I will say that if someone has had a previous PPH, we are extremely well prepared for it to happen again. And the consultant you will see antenatally, will hopefully reassure you of that. All sorts of drugs will be prepared and on standby in the room with you, or (for things like extra blood products) nearby. Management of your birth will also be different. You would be recommended to deliver on the doctor led ward. I cannot speak to if a water birth would be available (or even allowed) though. You'll also be recommended to have cannula inserted, to allow for rapid access. Post birth, should you start bleeding there would be a low threshold to take you from the room, and transfer you to theatre for management. Finally, while there might be some urgency, there wouldn't be a mad rush and panic like your first birth.

There is always the option of an elective C-section as well. Even if the likelihood of a PPH is higher, there will be 3 doctors with you at all times. Two of which (anaesthetist, and surgeon) are likely to be consultants. Plus the additional theatre staff. And your midwife. We have all the drugs that would have been in your room, plus superior pain relief, and lighting. As well as immediate access to your uterus. There are so many things that can and will be done to try to stop your bleeding.

As for post partum bleeding, the rule of thumb is if you're soaking a pad within an hour, or the golf ball sized clots. Your discharge to home will be delayed until the doctors are confident the risk is low enough.

Dyra · 10/11/2023 06:56

I can believe it. But only because there's an inherent blood loss due to the incisions made anyway. If you're then prone to bleeding, that additional loss may be all it takes to tip you into MOH territory. And if emergency C-sections are included, then they are absolutely driving the numbers up. Prolonged labouring resulting in uterine atony is a huge factor.

Original poster
Bethandfreddie · 10/11/2023 10:11

Thank you all for your advice, I do feel much better with the thought that they would be ready next time if I was to haemorrhage.

I definitely do want more children so this has been really comforting - thank you again☺️

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 10/11/2023 10:22

Do you remember making a decision last time about managed vs natural third stage, aka whether to have the injection to induce delivery of the placenta?

If I understand correctly, the injection helps reduce the chance of haemmorhage, so it is likely that you would be offered/strongly recommended to go for this next time. I am guessing that also it would be recommended not to go for water birth just in case. I expect there would be plenty of support on hand just in case anything does happen, but they would also take precautions so that it would be less likely too.

Original poster
Bethandfreddie · 28/09/2024 08:44

I'm not sure if anyone will see this but I'm just going to post this anyways incase somebody does.

I ended up pregnant in late October 2023 and gave birth to my baby in August 2024. This time round I asked to be induced due to the high anxiety of an PPH and being worried I would go into labour at home, labour fast and help not get to me in time.

Once they induced me and popped my waters, l had mild contractions and didn't even realise that my baby had moved into the birth canal until a midwife checked! It was then less than 10 minutes of pushing that my baby was born! I had very very minimal blood loss, a complete 180 to my first birth!

I made sure every midwife I saw was well aware of my past PPH and they all knew my fears, so I was given the injection in my thigh to help deliver the placenta, and then was put on a hormone drip that helped my body to contract and ensure everything was out! It was such a positive experience!

OP posts:
Dyra · 28/09/2024 13:35

Congratulations! So glad everything went well. ❤

SanFranBear · 28/09/2024 13:38

Congratulations OP - I was going to basically say what you're saying...

Had a bad pph with my first, second barely anything although monitored more! I don't think one leads to the other but do admit mine is anecdata!

LimeSqueezy · 28/09/2024 15:43

What a lovely update. Congratulations on your new baby x

ladycarlotta · 28/09/2024 20:39

Congratulations! This is such a lovely encouraging update and I hope it helps others in future - along with the kind and comprehensive replies you received when you first posted. Well done, OP, so happy for you.

teatoast8 · 28/09/2024 20:42

Aww congratulations ❤️❤️

Pammela2 · 28/09/2024 20:44

So lovely! Huge congratulations.
i also had a similar experience with first and second and it just goes to show that you can’t plan anything! X

GodspeedJune · 28/09/2024 21:07

Congratulations OP! So pleased you had a much better experience this time.

Edenmum2 · 28/09/2024 21:34

Congratulations OP, enjoy your little bundle. Well done for being so brave x