Is a C Section the right choice for me?

[downthestrada]

At my recent midwife appointment, I floated past the idea of an elective c section. She appeared horrified and spoke very strongly at length about how it was a bad idea and how I’m not a candidate for it. She said absolutely not, to begin with. Also mentioned the higher costs to the NHS for doing caesareans and that I could get some classes and support for free under the NHS that would help with my anxiety.

She knows some of my reasons but I find it hard to speak about the rest in-person.

My reasons are:
⁃ Family history of stillbirth at term, she knows about this.
⁃ I have bad health anxiety which they know about. It results in obsessiveness and trying to control certain things. She knows about this.
⁃ Pain during sex most of the time. Minor bleeding fairly often. I don’t want more issues in this area if I experience bad tearing etc. I think I will really struggle with this.
⁃ I have bad experience with the NHS and not being listened to. It’s meant that I’ve not received treatment for things (managed to get diagnosed and treated when abroad). I have had a lot of instances of this. My fear is not being listened to during the birth and struggling to advocate for myself.

I’m 40 years old, BMI of 19 and fairly healthy apart from PCOS. They keep telling me I’m young and fit, so it’s all going to be easy for me. I’ve been told this at the hospital too. I think I look younger than I am, so I think that’s why they keep saying this - not sure though.

I just want to know what other people think. I want to trust my midwife’s years of experience and I appreciate the things she’s already told me and explained, but I’m still leaning towards a c section and I think my previous bad experience is influencing my thoughts too. I have to admit I’ve had a very easy pregnancy so far.

What would you choose if you were me? I'm also worried that I'm going to have a battle to get one if that's what I really want.

It is entirely your choice but to me it sounds like a c-section would be ideal for you.

I know this will probably sound quite mad, but you seem perfect for either a C-section or a home birth!

Both scenarios you have the most control xx

Thank you for your answers. I think I would feel anxious about a home birth and if anything went wrong. Maybe I need to look into it more though and be a bit more open minded.

Oh god go for the C section. I've had natural with gas and air and a c section and there'd be no hesitation in the c section again.

My problem is my need to control things (which is mental during a situation like child birth). I'm also worried about recovery and I really value my ability to exercise and feel generally healthy. But I still feel more comfortable with the idea of a c-section.

My elective (after an emergency c section first time round) was the best decision I've ever made! Yes the recovery it tough but I've had friends who have had equally tough recoveries through vaginal births. The second time around my body found it a lot better. It was all so calm and just the best experience.

You can’t control childbirth whichever way you choose?!

In your shoes I would choose safety- and have the c sec. It’s calmer. You won’t get anxious. Safer for baby.

A slower initial recovery, though I’m not sure where you think you’ll get the energy got exercise 🤣lol! But seriously, worry about exercise and feeling healthy after 4 weeks. You can still walk, just take it easy. Let your insides heal. If you do too much, too soon you’ll do more harm than good.

You don’t need a ton of reasons other than you WANT a c sec. But your reasons are valid.

They can't say no and can only advise, you are entitled to request one if you wish. I'd be pushing for a section. I've had both a natural birth (with 3rd degree tear) and elective section and I'd choose the section every time

I think speaking to someone/midwife/consultant who would listen in a nutral way and help you explore both options is what you need. This midwife doesn't appear to be very helpful in this regard. Ask to be referred to speak to someone who will genuinely listen and offer advice so you can make an informed choice.

😂😂😂 You are right. It's just I struggle with change when it comes to my health and body. I do know I'm going to be exhausted, just in denial.

I'm definitely going to take the time to rest and recover. Luckily my husband will be home with me.

She said it wasn't a definite no, but she would refer me to hypnobirthing and some other type of counselling so that I can feel less anxious about a vaginal birth. It was just so strongly put across that I wouldn't be allowed a c-section to being with that I was a bit upset after the appointment.

Hi @downthestrada i was 41 yrs old when i had my baby and was referred to a doctor i feel because of my age. Could you speak to a doctor instead of your midwife?
Hope you get the c section xx

I had similar with my consultant, when i told him i wanted a section, he looked at me like I'd just punched his nan! He was disgusted. So i informed him of the 13 errors that were made before, during and after birth, and showed him the internal investigation finding and he said he would support me.

Im 23 weeks now and this week I'm doubting if i should have a section because im dreading the recovery, i was battered last time because i was in labour 2days before with a 40 degree temp and infection. Don't know what to do

Yeah I think that would be helpful. She did say (after a while) that after going through the counselling thing (it had a name that I can't remember), if I still thought I wanted a c-section then they would consider it. So it softened after a while.

Thank you! Yes I might try that. I think I need to be a bit more forceful. It's just every time I was giving my reasons there was always a strong response on why I was wrong.

Oh that sounds tough. I hope you feel confident in whichever way you decide to go in the end.

C section recovery is really brutal 😢 like horrendously so. Its major major surgery and it totally fucks your core - like I couldnt stand up on a bus kind of thing. It can completely change your digestion as well. If your pregnancy been OK could you consider hypnobirthing to stay calm during delivery? I had a c section after a 5 day labour (less said) and it broke my heart honestly as I had spent much of my pregnancy reading about the joy of childbirth and all the wonderful things of tapping into that animalistic woman side! Having friends who have had both tricky vaginals (the word tricky doing a LOT of heavy lifting here) and a c section they were both very disappointed by a c section as they felt cheated thinking that they would have a better experience than they did. Either way good luck and make sure whatever you decide its your decision - its your birth and your body. X

Sorry you had a bad experience.

BUT this after so much labour is very different to a planned elective c section which are usually without complications (although yes the recovery is really hard, think for a week it is hard to get in and out of bed or bend to pick up baby unassisted).

I did elective c section.

According to NICE guidelines you should be able to choose- you can ask to be referred to a birth choices appointment so that you understand the risks of all options- if you still pick c section they have to do it.
The midwife sounds unprofessional you could consider complaining about this- but just remember they train and dedicate whole lives to birthing vaginally so of course they are bias to thinking this is the best way.

No offense at 40 you aren't young! (Nor am I!)

Pfft! Don’t let them talk you out of your right to a c sec OP- if that’s what you decide.

They have to give you what you want or find an obstetrician who will!

I was 40, breech baby and the consultants attempted to talk me out of a section. They want to do an ECV and then I give birth naturally. Everyone else (sonographer, nurses) said no don’t do ECV, don’t have vaginal, have the c sec.

A planned c sec is calm and yes major surgery, it hurts afterwards like you’ve done 1,000 sit ups, but it’s manageable. I didn’t bother with pain relief as had an initial dose of Oramorph which made me feel like crap and didn’t get rid of the pain! I didn’t have any problems picking my baby up or walking. (I held off walking as I didn’t want to damage my insides and I’m super squeamish!) I didn’t feel at all cheated, I was well rested, happy and relaxed with baby.

Getting out of bed hurt for a few days, but I found a few pillows to prop me up was better or I’d ask DH to slowly pull me up. Getting up from lying flat was a bugger.

My core is fine. Ooh one tip is to do lots of pelvic floor exercises even if you have a section.

Good luck with whatever you decide and don’t be bullied.

Hypnobirthing is a great thing to do and it will help you feel calm and confident whether you have a C-section or a vaginal birth.

It will also help you to make an informed decision, rather than one out of fear.

Fear based decisions are often open to regret.

Thank you everyone! It's really helpful and useful to hear how recovery went for others.

I do really like my midwife it was just so abrupt that I was shocked. I'm open to her being correct that hypnobirthing will help. Still leaning towards a c-section but this might change after the hypnobirthing.

I feel ok but definitely not young at 40! 😂 Maybe they're just trying to boost my confidence.

There is updated NICE guidance on this from 2023, it might be worth raising at next apt

1.2.29If, after an informed discussion about the options for birth (including the offer of perinatal mental health support if appropriate; see recommendation 1.2.27), the woman or pregnant person requests a caesarean birth, support their choice. [2011, amended 2023]

Do you have any conversations with a Dr booked in? I had one of my kids over 40 and while I was midwife led, I had two phone calls with a Dr and an extra scan. I would also ask your midwife if getting extra checks because you're 40 plus..

Good luck

Also I would ask if they would plan to induce you early because of age. Mine induced me a week early for age reasons (I was 42, but i think same would have applied 40 or over)

Only thing I would say is you might not have as much control in an elective csection as you think. Ive had two. Being catheterised, vomiting constantly on the table, not being able to hold baby as haemorrhaging etc. it doesn't always mean you have lots of control. But if you want a section push for it, its your choice!