Breastfeeding

[Anniiee24]

Hi all,

Sorry this is a little long but need some advice. My newborn is 8 days old today.

At first I struggled to get her to latch but managed to at 6 days in! So I am currently EBF

The problem or concern I have is - I am not getting enough sleep because my baby is always feeding. She is always on my boob, like she is hungry 24/7 - this is giving me no time to sleep and I feel like a zombie.

Is this normal? For example, I have been up since 3am and she is still on my boob, it is now 08:37

She is having wet and dirty nappies so not concerned she isn't getting enough. But being on my boob for 5 hours - I am absolutely exhausted. If by any chance she does fall asleep, I will put her in her crib (swaddle sometimes) but she will just wake up and scream wanting to be fed again

I could express but due to the first few days having a bad latch, my nipples are sore and broken. feeding her is bad enough, I am almost screaming in pain every time

Please advise me.

Also, the Kellymom website is fantastic.

@Anniiee24 I understand feeling like a failure, but I promise that you're not. You've tried so, so hard and you're tired and in pain, but no matter which way you go, breast, formula, mixed feeding, you love your baby and want the best for her, which makes you NOT A FAILURE!!!

I felt like a failure too, when DD1 was born by emergency caesarean because I'd failed to progress, and then when I couldn't breastfeed properly. I felt like my body had failed me and my baby. It hadn't. And like I said earlier in the thread, she is now 13 and gorgeous and those early nights of weeping in pain, exhaustion and utter frustration are a dim memory.

If you want to keep breastfeeding but need a break, you can express and bottle feed for a few days and then try again. I did that for five weeks, and she went back onto the breast fine. No nipple confusion.

If you do want to move to formula exclusively, try to think of it as a positive choice you are making for your wellbeing which will help you to be in a better place to meet all of her needs. If you want to mixed feed, again, fine. You are free to feed your baby in whatever way suits your unique situation best, and no way makes you a success or a failure, a better mum or a worse mum. You are a mum who loves her baby which makes you the best mum for her.

💐

I'm really sorry to read your update as I know how much you wanted this. I know you feel like this right now but you are not a failure. You have done your absolute best for your baby. Think of all the wonderful antibodies she has had just with these couple of weeks of breastmilk. You've given her the best possible start.

Only you can know if formula feeding is the best way forward now, but do allow yourself to feel upset for something not working our as you planned. It may be worth unpicking those feelings a bit more later when you're not feeling so defeated.

You'll still need to feed on demand so you'll still be awake lots and she will still cluster feed. Formula won't make her sleep more if you are pace and demand feeding.

Morning OP. I can see your update was in the wee hours so I hope you're ok. That time of the night is so hard.

You are not a failure. This thread is evidence of how hard you tried. Come and give us an update after a week of FF and I'm sure you'll realise it was the best decision for you. Your baby just wants a healthy and happy mommy x

You poor thing. I really empathise - I had so much trouble breastfeeding my first. He just wouldn't latch - at all! I had been fed this story of breastfeeding being a lovely bonding experience, and the best thing for my child, and then found to my horror that I just couldn't feed him. I was a panicky, exhausted wreck for at least the first few weeks after giving birth (which was traumatic in itself).

I went to all the clinics, had loads of help, but no one could get him to latch. He had a tongue tie, which was cut, with no obvious improvement. What worked in the end was - (i) nipple shields - the only way he would latch for a good few months, even though it was painful; (ii) expressing so that my husband could do a feed and let me sleep; (iii) introducing mixed feeding (e.g. one bottle a day) to give my nipples a rest and a chance to heal and (iv) persevering. It got better around 12 -16 weeks or so, but it was really, really hard.

Looking back, I would have been so much happier if I had just given in and switched to formula feeding. I'm glad I persevered, because it did get easier, but I also really regret that I didn't manage to enjoy my first months with my newborn because I was in so much pain and distress.

On the plus side, breastfeeding was completely different with my second. He latched straight away, fed for 15 minutes at a time, and it was pretty much pain free after a few weeks. We also used a dummy with my second, which worked really well.

So, you're not alone, and you're definitely not a failure. Millions of children are formula fed and grow up perfectly well and happy. I hope things get better for you. x

It shouldn't be painful but the amount of feeding at that young is normal

I had a dodgy start to breastfeeding and it was uncomfy (actually really quite painful) for a while. It took me what seemed like forever to realise that DS often wasn't actively feeding for the whole time he was on my boob. Because I was a FTM and a total zombie (snap!) I was clueless and just didn't even stop to think "oh he might've stop active feeding now and might just have dozed off while still attached to me".

I'm sure you will find your way. Keep your own fluids and calorie intake up. And congratulations! x

Sorry OP - I posted this before seeing your latest update.

You're not a failure, and thinking like that on top of already feeling like a zombie won't be helping you. So try to be kind to yourself. If your baby is getting enough milk and enough cuddles they'll be happy! xx

There is a lot of expertise on here and I'm sure you get plenty of recommendations for specialists and resources who might be able to help you get back to breastfeeding, if that's your wish.

But in the meantime, please try not to feel down. You're doing so well. You've got this! x

I'm so sorry OP, the nights can be the most difficult at that age. I remember being so frightened and realising nobody was going to swoop in and help me, but I needed to look after my baby but I didn't have all the answers. It took us the longest time to get the hang of it and when my DD cried it made me to anxious to feed her quickly, but that could sometimes hurt.

What happened last night OP?

Hey OP, I hope you're feeling much more positive, whatever you ended up deciding.

hi all

Thought I'd get back to you,

Just to summarise - I'm still formula feeding 90% of the day. I am barely expressing, I just can't seem to find the time - my baby never wants to be off me and with DH paternity being over, he can't hold her as much! (So scared my supply will finish) any time I do express it's only 40ml combined from both breasts - am I going to loose supply?

I have started power pumping every night but doesn't seem to have made a difference

I still try the nipple first and she doesn't want it. Today is the first day I had some luck with her taking nipple shields and she burped after so I'm taking that as a good sign and as her drinking!

@Opine I really do think it's my fault because I can't get her to latch. She doesn't seem to take a big amount of nipple so it has to be me doing it wrong. Every time I get someone to check they say it's right but you know when you just feel it's not?

I also am being encouraged to not breastfeed but it's all I want :(

@Ilikegreenshoes thank you! I don't feel like I'm expressing enough. It's recommended 8 times in 24 hours - seems impossible? Also thank you again for checking in a few days later, it's your post that's made me reply x

@Lammveg thank you x

@Perfect28 I'm not giving her formula to sleep more. I'm giving her formula because I can't breastfeed.

@Wrongsideofpennines thank you

@chickpea1982 I am doing literally everything you've mentioned in your second paragraph - just not expressing enough though :( I'm feeling the same. I'm so grateful to have a baby girl but I have not enjoyed a single day in the last 18 days and I feel guilty about that in itself. Thank you x

@Rufffles thank you

@RedRobyn2021 I feed her asap after she cries (after I've tried latching and doesn't work) because I just don't want to upset her. Sometimes I think maybe if I try a little longer and let her cry but keep trying she might latch but I just don't have the heart to let her cry so give in and feed the bottle.

Thank you so much for updating, I've been thinking about you because I just remember feeling so discouraged in the early days and really not enjoying my baby girl! And getting so much conflicting advice that made me utterly confused about what I was supposed to be doing!

I just thought of something I was told about on my second baby - If you have access to a lactation consultant or breastfeeding counsellor, maybe ask them about using a supply line.

That's if you really want to stick with breastfeeding. But obviously there's absolutely no shame in bottle feeding if that's going to free you up to be able to enjoy your baby more. You've tried so hard, and the amount of breastmilk that she's already had has been so, so good for her, so well done!

www.breastfeeding.asn.au/resources/supply-line

@Ilikegreenshoes I don't think the supply line will work for me as my baby doesn't even latch :(

Hi OP, so sorry you're feeling so down :( honestly we have so many things to feel guilty about as parents, this isn't one of them. If you look at a bunch of kids in a playground you cannot possibly tell which were breastfed or formula fed!

What I will mention as you don't seem ready to completely stop yet, is I wouldn't wait until your baby cries to offer the breast. By the time she cries she's probably far too hungry to concentrate. You want to offer the breast when she starts showing signs of hunger like opening her mouth, starting to grunt, rooting etc. If your baby's hunger cues aren't obvious try offering the breast when she is calm. Does she have a good nipple to breast mouth opening reflex? If you touch/stroke her nose, does it make her open her mouth?

If yes, do that to get her mouth open and then quickly position her head so your nipple/breast is fully in her mouth.

Sorry if you've already tried this and it didn't work - just in case!

Finally, you're doing an amazing job. Your baby is growing and is healthy. That's the most important thing :)

Thanks for the update. You sound so determined to do what's best for your little girl. Amazing that you manged to latch her with the nipple shields - well done.

You will need to keep expressing or feeding to maintain breastmilk supply. I found pumping laid back with baby on my chest between my boobs useful so I didn't need to put her down.

With you're saying you're not getting much have you checked the flange size on your pump is right. When it was too big I barely got anything. Or you could hand express, as you may get more that way and find more time to fit in a quick expressing session without having to get all the pump parts clean.

yeah I agree, the first few weeks are the hardest. lil one wants to be close all the time...I'd go and speak to the midwife if you have any concerns. good luck!

@Anniiee24 only with my first baby was I able to pump. Thereafter I can’t get so much as an ounce. If I was exclusively feeding twins it’s safe to say I had enough milk yet I couldn’t pump a thing. What you can put into a bottle is absolutely no indication of supply. It is very very likely that your supply is good enough. Your baby can extract milk in a way that a pump never could. It would help if there wasn’t a social media obsession with pointless pumping but that’s another story.

You sound like you’ve had a bit of rest and are in a better place. I wouldn’t say the following if i thought you weren’t a bit more robust.
Put your baby back on the breast. Do it all day and all night and let her stay there for as long as she wants. Let her stay glued to you, it’s normal and will help with your supply.
The deep latch will come as she gets bigger & stronger. You will know when she’s got the hang of things.
You can absolutely re establish supply but dont Leave it any longer. Remember that babies suck. They will down a bottle they don’t need or want because they suck instinctively. If you BF her and she then takes a bottle it doesn’t mean she wasn’t satisfied.

Wear a light open top, or topless if possible, and get on the sofa for a few days just feeding and cuddling.

Ignore others & their push towards FF. The whole country is FF so it makes sense that you aren’t going to get any support from them. You absolutely can if you want to but you have to make the decision now and get back to it. Even if you were combo feeding 90% formula at this stage would be too much. That’s still an option but for now you need to bring your supply back up.

Good luck and a massive well done.

Have officially decided to give up even expressing from tomorrow

Few questions

1. Could I get my supply back a few months later?
2. How do I stop waking up with engorged breasts as I have now decided to do formula feed full time
3. How do I make my milk supply stop

Any tips for formula feeding would be nice too

Thanks for all the support throughout. My baby still isn't latching and I don't think the tongue tie has made anything better (I'm actually paranoid thinking that she didn't even have it?)

Bump

Hi OP if I were you I’d call one of the breastfeeding help lines and ask the above. You need to prevent yourself getting mastitis, so may need to hand express or pump a little over the next week or so but how much depends on how much you’ve already reduced by. I don’t know if the video at the link below is any good but the NCT breastfeeding helpline has always been very useful for me. They will be very used to the question ‘how do I stop’

https://www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/feeding/practical-tips/how-do-i-stop-breastfeeding#:~:text=If%20you%20are%20breastfeeding%20and,line%20on%200300%20330%200700.

I think it is technically possible to re-lactate but on the whole the answer is no you won’t get your supply back in a few months time if you stop. But that’s okay.

Nipple guards might help with immediate pain there. I bf both my dc for a few years, but, with dc1, at the stage you're at I gave him the odd bottle of formula just to help me out and fill him up. By odd I mean, maybe one a day. Sometimes just a half. People worry that it affects milk supply but it won't, so long as bf is still your main method. This helped me a lot.
This stage with a baby is knackering, no 2 ways about it. Hang in there.
Ps. If baby will take bottle, you'll be able to get a few hours to yourself now and then when baby's a bit older.

Relactation is a thing. So you could work to get your supply back but from everything I've read it takes a while and you would need to be expressing or having your baby at the breast 10-12 times a day including overnight. So it's hard work but is possible. Some adoptive mums do it and there are protocols you can follow to help.

In terms of engorgement and stopping your supply I would seek trained advice from a helpline or health visitor. But you're going to have to express off a little to prevent it being painful and risking mastitis. And then gradual reduce down how much/long you're expressing. Some of the advice in this article might be helpful: https://www.laleche.org.uk/breastfeeding-ends-suddenly/

I'm sorry its been such a tough ride for you. Well done on giving your baby your milk this long. I hope you can start enjoying her a little more now the pressure is off.