Breastfeeding

[Anniiee24]

Hi all,

Sorry this is a little long but need some advice. My newborn is 8 days old today.

At first I struggled to get her to latch but managed to at 6 days in! So I am currently EBF

The problem or concern I have is - I am not getting enough sleep because my baby is always feeding. She is always on my boob, like she is hungry 24/7 - this is giving me no time to sleep and I feel like a zombie.

Is this normal? For example, I have been up since 3am and she is still on my boob, it is now 08:37

She is having wet and dirty nappies so not concerned she isn't getting enough. But being on my boob for 5 hours - I am absolutely exhausted. If by any chance she does fall asleep, I will put her in her crib (swaddle sometimes) but she will just wake up and scream wanting to be fed again

I could express but due to the first few days having a bad latch, my nipples are sore and broken. feeding her is bad enough, I am almost screaming in pain every time

Please advise me.

Please be really careful OP and consider your own health. Do consider formula if breastfeeding is making you feel like this. My own breastfeeding attempt was a disaster the first time and I exhausted myself into a really harmful mental state with expressing. I’m pregnant again and won’t even be trying. It’s horrible how we’re made to feel guilty.

It is very normal in the early days.

Baby is cluster feeding to increase your milk supply and for comfort.

It's really hard at the start. But it will get easier day by day. Sleep whenever you can.

Are your nippiest any better? You could try a dummy to give you a rest. Once your nipples are better you could try expressing. Then someone else can give a bottle and give you a wee break.

I promise it gets better. And then it gets easy.

It is very normal. Your baby is days old! Have you heard of the third trimester? It's completely normal to cluster feed and suckle for comfort. My little one woke every 2 hours to feed, again normal as it's a survival mechanism. It's tough, but you're tough, too. Chin up. Get in touch with a local breastfeeding advocate or support group.

This sounds so tough OP. Breastfeeding can be so hard. I’m a FTM, after 2 weeks of exclusively breastfeeding I was exhausted and a complete wreck. I was so upset at the thought of stopping though. We decided to give our baby a bottle of formula each night, I’d go to bed after her big cluster feed at around 8 or 9, husband would let her sleep on him for a couple of hours, he’d do a bottle feed at 10 or 11 and then I’d do the next feed. It meant I got a chunk of 4 hours or so which just changed how I felt a lot. It felt like such a relief to know I could have help if I needed it. Although people say persevere with just BF, I think id have given up completely if we hadn’t started that bottle. She’s now nearly 7 months and I’m still breastfeeding her. She doesn’t take bottles anymore which is another story, but it got us through that tough patch at the start.

Or, if it’s really making you so upset, then just stop. There’s no shame in that, although I know it feels like such an enormous decision at the time.

Those early weeks are some of the hardest I experienced. Feel for you. It will become easier just give it time, you can do it if you want to.

I remember feeling like I wanted to give up a lot of the time, but I just felt inside me something telling me not to.

I joined some breastfeeding groups on Facebook (covid lockdown) and found those helpful.

There will be peer support groups round, at your local library usually is a good place if you want to meet other mothers that understand what you're going through. That can be a relief to truly know you're not alone in it.

In terms of sleep, can you sleep in the day to catch up? It would definitely say this is cluster feeding. My DD used to cluster feed 6pm-11pm sometimes 12pm. I used to get really anxious as the evening approached. I can't remember how long it went on for, perhaps a couple of weeks and then it stopped, it was to increased my supply. Your prolactin levels are highest at night which might be why your little one is cluster feeding then.

Think of it this way, you are in survival mode, this is not the way things will be in the long term, this is just for now.

Also I know people go on and on about this, but have you done some research on bed sharing? If you can crack feeding laying down, it will be life changing and make things so much easier for you.

My DD and I didn't get it for a few weeks tbh, it took a lot of practice. They are learning just as much as we are.

You have been misinformed, cluster feeding is very necessary to increase your supply, a dummy is an imitation of the breast not the other way around. Also it is not recommended to pump in the first 6 weeks. I know loads of women who have had mastitis and I never have and I really attribute that to never pumping, my supply has been dictated by the baby. Saying that I know some mums do pump and it has worked well for them, but you need to be careful not to over do it particularly in those first 6 weeks when your supply is sorting itself out.

Is she actually awake and feeding (sucking) for 5 hours? Or is she kind of feeding, snoozing, feeding again? The latter is totally normal, the former is highly unusual and suggests she is struggling to draw down milk?

I would definitely recommend calling the National Breastfeeding Helpline and have a chat with a trained supporter 0300 100 0212. They are open 9:30am-9:30pm everyday.

also reach out for some local support - something with accredited and trained peer support available from Breastfeeding Network, Association of Breastfeeding Mothers or Le Leche League.

Glad up are getting check for tongue tie, hope appointment goes well tomorrow. Most midwives are not trained to detect a tongue tie which cannot be done by looking alone. A full assessment of tongue function and feeding journey is needed.

x

@Anniiee24 sorry to hear you’re struggling. The early days are really tough. I have a 3 week old and like you he has feeding frenzies of about 6 hours everyday. Your nighttime milk is the “good stuff” so your baby might sleep all day and want to cluster feed at night. The best advice I got was “sleep looks different” so sleep when the baby sleeps whatever that looks like. I have a toddler too and most days I’m managing a daytime top up of 30 minutes and then after the toddler goes to bed at 7 I work around the baby. Have you tried feeding lying down? I find it more restful. You could try cosleeping too. If you choose to stop breastfeeding you should feel proud for getting this far. The only caution I would give is that your baby will still “feed on demand” and formula may not resolve night time wakings.

All, repeated advice answered below and then have replied individually

• I think my latch is ok as if has been checked multiple times. The only reason for pain is because of my broken/sore nipples which are taking their time to heal
• I am trying the co sleeping/lying down position but it's just not working for me. I know I can't expect to learn overnight so I am still trying as and where I can
• I will not be using a dummy
• I am not expressing due to the soreness on my nipples and have decided to not express until after 4 weeks for supply to be established correctly
• I have had midwife and BF support but it's not making anything better.

@Florad she was weighed day 10 and is above birth weight which I was so nervous about because the amount she was feeding I genuinely felt I was starving her. She has no blisters or signs of a lip tie. I am feeding literally 24/7 so the 12-3am falls into it

@DreamHomeCatcher no tbh, it was midwives in the hospital and they took maybe 30 seconds hence why I think it's good I am going private tomorrow! I have ordered a sling so will hopefully help me get a bit of normality whilst she is still on me as know she needs all the comfort

@Emilia35 she is feeding the entire time! She doesn't stop, it isn't comfort feeding

@Badgersonthedoorstep I am burping her even though I was told BF babies don't need it, mine deffo does! I can't sleep in the day, she doesn't let me put her down and won't sleep for more than 30 seconds. I can't sleep whilst holding her

@Bigparrot there is only one support group near me - I missed it because my baby was too irritated for me to get out of the house.
I am doing lots of skin to skin and the nipple cream is a life saver at the moment. I might try the nipple shields again to give my nipples a break but don't want my baby to forget her latch :(

@WooWooWinnie she is no longer sleeping in the day but when she was it was a stretch, not in total.

@MariaVT65 you're completely right, I still want to keep trying for now though

@Fandabedodgy nipples are no better. Can't express due to soreness

@Freshair1 thank you!

@PepeParapluie how do you know how much formula to give? I am considering this but no clue how much she'd need. I feel so stupid but formula feeding was never part of my thought out journey

@RedRobyn2021 thank you! No support groups near me except one which I missed.

I can't even seem to get out of the house - every other person makes their newborn look so easy (insta etc) they are out for walks or uploading happy stories whilst I'm crying and miserable at home. I am not unappreciative of what I have, I just feel like a failure and like I'm not doing good enough

@Perfect28 it's a mix. Some feeds she will suck straight with pauses in between. Some feeds she will snooze and I will wake her up to keep her going

@Ducky88 I will try the helpline, just feel so drained I can't even be bothered to call.
I have looked into Le Leche League and they have no support near where I live. Thank you x

Breastfeeding is very hard for many mums. I had a hard time also, but it gets better with time. The more she drinks the more skilled she will become at draining the breast and the time taken will definitely decrease.

Definitely check for tongue tie just in case.

You're doing amazing.

Just to add, my DS absolutely loved his dummy and as much as I tried to avoid giving him one, it was absolutely my saving grace in the early days. He is now 6 months and isn't fussed with his dummy anymore so I never offer it to him. But my god, it was like a godsend.

We used tommee tippee ones.

Tbh it sounds like normal breastfeeding and you're in the absolute thick of it right now. This phase passes relatively quickly. Try and get some rest! That's going to be making a huge difference. Get dad to take her out in a sling, or just sit skin to skin for an hour or two to give you some sleep. Do this a few times a day.

Hi OP, congrats on your baby btw.

I would try a dummy, i had the same problem with my DD 14 years ago, turns out she just wanted to suckle. My doctor suggested it after my nipples were bleeding!

Have you tried feeding every 2-3 hours during the day?

@Anniiee24 wow suckling for the entire 5 hours sounds like a nightmare! That is surely not normal? I've had 2 and cluster feeding was nothing like that and had at least 10-30 minute breaks in between, and was fortunate to never have it for more than 2-3 hours at a time. I know loads of breastfeeding mums and not a single one had to breastfeed for 5hrs straight with no stopping so I'm surprised some people are saying this is completely normal. Not to mention it must be so exhausting for your baby - mine only suckles properly for 5 minutes for comparison, then slow suckles for comfort for another 10-15 until she's properly asleep. If she wakes she wants the breast again to help her get back to sleep, and would rather stay attached while she sleeps (but not suckling).

I've been expressing since day 3 on days where I want my husband to do one of the night feeds. I've done this with 2 kids and never got mastitis so far (BF my first till 2.5 and hoping the same for 2nd). At 3 weeks I don't get engorged at all anymore, no matter whether I do a pumping session or not, but when I used to I would put baby on the breast to relieve it and would avoid pumping until I was no longer engorged. I know you said you don't want to try it until 4 weeks, just mentioning in case you change your mind as your situation sounds very hard.

And as other previous posters have said, there's nothing wrong with formula if BF really gets you down. Your mental health is most important and BF non stop for so many hours sounds brutal. Hoping things improve very soon xx

I won’t repeat what everyone else has said but I remembered a tip from my midwife about sore nipples that worked for me. If at all you get a break from feeding (hard I know!) rub some of your milk into them - or if very bad (which sounds like it is) hand express a little onto a cotton pad and let it sit for 5-10 mins. I didn’t believe my midwife at all but it sorted my cracked nipples within 24 hours.

Its a tough old time in the early days and you’ve just got to do what you can to survive! Also a sling is a great idea, I started using one around 3/4 weeks and it made a huge huge difference.

I know it’s hard OP but this is just how it is, it’s only this intense for a really short amount of time. It will very soon get easier.

Soon baby will get better at understanding day and night, give them lots of daylight in the day and keep it as dark as you can for the night feeds. Can your partner take her for a walk outside in the day whilst you get some rest?

They’re feeding like this to increase your supply, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it, they’re just putting in their order for the next day. Babies change and grow so much at that age their milk needs change so often too!

You/baby will learn how to feed and co sleep (if you want) so you can atleast get some more rest.

Honestly I don’t think me or DH even remember the first month of life with a newborn we were in such a sleep deprived daze but it’s fantastic that you’re little ones back at birth weight. This time will pass, babys mouth will get bigger, your supply will get into a rhythm and she’ll get more efficient at feeding.

I really wouldn’t supplement with formula at this stage, baby is building up your supply that’s not something to mess with. You’ve done so well to get this far and your so close to it getting easier, just taken each day as it comes.

Oh, you're doing so well, definitely not failing. The first month is so tough. I haven't properly left the house with my first until he was 5 weeks and also thought everyone is doing better than me. Trust me, all first time parents struggle with things. Take a break from Instagram if it makes you feel worse.

Having said that do reach out to your midwife, GP, health visitor or anyone you trust. Tell them how you feel. They will help you. I needed to reach out and it made a big difference.

A sling is a great idea. It'll give you a break from feeding.

As for FF I had to top up a bit due to weight loss, but then stopped. If you're going to introduce a bottle, make sure you pace feed.

Just to repeat, you're doing great, your baby is the luckiest in the world to have you. And whatever you decide regarding feeding or anything, you're doing it with love, so it'll all be fine.

Amazing that your baby is already back to their birth weight! You're doing so well!
You're a team learning together and it'll take a little time.

@Anniiee24 sorry I disappeared. No baby didn't forget the latch, however, it was more important to me that they breastfed/had breast milk than how they got that milk.

So if baby had forgotten the latch and we had to switch to bottles of breast milk that would have been ok with me.

After the failure to breastfeed with my first, I just really wanted them on breast milk and not formula for at least first 12 weeks.

Obviously everyone's parameters/ priorities are different x

@Anniiee24 hmm, to be honest my husband has always been in charge of formula so I am no expert, but I think it was 4oz in the beginning although I’m not sure she always drank all of it. I think the formula says on it how much per bottle for their age and size, so he will just have followed that.
Dont feel stupid! No one starts out knowing how to make up formula (and I still don’t know!), but if you have someone around to do this bottle feed for you, I’d let them figure that out so you can get some rest.
I hope you’re having a better day today.

@QueenFree thank you, might have to use a dummy as a last resort if no better

@Perfect28 she doesn't get consoled by DH, he tries everything - taking her out, holding her close, skin to skin. She just wants milk!

@Namechange192727171 yes have tried feeding ever 2 hours in the day - makes zero difference.

@Emilia35 yes, deffo 5 hours and have been told by multiple midwives and people on Mumsnet that it's normal. I would try the expressing but my broken nipples make it impossible, it's hard enough to just feed her.
Thank you, I hope they improve soon too

@OrangesAndLemming can't wait to do this! Hopefully works. Also my sling can't come quick enough!!!

@PinkPlantCase she is erratic when away from the boob so the walk will just not cut it. Thank you for your kind message, really wants me to keep going! I think day by day is good, just difficult when nothing seems to be getting better :(

@DreamHomeCatcher that makes me feel so much better, 5 weeks sounds the most realistic. I need to take the break but then have nothing to do when she's stuck to me the whole day lol. Thank you, will look into pace feeding if needed

@Bigparrot/@lavenderdilly thank you!

@PepeParapluie exactly same day, just different date. Thank you

Thanks all xxxx

Hi all

I have expressed milk to give my boobs/nipples a break as it's less painful than her latching

Is this ok to do? I still want to stick to BF hence why expressed.

Has anyone done this? I am hoping it gives me a break but also allows me body to keep producing for my baby

How often should I express?