A bit worried about going into labour with no one around to have toddler!

[Icecolddrink]

Has anyone else got this worry?

The plan is to have an elective section, but I’m 36 + 1 and hopefully nothing will happen for a while but I have been having signs - constant pooing (sorry) backache and a heavy sort of feeling right down in my bump, which frequently goes rock hard. I wouldn’t be surprised if something happened before my section.

DH works at least an hour and a half away, more in peak traffic. However he does often WFH. Sometimes it’s hard getting him into the office but lately he is going in more and around the country too. I’m getting a bit concerned my waters might break on a day my toddler isn’t in nursery. How much time is there generally in peoples experience? Toddler was EMCS after failed induction so this is all new to me.

I had several friends say ‘ring me any time, day or night’ (also had DM and DMIL staying a week on rotation from 39 weeks). If I had a friend in your position I would happily be thrown a toddler (preferably with a packed bag for overnight if it came to it!). I’d do it now if I were WFH…it’s an emergency in my book and my boss wouldn’t blink!

I do have mum friends round here but most are at work during the day - night isn’t as much of a problem. Tomorrow for instance, DH is about two hours away and I’d be really stuck if something happened. I know it probably won’t, it’s still early, it is just the ‘if’ element of it.

Ok here would be my options:-

1. Dh arranges with work that he will WFH exclusively from next week.
2. Ds goes into ft nursery from next week (costly option but hopefully for no more than a month), if they have space
3. You ring round and get some friends or family arranged on call to come sit with ds for the 90mins it takes dh to get home, and in the meantime, taxi to hospital.

I have booked DS into nursery for five days for weeks 38/39 and 39/40. Although there is still a grey space between 430 and 730 so fingers (legs!) crossed nothing happens then!

We don’t have anyone who could sit with DS realistically. I do have NCT friends but they are at work and it just wouldn’t work. I know I can’t be the only one with this issue - guess it’s largely going to be hoping nothing happens. And if it does that the baby waits until DH gets home.

Who is going to watch your DS while your in labour? I have similar problem but I'm only 5 weeks pregnant. So haven't thought about it yet?

@summerfinnthat’s really what I’m asking

If things go to plan and I have an elective section, that will be at or around 39 weeks and DS will be in nursery. I was induced last time and I didn’t really think I’d have the baby early, but there are signs he or she may not wait around!

I don’t mind having the section alone if I have to but I can’t just leave DS - or take him with me

Do you know your neighbours, any not working?. Most decent people would help you out if you were stuck, I certainly have a couple of times, not labour but mum still in court (solicitor) and dad needs to go to work.

I gave birth without dh as it happened at 3am and we had no one to take ds at that time.... dh arrived 3 hours after he was born.
It was fine....to be honest I preferred it!!!

Awkwardly, we don’t have any - our house is on its own.

I’ve done a count and I have tomorrow alone with DS. Then Tuesday and Thursday for the next two weeks, then DS goes into nursery. So five days where I just have to hope nothing happens. I’m wondering how much time I might have if something did?

I don’t mind giving birth without him, just I can’t really leave DS.

You need a local nanny or someone to be on call. Search online.

If it helps at all, I've had the exact same symptoms as you since week 36. Really hoped it would lead to spontaneous labour between 37 and 40 weeks, but 40+2 today!

Thanks @sleepymama3 i suspect this probably will be the case, which is why I don’t want to do anything too extreme like have a back up nanny we probably won’t use!

Do any of the staff at the nursery offer babysitting? One of our local nurseries is happy for staff to do ad hoc care, including eg “collecting” from nursery. Depends on your nursery, obviously.

Problem is that they’d be at work during the day … I do wish DH wasn’t choosing now to gallivant around. It’s unlikely I know, it’s just the ‘what if’ aspect of it.

NCT friends are often on similar cycles with 2nd kids all arriving around the same time.
Have you asked if anyone could support in an emergency and you would do the same in turn?

It's not just labour - what will you do if a child needs medical treatment etc. it's worth having emergency arrangements in place. Sitter.com had options for suitable people

My MiL lives 70 miles away and made it down in 1-1.5 hours. I'd be surprised if your DH can get there faster ? Surely he doesn't do a 4 hour round trip commute daily? He'd be going straight to the hospital in any case if you are there with your toddler.

I'm pretty sure the hospital will sort something out

Just worry about getting there and giving birth and the rest will sort itself out

If he's able to work from home , and he's choosing to travel now , tell him he needs to wfh til the baby comes.

Obviously take toddler to hospital with you if need be and don't stress about it it'll work out

Like what ? They won't. We had a mum turn up to AE with two children and we called social services, I'm sure OP wouldn't want that.

Yeah I don’t think having a section with a two year old in the room would work

I am actually the only one from my NCT group having a second, for a variety of reasons. I’m sure it will be OK.

If he is actually choosing to put you and him in this situation, rather than work forcing him, then you and he have a big conversation needed.

My friend had this (partner in the army and no one around as new to the area). Social services had to take DS until she was discharged from hospital. It's an absolute worse case scenario though. If you have any mum friends at all I would ask them.

I don’t think he is @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz . It’s a hard one between being sensible and practical and being silly and planning for things that won’t happen.

I’m not suggesting we need to get SS involved or anything like that. The worst case scenario is my waters break when DH is around two hours away, I will just have to hope the baby holds on for that length of time. It isn’t likely, I know that.