A bit worried about going into labour with no one around to have toddler!

[Icecolddrink]

Has anyone else got this worry?

The plan is to have an elective section, but I’m 36 + 1 and hopefully nothing will happen for a while but I have been having signs - constant pooing (sorry) backache and a heavy sort of feeling right down in my bump, which frequently goes rock hard. I wouldn’t be surprised if something happened before my section.

DH works at least an hour and a half away, more in peak traffic. However he does often WFH. Sometimes it’s hard getting him into the office but lately he is going in more and around the country too. I’m getting a bit concerned my waters might break on a day my toddler isn’t in nursery. How much time is there generally in peoples experience? Toddler was EMCS after failed induction so this is all new to me.

Sorry op , misread the dh may not even be around. Good luck!

Could you ask the Nursery if they have any local staff you could have on call to come sit with ds if you go into labour after nursery finishes but before dh is home?

You’d just have to take your toddler with you to hospital and get your DH to meet you there. Chances are that there will be time; births sometimes are that quick but generally not from the first tightenings to baby arriving in under two hours.

This happened to me. My home birth midwives actually said it's incredibly common for labour to stall unless childcare for toddler is in place (or if you have a reliably good sleeper and therefore won't stress about waking up).

Unfortunately I ended up having to go in after a very slow latent phase at home because childcare didn't arrive for several hours after I needed to get in the zone. As soon as I got to hospital (knowing toddler was cared for) baby arrived within the hour. I had a list of five people for my husband to call, and it was unanticipated number six who came to my rescue!

Thanks - it’s good to know it generally isn’t that fast. I really want to avoid another failed labour and emergency section so hoping it something does happen early it will mean I can still go down the elective section route.

Even if you had a fast labour there will likely be enough time for your dh to get back. It's not like in the movies where waters break and full blown labour begins. With my second I had steady contractions from about 2pm till 4pm. Between 4 and 7 they became much more consuming and we got to the hospital as I went into the final stages of labour the pushing bit. I'd had lots of strong braxton hicks before this and in fact a false labour the night before. I think you'll have time for dh to get back.

I think if you rang round your friends one of them might be willing to leave work for an hour or two til your has and can get there, but really you should ask him not to travel for the next few weeks. Or could a grandparent come and stay for a bit?

Your waters might not break before labour, most people’s don’t. More likely you’d start having mild contractions and your husband would have hours to get to you before you needed to go in.

Thanks @WonderingWanda - that’s really good to know!

@Astromelia unfortunately I don’t think they could. Lots of teachers

Interesting what you said about labour stalling@Flittingaboutagain . We were waiting for my Mum to arrive, it was night and she'd been ages, 2 hr drive normally but in thick fog so longer we were just getting worried and my labour just stopped. Started up again later that day.

It's not like in the movies where waters break and full blown labour begins.

^ that's what happened with my first. My waters broke like out of the movies. Baby arrived within an hour and twenty minutes.

If you were concerned you were in labour with no childcare, you would have to get a taxi with your DS to hospital and get DH to meet you there. The staff will have encountered it before, if there is literally noone else who can take him. I work in obstetric theatres and we've had this happen before on delivery suite. One of our support workers or ward clerks would sit with him until someone arrived. Obviously not ideal but they won't turn a labouring woman away because there is a child with them. It is unlikely that things will happen as quickly as first contraction or waters breaking to baby being born in under 2 hours anyway.
I also had the same symptoms you describe with my second from 34 weeks and gave birth at 41+2 😯😯

Just on the off chance that you are also a teacher, rather than someone with lots of teacher friends, one of my colleagues/friends was in the same sort of situation and work agreed to release me to go and support her if necessary. I think because she was one of “theirs”, the head felt a moral obligation to help if possible.

I was in this situation and had same worrires, most labours give you enough warning for people to get to you.
My second labour was very quick- less than 3 hours in middle of night and we had to take toddler DD with us to hospital , she was in room when DS was born, it was actually surpisingly ok, she has no memory of it at all. Whatever happens it will be ok.

Just make sure you have a back-up for elective day as it might not happen at the time you've been given. My elective got pushed right to the end of the day, so I didn't go into theatre till 4.30pm. DD1 was at nursery but her grandparents had driven 3 hours the night before to be there to collect her. I'd hope DH would have made it home in time to give her dinner but we were still in the recovery room at dinner time!

You may also need someone for the morning of your elective c section as your normally asked to go into hospital around 7am which is before nurseries open. (I was)

I also went into labour the night before my elective date. 2.5 hour labour from first twinge to baby being born by c section so I would defo try and get some other childcare sorted x

Unless you're prone to really fast labours, you'll probably have a lot more than 2 hours even if your waters break. They also only break first in about 10% of labours. For context DS2's waters broke first at 10:30am, he was born just before 3am the next morning.

I know you say noone can help you but have you actually asked anyone? This is what friends are for. You just need to ask around everyone you know, including the nursery workers etc if anyone can be on call for a couple of hours. It's highly likely you won't need it anyway.

If your husband won't help and you won't ask anyone else then not really sure what else you want people to suggest. Just turn up at hospital?

It's important to build a support network when you have kids for emergency situations which are a possibility at any time. It's also useful to create a little babysitting circle too if you can, obviously all this means you have to give your time back but that's sort of how life works I guess.

I don’t mind being in hospital without DH, it’s DS care that is the priority really. It would be nice if DH could be there but if he can’t he can’t, whereas we do need someone to care for DS!

@Plutonium7000 we do have friends but just not anyone who would be able to take over at a moments notice. I just don’t think that’s hugely realistic unless you have family fairly close or if you are friends with a lot of SAHMS or people who have very flexible jobs.

I know it is tricky and stressful, that post came across as harsh and I didn't meant it to. It's more that people are often willing to make exceptions to help in this kind of situation. I have the kind of job I can't just leave in the middle of the day but I know if I had a friend who needed this favour, I could clear it with my manager to make sure I could assist. It's just worth asking, that's all, you might be surprised.
It will all be OK!

Hi OP, sorry if it's already been said but are you sure nursery couldn't take him for an extra few hours in an emergency?

Get your DH to work from home or get a solid plan ie pay someone local to be on standby. My first was a Thursday to Monday labpur, 5 full days, my seconds head was coming out as i waddled into the hospital (at 34 weeks) after approx 45mins of contractions, no waters broken.

Even if you aren't religious I am sure there are people connected to local church who would help.
Maybe ' Granny' age people like me.
If you ask now you might get a nice relationship with someone local.

When I was waiting for a blood test at the MAU there was a huge commotion and a lady was wheeled in in VERY active labour. Behind her was a midwife pushing her toddler in a pushchair! She gave birth pretty much instantly. It was quite something! Within half an hour dad was sprinting down the corridor! I think based on this if you go into labour and go to the hospital with DS they will just deal with it. Stuff happens, I’m sure it won’t be the first time someone has rocked up with a toddler. I know this is in no way ideal and if you can have back up plans I absolutely would but if it comes to it you’ll just have to take DS and I’m sure they will spring into action until DH can get there.

Same! I read so much "it doesn't happen like that" and then my waters went in the middle of a party, just as we'd got our food from the buffet and were about to sit down. Luckily the party was only 5 minutes from home as contractions were strong and regular almost immediately. DD was born 5 hours later.

OP I think it's unlikely you'd labour so quickly. Second births are normally quicker but it's unlikely to be quite so quick given you had an EMCS with your first. I had this same stress with my second and it ended up that my BIL, who worked from home, stayed with us when I was due. My alternative was our neighbour who would have driven me to hospital if it was night time or watched DD if it was daytime. You must have people living near you? Even if they are not right on your doorstep?