I gave birth yesterday.... traumatised (trigger warning)

[snickersicecreampls]

And I had my completely natural child birth (2nd time mum) that I wanted.

But I feel utterly traumatised and I have cried all day today.

I feel so guilty, like I should be on top of the world like I was after #1.

But the pain, the memory of it all, I feel like I have PTSD. I was totally out of control. It was very fast and totally unmedicated.

I just can't stop crying.

Has anyone experienced this, and did it ease with time?

My 4th was like this. People always think ah you’re so lucky having a quick birth, but honestly the 50hr labour was much nicer than the 3.5hr one (if nothing else I got all the drugs first time around, too late for anything with the last). Plus I had a panic attack during the labour, it was all very messy and undignified.
yes the trauma does go down, I don’t feel horror when I think back to it, but I also still say, I never want to go through that again and it is part of the reason I made dh have a vasectomy shortly after. I mean 4 dc is enough anyway

Oh @snickersicecreampls I’m sorry you’ve had such a terrible ordeal. I had a third degree tear and was so traumatised by the experience too.

My advice?

Ask for a birth debrief in a few weeks if the hospital offer that service.

Make sure you have lots of support while you rest and heal. Ask if your hospital provide any sort of follow up for women who have had bad tears - sometimes it’s a women’s health physio, sometimes it’s a gynaecologist checking how you’ve healed, hopefully both.

If your mental health is bad, ask for help and don’t be afraid of taking antidepressants to get you through.

Things do get better.

Some practical things to think about is getting something to keep your hands busy like a fidget toy…
make sure your bowels are working if not take laxido..
plenty of sweet tea and make sure you are eating regularly.
Last tip is really odd but do you know anyone who is slightly fat to give you a cuddle? I’m on the chunky side and my friend who is suffering with PND likes a cuddle from me!!

It's normal OP, you could tell your team and stuff if you like but just keep an eye on your mood for a couple of weeks and see how it goes. It sounds like you've effectively gone from 0-60, non mum to mum really quickly and it's a psychological shock to the system as well as being physically beaten up and exhausted. Make sure you eat plenty and stuff to help you recover, try and sleep as much as you can etc. X

Yes I have been there too. Hooked up on a machine that was suppose to recognise contractions but because the contraction was constant it didn’t register. Midwives telling me that I would know when I was in labour even though I was telling them. In the end I stood at the midwife desk and told them if they did take me to the delivery suite check how dilated I was (they had at 23:30 pains started midnight this was 1:15am) I was going to stand there and shout). They took me down rang DH and told him not to rush. When I got there I was 6cm. 15 mins later I started feeling the urge to push I was again told not too they checked and yes I was 10cm. Then basically it all kicked off as DS was in trouble as the constant contraction caused him distress and heart rate to drop. Everyone rushed in legs shoved in stirrups and DS was born by ventouse leaving me with a nasty internal rip and a blood loss that was borderline for a transfusion. DH turned up just as DS was born.

he will be 11 in October and it has eased a lot. Fast births I think are not taught enough and how they present and dealt with

Yes same here. Many years later I realised the first year of dc2 was a blur because I had done kind of pnd. I can still get upset about it. I wish I had realised the impact it had on me sooner and got help. Particularly got a debrief on my birth. Lots of similarities with PPs. Not believed how far gone I was, sent home and had to come almost straight back and in such a hurry there was no time for any meds. Empty gas canister in room. It was awful. Well done for speaking up now x

I can completely identify OP I had vivid flashbacks. It did improve quickly, hope it does for you too

Sounds like you're in shock my love.
Congrats on your new little one.

My first was like this. I haemorrhaged too. But I was on a high for a while then huge crash on day three.

My second time was the same only I was expecting it. No one would listen or help me make a sensible birth plan, so I made sure I got into hospital - it turned out, inevitably, to be rather chaotic. That was twins, so they were whisked off to SCBU which has its own rollercoaster

So in theory, I had 2 easy births but never got to hold any of them afterwards.

It is all very up and down, but it did get better. Make things as easy for yourself as you can x

A friend had a quick birth, c. 40 mins after arriving at the hospital. She described feeling a bit similar to you. Overwhelmed by the experience, and struggling initially to bond with her baby as she said it was like… like she didn’t properly feel like she had given birth, so how was the baby in the room hers? BUT it did fade, no thanks to her DH who thought it was hilarious how fast it was. She and her DS have the most amazing bond. I don’t know what helped her move on, but she did, and I very much hope you do too x

I'm sorry you feel like this @snickersicecreampls

Both of my births were quick DS1 was 6 hours and very painful ending in a ventouse and DS2 was 2 hours with a kiwi ventouse.

All I have known is contraction upon contraction with no time in between so can't compare to a 'normal' birth.

I'm sorry you feel down, give yourself time and I'm sure you will make sense of it

I sympathise with you OP. My first was a natural birth painful but bearable and the rush of happiness I had when she was born made me desperate for another.

Then with my second I had to be induced 3weeks early with the hormone drip. The lain was unbearable I had no pain relief as midwives didn't believe it was that bad. I went from 3cm to birth in 24 minutes. The pain was excruciating and I totally lost control and screamed my head off which is very unlike me, I don't like to make any fuss. It didn't help that people said how lucky I was that it was do quick but I wasn't lucky at all. The midwife who visited me at home didnt believe it was only 24 minutes until she looked at the discharge letter. My body and mind were in total shock. I had to remind myself that me and my son were both fine and safe. Don't let people dismiss your feelings OP and if you do find yourself still feeling traumatized please talk to someone. I went on medication for PND and it did help.

I'm a midwife, also FTM. I had pre eclampsia and was begging anyone who would listen to deliver my baby at 35 weeks because I was so unwell. I made it to 37+1 and had my waters broken. From breaking my waters to baby out was just over 4 hours. No time for pain relief and went from contracting 4:10 to 7:10. All I had time to do in between contractions was scream 'IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS'. My poor mum was with me for the labour and she felt helpless, and said it was like watching me being tortured. My husband on the other hand, a stoic military man, has managed to either block most of it out or genuinely doesn't remember. There was no time for any pain relief that would actually do any good, and there was no way I could steady my breathing enough to take entonox as I was contracting so quickly. I was in complete shock after, my body temp dropped so low I couldn't maintain either my own or baby's so had to stop skin to skin, they had to extend my episiotomy three times so hearing that being said and knowing exactly what they were going to do was horrible. I then had a PPH which I had an irrational (but actually maybe entirely rational!) fear that I was going to die of a PPH the whole way through my pregnancy.

I had a debrief with another senior midwife (I had my baby at a different trust from the one I work at) and that, and time, really helped. I'm now not bothered by any flashbacks, and can look back at the birth with a 'okay, that was grim, but we're okay' sort of lens. Just for context baby is 10mo now.

I highly recommend a debrief appointment, and time. If neither of these help then please get back in contact with the service to see what support they offer.

Congratulations OP .Give it a few days and you will be recovered from the birth and enjoying your beautiful baby ..remember that hormones can be so powerful! 💐

Oh gosh, you have triggered my memories of child 5... horrific birth. Fast and no pain relief. Midwife not believing my pain or needs. Suction cap birth with a Midwife having a foot on the bed for leverage. Blood loss etc etc. Then shoved in a wheelchair and told to hold baby. I was looking at her and letting her slide off me. Husband caught her. I said to take her away. I am still traumatised 7 years on.

Forgot to mention. Labour and birth was 45 minutes or shear hell

I think this is totally understandable OP and I had the same thing. It is brutal. It does fade though and I look back on my second birth quite fondly now.

There’s a very good charity called Pandas if you need to chat it through - there is always someone you can talk to.

And sit in a shallow bath twice a day for your stitches. It really helps.

So sorry OP. Make sure you get a debrief when you feel ready.

I was utterly traumatised after the birth of my DD, it was utterly hell, 4 days of labour where I got no sleep and then a full day of active labour, she got stuck, ended up in theatre, episiotomy, forceps and a 2nd degree tear which I’m still in pain with 2 years later, ended up with some nerve damage too. Makes me sad for myself when I think about it, I was so positive and was so ready to meet her, pregnancy had been hell for me so I was almost excited for her birth and that moment is kind of tainted, I couldn’t even hold her till the day after 😔

I found the early days really hard as I was in so much pain and it was so relentless, now I try not to think about it which is a lot easier since she’s now a cheeky little 2 year old who keeps me busy.

Be kind to yourself, everybody’s postpartum recovery journey is different.

I’ve had fast births with 4 babies and it didn’t get any easier, I liken it to your body has to catch up it’s like you’re in total shock. My first birth was 4h 20 mins from waters going to baby including going into hospital being examined being turned away starting contracting at home it hurting like hell, going back in, told you’re 1cm but making too much noise. MWs did not believe I was in labour and that as it was a first baby I could have at least 12 hours of this. They told me I could lie there with the gas and air as I couldn’t be admitted to a ward as I’d wake everyone up. I was having no gap in contractions, I was screaming the place down, begging DH for it to stop, I was an utter mess.

It was only when I started making pushing noises did they rush into the room and find me 10cms dilated (in under an hour). They did apologise afterwards though. DD1 came out with her hand by her head and I tore quite badly. After it all I remember just sitting on the bed crying I felt shell-shocked kept looking at her like is she really mine?

The good news is with the next 2 I had home births and got to know my MWs beforehand they knew about my fears and my previous fast birth they were prepared for it. DD3 was 45 mins the MW hadn’t even got her gloves on DH caught her head.

OP please take it easy on yourself, everyone will be telling you how lucky you are a fast natural birth, but I think your body needs time to catch up. It’s had the shock of its life, your hormones will still be kicking in. You need rest and looking after.

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your little one. Hormones will be playing over time atm. The physical stuff will heal. Eventually, the memory of the birth you fade. Mine was the other way round first was worse than my second. Talk to midwife . Concentrate on you and your babies 👶 for the next few days. Don't worry about your DH. Just say its hormones, and he should say nothing if he has nothing positive to say for the moment. Tell him to bear with you for the short term you will return. Then look at your little bundle 💕 well done, clever, you 👏 congratulations ❤️

OP i felt this way with my first. Birth was traumatic even though it had very minimal complications. I did have a 2nd degree teat though and Baby got stuck at the crowning position which felt like forever when it was more like 30 mins. Convinced I was going to die from the pain. Had flashbacks for weeks and the feelings definitely peaked around day 3 when my milk came in.

It does fade though. Go easy on yourself. I found quiet morning baths in epsom salt a good way on calming myself / processing the emotions. Xx

@snickersicecreampls congratulations! And sorry you’re feeling like this sounds awful.

just jumping on to say I had a product called spritz your bits that was so soothing after I gave birth (even better if kept in the fridge) and also helps stop any infection if you can get your hands on some.

good luck I hope you’re feeling better soon

giving birth can be horrendous and there is so much pressure on how it looks afterwards on social media.

I was hobbling round carrying a bag of my wee to go and see DD. I had the opposite- 52 hours of labour and waiting and hoping we would both be ok. DD was in special care for a while.

I learned that you have to take it hour by hour, ask for help and just give yourself whatever time and space you need.

take care of yourself xxx

Thank you everyone for the amazing solidarity and advice.

I'm feeling much calmer and happier now.

Hormones are WILD!

Your hormones will be all over the place at the moment. Perhaps try and have a chat about it to midwives or even close friend/relative. Most maternity services have a birth afterthoughts service so might help talking to them too