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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

I gave birth yesterday.... traumatised (trigger warning)

57 replies

snickersicecreampls · 18/06/2023 21:41

And I had my completely natural child birth (2nd time mum) that I wanted.

But I feel utterly traumatised and I have cried all day today.

I feel so guilty, like I should be on top of the world like I was after #1.

But the pain, the memory of it all, I feel like I have PTSD. I was totally out of control. It was very fast and totally unmedicated.

I just can't stop crying.

Has anyone experienced this, and did it ease with time?

OP posts:
Original poster
snickersicecreampls · 18/06/2023 21:42

Should add I have a terrible tear and stitches which probably isn't helping!

OP posts:
continentallentil · 18/06/2023 21:44

It’s totally normal OP, you hormones will be flying all over the shop - it’s not you it’s them.

Please tell people how you feel and keep telling them. Pull in any help you can. It may and often does resolve itself quickly but it can turn into pnd so watch out for that.

Congratulations and I hope you feel better soon.

Astromelia · 18/06/2023 21:45

Oh God I had almost forgotten but my second was like this! First was objectively more traumatic, second really fast, one contraction on top of another, it felt like being on a rollercoaster and aI couldn’t get off. I was scared, and barely had time to ask any questions or anything as had about 3 seconds between contractions.

It got better for me, I look back on it now as a good birth, though I did notice the baby blues stretched out longer than I expected - 4 weeks that time, I was worried I was getting depressed.

If it isn’t getting better then please do talk to your midwife, they offer services to help with these things. There’s nothing wrong with getting help after a bad experience, and it would be much better to do it early rather than continue to suffer

Sunnydaysareuponus · 18/06/2023 21:45

I went from fast asleep at 10.30pm to holding a ds at 12. 30 am. Traumatised bladder needing a catheter for a year. Shocker. And then that ds was in /out of hospital for 10 months! Prob a bit of trauma still there and he is 22 soon!
Have you talked it over with your mw op?

fuckmyuteruslining · 18/06/2023 21:46

A fast birth is very hard to bear. Your body didn't have time to summon resources to cope. It's brutal. Talk to your midwife about how you feel, it's absolutely ok to feel overwhelmed.

Original poster
snickersicecreampls · 18/06/2023 21:46

Thanks @continentallentil

I was lucky enough to experience no upset after my first birth - I was just so happy! Wasn't expecting this and I think my family are all a bit shocked - my Dh doesn't know what to do with me.

I just want to feel happy - I am happy of course - but I don't look it and the trauma is taking over!

OP posts:
KarmaIsMyBF · 18/06/2023 21:46

Oh gosh I'm so sorry you had a terrible experience, it's not easy bringing life into the world.

I mean this very gently but you only gave birth yesterday. Your hormones are everywhere, the baby blues is in full swing and everything's a bit topsy turvey.

Give it a couple of weeks and if you still feel the same then please speak to your HV and/or GP and they'll be able to help and offer some support.

For the tears and stitches my friend used witch hazel when she went for a wee and wore frozen sanitary towels - worked a treat apparently.

Congratulations on your little one and I hope it gets better for you soon Flowers

Cheetahmum · 18/06/2023 21:47

For about the first 24-48 hours after my first, which was a quick, unmedicated labour, I felt like this. Every time I fell asleep I woke up feeling the trauma of birth. It was accompanied by the elation of having a baby though. It was just momentary shock in remembering what had happened. It faded fairly quickly though.

OopsItsAPony · 18/06/2023 21:47

Yes, been there. Very fast, I felt so out of control, so much pain and the midwife didn’t believe I was even properly in labour. No pain relief at all, ignorant midwife then tried to stitch me up with no pain relief as she ‘forgot’ I hadn’t had an epidural.

It took me a while to get over it, and thinking about it freaks me out even now and my son is 16! However, it faded and I chose to have more kids. You’ll be okay. It’s all just rather shocking and traumatic and takes a while to fade.

GoodChat · 18/06/2023 21:49

I think when you cope so well with your first you kind of dont worry about your second, then during and after you're like what kind of hell on earth was that?! In comparison to the fear in the build up and relief afterwards you get the first time around.

Original poster
snickersicecreampls · 18/06/2023 21:50

In floods of tears reading these.

There is comfort in just knowing people understand.

My DH is also shell shocked and keeps saying so which isn't helping. We are all just numb.

My beautiful DS was earlier than expected too... I just feel like I can't believe he's here.

OP posts:
Suckingalemon · 18/06/2023 21:55

Yes!!! 2nd baby born very quickly (under half an hour)

No time for pain relief, midwife left the room and missed his head being born, I felt the whole thing was out of control and that I had been ridiculed for making a fuss when actually they hadn't listened to me when I knew my baby was coming.

I felt terrible. And then I felt terrible for feeling terrible because ultimately both of us were fine.

I spoke to a sympathetic Community midwife a few weeks later who was very supportive.
It did get better with time. You can ask for a birth debrief even years later if you aren't able to get past it.

Crustsamongus · 18/06/2023 21:55

OP, you don't need to justify feeling traumatised, if you do, you do.

I had an ELCS due to breech with my first and he was then back and forth to hospital for the first two weeks. In retrospect, there was nothing seriously wrong but the experience did a right number on me. I would definitely say I was mildly traumatised but felt completely weird about it as on paper an ELCS is as non-traumatic as birth can be. My second also needed SCBU and was objectively speaking much more ill, but it was all much more predictable and I have zero trauma from that🤷🏼‍♀️ (Don't get me started on having a baby in lockdown though, fucking hell...)

Please, please, please keep talking to people. Your GP, the HV, the midwife, anyone who will listen. IME there will never be another time where psychological support is as easily accessible as postnatally. Please don't wait to see if it'll get better, no one will mind if in two weeks you feel fine and don't need support, but at least this way you've started the ball rolling.

crazyBadger · 18/06/2023 21:56

It does fade.. with DD I locked myself in the loo they broke the lock dragged me across the corridor with my trousers round my ankles and DD was born on the bed (just about) was a complete total shock... Didn't feel like me again for a few days.

Take it very slowly and get all the help you can, and congratulations xx

PatChaunceysFruitCake · 18/06/2023 21:56

It's shock @snickersicecreampls, fast births can do this. Especially where there has been no break between contractions.

My second was born in 50 minutes start to finish. I look back on it as a nice birth but I remember feeling overwhelmed by the strength of my contraction(s). Really it was just one constant contraction.

My sister was the same, her second was delivered by her husband in the bathroom. She'd had an epidural with baby one and wanted exactly the same with number two. She was in a similar state of shock to you and had found the pain unbearable and had been terrified throughout with the hospital shouting instructions down the phone.

Try and look forward, the memory of the pain will fade. It's all so recent for you at the moment.

Be kind to yourself OP x

mintbiscuit · 18/06/2023 22:02

Been there with DC2 who was a HB. Midwife got there as I was birthing.

as others say, it fades. It took me about a week to get over shock.

roarfeckingroarr · 18/06/2023 22:09

I felt like this after my very quick second labour. I didn't know what to do with DD and just felt so out of control and traumatised, even though it was "good" birth with no injuries.

The way you feel is quite normal OP, which is not to undermine how tough your experience has been. Try to be very gentle with yourself.

WaterIris · 18/06/2023 22:11

My sister had a nasty tear after her first. I remember her asking me to put some sanitary towels in the freezer for her - apparently it was good for the swelling and pain?

Barleysugar86 · 18/06/2023 22:12

I too felt in shock after my second. It was bad for a day or so then faded almost completely. In my case a failed epidural meant giving birth with no pain relief just gas and air. It wasn't what I wanted or expected so I felt a bit panic-ed through the whole thing.
I found talking about it with friends and family helped to process it.

Emelene · 18/06/2023 22:13

You gave birth yesterday. Be kind to yourself, it’s a shock and keep talking to the professionals and family. Sending you and your family lots of love x

autieawesome · 18/06/2023 22:14

Yes first one took hours, I was slow to dilate. Second one, by the time we drove to the hospital I was 10cm! She was born 20 min later. No pain relief, she was 9 days late, an weighed 9lb I had a nasty tear. It is overwhelming when it happens like that. Hope you feel better soon op.

Itsadogone · 18/06/2023 22:14

Congratulations on baby, sending a hug, hope you’re physically doing okay. Sorry you’ve had such a traumatic time 😔 I had a section so no advice there but do just remember how much your hormones will be adding to every feeling right now. Think how much better this will all feel in a year’s time when you’re looking back, physically healed from it. In the meantime as others have said talk about it as much as you can, it’s perfectly normal to feel this way. My friend had a similar experience and said she just sat on the bed absolutely trembling the following day, she didn’t know what to do with the baby and just didn’t feel like she could do anything when she was so in shock from it all. You’re definitely not alone (sadly) 😔 hope your physical recovery goes well and you’re able to get to speak to someone when the time is right about what happened

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 18/06/2023 22:15

Sending so much solidarity and support OP. My first birth was on paper more traumatic, however my second was as you describe, very quick and overwhelming and I felt like I completely lost control of my body. Waters broke fully clothed stood next to the bed, then very strong contractions and pushing. I screamed through the pain SO loudly, no pain relief, I can remember so vividly the moment she was crowning, felt like my whole body was being pushed apart. Had a big bleed afterwards, crash team in, lots of people, whole body shaking and in shock, drips etc. I have had to come to terms with the fact I didn’t (and won’t) have my special moment post-birth holding my newborn that I was so desperate for after a terrible first birth (ended in Episiotomy, Ventouse, Epidural). It will get better, you will recover from this and it will become part of your new baby journey. Please do talk about it as much as you want to and you will find so many women that have had similar experiences and will support you. Xxx

cloudydays2 · 18/06/2023 22:16

Please keep talking about your feelings with your family, tell the health visitor how you feel. I’m so sorry this happened to you, I had a traumatic time in the ward after birth and if ultimately gave me pnd because I swept it under the carpet! Be easy on yourself and relax as much as you can m, just remember your hormones are at an all time high at the moment 💕

3luckystars · 18/06/2023 22:16

You are in shock. Take your time, every day you will heal a bit more and do ask for help. Every birth and baby is so different. Congratulations.