Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Giving birth alone

36 replies

Cm2023 · 20/03/2023 12:45

Has anyone gave birth alone? If so how was it? My mum and my sister insinuated they were coming in with me when I give birth but I've had mixed emotions about it. I broke up with my child's father before I found out I was pregnant. My emotions have been all over the place when it comes to who's coming in. I feel like I will get frustrated with whoever is in with me and I'm picturing myself not telling anyone and going to the hospital on my own when the time comes. I really don't know what to do. I'm due to give birth in 8 weeks. Can I hear other people experience in doing it alone?

OP posts:

Lovelyveg82 · 20/03/2023 12:48

I’m guessing you aren’t close to your mother and sister?

any really close friends?

MrsAvocet · 20/03/2023 12:54

I had my 3rd child alone, but for different reasons. (No childcare for the others basically). I rather enjoyed it as I didn't have anyone else to think about and yes, DH did get on my nerves a bit in previous births.
But...I had done it before so knew what to expect to some degree (though of course every birth is different) and it was quick. I think I would have found not having anyone with me at all in my first labour less appealing because it went on for so long. I didn't really need "support" but I think I would have been bored, especially after I'd had an epidural and was basically nothing happened for hours. The labour when I was alone was short but intense and I was fully absorbed in it, if that makes sense? But I did appreciate company in my long drawn out first labour, though DH did go home on and off so I got some peace too.

Hazelnuttella · 20/03/2023 12:54

I haven’t given birth alone, but from my experience of giving birth I would say only ask your mum and/or sister to be there if you are completely comfortable around them and trust them to cope with anything you throw at them.

You don’t want to be distracted by managing other people’s feelings/drama/emotions, so it depends on your relationship with them.

Also your midwife will be there the whole time to support you.

NameChange30 · 20/03/2023 13:00

"your midwife will be there the whole time to support you."

I think this is unlikely, unfortunately, given the current crisis in maternity care. Perhaps midwives will make a special effort to spend as much time as they can with a first time mum without a birth partner, but realistically they probably can't be there the whole time. The only exception would be if you had a home birth, when you get not one but two midwives to yourself (the second one usually comes towards the later stages).

My Advice is to hire a doula, they are excellent and worth every penny. I had one for DC2 and she was infinitely more helpful than DH!

Lovelyveg82 · 20/03/2023 13:09

Also your midwife will be there the whole time to support you.

@Hazelnuttella what a reckless promise to make to the OP

2bazookas · 20/03/2023 13:15

You won't be alone. You'll have at least one midwife, perhaps two; and maybe a DR.

Before the 1970s, nobody took birthing partners with them. My DH, eager to be a new man,be there in labour, and witness the babies arrival , was twice turfed out of delivery at last minute because the staff would not perform either episiotomy or assisted delivery in front of a spouse.

Its YOUR labour and the bottom line is, it's DIY.

MaireadMcSweeney · 20/03/2023 13:17

Yes, accidentally. It was really ok. I had a student midwife there just to give moral support which was lovely but obviously not guaranteed. I wasn't left alone at any point but I was 8cm when I got there.

QuintanaRoo · 20/03/2023 13:18

Ask your midwife if there are any students who need a caseloading lady. Most courses now encourage their students to caseload a few women each year. So you’d get to meet them beforehand and they’d come and stay with you in labour.

Greendoor12 · 20/03/2023 13:19

Have you the budget for a doula?

RunyoucleverDoctor · 20/03/2023 13:21

I gave birth to my 3rd son alone. It was fine. The midwives were in and out checking on me until Labour became more active.

neilyoungismyhero · 20/03/2023 13:24

I had my first child alone. Useless xhusband cleared off to play football despite me having random pains which became not so random pretty quickly.

I went off to hospital with MIL around 2pm..she left and I had my baby at 4pm so I wasn't really on my own for long, but tbh I was too busy birthing to be worried who was and wasn't there. He was with me the next time and was super bloody useless.

cowsaysmoo · 20/03/2023 13:25

I didn't give birth alone but my mum did and she said she couldn't imagine my dad or anyone else be there.

I think if you're very close with your mum and sister go for it but I wouldn't want anyone else, not even a close friend to be with me tbh. Only my DH or my mum but on reflection, I think I'd be fine on my own too.

Nixnjj1 · 20/03/2023 13:26

I was in your situation, gave birth alone no problems, parented alone and 18 years later brilliant relationship with son, still alive and sane.

Try not to stress to much, sleep when baby sleeps and accept your house will never be perfect.

Blessedbethefruitz · 20/03/2023 13:33

I gave birth alone. My first was a planned cesarean due to breech, dp was with me. My second was a natural birth, on a Sunday, so no childcare. Our little boy is very sensitive and our families are far away, it was less stressful for me to know dp was with him.

It was a precipitous labour and scary (I'm a panicker) but once I had some diamorphine it was fine. I was alone for a few hours with regular checks, then had 2 midwives (1 student I think) when things started happening. We had shoulder dystocia so I soon had an army of medical professionals in the room anyway to help dislodge her (frightening but fast) and make sure she was ok (we're both fine). It would have been nice for dp to experience natural birth (and properly appreciate how amazing it was) but he would have annoyed me during the first stage anyway i think. I didn't need anyone during recovery either, baby girl fed beautifully and I was fully mobile and comfortable after the stitches. Very different to my cesarean experience.

My mum wanted to come but that would have put my anxiety through the roof tbh, we don't have a relaxed relationship. I've no regrets :)

premicrois · 20/03/2023 13:39

I had my first alone, I didn't want anyone there as I felt embarrassed about not knowing things and was extremely anxious about that vulnerability being noticed. I had DH with me for the others, as after having one I know of knew what to expect.

I am autistic and have cPTSD which I didn't know about at the time and am currently on the pathway for ADHD assessment which makes sense of the weird way I felt, basically masking.

FWIW it was absolutely fine as were the others

iwantchinese · 20/03/2023 13:41

I gave birth to my 2nd on my own (with 3 midwife's) as labour happened too quickly and childs father missed it by 5 minutes.. If i'm honest i'd prefer to give birth again alone as it was a lot calmer and didn't have people around me stressing out. If i have a 3rd child i would choose to do it alone again.

HuntingoftheSnark · 20/03/2023 13:45

I gave birth alone - I was working overseas so no family, and my ex had left. It was absolutely fine. I suppose I had nothing to compare it to though! And 25 and a half years later, DD has just moved out and for the first time I'm living alone and quite enjoying it.

mdh2020 · 20/03/2023 14:20

As has been said, everyone used to give birth without family/friends in attendance. DD was born in 1972 and DH was told to put on a gown and mask and hang onto the trolley. DM actually gave birth to her third baby in hospital but completely on her own.

MandUs · 20/03/2023 16:06

I had my second child alone. It was totally fine. I felt I got more attention being alone than the first time when I had a birth partner. When it came to pushing, a doctor held my hand.

Hazelnuttella · 21/03/2023 08:54

Lovelyveg82 · 20/03/2023 13:09

Also your midwife will be there the whole time to support you.

@Hazelnuttella what a reckless promise to make to the OP

I’m sure OP wouldn’t take the thoughts of a stranger on the internet as a “promise”. Like everyone else I can only speak from my experience.

Hope you feel better now you’ve given me a telling off.

scarecrow22 · 21/03/2023 09:10

I nearly hired a doula for dd1 - trainee doulas are not expensive (12yo), and some I looked at were former midwives and nurses, and other 'reassuring' people.

To make you laugh (or despair!), I had to look into it because DH thought it might've too stressful for him!

BouncingWorms · 21/03/2023 09:13

I insisted on it, and dh wasn’t fussed either way. It’s a less common choice, but not a less valid one.

scarecrow22 · 21/03/2023 09:16

"...- trainee doulas are not expensive (12yo)"

I mean they were not expensive 12 years ago. Not that they are 12y old!

ancientgran · 21/03/2023 09:19

I much preferred it, first one I was alone, 2nd exhusband was there, 3rd was CS and 4th I got guilted by midwives to let him be there. I held them off till the last minute and he arrived just as I was starting to push.

First was ideal for me, midwives just popping in every now and then but basically I was in my own zone through the night, lights low, muffled sounds from the rest of the unit. It was great.

NoraLuka · 21/03/2023 09:23

I gave birth alone twice because ExH didn’t want to be in the room for cultural reasons. It was ok but I don’t have anything to compare it to! It might have been nice to have company.

Maybe your mum /sister could be there so you have someone to chat to, and leave during the actual birth part if you’re not comfortable ?

Flip

1 2