First baby no idea what to do

[Lotzana]

I'm due to have first baby in a few months. Pregnancy has been fine so far and all checks have been ok - I take aspirin and extra calcium as a precaution as mother had preeclampsia with third baby and I'm 35.

At 20 week appointment I had a courtesy chat with a consultant but she said all was fine and I could be under midwife care for rest of pregnancy unless something came up in subsequent appointment.

For birth I've always leaned towards c- section as I'm risk averse and want some control over situation even though I know c section is no walk in the park. At least I know what I'm signing up for. A friend who recently had a c- section thought it was great and highly recommended it to me. I do hate the idea of kangaroo piuch and trouble trying to conceive after one though.

With a natural birth it feels like Russian roulette. I'm also on the more petite side so worried I can't do it. The women in my family have all done it naturally though and can't fathom why I'd even contemplate a csection for a seemingly healthy pregnancy so far.

I don't know what to do. I like the idea of natural but I'm don't want to martyr myself for it but equally major surgery when I may not need it seems extreme. I just want a birth that won't leave me traumatised!

I know no one can give me the answer and it feels like impossible dilemma as everyone says different things depending on what they've experienced but any words of wisdom are welcome.

It’s a personal choice but you need to be aware of the ‘likely outcomes’. A first time mum has an equal chance of a ‘normal’ birth, an instrumental one, and a c-section (a third each). At 35 with your first it’s likely the latter two are slightly more likely for you, plus a higher BMI makes interventions more likely (don’t know if this applies to you). If vaginal birth isn’t something that is important to you for any reason, or you have some apprehension, I would go with CS.

Thanks @Cuppasoupmonster BMI is about 20 so no issues there but I'm not desperate for natural birth experience per se and csection has always been my leaning so maybe I should go with gut. I think it's comments from family that put me off but they all had babies in early 20s!

In your position I would go for the c section. I desperately didn't want one but ended up with one anyway and I'm so glad I did. Mine was an emergency due to concerns over baby so I hadn't gone into labour or had even one contraction! The surgery and recovery that I was so worried about were both absolutely fine.
In my head I wanted a natural birth with as few interventions as possible but I know it would not have happened like that anyway as baby was on the larger side and back to back. The idea of a straightforward natural birth is great but I'm sure mine would actually have been much more traumatic than my c section.

36 had twins 35 had 1 boy my sister in law 38 just had a girl...all natural no problems..wouldn't want c section unless told no other choice. Women's bodies were made strong for a reason. The only two people I know who had them one she never saw her baby for 10 days as she ended up with a bad infection and very ill and my half cousin could barely move from the op for a long time

My instinct is the more natural the better if at all possible as any intervention brings the likelihood of more interventions..
Not sure if needed but have heard quite a lot now about having to inject yourself after C-section which I wouldn't like
Personally, I found natural birth incredibly empowering and it did wonders for myself as a person, I was on a high afterwards!

Have a read of the positive birth book. It covers all types of births and gives evidence based information which you can apply to your own situation.

From my experience, decisions that are made from a place of fear are more likely to be regretted. Decisions made from a place of fact and information are less likely to be regretted.

No one here can tell you what will happen. We aren't you and we aren't having your pregnancy. I could tell you about my easy water birth, but your not me. I don't know your risk factors, I don't know your obstetric history or you health in general.

That's why I recommend this book. It will talk through all the birth options in a non judgemental, factual way. Hopefully it will help you to make a choice.

Objectively, a textbook natural birth with no complications is preferable to a textbook CS with no complications because of the recovery time of a CS and the limitations afterwards.

So then it becomes about balancing all the potential risks and complications as they apply to you personally. My advice would be don’t underestimate a CS and see it as an “easier” option (not saying that’s what you’re saying though!!) but equally, if you decide that’s what you want, you absolutely have the right to make that decision and don’t let any consultants etc try and pressure you into having a vaginal birth if it’s not what you want.

I think you can only go with what your gut instinct is telling you to do. Do not worry about what anyone else says it's your birth so go with whichever makes you feel most comfortable.

There are pros and cons with either of your options and unfortunately there is know way of knowing which way it will go.

Wishing you all the best

I'm just looking forwards to the drugs I can have in a natural birth 😅

Gas and air is quite fun. With my first I got so high during the stitches that I proper thought I was lying on the beach.

With my second I was detailing just how sexy Hugh Jackman is and how I'd totally have his babies.

😂😂😂😂 That is amazing.

I genuinely remember wishing labour would last a while longer as I felt so good.

I second ever word said here.
The positive birth book really informed me of every possible eventuality of birth and made me feel in control of decision making throughout the whole process.

My C section was truly magical. My DH and I were amazed by how calm and wonderful the whole experience was.

I was off pain meds and driving after a week. Scar healed beautifully and I have no pouch at all! Stomach back to its pre flat self. My son is 15 weeks.

I’m 48 and was told I would need to be induced. I wasn’t happy about the stats that suggested that the risk of ending up having to have an emergency section were 1/3. I didn’t want to risk tears and other vaginal injuries. For me, a ‘natural’ birth wasn’t worth the risk. And by the way, when those women who smugly tell
you they would hate to have a section as it’s not ‘natural’, bear in mind birth is only natural if there are no medical interventions involved. Pain meds, epidurals, inductions, sucking on G+A as if your life depends on it, etc are hardly natural!

Good luck 🍀

Well, my sister had a ‘natural’ birth (hardly natural as she had tons of pethadine and then an epidural) and she regrets it deeply
as is still dealing with third degree tears 18 years later, whereas I had a C section 14 weeks ago and was off pain meds after a week with no complications whatsoever, scar barely visible 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just remember a c section is major abdominal surgery with potential long term issues. The typical recovery time from a c section is a lot longer and growing evidence shows there are distinct benefits to vaginal delivery for babies.

Many if not most natural deliveries are very straightforward, they don't make great stories though so you won't hear about the easy ones

To be fair, I was comparing both with no complications and a third degree tear is a complication so yes, obviously a CS with no complications is preferable to that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I originally wanted a section as was convinced I’d never manage it and my mum needed EMCS for both of us.

After a lot of discussion with DH I agreed to try for vaginal but with agreement that if I failed to progress to go straight to section with no messing about.

Had a failed induction followed by a short spontaneous labour without time for epidural. DD born with no damage to me and I didn’t even need so much as a paracetamol afterwards. Even first wee/poo didn’t hurt. I bounced off the ward walls afterwards feeling like superwoman. Absolutely amazed to this day that I did it and can’t believe I came so close to ELCS when I didn’t need it.

There’s no right or wrong but I’m glad I decided to try vaginally as it turned out to be a brilliant experience. It is super painful, genuinely horrendous but so empowering afterwards. No trauma for me but obviously it doesn’t always go well. I was 41
and 5ft 3 too.

Well there's two people to consider here.

You. I agree with pp - read proper articles/ books which will give you unbiased facts. Make a list of pros/cons/risks. Both options carry risk, you just have to pick least worst for you.

Your baby. There is growing evidence of the long-term benefits to the baby of vaginal birth, in areas such as immunity, fewer allergies, etc. Have a read and decide for yourself.

My first (mid thirties like you) took two hours to push out, which must've tired him out nicely. He slept for six hours straight the first night which was wonderful for post birth recovery 😆

Had my first baby at home with a pool and gas&air, and it was honestly the best experience of my life. I am planning another home birth now.

After looking at statistics, for me what felt risky was going in to hospital, I really didn't want any interventions that caused further interventions.

I had a 3rd degree tear but even that was no big deal really.

We all have to make our own risk assessments and decide what we feel comfortable with. But honestly, there's no need to be scared of vaginal birth. You're made for it.

But also, no shame in a C-section if that's what you want!

It's worth it for the pethidine 👌

I had an emcs after a very long labour and fairly quick recovery and an unplanned VBAC. The recovery was even quicker and the episiotomy healed so much faster than the cs scar.
Having a cs does not totally prevent incontinence issues either immediately after birth or years down the line. And it is a major op.
The choice is pain during or pain after ime.
You can ask (my DH demanded) a cs during labour so officially I had a cat 2 elcs that had to be done within the hour because we asked for it before the doctors deemed it necessary. Said child was too big to exit and was only ever going to be a cs.

Re the traumatised part - it's all about mindset. I know women who've had what you might generally call a "traumatic birth" and yet they themselves would never in a million years think it was traumatic!

I'd personally look into birth education courses so you know what your options are and you're well equipped to make an informed decision. The Calm Birth School book is really good as it's all about the science behind giving birth.

I was induced, really realt didn't want a c section. Had a section and will have another one. I don't actually have a pouch luckily! Hopefully the same will happen again. Recovery is hard but a few of my friends have had much tougher recoveries with a vaginal birth.

It really is just not straightforward. I had my baby by kind of elective c-section (was told I may have complications with a natural birth so decided not to take the chance). My baby is 7 months now and I still have numbness and pain around my scar. Certain clothes really agitate it and it is fiery red and I have loads of fiery red stretch marks between the scar and my belly button. It hurts to press down on it. I found the recovery very painful. That said I have absolutely no regrets about having a c-section as my baby arrived safely and I would make the same decision again even knowing how my recovery was. I have 3 friends who all lost their babies during labour from complications so to me it wasn’t worth any risk. However another friend of mine had x3 babies all easily in very short labours and she was 36 for latest.

Personally I’d never choose a C-section - if medically needed then I would obviously. But it’s major surgery and longer recovery. From friends who’ve had them there’s a mix of easy recovery, to really awful recovery! Never know how yours will be.
I had a vaginal birth with my first, she was bigger than average with a very large head. No issues and I didn’t have to take any pain relief after. I did however turn down a section and then induction, I did my hypnobirthing course which taught me to question everything, and don’t be pushed into decisions I didn’t want!