1st baby, petrified! C section or natural?

[bethandgus]

Hi all!

I've done a lot of reading here and online about C sections and vaginal births.

My mum had a terrible birth with my older brother, which resulted in a prolapse and other incontinence issues.
My friends/other family members who gave birth vaginally generally had issues during and almost all afterwards.
This is making me lean towards a c section, but the midwives told me to have a really good think about it and then decide.

Would you change how you gave birth? Would you elect for a C section or just go with the flow?

Thanks in advance!

If you didn’t check how dilated you were, how did they advise when safe to push? Genuinely interested I hope you don’t mind! I thought that was a standard thing

I didn’t have any vaginal examinations. My body pushed when it was time to push, it just did it. Same as when any other mammal gives birth.

I agree re simply trusting your body and it knowing what to do being a bit misleading. I'm a total hippy and did hypnobirthing courses, read everything I possibly could and tried for a home water birth. Safe to say, nope, my body doesn't know what it is doing where birth is concerned and the PTSD and PND I battled crashed through the gap between expectation and reality. Nobody can plan for the birth they want and that be the guarantee. It's down to chance. You can prep and prepare and there are lots of positive actions which shift the odds incrementally but labour and delivery ultimately fall to chance.

OP, nobody can tell you what to do. You can research and ask advice and plan what feels right for you and make sure you are supported in those choices. And when you've made that choice, don't blame yourself or question yourself or be told you're wrong. Embrace what happens and make sure your wishes are heard at each stage and you speak up at any point you need to. Congratulations.

I’ve had 2 emergency sections. If I had to choose again I’d pick a section

recovery was fine with both, my first section was after a traumatic labour. With the 2nd section I was crawling around in the loft and mowing the lawn after 4 days.

it’s very individual though and the labour for both couldn’t have been more different

Births are all so different, I don’t think you can base what yours will be like based on someone else’s, even family.

My mum and sister have had two ‘natural’ births each. I was heading for a ‘natural’ one but needed an emergency c-section because my baby got into distress while I was in labour and got suspected meningitis. The c-section recovery was brutal, I couldn’t believe how much pain I was in and the backache etc I had for weeks afterwards. I wouldn’t discount how painful it can be and how difficult caring for a newborn is while you’re recovering from surgery - it was very, very hard. I also got an infected wound so that was fun too.

Absolutely wouldn’t change how I gave birth! C-section all the way! I was in the same boat as you.. I’d been so so worried my whole life about giving birth, to the point I’d pretty much decided I just wouldn’t be able to do it and wouldn’t have kids. Long story short, got pregnant after researching that I could definitely get a section, finally had it approved after a lot of midwives trying to put me off or tell me to do hypnobirthing instead, got it and what an experience. It was amazing! So good I’m doing it again this year 😅

I'm amazed they offer a c-section for a first birth ?

Obviously I mean unless there is a solid medical reason for it .

Do you know why your mum had a bad time? Large baby? Large head circumference? If so do the same issues apply to you?

It's so so hard to predict. There are pros and cons of both. Have you read Milli Hill positive birth book?

Why are you amazed? It’s 2023. Women have choices. It’s our body, we choose how we give birth.

^^^
Absolutely this.

Why amazed?

I asked the obstetrician what percentage of first time mums needed either forceps, ventouse or emergency section when having their baby. She said 45%. To have a basically 1/2 chance of all that having pushed for 24 hours just sounded horrendous. Baby born by section, incredible experience.

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for the replies.

The reason for the c section I suppose is my own anxiety about child birth, my worries from other peoples births stories and I guess I'd just be more comfortable if it's organised and taken out of my hands!

For example, my friend had a baby yesterday and had a horrific birth and I felt physically ill thinking about it, the poor girl 🙈

So it's definitely a c section for me! I'm going to fight tooth and nail to get it, after all, my body, my choice!!

Thanks for all the lovely responses and stories, it definitely helps put things into perspective, even if I went an opposite way to what some people think I should.

#tooposhtopush hahaha

@bethandgus Bugger what other people think you ‘should’ do. Pleased for you that you’ve made the decision which is right for you- if that’s not empowering I don’t know what is. Congrats on the impending baby- they are pretty great 🥰

p.s. You may not have to fight tooth and nail. But if you do meet resistance consider contacting the Birthrights charity for support and information/help navigating it all, their website also is a useful resource. There info about which trusts are likely to support maternal request sections if you needed to consider travelling further afield.

The thing is…a lot of it is luck of the draw. Some women have beautiful “natural” births and some women have bad ones. Some women have fantastic c-sections and some women find them hard. The big thing really is deciding what you feel most comfortable with. Either is possible to have a good experience with and unfortunately post birth we do tend to sometimes focus on the more dramatic elements when recounting our experiences which can be scary for a first time mum. I’ve had both a natural and c-section birth. I could sit here and tell you the scary and gory bits about both of them or I could tell you the wonderful parts, the parts that empowered me, the beautiful parts, the funny parts and most importantly, the moment I met my babies and couldn’t believe they were finally par of the world!

Fear aside, what does a good birth experience look like to you? Is it a water birth? A c-section? A birth with epidural? A birth you can have control over? A birth where medical professionals take control of the process? Etc. There is no wrong answer because all births and birth experiences are unique. What an ideal birth looks like for one person is different to another.

I really think it is worth thinking of what your absolute best case scenario would be regardless of any fears around things going wrong. That might still be a c-section but I think if you were able to frame it in this way you might find it easier to talk things through with midwives and/or doctors and also get a clearer picture in your mind about how you want things to go.

The thing is OP, you are choosing to focus on negative birth stories to influence your decision.

It totally is up to you. I didn't even realise up until recently that you can elect to have a c-section "just because."

I haven't RTFT but I'm sure many people have pointed out that the recovery from a c-section can be a lot more intense. You don't get some sort of medal for being up and about in 2 days - it's a major operation and you need to allow weeks to recover and a very hands-on partner who can do everything whilst you rest.

The thing with natural birth is that it is scary, and it is painful, but it's amazing what you and your body can potentially do when you put your mind to it. You are capable of things you don't even realise yet. Of course the whole thing makes women feel anxious, but this is parenthood! It's just beginning .

They’re not “negative birth stories” - they’re the real experience of real women.

The op has made her decision and it is the right decision for her. 🙂

Just so you know, getting up and about asap post CS is actually the best thing and aids recovery. Staying in bed hinders recovery.

I get your basic point re focusing on the negative, but it's almost impossible to remove sentiment and bias from discussions around birth and labour. Look at your final paragraph for example. "Putting your mind to it"? The implication being that you can think your way to a positive birth if you just try. Whilst I agree in some respects that your mind is the key factor in lasting impressions of birth, you have to be very careful about how this implication reads. I've burned a hypnobirthing book for the same erroneous statement making.

I can offer up a negative planned CS stories (not mine, told to me). Was negative experience and planned (regretted) CS.

Great that OP has decision she finds reassuring.

I only had one baby. I never considered vaginally birth for one second. Turns out I would have had the c section in any event, but my pregnancy was so much happier as I never spent a moment worrying about what the birth would be like.

I have 6 children.
I gave birth to 5 vaginally with no issues and only ever had one stitch with baby number 5. Baby 6 was an emergency c section which was really rough. I was in labour for 27 hours and was not getting passed 3cm dilated and our son was getting stressed and high heartbeat and was just awful so I was rushed to theatre . It was terrible. I never want to go through it again if we go on to have another.

The recovery process is awful. And with vaginal delivery i felt sore and tender below but after a week, I was back to normal. Baby number 3 I felt great after a couple of days. I am only 2 weeks post c section and yesterday I walked two miles and boy do i regret it. With the baby in a sling too. I feel so rough today. But then again, who knows, if we do go on to have baby number 7 , it could be a csection again but I would definitely want vbac.

Everyone's experience is different I felt totally rough after my c-section and was really poorly and in hospital for a week after but the lady opposite me was up and walking around the next day, rocking the baby and I was there rough as anything asking the midwives to help me with everything and anything. I also reacted really badly to the drugs and spinal block and was shaking and trembling for ages during and after the surgery. I heard planned c-section recovery is a million times better than emergency.

I could have written this! Same and same. Love a C section x

I had a prolapse after my vaginal birth with DS1 and then chose a cs for DS2. Whilst I am glad to have had the experience of a vaginal birth (it was intense and empowering and positive in the moment), if I could go back in time I would switch it without a second thought. It is possible to recover a lot from a prolapse and mine has improved, but it's taken a huge amount of work (and money) and it's affected my life in a way that I would say is comparable to the way my life is affected by my Type 1 diabetes. I think about it all. The. Time. I can't enjoy just playing and goofing around with my toddler without worrying about it. I can't carry my baby (or toddler) without it being at the front of my mind. I ran a marathon before my first baby and I still haven't been for a run of any length since before that birth (2.5y ago). I would not wish a prolapse on any other woman.

I had to comment because you mentioned that your mother had one and as far as I understand, although the risk factors are multiple and complex, there is a genetic element. So your situation is not the same as many of the people here saying they had 8 vaginal births and are skipping through corn fields carrying all their children on their back. My biggest piece of advice, rather than telling you which way to go, is to go see a pelvic physiotherapist. They can advise you professionally on the risks and examine you and let you know about the state of your pelvic floor as things stand. I didn't do this and I wish I did. You can't get this type of appointment on the NHS but for the cost of a one-off appointment I'd say that if you can afford it you absolutely should.

I planned a CS but ended up having an unassisted vaginal birth (spontaneous super fast labour!). No tears or stitches, no long term issues. It was a dream birth, I was so lucky. Given the chance again.... i would still plan a CS. The most likely scenarios/outcomes for vaginal birth are totally unacceptable to me. It was sheer luck that I escaped them with my birth!

Oh another thing! If you do want to have a vaginal birth, take a look at The Vagina Coach and the Belle Method. They both to courses about physically how to birth to protect your body. Hypnobirthing is great but it's really more about the emotional side of the experience. I did a hypnobirthing course but I wish I'd done one of the other two.