1st baby, petrified! C section or natural?

[bethandgus]

Hi all!

I've done a lot of reading here and online about C sections and vaginal births.

My mum had a terrible birth with my older brother, which resulted in a prolapse and other incontinence issues.
My friends/other family members who gave birth vaginally generally had issues during and almost all afterwards.
This is making me lean towards a c section, but the midwives told me to have a really good think about it and then decide.

Would you change how you gave birth? Would you elect for a C section or just go with the flow?

Thanks in advance!

3 vaginal deliveries and not a single issue! C-section is major surgery, not something I'd personally want to enter into unless it was necessary.

Thanks for the tag! Its my understanding that a c section can involve some or all of these which I’d class as intimate or nudity - removing pubic hair, having a catheter inserted and removed, vaginal cleaning/swabbing and preparation for avoidance of infections, exposing the lower body for surgery, exposing the back for anaesthesia, and I believe it’s standard to check the structure of the womb and vaginal walls during and after surgery in case of perforations, and the need to give some babies a push up via the vagina if they have descended or engaged into the pelvis. I would consider that if I were to be immobilised by surgery I’d likely also need help afterward with intimate things like getting to the toilet, showering or changing pads etc, but I appreciate that I’ve not been in that situation and you might not need that assistance? Equally lots of the above might be in some situations only or offered as patient choice, I’m thinking no two experiences would be the same.

I’ve only experienced vaginal birth three times but nobody has ever put their fingers up my vagina to check how dilated I am ( or for any other reason), so that’s not a given, and thankfully I was able to avoid nudity as I am uncomfortable with it for many reasons. It’s my perception I would have more control with the process of birth unfolding with my input and involvement rather than entering a very regimented and routine based environment like an operating theatre, even though I’m sure they know their stuff.

If you didn’t check how dilated you were, how did they advise when safe to push? Genuinely interested I hope you don’t mind! I thought that was a standard thing.

with a csection; yes your back is exposed for the spinal but through your gown and you’re not naked at any point; you have a hospital gown on. You’re told at your pre op to shave and how much so that’s generally done by the mother herself prior to surgery.
You do have a catheter inserted and obviously your lower half is exposed but then it is for a vaginal birth too; you obviously can’t wear pants.

I’ve never had my vaginal walls checked after surgery. I’ve never been in labour so never had an internal examination.

Needing help with showering and toileting isn’t standard with a c section. My sister had to be cleaned down over the bath after her vaginal birth as she was absolutely
soaked in blood which the midwives helped her with.

I definitely agree that I’m sure people have many different experiences. I know my sister definitely struggled with having numerous people rushing in and internally examining her and looking during her labour and she did feel extremely uncomfortable and exposed which has been very traumatic for her along with the rest of her birth which was horrific.

With my second I had no internal examinations. The midwife said it was pointless for later babies.

I had a water birth as well so no one could touch me easily. They used a mirror to see what was happening.

I also said when I wanted to push.

Oh I never knew they didn’t have to check dilation! Thank you

If somebody had told me beforehand how my first birth would go vaginally, maybe I would have opted for a c-section. But you don't know beforehand so you just go with the flow I guess.

As it turned out, I had a 3 day back to back labour which resulted in an epidural, an episiotomy, forceps a massive tear and a 3L blood loss. I then had a blood transfusion. My recovery was slow and painful. I had a prolapse afterwards. Plus all the horrible symptoms of severe blood loss. I'm still traumatised by it 4 years later.

However, despite all of the above, I did go on to have my second. The pregnancy was worse second time but the birth was easier in comparison. Although I was high risk due to the previous pph, I did the whole thing without painkillers and she was a fair size at 9lbs. I still tore but it wasn't too bad and the recovery was quicker.

Whether you decide vaginal or c-section, complications could arise with either then you'll wish you'd had the opposite. Draw up the pros and cons of both and for your/babies health and go with the less risky option.

They don’t have to do it, because often it doesn’t tell you much, because dilation is only one small part of labour and it’s not linear, it can take hours and hours to stretch a tiny bit or ping open in seconds, or sometimes do both at different stages of the same birth. It’s advised not to have vaginal examinations after your waters have broken because it can introduce infection anyway. Usually you are offered examinations but you do not have to accept, if you don’t want them, there are lots of other ways to observe progress. I knew when I needed to push because I started to push, it wasn’t something that was decided for me.

I would have found them traumatic, so I didn’t have any, plus for my first two labours my waters were broken before I first saw a midwife so they were off the table anyway, and I’ve never suffered tears so needed no after birth care.

my first i didn't have a very good labour and it set me off on the wrong track .. if i could go back for that one i would now pick a c section.. My second was a text book labour and the rush of pure joy was amazing..
if i ever had a 3rd id go natural.

I had two vaginal births... no lasting damage! I didn't even need stitches. Most of my friends had vaginal births with no lasting consequences. It honestly can be absolutely fine.

I think I mixed up a previous poster with the OP, I thought she was worried about tearing but she doesn't actually mention that.

I just meant that having a C-section - which is major surgery - to avoid a tear would be bad maths. Tears often heal easily, even better than episiotomy.

Would you change how you gave birth?

No. I had 4 VB. I won't lie. They were difficult experiences.

However, VB was never contra-indicated. The idea of unnecessary major surgery freaked (freaks) me out. The long recovery period from CS for more of my body upset me. I wanted to get up & about on my feet soon, able to lean over, not dependent on others to lift anything or drive me places. Most sources say CS makes breastfeeding harder to establish & maintain; breastfeeding the sprogs was a high priority for me. If either way you get scar tissue from vag birth or in abdomen, I felt happier there would be less scar tissue/damage total, in the vag than in the abdomen. Either way of giving birth seems incredibly undignified & makes you highly vulnerable, so no difference there. Each time you have a CS, the less you would be recommended to try possible VB with subsequent births; why remove the potential to choose how you give birth if not necessary.

You do what you like.

I have had both and both have their own plus and minus points

Vaginal birth was pretty straightforward and took 8hrs from start to finish. However, my friend was in labour for 5 days which sounds horrific. I did tear though so had lots of stitches and recovery was a bit sore. Pushed her out with just gas & air and it was the most empowering moment of my life so far

C section was planned. Very relaxed morning, no pain, very easy and pleasant! Recovery was tough though. Great if you have lots of help at home. My DH took over looking after our toddler and had to help me physically for a week

Either way, good luck and enjoy your baby

I definitely think it’s a personal decision. But you should have the birth you want whatever that is. I had an extremely positive and empowering birth experience with DC1 vaginally despite having complications on paper and a long labour. I know people who have had textbook “perfect” vaginal births but have come out the other side feeling negatively. For me the postnatal ward was hell on earth, which significantly affected my mental health and ability to bond with my baby in those early hours and days. I’ll be doing everything I can to avoid staying longer than strictly necessary with this pregnancy. But as with everything people have good and bad experiences of all these things: vaginal delivery, ELCS, VBAC, epidural, postnatal ward etc.

5 vaginal births none of them textbook but wouldn't choose a C-section. And would do them all again exactly the same just to avoid a section.

I was told that the c section is not your first option, unless you've got a medical reason.

This isn’t true. Mothers have the right to request whatever birth they choose. You don’t need a reason.

If this is your first baby

But im going back nearly 20 years ago. Things probably have changed since

I don't have any kids, but if I were to choose I would never ever attempt a vaginal birth. The possible risks of long term damages are horrifying and unacceptable to me. I'd ask for an elective from the get go.

I had pretty much the same. First long labour emcs, second VBAC with episiotomy. If I had another I would have another VBAC or at least try!

Have you read the risks of a c section as well. It's major surgery and isn't risk free either.

Yes I have and I find those risks more more acceptable to me. I'd rather get an infection in an abdominal wound than get one in my vulva/vagina/anus. I'll happily trade an increased risk of bleeding to death for a 0% risk of tearing through my anus and becoming double incontinent. I'll take the risk of a spinal headache over the risk of retinal detachment caused by straining to push (my myopia makes that a possibility). I'll take the risk of things going wrong while surrounded by a team of actual doctors rather than just a midwife. Etc etc

I had a vaginal birth with my first baby 5 months ago and would do it all over again. My waters went day before my due date at 10am, stayed at home and laboured there, went in to get checked at 3pm and was 1cm, went back home until 8pm when I got checked again at the hospital and was 7cm so stayed in at that point. she was born at just after midnight on her 'due date'. Gave birth on the midwife led unit, had the pool but opted to get out. Had some gas and air and baby was born with no tears down there or intervention needed. She weighed 7lb 14.5oz so was a good size. I had wanted to avoid induction as the research I had done showed the link between first time mums, induction and needing a load of intervention then ending with a c-section.

It's easy to read loads of horror stories about Labour and be petrified but believe in your body - it knows how to birth a baby. Trust the process and make informed decisions based on evidence and on your own wishes. Good luck x

but believe in your body - it knows how to birth a baby.

I'm sorry but that is bullshit. The sheer amount of emergency c section and forceps/venture deliveries proved that is simply untrue for a large percentage of women.

You've been lucky. But someone who's never given birth before simply cannot know if her body will fail her or not. It's just not that simple.

My experience is very similar to this. I dived hard into learning as much about labour and birth as possible. I watched as many videos and read as many books as I could get my hands on.

I only have 1DC (for now) I had him at home in a birth pool. It was on the whole pretty great! I’m looking forward to doing it again some day.

I had a second degree tear with stitches that was sore for a bit but it got better and I now (18 months later) can’t tell that it ever happened.

Breastfeeding was easy for me, baby fed within minutes of being born when we were still in the pool, I think the environment really helped to encourage that.

It can be a difficult topic to discuss because if someone is very set on a c-section then I think they should be permitted to have one however I wouldn’t go into it lightly. I have a friend who’s baby was born by c-section and he needed 2 weeks in NICU for still having fluid in his lungs, this is one of the risks of c-section. That all the fluid doesn’t get squeezed out.

I also wouldn’t underestimate the positive impact of bacteria for baby’s microbiome to being born vaginally.