Traumatised from a straight forward birth?

[MrNook]

Please don't flame me for this.

I had a fairly straight forward birth, I was induced and labour was only 2 hours, 2nd degree tear needing stitches. The thing I found hard was having back to back contractions that my midwife didn't believe me about and refusing pain meds, the contractions literally didn't stop and she left me in the delivery suite alone for ages and came back after 2 hours to offer me an epidural but I was already pushing so couldn't have it.

Overall it was straight forward, especially compared to friends who had emergency c-sections, haemorrhages, 3rd degree tears etc.

However, ever since I gave birth and even now 20 months later, thinking about it makes my heart race and makes me cry, I cried for days afterwards because I found it so awful, scary and painful. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and already terrified of giving birth again.

I feel like I'm being such a baby as it was straight forward and no complications but I don't know why thinking about it makes me so upset.

Has anyone been through similar?

It sounds like you had a fairly quick and intensive first birth and maybe weren't listened to by your MW.

I think that perhaps you should contact the Birth Trauma Association. They can put you on touch with a Counsellor who specialises in Birth Trauma

Yes! My first labour I was only 22 and small framed, not that it makes a difference but my waters broke, I was asking for pain relief and the matron midwife said if you're in pain now what are you going to be like later on and ive got women much further along than you, so I was sent home and told to come back 2 days later, I was in agony and I kept thinking this is me being weak, an hour later I went back hospital and was 8cm and shortly ready to push I gave birth in the assessment room! She was back to back and it was too late for pain relief, honestly it was HORRIFIC pain, I did also have to be cut and stitched. Total labour 9hours but pure pain, no let up, no sleep, no break.

Fast forward to my second birth, he was a surprise baby and I was so scared going into labour and the midwife said I was traumatised from my first birth. Again fine birth and this was 11 hours and stitched again, once again too late for pain relief, I begged for epidurals but they said I wouldn't keep still enough and I promised I would be still when they come to do it, then I heard then whisper it was too late to have one, I couldn't believe I had to go to the end again knowing what was coming and how worse the pain was going to be.

So yes I have had straight forward births but it was pure fear and pain. I have forgotten the pain now but I know it was bad if that makes sense! Sometimes I get a random shooting pain go through me and it reminds me how I could never give birth again!

That doesn’t sound straight forward to me at all! It’s sounds quick to the point of dangerous and it must have been awful being left alone in the middle of that. I believe inductions can also make contractions more intense. You are not being a baby! Be kind to yourself, you’ve been through a lot

The hospital might provide birth counselling where you sit and talk about your labour notes with a qualified midwife. It's worth asking to see if they do. The midwife telling me that someone had written 'good maternal effort' about the pushing stage made me feel loads better about my awful forceps delivery. I just felt listened to and a lot better after that appointment having talked through what had happened.

Be kind to yourself! It’s totally natural to be scared, especially as you found it so painful the first time. I totally hear you on the back to back labour. Absolute agony. I’m not surprised you’re traumatised by it.
But each labour is different so you might get lucky next time!

You don't have to go through that again. You can choose an elective c-section which is (usually) much calmer and more predictable than vaginal birth which can go wrong a million ways

My labour ended in being rushed to theatre for forceps but the part that haunted me for months was being alone on antenatal in transition waiting for a midwife to come back onto the ward to give pain relief. It's terrifying being alone at that point and feeling helpless and in so much pain you can't even call for help and not knowing if help is going to come or not. You are not unreasonable. I hope it

Sorry posted too soon. I hope you can get some support to process it and feel better about your pregnancy.

Did you get to have the after birth debrief? You should have been offered one?? Sounds like you really need/needed it! I'd say no pain relief and being left alone was traumatic enough...
I had an extremely painful and quick labour and was refused pain relief at 3cm dilated because I wasn't 'technically in labour' and within 20'mins I was 9 cm... I was throwing up from the pain.

I would say if you can't be offered a debrief now- I'd most certainly contact PALS and give them a low down on what happened and that you'd like it to be acknowledged and you'd like to file an official complaint

I had serious complaints to make about the way my bleeding and miscarriage happened with one of my pregnancies and it was taken seriously with changes made and apologies as well as time given to me by head of gynaecology to reflect and feedback

Please don't hold it in or hold on to it.

This is strange….my first (and only) birth experience was similar.
I was induced, and had contractions for about 12 hours but I had a very, very intense few hours of them and the midwives didn’t believe me when I said how much pain I was in, and they didn’t check me when I asked.
It was around 4/5pm and I was still in the bay where I was induced with just a curtain between me and other women; the midwives said I would go down to the labour ward early the next morning or possibly in the night if a bed came free. When I said I wasn’t sure I could handle this level of pain all night they advised me to get an epidural as soon as I got there as “things would only get worse” and “first baby - you’ve got a way to go.” I was ashamed and thought I just couldn’t handle the pain like other people, and tried my best not to cry out or swear.

They offered me paracetamol or pethidine the whole time. I didn’t want pethidine as I’d heard it just makes you drowsy and I was worried how I’d react to it…but faced with the pain from the contractions going on all night I said just give it to me. They gave me the injection and I started to pass out between contractions and throw up black sick.
A senior matron came to the ward and advised the midwife to examine me again (it had been a few hours). I was 10cm; they rushed me to the labour room - two pushes and my daughter was born.
But she was grey and floppy and had trouble breathing as pethidine should never be given to a woman within 6 hours of giving birth as it affects baby’s breathing.
My daughter was fine in the end and so was I with the exception of a second degree tear. But why didn’t they check me before giving the pethidine??? Why did they let me go all the way to 10cm thinking that I was weak and a nuisance, terrified that worse was to come?

The midwives all said I had a great birth as it was quick and uncomplicated - and I got it when I heard of other ladies in NCT who went through much worse….but I’m 31 weeks pregnant now and am feeling very anxious that I have to do it all again….

If you need an induction with this pregnancy OP, you can ask for an epidural before consenting to the drip part of an induction. Something to discuss with your midwife when you can.

Yes you’re right the physical trauma maybe isn’t as bad as some women but your mental trauma is awful. Not being listened to by someone you trust who should have been there for you, advocating for you and supporting you through a very intense quick labour. I think your trauma is around them not listening and you feeling let down.

I'd also add- my own experience with it was that I was in 'labour' and screaming in agony begging them to look at me and they were either fobbing me off or saying they'd come see me and didn't
I was SCREAMING in end and because I couldn't lay flat from the agony I was in the monitor didn't pick up baby heart rate was dropping rapidly
When they finally checked I had gone from 3cm to 9 in 20 mins!!! I was saying I needed to push and they had to rush me to theatre to cut baby out! I gave birth in 11 minutes with a cut and suction for the baby ... I was just so relieved for the contractions to be over I didn't even stop to think about how they could have helped me sooner. I definitely wish I'd been more sound of mind to feed back what had happened!!

I still cant talk about my labour and it was 9 years ago.Horrific.

I think birth first time is nearly always awful. Your body is doing something tough for the first time. Mine was fairly awful and I dealt with it by thinking what I would change. In the event, I was clearer on what I wanted and what was important and not important. However, my body seemed to know what to do. It was quicker, easier in some ways and I was better prepared. I was really surprised by the difference in the experience.

Bless you, I can really relate. With my first I had an epidural and even though it didn't all go smoothly I didn't feel as distressed as I did with my second. I decided I didn't want the epidural that time and I remember being completely in shock about the pain. I felt so out of control and I remember thinking I'd die because I couldn't possibly survive that much pain. Even though the labour and birth went totally smoothly, I was utterly shell-shocked. Do you know if your hospital offed any kind of debrief service? Our local one does but luckily my mum was a midwife and really helped me talk through it all and process it.

Your feelings about your birth are valid. There is help available. Some good recommendations above. You can also reach out to a doula experienced in this or someone trained in 3 step rewind.

In my NCT group it was the mums with the most straightforward (on paper) birth who seemed the most affected by it. I think because of the horrible situation you describe of being left alone.

Solidarity, it’s tough x

Mine was a bit more dramatic than your experience and ended in an urgent C section but your midwife sounds like she let you down, and maybe you’ve lost confidence. It won’t be the same person for your second (very v unlikely!) and your second will likely be quicker than your first so hopefully less waiting. This time make a really clear birth plan and tell them you are nervous- explain your worries when you go in. If you want pain relief make it mega clear to them that not having it isn’t an option. Do you have a birth partner or DH who can also advocate strongly for you? If you’re really nervous you could consider a doula aswell so you could have someone consistently with you who knows exactly what you want. Xxxx

I went from having a stretch and sweep at 2cm with an unfavourable cervix to pushing out DS in 2.5 hours. I had minimal injuries, minimal blood loss and DS was fine, but the speed of it made it terrible. I also wasn’t listened to. The midwife practically scoffed when I screamed I needed to push after less than 3h (until she realised there was a head there). I felt like I had zero control and the pain was excruciating. You have my sympathy.

Yes my 5th.
I'd previously had a shit induction with my 1st and ended up with a 3rd degree, episiotomy and minor pph, Baby was ventoused out in theatre.
Baby 2 was spontaneous and fine though I had an epidural.
Baby 3 was another induction, 2hrs from start to finish, and whilst I took the MW by surprise at the speed, I had her standing up and it was a positive experience.
Baby 4 induced, epidural and drip but fine.

So baby 5 I felt OK, she was another 2hr induced labour like baby 3. Except this time I wasn't listened to, was made to lie on my back on a bed about half an hour/45mins in so they could monitor her (basically the complete opposite to what my body wanted to do which was labour like baby 3 lean/standing against a bed. I was calm until that point. Wouldn't actually examine me, so I felt like I was struggling with hours to go, when of course i was actually in transition, i even tried to feel for her head myself when they wouldn't until they finally looked when I was basically pushing and rang the get in here now Bell.
Zero break between contractions until the pushing stage. Just constant pain, which was made worse by the fact I was on my back. The woman in the next room was loudly screaming every 5 or so minutes and I was thinking why don't I?

I told them I had quick labours, and they still were surprised she was born so quickly. Same with number 4 but I thankfully had an epidural with him. And only my first in 2000 did they actually ever examine me, 2-5 really reluctant.

And so I kind of feel like whilst on paper I should say it was a good birth, because it was quick, because I only had gas and air, because i went home 3hrs after giving birth, because we were all ok but the truth is certainly for the first year I had more flashbacks of lying on my back feeling out of control than I did with my traumatic first. They also told me I hadn't torn, subsequently realised months later I had, which has had repercussions to my already prolapsed pelvic floor. GP described as a bit of a gape.

Sorry massive ramble.

“However, ever since I gave birth and even now 20 months later, thinking about it makes my heart race and makes me cry, I cried for days afterwards because I found it so awful, scary and painful. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and already terrified of giving birth again.“

speak to your midwife and request referral to the psychologists or mental health team attached to the maternity unit.

It doesn't matter whether someone else had it 'worse' if you feel it was traumatic then that is exactly what it was.

It sounds like it was very quick and you weren't listened to and in a lot of pain whilst also being left alone at your most vulnerable. I would recommend going through your first birth via birth reflections. Please talk to your midwife about your first experience, hopefully they can put your mind at ease.

There are many pain relief options you could look into such as hypnobirthing that can help you cope with pain whilst waiting for other pain relief if you wish.

If you don't feel like you can go through that unpredictability again then you can request an elective section too.

Sorry but it sounds horrific and 2nd degree tear and stitches isn’t straight forward, is it? I’m not surprised you’re struggling.
Have you been able to access any support for this OP?

I gave birth to DC1 unassisted at home and have absolutely no trauma and I loved it and the memory of it is something I treasure.

I gave birth to DTs 8 months ago in hospital, surrounded by medical professionals. I had the best twin delivery possible but I'm still angry and upset to this day. I have nowhere to put this anger and I'm not going to bother doing a debrief because they'll just gaslight me. It was incredibly traumatising, and was the most dehumanising experience I've ever had.