Traumatised from a straight forward birth?

[MrNook]

Please don't flame me for this.

I had a fairly straight forward birth, I was induced and labour was only 2 hours, 2nd degree tear needing stitches. The thing I found hard was having back to back contractions that my midwife didn't believe me about and refusing pain meds, the contractions literally didn't stop and she left me in the delivery suite alone for ages and came back after 2 hours to offer me an epidural but I was already pushing so couldn't have it.

Overall it was straight forward, especially compared to friends who had emergency c-sections, haemorrhages, 3rd degree tears etc.

However, ever since I gave birth and even now 20 months later, thinking about it makes my heart race and makes me cry, I cried for days afterwards because I found it so awful, scary and painful. I'm 11 weeks pregnant and already terrified of giving birth again.

I feel like I'm being such a baby as it was straight forward and no complications but I don't know why thinking about it makes me so upset.

Has anyone been through similar?

My 2 hour 5 minute birth with a midwife who didn’t believe me and told me I was being over dramatic as I had at least 12 more hours (dd was in my arms 20 minutes later with me in shock) was far far more traumatic than my complex, high risk, emergency cs twin delivery. Dh commented I look yellow and dazed in the photos after dd1 was born but much more myself after the twins. 2nd birth was complex but I was listened to and heard. That was the difference.

Gosh this sounds very similar to mine which was nearly 22 years ago now, I was two weeks over and induced (I wouldn't wish being induced on my worst enemy-and I think that's the basis of the problem) I was in so much pain but not even a side glance given. I begged them to check me and I was 2cm went to the loo with my mum and collapsed in half an hour I'd gone from 2-8cm
No time for any meds etc but they gave me half a pethadine (cos why not) and when he came out after less than three hours he'd swallowed all the miconium and I just heard so many midwives saying shit shit shit
It was "a straightforward birth" but I had a large tear and it was fuckin traumatic
So I totally get you 💐

I think you might invite a load of scary stories on here. I’ve given birth 3 times, the last one was the trickiest because the induction brought on very intense contractions. It’s not a straight forward birth it’s difficult. Don’t think it wasn’t. Even straight forward births are hard and we all deserve medals.

what can you practically do this time? For me I was very clear I wanted access to an epidural (I.e delivery ward not birth centre) and as soon as I was in active labour for one to be administered. My birth plan just said epidural and I reiterated I panic when in pain. That being the case I’ve always had one sorted very quickly.
For my last induction when I was contracting often but not far along they didn’t offer much pain relief. TENs machine was brilliant though and there are NICE guidelines for pain management in Labour that you can read and quote to your caregiver. If you can’t cope with the pain they should be managing it. Your birth partner should also be aware so if they don’t give you any you can ask why they aren’t following guidelines.

personally I would be thinking if it got to the point again that an induction was advised I would probably have an elective c section to feel more in control.

finally I really like this online doula and particularly her breathing video for Labour

good luck! Please think positively and proactively about this birth. My mindset made a huge difference to my 2nd and 3rd births!

I’m so glad I posted, I feel validated and listened to so thank you all for replying!

@PritiPatelsMaker thank you I will look at contacting them

@HiBye23289 that sounds horrific and I’m so sorry you had to experience it twice. I can’t believe you had to give birth in the assessment room.

I was only 21 and really scared, so worried about it happening again especially when you know exactly what’s coming.

@Regularsizedrudy it was 2 hours 10 minutes in total, my usual midwife couldn’t even get to the hospital in time so I was stuck with the horrible one. Thank you for your kind words I really appreciate it

@LeadingStar that sounds like it would really help, I’ll ask about doing that, thank you

@Spellcheck thank you I appreciate it

@LaLuz7 this is something I’ve been considering but I know how difficult and obstructive they can be about c-sections and I’m worried they won’t recognise my experience as “bad” enough to warrant a c-section

@stripey1 yes that’s exactly it I think, the being alone and not being listened to. I was in so much pain I couldn’t speak and could barely see so couldn’t call anyone and they weren’t listening to my partner. Sorry you had a awful time too and thank you for replying

@Doodledeedum that’s awful! Similarly I went from 4cm to 10cm in 20 minutes. I’ll definitely look at doing the debrief thank you for replying.

@Bellatrixxx that’s absolutely horrific I’m really sorry, how scary about the pethidine. That’s horrid to be made to feel like you just couldn’t handle it. That’s how I felt too. I really hope your next birth is much calmer for you ❤️

@Martialisthebestpup thank you I didn’t know that. With my DD I had a gel and a pessary and then my waters broken so I’m not sure if they could give it before/at the time same as doing my waters? The contractions started the second my waters broke. I’m hoping I won’t need another induction as it was due to my own medical problem that I don’t have anymore.

@Lightmarebeforechristmas thank you so much, I hadn’t though of it like that

@MintyGreenDreams I’m really sorry ❤️

@cansu that is what I’m hoping for, I know what I do and don’t want to happen this time, I will be more assertive. I also hope not to have another induction so things are a bit more natural.

@SlashBeef I definitely want an epidural this time, I wanted one before but as the person arrived to do it I started pushing and they left again. I’ve honestly never felt pain like it, I couldn’t see properly and couldn’t stop screaming, couldn’t sit down, couldn’t lie still it was horrific. I’m definitely going to contact the debrief service, I think it’ll help a lot.

@ChateauMargaux thank you so much

@MolesonPoles thank you

@sjxoxo it’s a shame because I had the same midwife for my entire pregnancy who was so gentle and kind, I really liked her but she didn’t arrive in time for the birth and the midwife I had instead was just so rude and uncaring. A doula sounds like a great idea I’ll definitely look into that.

@VivaVivaa that sounds very similar to me, the midwife also didn’t believe I needed to push.

@BurningBenches Don’t apologise, it’s good to let it out! Birth 1 sounds horrific but I think like others have said to and with you with your 5th baby, it’s the not being listened to that’s so awful. Especially as you told them you had quick labours! 4 inductions sounds awful, you have my sympathy

@MaryGubbins thank you I will, I did have a specialist mental health midwife for my first pregnancy as I was 21 and had anxiety but my midwife this time has refused to refer me to the mental health midwives team and said there’s no point.

@Bumblebee412 thank you for replying, a c-section is definitely something I’m considering. I didn’t bother with/didn’t see the point in hypnobirthing last pregnancy but I’m really wishing I had and it’s definitely something I’m going to do this time

@BabyFour2023 I think compared to friends who had episiotomy/3rd degree tears it feels like 2nd degree didn’t warrant me complaining about it. It took longer to see me up than it did giving birth! I haven’t accessed any support but I’m going to after all the responses on here

@Dinneronmybfpillow (love your username) your first birth sounds lovely and I’m so sorry your second was so awful.

@NeedAHoliday2021 wow that’s really saying something! So sorry you went through that

@merlotlover my midwife told me an induction wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, she lied! They’re awful aren’t they?

I’m so sorry you went through that, that sounds really scary. Thank you for replying to me ❤️

Thank you so much for this I really appreciate it!

I have to see the same consultant again who pushed for me to be induced, she was really lovely and listened to me and although I don't have the same medical problem anymore that warranted my induction, it could come back and if she did want me to be induced again I think she'd be understanding about a c-section

@LaLuz7 this is something I’ve been considering but I know how difficult and obstructive they can be about c-sections and I’m worried they won’t recognise my experience as “bad” enough to warrant a c-section

they don't have to agree to your reasons, they are obligated to arrange a C-section if you ask. Quote the NICE guidelines to them and insist you have severe anxiety around this (tokophobia). They can't argue about that. Be assertive and prepared to insist. It's your right.

1.2.30If a vaginal birth is still not an acceptable option after discussion of the benefits and risks and offer of support (including perinatal mental health support if appropriate; see recommendation 1.2.28), offer a planned caesarean birth for women requesting a caesarean birth. [2011, amended 2021]

1.2.31If a woman requests a caesarean birth but her current healthcare team are unwilling to offer this, refer the woman to an obstetrician willing to perform a caesarean birth. [2011, amended 2021]

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng192/chapter/Recommendations#planned-caesarean-birth

I had a labour of just under 2 hours for one of my DC, and it was too quick, it was overwhelming and I didn't feel like I was in control. My other 2 were both about 4 hours, and with those I felt like I had a grip on what was happening and able to get my head around it all.
I felt the hospital staff didn't believe me when I told them the baby was on it's way out, and I then didn't have much faith in their ability to help.
I think if that had been my first labour I would have very traumatised and I quite understand what you are saying. Every one thinks you are so lucky, but it can be very scary to labour quite so fast.
Can you talk to the midwife at your next appointment and talk through what happened? They need to know anyway as your next labour may well be quicker and it's best that everyone is prepared for that.
I had a planned home birth for that very reason, as I was worried I wouldn't make it to hospital.

Being left alone on your first birth is awful! That happened to me. The midwife just disappeared have no idea where she went?? I was left with a student midwife who had no idea what she was doing and asked me tell her everytime i had a contraction? Bizarre. I had no patience. I was in pain i couldnt talk! I just locked myself in the toilet eventually as i couldn't bear the student midwife, i honestly thought she was dumb. I pushed my way to 10 cm alone. My husband was around but had no idea what he was doing so i told him to leave the bathroom. Then the midwife appears and applauds me for pushing myself to 10cm. What a crap midwife! She hadnt been there all that time! And then i ended up with a post partum haemorrhage etc etc. It was a horrible experience and i blame the midwives for it.
The second time i made it very clear i didnt want to be left with a student. I want full support. I was in the hospital because of the previous traumatic birth. And my midwife was absolutely amazing. Gave me all the support i could have ever asked for. She had a student with her and asked me if it was okay as she would be there too, she told me the student was a 3rd year experienced student. She was actually really good too. My experience was incomparable to the first birth. Much happier smoother experience. Voice your experience and they will make notes to make it better hopefully.

I had a terrible birth and resulting ptsd (diagnosed over a year later) but the parts I found most traumatic are similar to you - not being listened to, being ignored, lack of support, mw not believing my pain, etc.

It's 15 years on and I'd still cry if I thought about it. So I don't. That's not great but I don't want to relive it through therapy so have made my peace with it.

Better to get therapy, particularly if you want another baby or will have close friends giving birth and talking about their experiences ♥️

I feel the same. My labour was about 2 hours from being in hospital to delivery. Midwife didn’t think it would be that quick and didn’t take me seriously. Had a 2nd degree.

I don’t think I’m traumatised by the birth itself because when I speak to some of my friends and read stories I know it could have been worse. I think I remember the pain, I remember the long healing time. I remember PND and I remember taking years to feel like myself again. I remember my midwife not being there as I had my DD a week early and I remember my daughter latching on poorly because I had no assistance, getting an infection and having to stop breastfeeding due to antibiotics.

I know birth is painful, but I think everything that I didn’t expect from the aftermath has meant stirred a trauma in me. I’m pregnancy 10 years later and whilst I feel ready and hope that I can demand what I need - I’m so scared and feel the trauma.

but I’m doing my kegals! Will have to start the massages and I know we will be alright x

I had a straight forward birth - good pain relief, supportive staff and not a stitch or tear to be had. That’s straight forward - it was simple and positive, and reasonably fast.

Yours does not sound like that - it sound scary and intense and I think it’s ok to accept that fast does not equal straightforward! I hope you can get the help you need.

Just wanted to say OP there's nothing wrong about being traumatised by a 'straightforward' birth, I completely relate.

I had a hideous first birth, long induction, long labour ending in sepsis, episiotomy and forceps BUT I was cared for in the way anyone should be and even though it was, on paper, likely traumatic I really don't consider it to be that because I know the things went wrong in spite of the care I was receiving, and I felt looked after and valued all through.

My second labour I was in and out in less than 24 hours with just a minor graze but it's that one that still occasionally makes my eyes well up when I think about it, even two years later, due to the appalling attitudes of a number of those who 'cared' for us. Similar not being believed, being dismissed, etc. Things went 'wrong' for me, crash cord being erroneously pulled at one point and partner not being called in til it was almost too late BECAUSE of the 'care' I received and so that's what made it traumatic, for me.

I did end up yelling at the midwife in charge, and then later basically flooded the antenatal bay I was in when my (polyhydramnous) waters went, so I felt a little better about things then. You might find in your second labour you're more willing to stick up for yourself knowing that just because they have an NHS uniform on they aren't automatically a caring person...

Yes I had ptsd following what was relatively a straightforward birth except my midwife was a bully and ignored that I was in great pain and then said I was hemmoraghing and blue lit me to hospital where clearly I wasn’t hemmoraging as I was left alone for two hours. I had e m d r and it working after about four sessions.

Just seen the post above mine and couldn’t agree more. I was deliberately humiliated and disempowered by my midwife and that cussed the trauma.

That's not straightforward tho. It sounds traumatic. You were left alone, you didn't get the pain relief you wanted to have, you tore. It's understandable you found it difficult and frightening. Be kind to yourself. Birth is really intense even if it all goes to plan. And yours did not go quite to plan. You are allowed to feel what you are feeling and it's normal. That was difficult to go through.

The thing that makes it traumatic is the feeling of powerlessness, feeling frightened and out of control. It's especially compounded by not being listened to by the people you're trusting to help you.

My first birth was an absolute shitshow. But at every stage along the way I felt supported, listened to, and whatever I said I needed, I got. It made all the difference in how I processed it afterwards. Even though ten years on I still suffer from the physical injuries.

So your feelings are absolutely valid. I get so angry at the shite state of maternity care in this country. So many poor women suffer needlessly. It's borderline barbaric. I'd love to know what they teach them at midwife school.

OP you can ask PALS for a birth debrief - you may find this really helps get closure on some questions.

Do also consider having a c section this time. I did and it was a fantastic experience. So calm and relaxing. Everything completely under control. Luckily I healed really quickly afterwards too.

There is a lot of gaslighting, I'm afraid.

I found that I talked over birth options and was basically promised the moon on a stick at my MW appointment, only to be told "not allowed" during labour. I asked why and just got a shrug. Just policy, apparently.

Thanks everyone. DC2 is here now and I decided to have an elective c section on the advice of the birth trauma midwife. It was such a positive experience and I think it really helped me heal from DC1s birth as I don't get upset thinking or talking about it anymore

Congratulations

Looks like you were listened to this time and now can enjoy your new baby without trauma

This is birth trauma and that’s ok:
The thing I found hard was having back to back contractions that my midwife didn't believe me about and refusing pain meds, the contractions literally didn't stop and she left me in the delivery suite alone for ages and came back after 2 hours to offer me an epidural but I was already pushing so couldn't have it.

it’s not somehow less traumatic for you because I nearly died -
you weren’t listened to, we’re in intense pain, and didn’t have the medication you wanted or needed
also because it was fast it’s probably all jumbled and confused for you.

all our struggles are different - not less.

i hope you find peace soon.
i know where I live there’s NHS maternal mental health support available for birth trauma

Sorry didn’t realise this was old I’m chuffed for you x

This is awful op. The worst thing about a birth can be a lack of control. If you are in control and feel safe then you can get the other stuff.
I suggest you contact the hospital saying you want a birth reflections meeting. Also induction labour is much harder than normal labour btw.

Good on you!!

A very fast, induced labour , is not “straightforward “ OP. Fast labours can be really traumatic for both mother and baby. An induced labour is more intense and can be a huge shock.
Allow yourself to own your feelings and don’t tell yourself that they are silly or unreasonable. You went through a frightening, intense and very painful delivery, it is totally understandable that it was shocking and left you feeling distressed and vulnerable.