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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Selfish for wanting to give birth at a hospital?

67 replies

cata09x · 08/10/2022 08:16

My midwife told me Id be selfish to choose to birth my child at the local hospital and that I should do a home birth / birthing unit birth instead - is this a normal thing to say?

As it's my first i wasn't expecting her to say I'm selfish when she asked about my choice of place for the birth but maybe I should be choosing a birthing unit instead?

OP posts:

deeperthanallroses · 08/10/2022 10:14

I think you should complain. A midwife told me it was selfish to want to give birth on the labour ward, and I wish I’d complained about her.

Dou8hnuts · 08/10/2022 10:17

I will also add I had a first birth he was back to bask and I wouldn’t have done it without epidural and they were also on the cusp of doing an emergency c section. My second was born then an hour after birth he wasn’t breathing properly and was whisked down a corridor to the neonatal unit, if I had been home that would have taken longer to get there and could have been the difference to me now having a healthy four year old or not. Stick to your guns they can’t MAKE you do anything you’re not comfortable with.

Goldbar · 08/10/2022 10:17

Iwonder08 · 08/10/2022 10:13

Birthing units not directly connected with a proper hospital should be illegal. There is no such thing as risk free birth and a rapid help of a qualified doctor with a proper equipment can mean the difference between a healthy baby and a dead baby.
Please make a complaint. She needs to be told her attitude is harmful

I agree with this. Childbirth is inherently risky and things can go wrong very quickly. And you can't rely on a speedy transfer to hospital anymore if it is needed.

focuspocus · 08/10/2022 10:19

Please ask for a new midwife and complain. I wouldn't feel comfortable or in safe hands. Much safer with first to be in hospital. I was low risk all the way through. Baby didn't get the memo and emergency c section needed.

Piffle11 · 08/10/2022 10:19

I sailed through my first pregnancy. The midwives were suggesting a local midwife led birthing unit in a neighbouring town, but I wanted to go to the local hospital 10 minutes from where we lived… And thank goodness I did.

The birth ended up being very difficult and our baby was delivered by a doctor.

Phineyj · 08/10/2022 10:31

I booked a home birth (with independent midwives who I paid - my local hospital was bottom of every league table at the time and there were frequent negative stories in the media...and I'd worked there so knew they weren't made up!). I had to transfer to hospital at a late stage. The hospital is 15 mins drive, probably 10 mins at night. Because it was Christmas day, no ambulance was available so DH had to drive me which wasn't exactly ideal.

This was 10 years ago nearly.

My main concern would be lack of ambulances. There was no (acknowledged) shortage of them 10 years ago.

littleducks · 08/10/2022 10:49

I had home births and I don't agree with some of the opinions on this thread. I don't really want to get into a birth place debate here as it sounds like you have decided on hospital, an informed decision with a reason and so should be supported with that. One of the positives of home births is being comfortable on your surroundings and producing the correct homeless, which an enforced home birth would not do at all for you.

I don't know if it's pressure on services causing staff to lose the plot or what but it needs to be investigated

sborber · 08/10/2022 10:52

Strange your midwife is suggesting a home birth for your first. I'd make a formal complaint and request a new one also, as pp have suggested.

You give birth where you feel most comfortable and don't feel like you have to justify your decision to anyone.

Both my DC were born in hospitals (one private, one NHS) and both were enjoyable experiences. We had scares with both (CHD scare with DS1, GD with DS2) so knowing I was near help if I needed it helped a lot during labour and after.

decafsoyaflatwhite · 08/10/2022 11:22

ClocksGoingBackwards · 08/10/2022 08:34

What?? That’s an awful thing for a midwife to say. In a country where we regularly let women have c sections for no reason, just going into hospital to give birth is nothing.

Do we? I was under the impression that often women who wanted a c-section due to maternal choice had to really fight for it.

I would make a complaint about her, OP, and I don’t say that lightly.

womaninatightspot · 09/10/2022 00:43

Ishacoco · 08/10/2022 09:05

That's actually quite frightening.

Show quote history

It is really. Said twins are now 7 and in perfect health, after following consultants advice, but I really remember that midwife as she was so forceful in her opinions. I felt at he time I should complain but was completely overwhelmed with delivering and caring for newborn twins. I was appalled at the advice she gave me and I just hope she didn't go on to cause harm to someone else's child(ren)

HighlandPony · 09/10/2022 00:46

Christ we’ve got the opposite here. Everyone is directed to hospital (mlu is one end of the corridor/consultant led the other) and getting a home birth can be difficult

Bordesleyhills · 09/10/2022 21:40

Wow normally it’s any excuse not to allow a homebirth. Your choice however and if you want hospital then that’s what you decide

bakewellbride · 09/10/2022 21:42

What an idiot! I know someone who literally would've died if she'd had her first at home (28, healthy pregnancy and no prior issues). Hospital is the best place imo.

bakewellbride · 09/10/2022 21:43

Btw that wasn't meant to scare you - I had 2 babies and both positive experiences!

Herejustforthisone · 09/10/2022 22:11

She’s lost her mind.

Selfish is choosing to ‘freebirth’ in the fucking woods.

Spin4Gin · 09/10/2022 22:17

cata09x · 08/10/2022 08:16

My midwife told me Id be selfish to choose to birth my child at the local hospital and that I should do a home birth / birthing unit birth instead - is this a normal thing to say?

As it's my first i wasn't expecting her to say I'm selfish when she asked about my choice of place for the birth but maybe I should be choosing a birthing unit instead?

I was a low risk pregnancy and if I hadn't been in a labour ward we would have been in serious trouble! I got told baby needed to be out in 20mins due to heart rate so we were going for an emergency c-section, if we had been at home or in the birthing unit we would have been 40mins drive (so goodness knows what by ambulance) to the hospital, who knows what would have happened!

She was totally out of order and I wouldn't be seeing her again. Having now been through pregnancy I've found that you need to stand your ground if you feel strongly about something. Though I don't agree with what she said and I think she was out of order.

Have your baby where you want! If you want to be on a labour ward then that's where you go! If you think you will want an epidural (they are wonderful haha) then you need to be on a labour ward so you might as well start as close as you can haha

Underthehills · 09/10/2022 22:21

Definitely make a complaint and ask for a change. Completely inappropriate. You give birth where you’re comfortable. For me that was hospital both times and it was the right choice. Make sure you don’t see her again. You need and deserve positivity and empathy. She had no right to say that.

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