Selfish for wanting to give birth at a hospital?

[cata09x]

My midwife told me Id be selfish to choose to birth my child at the local hospital and that I should do a home birth / birthing unit birth instead - is this a normal thing to say?

As it's my first i wasn't expecting her to say I'm selfish when she asked about my choice of place for the birth but maybe I should be choosing a birthing unit instead?

Oh my that's soo rude of that midwife it's your baby and your choices never feel like your making the wrong decisions you know why you want to give birth at the hospital and that's a great decision pls don't beat yourself up for it everyone's different and everyone has different choices you'll be in great care at the hospital you won't be treated differently

Congratulations on your bundle of joy and I pray you have a peaceful and safe birth and a healthy baby x

Based on my experience I would definitely encourage any woman I know to give birth in a hospital with their first. Every woman in my immediate family would’ve ended up in hospital anyway. My nearest hospital is a 40 minute ambulance drive from the midwife led unit and a lot could’ve gone wrong in that time.

@diamondpony80 yes your soo right they do end up in the hospital with everyone I know too

I gave birth in a birthing centre as that was my choice is was the best ever soo peaceful relaxing no soo crazy and my partner was allowed to sleep with me there and the water but tbh experience was beautiful but then again everyone is different

Birth *

Some midwives are bonkers. I was having identical twins, high risk pregnancy. Consultant concerned I was developing pre-eclampsia protein in wee blood pressure climbing. Was in for monitoring / steroid injection to help develop lungs to prepare for induction.

The midwife felt it was ridiculous “plenty of growing room in there” “consultants don’t know everything” stories of shorter women who carried their twins for longer so as to qualify for the martyr badge of honour. It was bizarre and had I listened quite dangerous advice.

That's actually quite frightening.

Awful advice OP. I'm one of the number that would have ended up with a dead baby had I not been in easy reach of an operating theatre. It was touch and go as it was.

She's 21 now, perfectly healthy and studying to become a midwife!

As a HCP I often roll my eyes at how hasty people in MN are to report HCPs, however in the case, I think you are absolutely right to do so. This isn't even a lack of opportunity for informed consent, this is all out bullying.

The risk of complications in a low risk first pregnancy for a home birth are low, but are double that of a second birth where the first both was uncomplicated.

Also, as a paramedic, do not believe any midwife who tells you that you WILL get an ambulance straight away if you need one. This is unfortunately not the case. By the time I finished my last shift there were 26 ambulances waiting outside A&E in my health board region, there aren't even that number of ambulance stations covering the same area!! This is also an issue for using a stand alone birthing unit.

Personally I suggest aiming for the nearest alongside Midwifery led unit (where the theatres are just across the corridor). That was my plan, unfortunately I had a PROM and had to go to labour unit and wasn't allowed in the birthing pool.

Mad. Complications can come out of nowhere. I had a very easy, textbook pregnancy and then a 2 litre post partum haemorrhage. Wouldn't have fancied the ambulance trip from home much.

Sorry, but how do you know these deliveries would have had 100% the same outcome is they had happened in a different setting? The whole point is that women tend to be more relaxed at home or on a MLU which mimics the home environment than on a delivery suite full of strangers, bright lights, unfamiliar noises, etc. which in turn allows them to birth more naturally, quickly and easily, and thus can help avoid complications and interventions often seen in hospital settings. There is no predestined way that a labour will go, change something and you may have had a different result. It's not like serious things don't happen in hospital, too. Also, midwives are trained to deal with shoulder dystocia.

I don't think what this midwife said was right, by the way, but I don't think this comment is helpful either.

My DS would've been stillborn if we hadn't been within sprinting distance of an operating theatre - the registrar was literally running there, barking orders to get me under general anaesthetic immediately whilst a pair of midwives were running behind pushing me on the trolley. It was so, so frightening, and I was so fortunate to be in a hospital with a good neonatal care unit.

Please see the NICE guidelines on Intrapartum care for healthy mothers and babies.
The phrase that stood out was

"When discussing the woman's choice of place of birth with her, do not disclose personal views or judgements about her choices. [2014]"

This midwife is being really unprofessional. Especially as it's your first ( but even if it wasn't) , you have the right to be around all the healthcare professionals that a hospital provides

I know how you feel. There was a lot of pressure on me to have DC at home or in the birthing unit with no doctors on hand. They want to save on resources. Cheaper, calmer, safer aparently. Thank goodness I chose the hospital and was surrounded by the best care when DC went into distress I could be rushed along the corridor for an emergency section. Baby needed oxygen but was fine with swift intervention. If we had been away from the hospital she could have died or suffered brain damage.

I’m quite shocked a midwife would say this. Usually women have to fight for a home-birth. My first pregnancy was low-risk throughout and I had a home-birth planned, but ended up having a very complicated birth and thankfully was in hospital, I then had a high-risk pregnancy with my 2nd but a very safe and unmedicated birth, which could have been at home. So I really don’t think “low-risk” pregnancy is a good reason to encourage people to have a home-birth. You plan the birth you are most comfortable with. And I would definitely put a formal complaint in… not appropriate at all.

Report her. Completely inappropriate.

Oh wow I thought you were going to say she was pushing for a midwife led unit next to a hospital, which would be a good call in your circumstances (although even then telling you you are selfish is so rude and inappropriate).
But her advice is downright dangerous.

This is weird. I made the decision to have my low risk pregnancy in the birthing unit knowing full well that if there was an emergency the labour ward was literally the floor below in the hospital.

As it happens, i needed those consultants on the floor below pronto as my baby's heart beat dropped and i needed an emergency caesarean within 5 minutes to save her. I was put to sleep through this process of absolute mayhem.

If i was at home I'm not sure if the baby would have survived

I gave birth to my first in an MLU and am planning to do the same for my second so I am not anti such settings and I do agree that they have certain advantages.

In both cases though, my decision has been heavily influenced by the MLU being attached to a hospital and separated from the main delivery ward and theatre rooms by a corridor. I personally would not choose to give birth in a free-standing MLU at any significant distance from a hospital. I accept that this is personal choice but my view is that births can go from low-risk to high-risk very quickly and it is not worth taking the risk.

We also live under 3 miles from our nearest hospital and there is no chance I would opt for a home birth at the moment, given the ongoing shortage of ambulances. Yes, at a push we could drive there, but I don't fancy that while in established labour and the traffic round here is so bad sometimes that walking would probably be quicker. A 3 mile trip can take up to an hour.

She has no business pushing her views on you.

You'll probably find it's more to do with the birthing unit needing a certain amount of babies born there each year, or it will face closure. The midwives won't want it to close so will be doing everything they can to keep up numbers.

Not good though and I'd not be happy with that especially after DC1s traumatic birth that we only survived due to being in a hospital with immediate access to a theatre.

Very strange comment from a midwife in my experience. I had my first in a midwife led unit and my second at home and while the midwives were mostly supportive, I did get comments from ‘friends’ who work in emergency services about how having a home birth is selfish because it takes resources away from the hospital. I also got the impression that switching from hospital to mw-led centre at 7 months pregnant was seen as creating a fuss by my midwife.

At the end of the day you have the right to give birth in a way that suits you, and so long as it is safe place and risk-assessed your midwife should support your choice.

Tell he you want a new midwife

Make a complaint about her, that's very unprofessional.
Sometimes it's okay to be selfish, like when it comes to what happens to your body, or the birth of your baby. You have to prioritise yourself and baby, even if that choice is selfish.

I ended up giving birth in the car because I was turned away and was advised to have a home birth if I had any more kids. I didn't want a home birth.

Make a formal complaint to her manager and request another midwife. I had a midwife behave awfully towards my fiancé during my first pregnancy. I reported her because it was hurtful what she said. I requested a new midwife and got one. I mentioned a home birth during my pregnancy and was put off by the MW for the exact reasons other posters are saying. If something was to be wrong you need to be in a hospital. I can understand those with 2nd and further pregnancies birthing at home as they know they’ll drill and they know how they coped but to make you feel guilty / selfish for wanting the care available should you need it during a first pregnancy is ridiculous and uncalled for.

Birthing units not directly connected with a proper hospital should be illegal. There is no such thing as risk free birth and a rapid help of a qualified doctor with a proper equipment can mean the difference between a healthy baby and a dead baby.
Please make a complaint. She needs to be told her attitude is harmful