Selfish for wanting to give birth at a hospital?

[cata09x]

My midwife told me Id be selfish to choose to birth my child at the local hospital and that I should do a home birth / birthing unit birth instead - is this a normal thing to say?

As it's my first i wasn't expecting her to say I'm selfish when she asked about my choice of place for the birth but maybe I should be choosing a birthing unit instead?

That sounds a totally inappropriate comment.

U have ur baby where u want to have ur baby. Everyone is different. I went to hospital as I wanted to be near all the help I could get if anything went wrong ( and lucky I did ).
she has no right to be preaching her ideals at u.

If this happened, well I wouldn’t be seeing that midwife again and I’d make a formal complaint!

I would also be asking for another midwife. If this is just the start of her preachy nonsense.

That sounds v odd. What exactly did she say, and why does she think giving birth in hospital would be selfish?

Your midwife is an idiot. I've seen deliveries in completely healthy first time mums with normal pregnancies go wrong at the last minute - shoulder dystocia, cord prolapse - being within seconds of an operating theatre undoubtedly made the difference between a live healthy baby and one who was dead or brain damaged.

Same goes for birthing units that are out in the community. Birthing units that are next to a labour ward are ok.

If you have a home birth for a first time pregnancy you are accepting that if there is a catastrophic late complication, your baby will be damaged or dead in a way that would be less likely in hospital. I would make a formal complaint against the MW and ask not to see her again.

Report her. I had a bunch of mean girls as my midwives- never the same one twice. Presume it was how they were managed.

I would absolutely aim to have your 1st in hospital. You have no idea how you will labour.

I was advised to have 2 and 3 at home as there was a high chance I wouldn’t make it to hospital. I would have preferred hospital, but in my case I accepted that being at home was the safest thing.

There’s nothing selfish in wanting to be in hospital at all. It’s just common sense so don’t doubt yourself.

In the U.K.? Most people give birth in hospital! Never heard of such a thing

What?? That’s an awful thing for a midwife to say. In a country where we regularly let women have c sections for no reason, just going into hospital to give birth is nothing.

Utter madness. Her job is to support YOUR choices, not inflict her (erroneous) views on you. You’re not in the Netherlands are you?

She pretty much said that I should think about all the mums who have no choice but to birth in a hospital and seeing as my pregnancy was low risk it should be my last option that hospitals were oversubscribed as it is😅

That's what I thought- she honestly wasn't exactly what I was expecting when I went in for my first appointment! And no England!

Report her and ask for another midwife - you don’t want a nasty bully who doesn’t follow NHS guidelines in charge of you when you’re vulnerable and in pain.

That's exactly what I had thought. The birthing unit that was closest was easily a 25 minute drive from the hospital, I'm about 10 minutes drive from the hospital closest to me, whereas it would take me almost 40 minutes to get to the birthing unit!

That's absolutely insane. Massively unprofessional and unless you've got a history of short labour's damn right dangerous.

Complain and ask for a different midwife. Low risk is just that, low risk. No birth is risk free.

Absolutely complain about this. Appalling.

I read about some poor mum that was turned away from hospital and was forced to deliver on her own at home. Wonder if its the same area?

@NCnotmyusualone i am going to, I don't like to be the type of person to complain but I don't particularly want her to be the person I have all my appointments with now😅.

I had a very similar comment with my first. I ignored it and opted for a hospital birth. The midwife apologised when she came to see me when I was finally discharged 10 days after birth due to a lot of complications in labour.
While I support home birth the conversion rate to hospital is around 50% for FTM so hospital birth is a completely valid choice too!

Please complain about this. I am a midwife and I have 2 midwives on my team that would make this kind of comment. Unfortunately I don't see these women usually until after they have had their baby and they tell me, so far none have been interested in making a complaint and I cannot do so (and be taken seriously, I have tried) without their support but I am terrified of what's going to happen one day with this kind of shit going on.
I know we're short of midwives but I'd rather pick up the extra than deal with the fallout of this kind of care!

Are you in an area where they have turned away labouring women from hospitals? Its a really odd thing for a midwife to say, especially as some areas are removing access to home births. What exactly did she say?

Ask for another midwife and I'd also ask if this is local guidance as they are over capacity or if this midwife was taking a unilateral line. Don't be put off homeo birth if you want one or hospital birth if you want one by an individual who may be off side.

I had home births, I know how good they can be. However each woman and each of her pregnancies will be different and I made the decision pregnancy by pregnancy, not on the basis of someone saying "no room at the inn".

I’m not even sure that it is true.

One of the advantages given for homebirth is that you get 1:1 or even 2:1 attention. With my first birth I was 7cm + for over 12 hours. (Labour was going really well but then Dd got stuck.) At least one midwife would have had to be present for all that time. But in the hospital the midwife basically popped in once an hour to check me for 5 minutes and then went off to see to someone else.

This is what the NHS advice is:-

“If you have a straightforward pregnancy, and both you and the baby are well, you might choose to give birth at home.

Giving birth is generally safe wherever you choose to have your baby.

But if you’re having your first baby, home birth slightly increases the risk of serious problems for the baby – including death or issues that might affect the baby's quality of life – from 5 in 1,000 for a hospital birth to 9 in 1,000 for a home birth.

If you’re having your second baby, a planned home birth is as safe as having your baby in hospital or a midwife-led unit.”

I don’t think that it is selfish to want to half your risk of serious problems for your baby.

Jesus, I had two home births so I am absolutely pro home birth but I would definitely complain about this MW!
The decision must be the mum's wishes, not being guilted into either decision.