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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Witnessing the birth from hell...?

48 replies

hillwalker2004 · 15/04/2022 21:42

First of all a confession, I'm actually posting as the husband having watching my wife give birth a week or so ago and the harrowing experience that unfolded. Hopefully husbands are welcome to post here as well! ;)

This is what happened...
My wife was booked in for an induction that started at 9am on Friday for the initial 24 hour pessary. On arrival she was told that her cervix was 1cm, but unfortunately it didn't do a great deal and she was still more or less 1cm. On Saturday morning a gel pessary was given and reviewed 6 hours later at which point she was still only 1.5cm. They were a bit late with the second gel pessary which was then given early Saturday evening with the hope she could get to 2cm to be able to break the waters comfortably. At about 2am on Sunday morning her cervix dilated to 4cm and she was starting to experience contractions (albeit fairly infrequently, perhaps averaging every 4 mins but not at regular intervals) at which point she was transferred from the antenatal ward to the delivery suite.

Her waters were broken about 3am on Sunday and she started to use gas and air which took the edge off. Eventually she moved to pethidine which didn't do a huge amount and by mid morning she was offered and accepted an epidural. They didn't want to start the oxytocin drip until an hour had passed post epidural. This took a couple of hours longer than expected as my wife is six foot and the block initially only went 2/3rd up her legs. At this point things were fine, if not quite slow but thats just the way it goes sometimes.

We did have some concerns early on as the baby's heartrate was too regular for long periods (not really moving more than a couple of bpm) and at one point there was concern that a c-section might be needed. Various midwives took a look and eventually the consultant was brought in to review the printout. It was decided to give it a further 15 mins and make a final decision then, during which point baby had a good wriggle which reassured everyone. They came to the conclusion that when sleepy he was very sleepy, but to the point that every midwife monitoring during the day had to be briefed.

The oxytocin drip was given around late morning Sunday and gradually ramped up. The dilation was initially slow, I think the first 4 hours went from 4cm and stayed that way, then about 5cm a further 4 hours after. Eventually we got to 7cm at the next review and by 7.40pm we got to the magic 10cm. For some reason they wait an hour before the literal final push. Little did we know what was going to happen next...

An hour and 20 mins later, despite pushing as much as my wife could, she was tiring after being 60 hours in hospital and basically the baby hadn't moved at all. A ventouse assistance was offered and accepted. The baby was pulled out over the following two contractions and my assumption that my wife pushes and they pull a bit and guide the baby out couldn't have been further from the truth. Wow, they pull hard!

Baby was delivered but at this point is was clear that something had gone a bit awry. There was blood all over the floor and flowing at a pace. Bear in the mind this is all happening in a small room, huge puddles of blood, various cloths used to mop it all up. I'm there thinking, wow is this normal, it looks like a lot of blood. Then I know something really wasnt right as a second consultant came to the room, then a third, both of who were in theatre about to start a c-section for someone else.

In the meantime baby starts to make gurgling noises and was clearly struggling to breath. They then take the baby to a special baby monitor thing at which point 3 doctors come over. So now there are 12 in the room (6 midwives plus 6 doctors), plus me the wife and the little one. I now see in the corner of the room the baby having a mask fitted to him and I heard them say his oxygen levels are dropping. I'm standing in the room by myself absolutely horrified at what is happening. This isnt a criticism of the staff but their priority was not to provide me with a running commentary, but amongst it all I broke down.

Baby is now wheeled over to neo-natal and the last I see of him for the time being. 20 mins later my wife is still being stitched up with them struggling to stem the blood loss. They use a vaginal pack. I honestly thought the amount of blood looked worse than it was, but over the coming days we were told it was three litres.

Baby was wheeled back to us one hour later, I think there was just some fluid in his lungs, but the ventouse really does misshape the head, the back of it was shaped like a coca cola can (writing this several days later is now back to normal).

All the above was last Sunday, today is Friday and my wife had to have a blood transfusion x 2 on Tuesday which really made the world of difference. Until then she didnt even have the energy to hold the baby, nor could she sit upright. They tried iron tablets first, but did say that a transfusion would be likely. Various injections (blood thinners, antibiotics, iron tablets, pain relief, drips etc) have been given but fundamentally she is now more or less ok. 8 days in hospital so far.

Unfortunately baby has had an infection and been treated with antibiotics since Monday. The poor boy - 2 x heel pricks for diabetes, the vit k inkection, 2 x canulas for the antibiotics and then a spinal tap to test for meningitis (I broke down then again when told of this), and 3 x further heel pricks for the 5 day test and to fill blood vials. Thankfully we have been told its an undiagnosed infection and they have ruled out the nasty stuff. However, both he and wife will be in until Tuesday - 12 days in total.

It was never meant to be this way and as harrowing it was for my wife to experience, she has said she was too out of it to take note what was happening. For me, I thought I was going to lose them both - the panic of the staff and then more and more rushing in will never leave me.

We still at the moment dont really know why there was so much blood lost, but have been advised we can have a debrief. Its been suggested that we wait until after discharge so that we can process things in our head first. I almost wonder whether its as much as perhaps they think its best we dont know whilst there is still active treatment. For clarity, there is no criticism of the care we received. By and large it has been really good. It just seems we seemed to hit a perfect storm of one issue after another, which in isolation were bad enough, but I never thought for a moment we'd still be in hospital for 12 days.

It makes me value the little one all the more and cant wait to bring him home!

OP posts:
stimpyyouidiot · 15/04/2022 21:47

Op that sounds awful. I can't imagine what it's like to witness that. Like your wife said, she had a lot of drugs to help. Why was she induced? How is she now?

Tigerteafor3 · 15/04/2022 21:49

Oh bless you, that does sound traumatic, especially to be watching it all and not be able to do anything about it. I would definitely recommend a debrief and see if the health visitor has any recommendations for post natal counselling. Even one or two sessions for you would make the world of difference, being able to talk through what you saw with a professional is important. Also I would recommend reading up on the symptoms of post natal depression, either for you or your wife. Being able to spot it early means getting support early.

334bu · 15/04/2022 21:50

Flowers Hope things improve and you get some answers.

JustBkind · 15/04/2022 21:51

Oh my goodness, you really have all been through it! I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now. The main thing is that everyone is safe and well but you really do need answers from this experience, which will hopefully help you to process it better. You must be feeling very alone when you go home from the hospital and that won’t help either. Do you have family members you can talk to? I hope everything works out for you and that you can move on from this and have a lovely family experience with your wife and new baby when they get home.

Beachsidesunset · 15/04/2022 21:55

Congratulations on your little boy, OP. I hope writing out your experience will help you process a very traumatic event. Ask for a birth debrief, if your wife wants one, and be kind to yourself and her.

QuebecBagnet · 15/04/2022 21:57

Well firstly congratulations.

I’m a midwife and often think that in such a situation the partner can be more traumatised than the woman as they often see everything which is happening.

3ltrs is a big blood loss. However staff are well,trained for what to do, how to stop the bleeding, what drugs to give, what fluids to give, there’s always emergency blood on the ward. It is very rare to lose someone to blood loss at childbirth in the U.K. but very scary to see.

I would definitely have the debrief. Write down any questions either of you have. Take paper and pen with you to write down anything you want to remember/make a note of. Ask about implications/choices regarding delivery for future pregnancies…..which I know might be the last thing on your mind now but in a couple of years you might be glad you discussed it.

Enjoy the new arrival when he’s home.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2022 22:06

Jesus what an experience. I’m glad you are all ok.
Once you get home I think it will be easier to process it snd start putting it behind you.

Do get the debrief, not to give them a hard time but to check that if they should have intervened earlier that it’s something they learn from.

AnotherNC22 · 15/04/2022 22:09

Congratulations on the birth of your baby. My DH went through something very similar. My labour was quick and without the blood loss your wife suffered but at 23hrs old DD developed Group B Strep sepsis, whilst i also developed an infection. Cue baby being rushed to NICU, me very unwell, DH split between the two of us on different floors of the hospital. DD also needed a lumbar puncture but luckily no meningitis. I was discharged after 5 days, DD spent 3 days in NICU then 10days in SCBU before she could come home. It was a very horrible and scary time.

I echo pp about your wife getting a birth debrief when she is ready (it took me 4 months to feel ready). I also developed a lot of anxiety and PND after coming so close to losing my little one. Not helped by the fact that such a tricky start made breastfeeding difficult and we ended up combi feeding.

It was very hard for my DH to support me in processing everything that had happened. Make sure you have a good chat with your HV - mine put us on an enhanced service and we've had so much fantastic support, including access to some CBT for me and weekly then monthly visits which are just coming to an end now at 10months post partum. Please don't underestimate your trauma either - you should also be able to self refer for some support through the GP if needed.

I can tell you that with time, things will improve. I can now talk about what happened without breaking down. I feel lucky every single day to still have DD here with us bringing such joy to our lives. It has in no way been easy but you will all get through this together Flowers

Vintagegoth · 15/04/2022 22:11

I had a traumatic first birth and did eventually go for the debrief with a trained midwife at the hospital some months later. It certainly helped process some of the things that happened. I think at the moment the focus is to get everyone home, settled and physically recovered, but then to do the debrief. Your wife may be still processing what happened as it is so recent.

WeepingWinnie · 15/04/2022 22:12

I was the woman in this scenario, OP, and I genuinely thought DC and I were going to die. XH was unfortunately not able to articulate his experience of it in the way that you are and somehow blamed DC for it (and it broke up our marriage). I blacked out for part of it, probably due to blood loss. Like you, I had no complaints about the care I received, but when I asked to read the notes - just to fill in the blanks in my head - I was told the notes were missing. I regret that to this day, so please do try to find answers, just for your own sanity. I've tried subsequently as I still feel that something is missing 21 years on, so I really hope you can do it.

WeepingWinnie · 15/04/2022 22:13

I also developed post natal anxiety and didn't immediately bond with the baby, OP. I was too shellshocked by what happened. I hope you and your wife have good people around you to care for both of you.

WonderingWanda · 15/04/2022 22:18

That must have been hard for you to watch. I had a similarly lpng labour with a foceps delivery and had no idea that I lost lots of blood. My baby was whisked off, drs ran in and all the nidwives were askong my husband if he was ok. He was like you watching it all unfold and utterly terrified. It sounds like you've had lots more worried with your baby since the birth too, you must be exhausted. I hope Mum and baby feel better and are able to go home. Take care of yourself, I think you have every right to be very shaken up by this experience.

hillwalker2004 · 15/04/2022 22:19

Thanks all for the replies so far. In answer to some of the questions -

  • She was induced at 39+3 due to gestational diabetes and growth just starting to tail off and basically we were told that at this point better out than in. The GD was very marginal though (average fasting of 4.7 - 5.3, and 1hr readings of 6.0 - 7.5). There were a couple of isolated higher readings though on the fasting, I think 5.6 was hit a couple of times when we ate out the night before.
  • She is superficially fine now, but sore. Her iron readings remain low, so think she'll be on tablets for a while. Quite swollen ankles too.
  • I think the PTSD at least for me I can handle, but it wont leave me. If anything it just makes me appreciate the little one all the more. He has taken all the prodding and poking in his stride.
  • Yes, going home has been hard. In ante-natal ward I was allowed to be there for 12 hours, throughout in active delivery, but post-natal just four hours a day. I've been pretty sick with worry to be honest, particularly the day when they took the spinal tap and mentioned meningitis.
  • Yes, we will definitely have the debrief. We have only picked up bits and pieces from the duty midwives. Those that have read the notes seem to imply the sequence of the events faced were pretty exceptional. We dont really know what actually happened that led to the blood less or even how many stitches and where they are.
OP posts:
iolaus · 15/04/2022 22:20

The debrief is often done later because often in the midst of it (this is probably more your wife than you) you don't realise the questions you have till you have processed it

You do sound like you need one though

Vallmo47 · 15/04/2022 22:20

Sorry you’ve been through such a rough birth experience with your wife OP. Glad your wife and baby are now doing reasonably well.
My second baby got stuck at the shoulders, emergency button pressed and in storms what must have been the entire ward of midwives and doctors! It’s a horrible experience but their main focus is to secure the lives of both mother and baby. Thank god. Definitely have a debrief and make sure you understand what they’re telling you. Over time you will process what’s happened and gradually block the worst moments from memory. It’s a self defence thing, you will all be ok.

Throughabushbackwards · 15/04/2022 22:33

Bless you and your partner and your dear little one OP Thanks

hillwalker2004 · 15/04/2022 22:35

Its also the little things that I'll remember that I've missed out above. I mentioned the emergency c-section that was meant to happen and they were already in theatre for, but dont think the operation had started. I then heard there was a trauma case heading in. Its only a smallish hospital, and I recall them basically telling someone on the phone that they needed to close the delivery suite down and having to borrow doctors from elsewhere in the hospital until things had cleared.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/04/2022 22:42

Congratulations on your baby boy, who certainly chose a dramatic way to enter the world!

I'd suggest that you seek out somebody privately to speak to separate from any debrief - as you have clearer memories and a completely different experience from your wife; it'll help you process what you saw (without your trauma becoming something your wife needs to support you with) and you'll be in a better place to be able to support her and get on with enjoying this time with your baby together.

Separate counselling/therapy will also help you be in a stronger place to get the best out of any debrief, as the emotional side of what you witnessed won't cloud getting understanding of what happened.

Perhaps your employer has an Employee Assistance Plan with access to counselling? It's not a failure to use it as soon as something so major in your life happens, it's sensible.

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 15/04/2022 22:43

I had two big blood loss births- 5L PPH after first baby and 6L after second. I probably shouldn’t have been allowed to have a natural birth with the second tbh but easy to say with hindsight. Me and both babies spent a week in the ICU after their births and it was all horrible at the time for me and for DH. But nearly a decade on, the memories have faded and I never felt as in danger as I probably was. You will forget, it won’t always be this raw. Good luck with the little one.

Fluffycloudland77 · 15/04/2022 22:52

Childbirths very dangerous, they both survived. It’s not like on tv it’s real life and death stuff.

cavalatete · 15/04/2022 22:52

Hey OP that sounds absolutely awful to witness.

I just wanted to let you know, should it be useful, that I once met a psychologist who specialised in mens experiences of their wives/partners giving birth. It was abroad and different language, but just to say that there are a few people out there who recognise the father's experience of it as separate from the mother's. She can have trauma from experiencing it personally while he can have secondary/vicarious trauma from being a witness to it.

Also, if your wife ever needs it (can't remember if it's open to fathers or not) there's the British Birth Trauma Association and they have a members-only FB page that can be joined.

The best thing you can do is to talk about what you remember, if it comes up, don't bottle it up. But it's very possible (likely) that your wife isn't the one to talk in detail to about it. If you ever feel you aren't able to talk and want to, then a few seasons with a therapist who has trauma therapy training & experience should help. It doesn't need to be a lot of sessions, for this, but just a place for you to say out loud what you can't to others to someone who can listen to all the details and gets it. That's assuming you can't talk to mates or family - it would be lovely to think you had people around to talk to about this who could listen.

All three of you have been through a lot so I wish you all well next week when it's time all come home.

nearlyspringyay · 15/04/2022 22:53

It's awful, and well done for speaking out. I had a very traumatic 31 week delivery ending ina crash section. I don't think DH has ever given it time to process down the line as partners are so often sidelined. I'm ten years down the line now and would highly recommend counselling for both of you.

And, congratulations!!

Onceuponatimethen · 15/04/2022 22:54

Op I’m so sorry you went through this Flowers

That is a lot to go through - such a very long labour with so many different medical interventions before you then get to a very frightening post partum haemorrhage and not knowing whether your little one was ok. This would be a huge ordeal for any mother and father.

My Dh cried at my fairly traumatic first birth (but much less so than what you have just been through) and also my less significant post partum haemorrhage. He was very upset and shocked at the length of the labour, medical interventions and blood loss.

It is not at all easy for dads in the position you were in. I think you are very wise to reach out for any help you need to process, including on here.

I’m sending you a huge un mn hug in case that helps - my dh often says men need them just as much as women! He’s very in touch with his emotions which I feel is a huge strength and it sounds like you are too.

I hope you don’t mind me saying that time can be a great healer. Everything felt so raw for me at the time, but I have processed my traumatic birth now (it’s 10 years ago) and it’s given me real strength, if that doesn’t sound weird.

One thing that really helped me was chatting to the Tommy’s midwife helpline. Here’s the link www.tommys.org/about-us/our-people/tommys-midwives
They talk to dads as well as mums and will berth willingly support you with birth trauma and debrief. Please do call them if you think it will help you.

bollocksthemess · 15/04/2022 23:04

I think it’s a lot worse for the partner than the mother when things go a bit wrong.
My husband was horrified when I was admitted at 30 weeks and when he came to see me I was in a delivery room with an oxygen cot thing in case I had to have the babies.

Fortunately for everyone, he was at the football when I realised I had severe preeclampsia and he only just got back for the emergency c-section.
By the time he got there, all the doctors had gone to scrub in, he’d missed the millions of people putting drips in, sewing a monitor into my artery, rushing round getting my blood pressure down.

As it was, he has no real sense of how ill I was and how dangerous it was, and I’m happy to keep it that way. He has lovely memories of turning up, putting some scrubs on and meeting his twins.

I’m sorry you had such a rough time, hopefully the debrief will help you.

User839516 · 15/04/2022 23:14

Congratulations on your baby boy OP. I had a similar experience with the birth of my daughter although it did end in an emergency section. Baby in neonatal, cannulas, tests etc for infection etc, was in the hospital for 12 days. I thought I was fine and the same as your wife a bit shell shocked but just kind of powering through in the hospital. I was so desperate to get home but then when I got there that’s actually when my PND (and realistically PTSD) kicked in hard. So keep an eye on your wife when she gets home. We did go for a debrief but I couldn’t face it until about a year after the birth, and even then I cried the whole way through. My DH was understandably traumatised by the whole thing but was amazingly supportive during my battle with PND and I really couldn’t have got through it without him.