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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Vaginal birth - please read

75 replies

ttttttt22525 · 03/04/2022 22:55

What was your boyfriend/fiancé/husband/partner like during your vaginal birth?

I’m 8 weeks pregnant me and my boyfriend are quite young. We have some maturing to do, we’re not in school and we have lots of support we are nearly moved into our first home so we are getting there in that sense.

But my boyfriend has always been a bit immature about women’s issues such as periods etc.

I’m a bit nervous to give birth vaginally in front of him and potentially poop in front of him. I love him and he loves me I don’t know if it’s because I’m young I know it’s natural but I’m just nervous he’ll get all weird about it like he does periods and it’ll affect our relationship

Please don’t critisise my boyfriend for this he says he’ll work on it and he won’t be grossed out I’m just nervous

OP posts:

angstridden2 · 05/04/2022 08:55

My DH wasn’t present at the births of any of mine. He’s very squeamish and I’m glad he wasn’t. It’s not for everyone.The midwives were great and my DH has been a good and hands on father. It’s interesting that having fathers present seems to be less automatic these days, perhaps we are seeing the return of women supporting women more during childbirth, but employing sufficient midwives will be a must if this is happening.

AnastasiaRomanov · 05/04/2022 08:59

Take your mother or a good friend.

creacher · 05/04/2022 09:00

@AlaskaFound

What a strange thing to say.

Why thank you, I do like being strange.

No matter what your birthing preference, you can’t predict how the actual birth will go at 8 weeks. That was all I was strangely trying to say.

Oh fgs there's only two options, vaginal or c-section. No need to be condescending because op admits she's young.

passport123 · 05/04/2022 09:04

How old are you? Do you really want to be tied to this man for 18 years? At 8 weeks you have options....

JemimaTiggywinkle · 05/04/2022 09:04

You need to be sure you can rely on him when you’re in agony and at your most vulnerable. If you can’t, then consider a different birth partner.
He’s not there to have an “experience”, he’s solely there to support you - so if you don’t think he can then don’t feel bad about asking someone else.

In terms of practicalities, my DH was at my side, holding my hand etc, not staring into my vagina… so he didn’t see much anyway.

Also I didn’t poo while giving birth. Had horrendous diarrhoea in early labour so it was all cleared out in private!

JemimaTiggywinkle · 05/04/2022 09:05

Also, you do need to be sure that you would still want to have a baby if you were going to be a single mum. The harsh reality is a lot of relationships don’t work out.

lavenderlilaclily · 06/04/2022 11:59

@JemimaTiggywinkle

Also, you do need to be sure that you would still want to have a baby if you were going to be a single mum. The harsh reality is a lot of relationships don’t work out.

This is unnecessary and patronising and built on problematic assumptions. Why should OP be thinking about being a single mum - just because she’s young?? Would you say this to a mum to be of 30, or 35 ? Because their relationships are just as likely not to work out but we don’t go around telling pregnant women that. OP has clearly said her partner and her are in love, she has not claimed he’s unsupportive, she has not expressed any uncertainty about wanting the baby, she is simply asking for some advice re a particular issue, she does not need this unsolicited advice making her anxious at an already anxious time.

ChooChoo12 · 06/04/2022 12:06

I think you will find he will put his feelings aside and toughen up to be there to support you now. It’s not about him during the labour/birth. If he really can’t do that, then find yourself a different birthing partner for your sake / you will need a supportive one!!

AwkwardPaws27 · 06/04/2022 12:42

I'd suggest looking up the positive birth company on Instagram & watching some of their birth videos so he gets an idea of what to expect in advance and what is expected of him as a supportive birth partner.

I wouldn't suggest One Born Every Minute - some of the men act appalling and you don't want him thinking that's good enough, plus they tend to show the more dramatic births - but there are some great positive birth videos on YouTube too that might help prepare you both a bit.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 06/04/2022 16:25

@lavenderlilaclily yes I’d say that to any woman who is pregnant with a man who she describes as immature and is worried will not be able to support her adequately in labour.

CoalCraft · 07/04/2022 11:19

My DH was great. Granted he didn't really do much, just stayed by my head a d held my hand when required, but his presence was a comfort. I'm pregnant again now and we have limited childcare options, so there's a chance he won't be there next time, which I find a hard thought.

RaspberryChouxBuns · 07/04/2022 11:26

Maybe a capri sonne and a game of will help him get through it?

RaspberryChouxBuns · 07/04/2022 11:28

*gameboy

Your boyfriend needs to sort himself out, you need an advocate during pregnancy and childbirth otherwise get someone who can actually help you through this.

DockOTheBay · 07/04/2022 11:30

@AlaskaFound

What a strange thing to say.

Why thank you, I do like being strange.

No matter what your birthing preference, you can’t predict how the actual birth will go at 8 weeks. That was all I was strangely trying to say.

The majority of births are vaginal and even those which end in c section often Labour first, especially with first babies. It's not unreasonable for OP to start thinking about how she and her boyfriend will cope with that.

boymummys · 07/04/2022 11:39

The comments on this are disgusting! Some of you commenting from personal experience?🤣🤣🤣

I had my first at 23 my partner is five years older then me, I didn't want him to see me shit myself while giving birth and tbh I don't think he wanted to see that either. Doesn't mean he's childish at all, just because OP has said there young it seems to me she's taking steps to give them both and baby a better life! I'm due our second in four days and yet again will have him at my head like I did for my first untill baby is nearly there.

Absolutely no need for the termination comments, the single parent comments at all. Some of you should stay of the internet because clearly you were never taught if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all.

With that being said, my partner is now 32 and childish as anything but still the best parent I could of ever asked for, for our children. Being childish, squeamish or any of the above does not mean this man won't be a good dad.

Zilla1 · 07/04/2022 12:00

It's perhaps good you are thinking through the practicalities but try not to worry OP. To use normal terminology, not every birth is 'icky' nor does he have to venture 'down below' nor even be in the room. In practice, you'll both have other things to worry about. Good luck on all the exciting changes.

Briefly · 07/04/2022 12:13

Fifty years ago many men weren't in the room at the birth and probably didn't think they could be. If he's not going to be helpful I would take someone else.

Onthegrid · 07/04/2022 12:20

OP I don’t think your age is relevant here, there are plenty of men that would struggle in a delivery room and I have to say even though I have given birth twice, I’d have to think very carefully about whether I could be a birthing partner if asked and I would definitely be a head end only person.
I only wanted my DH with me and we were a good team, he was there for my support and not to watch the DC coming out, he didn’t cut the cord but did get the first cuddle whilst the medical team sorted me out. This was my choice as there was no way I could hold a baby or want them on me until I had composed myself.

Trinacham · 07/04/2022 12:29

He stayed mostly at head end as he was holding my hand. He did say he saw baby's head coming out, told me as it was happening - that really helped as I knew I was nearly there! He's not squeamish in any way though and a mature man. Probably did help him that I was calm and still smiling (i had a very easy and quick birth!) so he didn't feel traumatised, like some are. You need to be feeling as relaxed as you can and to feel like you can 'let go' so definitely need to discuss it with him. Get your thoughts out to him.

Bluffysummers · 07/04/2022 12:42

Why are people on MN so unkind!!! I don’t get this mentality. This is a first time young mum with a legit concern, why be spiteful?! We live in a society that places periods as a HUGE taboo in general, most tampon/ pad adverts use an inoffensive blue liquid to show the products efficacy because acknowledging that women actually bleed would be too much for our delicate sensibilities. Education wise there’s hardly a great emphasis on female biology, im sure there are 100 buzzfeed articles on stupid things men have said about women’s bodies. It’s not that shocking that a young male doesn’t feel comfortable with periods.

Any way rant over.

How young is young OP?

My husband only attended the birth of my first (childcare issues) and I was very intent on having him stay waist up. He tells me I didn’t poop though… not sure if this is true or if he’s telling me to feel better. Either way , I’ll take it

rhowton · 07/04/2022 13:24

How old are you both?

Chanel05 · 07/04/2022 20:43

Congratulations!

Honestly, you really will not care when the time comes who sees your bits and how many people are seeing them.

mrssunshinexxx · 09/04/2022 07:32

If you think he isn't going to be the support you need have another birth partner

jackmode2112 · 12/04/2022 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

BiscuitLover3678 · 12/04/2022 17:10

Congratulations @jackmode2112! Just what we needed to hear.

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