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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Vaginal birth - please read

75 replies

ttttttt22525 · 03/04/2022 22:55

What was your boyfriend/fiancé/husband/partner like during your vaginal birth?

I’m 8 weeks pregnant me and my boyfriend are quite young. We have some maturing to do, we’re not in school and we have lots of support we are nearly moved into our first home so we are getting there in that sense.

But my boyfriend has always been a bit immature about women’s issues such as periods etc.

I’m a bit nervous to give birth vaginally in front of him and potentially poop in front of him. I love him and he loves me I don’t know if it’s because I’m young I know it’s natural but I’m just nervous he’ll get all weird about it like he does periods and it’ll affect our relationship

Please don’t critisise my boyfriend for this he says he’ll work on it and he won’t be grossed out I’m just nervous

OP posts:

Suprima · 03/04/2022 22:57

“Please don’t criticise my boyfriend”

I wouldn’t be having a child with someone immature about periods

Christ alive

AlaskaFound · 03/04/2022 23:00

At 8 weeks pregnant you don’t know if you will be having a vaginal birth.

Yea, you’ve got some maturing to do.

pitterpatterrain · 03/04/2022 23:00

It’s hard to find someone stuck at “teenager” helpful in life

What exactly does he plan to do when your child arrives? Run away from “icky” nappies? Pretend that everything child-related is “too complicated”?

MaraScottie · 03/04/2022 23:01

How does he 'get weird' about periods?

He's going to have to do some fast growing up, and I wouldn't beat around the bush about that either.

whiteroseredrose · 03/04/2022 23:01

My DH was useless when I gave birth to DS. Totally out of place. I threw him out at one point - fortunately my DM was there too.

When I had DD, I just had my DM there. DH stayed at home and looked after DS.

IDontDrinkTea · 03/04/2022 23:02

Leave him at home and take someone else to support you. He sounds utterly useless

Maternitynamechange · 03/04/2022 23:03

You’re going to go through a lot in life that reminds you were viscerally that you’re human. Both of you. Get used to it.

Puppyseahorse · 03/04/2022 23:05

What does he say to you about periods OP?

It’s important that you are as comfortable as possible during birth, however it happens. You don’t have to have him there if you don’t want, and if you do, you can insist that he stays only at the top end!

How do you think he will be at looking after a baby?

Concestor · 03/04/2022 23:06

@AlaskaFound

At 8 weeks pregnant you don’t know if you will be having a vaginal birth.

Yea, you’ve got some maturing to do.

What a strange thing to say. No one knows for sure exactly how they will birth but she will be assured at the booking appointment for her preference and it's total normal to choose a vaginal birth!

Op my DH was in his 40s when I gave birth and he sat in the corner with his hands over his ears looking traumatised

Keep your boyfriend at your head end and it will be fine.

StopStartStop · 03/04/2022 23:07

You don't have to have him there. My h and I were 24 when our dd was born. Having him there was the worst thing I ever did. He was useless and seeing me in all my naked, raw and animal nature didn't help our relationship one bit. Say no.

Marztops · 03/04/2022 23:08

You’ll be fine, try not to worry. The actually birth may end up much faster, slower or just very different than you’re imagining. Try focus on all the positive things and ask your partner to download an app like WTE which will guide him on the stages of pregnancy and what to expect. Best of luck, you’ll be fine x

AlaskaFound · 03/04/2022 23:11

What a strange thing to say.

Why thank you, I do like being strange.

No matter what your birthing preference, you can’t predict how the actual birth will go at 8 weeks. That was all I was strangely trying to say.

LazyYogi · 03/04/2022 23:14

My partner was up by my head during birth. I had to birth on my back due to epidural. There was poop. I knew it at the time but didn't care - it means baby is literally imminent - but he had no idea. He was more concerned with encouraging me through the final stages and greeting his son (when placed on my chest).

I agree with other about the silliness of being "weird" about periods but if that's the facts of the situation I still don't think you have much to worry about. He can be in the room and not see much.

Maternitynamechange · 03/04/2022 23:14

I’m a bit worried about you postnatally if you’re worrying about this. You need to be around someone you’re very comfortable with. You’ll be bleeding, leaking breast milk and blood. It’s all perfectly normal but it won’t do your mental health any good to be around someone who makes you feel paranoid about your perfectly normal body.

5zeds · 03/04/2022 23:17

Just don’t take him with you.

Stade197 · 03/04/2022 23:28

My partner just stayed up by my side through out labour so he couldn't really see down there.

He said as I had so many people in and out of the room poking and looking at me he just thought it would be nicer for me to have a least one person not looking 😅

And to be honest once you are in the room in full on labour pushing all you will care about is getting the baby out safely you probably wont be worrying too much about anything else

Neverreturntoathread · 03/04/2022 23:49

You don’t have to have him there. It’s fashionable at the moment for the man to be an active ‘birth partner’ (ha!) but in many cultures, and also for much of UK history, the women do their thing in private and the man waited outside until they were ready for male company. If that would make you more comfortable, it’s ok to do that. He doesn’t have to see everything. And yes there will be a lot of poo and blood etc. The most important thing is that you are relaxed. Relaxed mothers give birth MUCH faster I cannot emphasise this enough. If you are tense - well imagine trying to reach orgasm while worrying about stuff.

What was my DH like? Pretty useless. Not at all childish but more a shocked spectator than any kind of ‘partner’. He did happen to get a full view of the baby coming out and for days after he was a bit 😱 “I did not know it did that” he was also much more respectful of women for a few weeks lol.

If I did it again I would surround myself with competent experienced women and tell him to wait outside.

MadameFantabulosa · 03/04/2022 23:50

DH missed the birth of DD1 as he’d gone to get a sandwich. He missed DD2’s as he’d missed his flight.

89redballoons · 04/04/2022 19:28

My husband is a wonderful hands-on dad (in fact he's giving our 2 year old a bath right now). We are in our 30s.

He stayed up near my head the whole time during our son's birth so he never got to actually see the "business end". I wouldn't have wanted him to and he didn't. Really all I remember him doing during the birth was giving me sips of water and putting on the music I asked him to.

I think it was nice for him to be there but I could have managed perfectly well without him tbh. You don't have to have your partner there at all and if you do want him there, you don't have to let him see anything you don't want him to.

You could put your preferences around this in your birth plan so hopefully the midwives can arrange things how you want.

Runkle · 04/04/2022 19:40

Not too add to your worries but you need to be prepared for the changes your body will go through during pregnancy; discharge, potential incontinence etc and personally, I got severe SPD and had to be helped to the toilet. Then postnatally you will be at your most vulnerable with your baby to care for, your body and mind will still be going through massive changes. However, I was so proud of what my body was able to do and loved my pregnancy.

Your boyfriend needs to shape up quickly.
Don't let him ruin your pregnancy and birth experience with his icks!

MsChatterbox · 04/04/2022 19:48

It's good you and your boyfriend are already discussing this openly. I think giving him all the information beforehand so he can mentally prepare will help. He has said he won't be grossed out though so try and put some trust into that to calm yourself down about it. He can always stay head end rather than bottom end, it wouldn't be that unusual. The midwives would deal with any poo so quickly it will be moved on from before he gets a chance to fully acknowledge. Remember how you feel about labour can affect it so try and work on your thoughts surrounding this. The good thing is you have some time to come to terms with everything. Congratulations!

Thejoyfulstar · 04/04/2022 19:59

My husband is a fantastic family man and really brilliant father. He is very mature with lots of emotional intelligence. He really is a good 'un!

Awful in labour. I mean, going green, wincing, cringing, looking faint, looking annoyed. Awful. So bad I ejected him the second time around. He says birth is the most disgusting thing he has ever seen. Being a birth partner isn't for everyone and isn't an indication of how mature or ready to be a father someone is. My husband is squeamish and hates seeing me in pain but it doesn't take away from how is after that. I'd have a plan B!

User0ne · 04/04/2022 20:05

As a dad to be he'll need to get "ok with poo" pretty quickly cos some babies do one every time they eat - which can be every 15minutes 💩💩💩

My dh was great. During birth there'll be blood and bodily fluids everywhere. I only poo'd with dc3 and while slightly embarrassing got me, my dh was fine with it. The only time my DH looked iffy was when he was holding ds3 and watching the doctors scoop 2.5 litres of blood out of my uterus following the birth (i had a major haemorrhage).

Childbirth isn't often pretty but my DH describes all 3 as some of the best moments of his life.

There's a book called "men, love and birth" which might help your boyfriend

Eightiesfan · 04/04/2022 20:22

I had a vaginal birth for both my DS18 and DS15, DP says he’s still traumatised by it, but probably not so much as he was thrilled he got to cut the cord for both boys. Seriously though, you need someone with you who is going to support you in every possible way if you don’t think your boyfriend is going to be that person, I think you need to consider another family member, such as mum, however, if he misses out on this amazing experience he will regret it.

You have a lot of time until you are due and although you are young that doesn’t mean you are immature. Discuss this with your DP, and take it from there.

5zeds · 04/04/2022 20:46

My dh was great too, in that he respected my decision that I wanted him to wait outside. He’s been a fantastic father and husband primarily because he tries to help me get what I want. If you think it would be more relaxing if he came at the end then just say so. Do what makes you happy. For me birth is a female experience and so that’s what I asked for.

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