Recovering from a c-section with a toddler too - what is it really like?

[MuffinMclay]

As a c-section is looking like a distinct posibility for me (35 weeks, pre-eclampsia, but under control for the moment), I'm trying to come up with plans for afterwards, particularly childcare arrangements (ds1 20 months).

I realise that I know nothing about c-sections, except the stuff in the pregnancy manuals and the fact that you can't drive for 6 weeks. I'm wondering what it is really like in practice. The only person I know who has had one also has a nanny and a large and local extended family to help out.

Is it feasible that I would be physically able to look after a toddler 4 weeks after a c-section, albeit unable to go anywhere because I can't drive (we live 6 miles from the nearest town)? I have sort of come up with a plan whereby dh looks after ds1 for 2 weeks, then ds1 stays with SIL on weekdays for the next 2 weeks (dh can't take any more time off and works silly hours).

MIL isn't an option as she will be at the other side of the world on holiday (and isn't keen on childcare). My parents aren't an option either.

I had a c-section for DD3, DD1 was then 5 and DD2 was 3. I think you need to check with your individual insurance co. re whether you can drive or not - I could, but definitely wait until you felt able to slam your foot down for a possible emergency stop! I found it helpful to take all painkillers offered in the early days. I also built up the amount I walked (and pram pushed) each day.
Good luck to you, DD3 was my only c-section but cos I was awake (presumably you will be too) I really enjoyed it, it was still an exciting birth!

I was in the same position as you are now!

I was able to drive after 3 weeks. I felt fine tbh. DP went back to work after 5 days, and I was OK. The first week is hard going, but I certainly felt more than OK after 4 weeks (I had an emergencty CS with DS1 and felt like death for 2 months - but elective CSs are actually quite nice)

YOU WILL BE FINE

Check with your insurance. Like I say I drove after 3 weeks, but I was rady to after 2, but DP said no. I think the rukle of thumb is that you have to be comfortable with performing an emergency stop.

I delveloped a way of picking DS1 up (jhe was 20 months whan I had ds2) whereby I would get him to stand on the sofa and put his arms arojhnd my neck, so my tummy muscles wren';t doing all the work, iyswim.

My advioce for afterwards is to rest as much as poss (especially the first 7-10 days) but to try and be faiorly actrive. I used to go for short walks a couple of times a day.

Thanks both, that is really helpful (and reassuring).

I think everyone heals differently and has their own coping levels but I would have managed after 4 weeks. My scar healed up really well though and I had no complications.
Don't be afraid to use the painkillers they give you as it makes things a lot easier, and take as much rest as you can while your dh is off. Make sure he gets all the shopping in and get him to do as much heavy housework as he can before he goes back to work.

The one thing you may have a problem with is lifting your DS1. You will need to be careful about this so you don't damage your wound.

I really enjoyed my c-section, it was a lovely, calm and emotional experience. I was all stitched inside so there were no stitches to come out which was a bonus!

Good luck x

yes, keep on top of pain relief. I used tyo take some every 4-6 hours for the first few days, wherheth I needed it or not. I also took arnica for a few dfay pre and post op (whether it helps or not, I dont kjnow, but twas worth a try)

Also, eat as healthily as poss - that will help, especially with energy levels. I lioved on takeaways after DS1 was born, but with DS2, I froze loads of stuff before I had him, and I had far more enegy to look after DS1

My other (stupid) questions.

1. When they remove the baby do they take out all the excess fat from my stomach?

1. Do you bleed after a c-section?

Biology is not my strong point....

no, you don;t get liposuction and a tummy tuck at the same time !

yes, you bleed after a c.section, the bleeding is basically from the site where the placenta was, it is a wound, in essence.

if you are not squeamish, there are c.section videos on youtube and various other sites, that will show it in great detail.

1. No, sadly

1. Yes, I stopped bleeding after 2 weeks with DS2.

Do they remove excess fat???
Now if you don't stop, I will send you a naked photo of me, which will answer this question!

q1 was wishful thinking really...

I had two emergency c-sections, 14 months apart. My advice:

1. Use arnica pills for the bruising - it really helps ime.
2. If you can possibly afford it, pay for help. We live on 2nd floor with no local family so luging a 14 mo up and down was really not an option for a few weeks - we got a nanny for 6 weeks through an agency to help out when ds1 wasn't at nursery. It was expensive but we didn't really have any other alternative
3. My bleeding went on for 6-8 weeks, both times, though very light after the first couple of weeks.
4. Take all painkillers offered.
5. Take all help offered.

Excess fat, hahahahahahaha. I'm still waiting for someone to take it 11 months after the event.

I had an emergency c-section for ds2, ds1 was a week under 20m old. He's a BIG boy, and I found I just couldn't lift him, which meant I couldn't get him in/out of highchair, cot, carseat or lift him if he was in trouble/hurt. I found that the most upsetting thing. But we all adjusted.

My advice is to teach the toddler (in the time you have left) to be able to climb into car seat, climb on and off chair for meals, cuddle sitting down etc.

I asked for a tummy tuck during my c-section. They laughed like they'd never heard someone say that before, noooo really, I was the first, uh huh.

I see people are saying you can drive if you speak to your insurance company, sorry but I think that is really bad advice, you are not meant to drive because of the huge impact it will have on your stomach and possibly cause haemorrhage.

As for looking after your DS, yes, you will be able to do it, but whilst you have people around you get as much rest as possible, without being inactive, I found my 2nd CS was much easier recovery wise, partly because I was up and about about quicker.

Take your pain killers, but be careful they don't allow you to do too much and exert yourself, it really is about moderation, anything you can pass over to someone else to do, then do, but don't feel like an invalid and not move at all.

For the actual section itself have you thoguht about writing a birth plan to personalise it more?

Good Luck.

I'm not really that worried about not being able to drive for 6 weeks, in truth. I have the rest of my life to do that.

Midnightexpress - I was wondering about paying for help. We could afford it, but I'd find it odd to have a stranger around the house. I might resort to it if ds2 proves to be as demanding a baby as ds1 was though.

I'm not really a birth plan sort of person. The Sister of the ward told me off like a naughty child for not having done one last time, but we struggled on regardless. In so far as I have a plan it is to be out of hospital as soon as possible (was in for a wek last time because ds1 was ill).

I just ask as with a CS it can be rather overwhelming when baby is taken away to be checked over and often you are left waiting to go into surgery by yourself etc so it can be useful to know what is going to happen and if there are any specific requests you have.

I'd suggest you take a look at this for some of the more common requests during CS that you may not be aware of. Even if there is one thatsticks in your mind you can ask for it without doing the whole birth plan shebang.

My top tips: 1 Arnica, arnica, arnica. It makes a HUGE difference to recovery.

2 Yes, you can drive well before 6 weeks if your insurance company will allow it, and most do. You may think now that you won't mind not driving, but that's actually quite a long time to be housebound. I was going stir crazy by week 3, but then we live in the sticks where you can't walk to a shop, so if you live in a city centre it might be different. I would check with your insurance company now so that you know where you stand. I understand what VictorianSqualor is saying about driving, but I don't think driving in itself is bad for you, it's just if you had to do an emergency stop (and how often have you done those in the last year?).

3 Take lots of healthy snacks like dried apricots, raisins, etc to hospital with you, so that you are not reliant on hospital food or bizarre meal times (evening meal at 5pm??!).

4 If you can afford it, arrange paid help now. I hired a doula for 4 hours a day on weekdays for the first 4 weeks with my second c-section, and although it was expensive it was brilliant. I could have coped on my own (just about), but having the help was wonderful.

5 Make a plan now for how you will get through your toddler's daily routine. Think about all the times when you lift them up, eg into a highchair, and ask yourself if you could do it differently. I bought a little wooden chair so my ds could have his meals in that instead of a highchair, and did all nappy changing on the floor instead of lifting him onto a changing table.

all i can remember is doing sitting down cuddles!dd wanted picking up-she was 1 year 5 days when ds1 was born.we had to sit,i took while for me not to try to pick her up as i naturally wanted too!
i had to look after dd after ds1 after 2 weeks or less.then i had dd and ds1 after having ds2 although they went to school,about 2 -3 weeks after ds2.i had bladder damage after ds2 but oddly recovered quicker!.infact i believe i recovered quicker with each one!

They want you out of hostital asap, IME! They wanted me out after two nights but I begged to stay in another night as I was still very wobbly and in quite a bit of pain.

The problem with coming out too soon is people can forget that you have just had major surgery! If you do get out quickly keep your pj's on for a few days and take it very easy!

No fat removal in my case, if only! (It seems to be multiplying )

I bled for about 4 weeks on and off after my section.

My DH went back to work 2wks after DS was born & DD was 23months at the time. DH works away M-F & we have no family close (only surviving grandparent is MIL, who looks after disabled step-FIL so unable to help either), so I was basically on my own from 0700 Monday to 1700 Friday. We coped, it was hard, especially the first couple of weeks, but we coped.

Best piece of advice I can give you is to get DS used to the changes you may need now, rather than waiting until after - eg

"Mummy can't carry you up/down stairs" (no matter how tired you are)

Kitchen steps to climb in & out of high chair (with help) - DD thought that was a great game!

changing on floor rather than change table

Lots of book reading, and don't beat yourself up if he watches a bit more TV than you'd like as you aren't as active as usual. - We got one of those mini trampolines for DD, great for burning beans when you can't go out.

I bled for about 7wks after both c/s and still have a horrible jelly belly (but DS is only 8wks, so it will get a bit better....eventually...)

sitting down cuddles are great, Ceebeebies is fantastic, take as many pain killers as pos that's great.

Another thing, I really slept as much as I could when I was in hosp, during the day, had ear plugs and eye shades so that I could rest there ad come home stronger. It worked.

Go to the loo often. Sometimes the pain gets more intense if you have a full bladder. Eat lots of fruits so you don't get constipated. Have a BF pillow if you are Bfeeding. Don't laugh (that's it, don't laugh) it will hurt your tummy. Have big knickers so that nothing rubs against your tummy. GET HELP if you can afford it. Absolutely, if it's a stranger it's even better you wont feel like you have to serve them tea or anything like that.

Have a fridge full of stuff, loads of ready meals, loads of fruits/veg. Yes, you will bleed but apparently not as much as natural irth (I've had two c secs, 18months apart). Makeabsolytly sure that your scar is nice and dry after bath/shower, I used a hair dryer on cold air to make sure that it was nice and dry. Helps with the healing.

Anything else I can think of... put the baby in bed with you. It's the only way you will get sleep! And ask your hubby to push you up out of bed so you don't have to use your tummy muscles too much.

It only took me two weeks to recover after second c sec, but some people it takes longer.

You will be fine!! I had both my girls by c-section, DD1 was exactly 24 months when DD2 was born. I didn't have any formal help (although my Mum was around on and off which was some help obviously) and Dh was back to working pretty much immediately although he tried to be around as much as possible. The only real issue was lifting DD1 in and out of the bath in the very early weeks, not so much because I coudn't (I could) but because I was worried I might do some damage or pull the scar. Sometimes she just went without a bath - no big deal.

Re driving, the main issue is whether you think you would be able to do an emergency stop - it will depend upon your car, but these days most cars have power assisted everything so it's not too much of an issue. Do check with your insurance co. though.

I didn't really find the physical stuff to be an issue to be honest - but I was lucky to heal very well.

I agree with what some of the others have said re arnica. I took a post labour blend which I bought from the Organic Pharmacy(www.theorganicpharmacy.com £5.50 Arnica, Hypericum, Calendula, Sos pills (200c). I'm sure it helped. Certainly didn't do any harm so worth a shot?

Hello muffinmclay

I am nearly 10 wks post c-section but first child, not second, so dont know about the toddler thing.

I would agree about driving, I was going mad stuck in house by about wk 4 (live up a very steep drive so was advised not even to push pram up it or walk up it with baby in sling). My injsurance co said whenever I felt up to it was fine. I felt no physical problems at all with driving. I was in hardly any pain at all post-section, they kept asking me in hosp to rate my pain on level of 1-10 and I kept saying 0 or 1 (they do give you some top-quality pain relief though! Well, they do over here anyway, assume it's same in UK). Overall it was a great birth experience despite being induced and ending up with emer c/s. I did get tired very easily though in the weeks after so remember to take it easy if you can. I fed lying down on my side a lot so I could rest.

I had no family of either mine or dh's around (all on other side of world) but I was fine - though obviously no toddler to look after. Mine was emergency c/s and people do seem to say an elective is easier to recover from - but mine wasn't that bad. I did get an infection and ended up back in hosp but that can happen with vaginal delivery too.

Oh and I bled for 9 weeks but apparently that's pretty rare.

Good luck, get lots of rest so that pre-eclampsia stays under control.

From a fellow ex-BGSer...