Do you think a c-section affects bonding?

[Needaholidayplease]

I had an emergency section with my first, and had terrible PND and difficulty bonding- probably for all sorts of reasons.

But one thing I struggled with was the 'clinical' nature of the section, and it took me ages to get my head around the fact that he was my baby and that he had come from me. I always felt like maybe I would have bonded better and felt more like his mum if I'd seen him physically come out of me.

Fast forward to now and I'm trying to decide whether to have vbac or elective section. Part of me is worried about having the same bonding issues/lack of 'rush of love' if I had a c section.

I know that a vaginal birth can be just as traumatic as a section, but in terms of the role hormones etc play, does anyone know if it is objectively harder to bond with a c section baby? I had no 'high' after his birth, it just felt like I'd been passed some random baby from somewhere.

Would be good to hear about other people's experiences - I'm probably attributing the lack of bonding to a section when actually it was just the trauma/PND

I'll get hate for this but yes I think the labour plays a huge part - not necessarily the method of delivery but how the birth itself goes.

First baby - was a total passenger during pregnancy and birth and "went with the flow", cue the typical "cascade of intervention" and I ended up with forceps etc etc etc.

Second baby, really did my homework. Learnt about physiological birth, had her at home in the kitchen, no pain relief - but honestly no real PAIN, just intensity.

The bond with my second is nothing like the first (pains me to say that) but I believe the cocktails of hormones released throughout labouring as nature intended and having to "work" for the birth, and then the euphoria and sheer contentment after in your own environment is pivotal.
I remember licking her head after she was born, I know that sounds ridiculous but the whole thing was so animalistic.

I'm so in tune with her that I can sense things that I couldn't with my son.

CS under GA. No, I didn't bond with baby very well. I didn't properly meet her for 12 hours post-birth. I didn't really understand. I was disassociated. She came 8 weeks early too. DH did a lot of her care, I just didn't get it. No rush of love, nothing. I don't think I really loved her for months, tbh. It affects us both in a small way still.

I think an elective section is very different from an emergency one. Elective sections are really chilled out.

I’ve had two vaginal births and two elective sections. No difference in bonding for me. For me the most important thing for bonding was having the right help around me so that I could just chill out and focus on the baby in the first two weeks.

Nope not for me.

I had a very medical birth. C section. Long stay in hospital. Struggled with breastfeeding.

Me and my son are super close. I don't think we could have been more bonded throughout his whole life. He is incredibly affectionate and loves being wrapped around me. He loves to press his forehead to mine and look in my eyes.

Our first 10 months or so were just idyllic really. Then he started to be more on the move 😆

I had EMCS. Very strong bond with baby from the start. First few weeks of BF weren’t easy, but when established & regular co-sleeping once he was a bit bigger (8 weeks) we’re very close. Lucky not to have suffered any mental health issues. No regrets about the birth.

I think it did play a part in our bond - in strengthening them.

I had planned sections, and met my children, pain free, and with no exhaustion. I felt a euphoric rush of love with both an an immense bond.

For me, the lack of trauma and pain from even a straightforward vaginal birth helped my body focus on my baby alone.

I mean I just think it depends. My third child was an emergency section and I think it slightly affected bonding (not that we didn’t bond but that i felt quite guilty over it) because I was unwell and ds was very small so they took him away. I felt we didn’t get the chance to just be together and get to know each other.

However my next (and last) child was a planned section and it was fab! I planned out a music playlist and listened to it, I wasn’t as exhausted as I had been with my two first births (vaginal) so I could immediately just look at her, talk to her etc. So it was actually really good.

Not very helpful! I suppose I’m saying I don’t think it necessarily affects bonding. It could do, depending on how the specific birth is, but really every birth is different. If you had a very traumatic vaginal birth it could affect bonding.

I had an EMC following failed forceps (it was traumatic). When I first held him while I was being stitched up on the table I felt nothing. Once I had a 20 minute nap and did skin to skin I fell in love. I don’t think c-section= lack of bonding.

I had EMCS with my two eldest children and struggled to bond with my first but overwhelmingly did from the start with my second (despite needing transfusions and being really quite unwell).

Not in my experience at all but I think the difference is the fact I knew I was having a section whereas you didn’t. I had envisaged how the day would go, I’d thought about that moment over and over. I had the ‘perfect’ day all planned out in my head. Amazingly, it went exactly like that if not better and the moment when they dropped the curtain I did have that rush of ‘omg that’s my baby!’ I just fell in love the second I saw him and couldn’t believe he was mine. I think it was due to knowing that’s how it was going to happen though. It would possibly have been very different if I’d had some preconceived ideas about how I wanted to give birth and like many people maybe even thought a section was the worst possible outcome. My recovery was so so great and I’m 6 months on now. Very occasionally I feel a tiny niggle from my scar area and I presume it must just be a bit of tight tissue or something which I’m completely fine with (since I by-passed a whole world of pain, incontinence etc etc, I can cope with a tiny niggle). However every time I feel it I think people who didn’t want a c-section and hated the fact they ended up with one probably absolutely despise that reminder that they had one. Sorry that’s kind of unrelated but I think it’s more your attitude towards it than anything. Pick which route you feel you’d be happiest with but in my experience a nice controlled c-section is a lovely process

Really interesting to read all your experiences and honestly relieved that it doesn't seem to be a c section thing (in case I have to have one again).

Bonding is such a unquantifiable thing isn't it, I guess I mainly always wondered if I missed out on that initial high/hormone rush. But it seems not, just good old PND!

In my personal experience, absolutely not at all

But then I've had 2 elective C sections- first was maternal request and the second managed to get it due to previous CS.

The obstetric doctor told me if I'd been at one of the south London hospitals I'd have a fight on my hands for 2nd CS!

I digress

Never had a vaginal birth so can only go on my experiences with 2 CS births. Bonding & breastfeeding all happened from the start

I had an emergency section under general with my first and it definitely affected bonding. I felt so broken after his birth, physically and emotionally. there was definitely no high. I dont remember his first few hours, first feed, any of that. he didn't really feel like my baby for a few weeks or even maybe a bit longer. breastfeeding helped us bond and even more so, bedsharing really helped. I'm pregnant with no2 and can't decide between vbac or elective section. I think an elective section doesn't necessarily affect bonding. not in the way that a traumatic vaginal or section would do.

I had a planned section for various reasons and we've had no issues bonding thankfully. Also DP got to hold her first, change, feed her etc so it was lovely to see them together.

I'm so sorry you've had a rough time. I had two C sections, one emergency. After the emergency arrival, my DD was whizzed away to NICU, and I do think bonding was different as a result. We did get there, but god the stress screws with your head. I hope you're ok. It does take time in a lot of cases.

I had an EMCS with my first, and a v-bac with my second. I think I had stronger rush of endorphins and a love-at-first-sight feeling with my second - they placed him in my arms and I just adored him.

With DD I'd been in labour for more than 24 hours and my overwhelming feelings when she was finally born were of relief and exhaustion! But outside of those first few hours, I don't think it affected my bond with her, and I think it had more to do with the length of labour than the method of delivery.

Not for me. Very quickly and happily bonded with both mine, although wasn't the flood of emotion I was expecting, remember thinking DD looked like a little old Chinese man. They let me hold her whilst they were stitching me up and as soon as I was out of there we had skin to skin.

First was elective c-section

Second was a failed vbac emergency section

The emergency one actually went better than the elective. I was anaesthetised more easily, and stitched up better. I couldn't really stand up straight until my stitches were cut out the first time.

The only thing I'd say is I'm glad I went into labour the second time. I don't think my first was ready to come out at all and she slept a lot at first and lost a bit too much weight. The sleeping a lot thing didn't last though.

It sounds like you had a really rough experience, and the hormone rollercoaster alone is enough to drive you round the bend.

Good luck. Babies are all so different, don't worry that it will be the same, just remember it will be okay in the end.

I never had a ‘rush of love’ for DD with my section. Not sure if it was because of the section but I didn’t really feel much emotionally when she arrived. However, once we were home, got settled and I started to recover more, the love grew and I now have a brilliant bond with DD (2yo) and honestly it sounds cheesy but I swear I feel more love for her every single day I wake up.

Just to add too, my c section was planned due to baby having IUGR: so it wasn’t an emergency one.

I’m going for a VBAC this time (38+4 today) and also wondering if I’ll feel differently after this birth :)

I've had a normal vaginal birth and a planned c section and there's absolutely no difference in bonding. I don't understand how this is even a debate. Just yet another thread to make women feel guilt / shame and doubt about their childbirth choices and / or necessary medical intervention. I despise threads like this. Oversimplification of a really complex issue. @Needaholidayplease

I was fucking terrified of birth interventions for this very reason. Waiting to have the section stitched up and being wheeled into recovery so I could finally hold my baby was the longest wait of my life, but I don't feel it affected bonding or feeding long term.

I do understand now that many hospitals allow for mum to hold the baby in theatre, but not all.

Baby 1 VB very difficult, totally out of it and traumatic. No rush of love until day 4.
Baby 2 VB instant rush of love.
Baby 3 elective c section, instant rush of love.

I think it is trauma that affect the way you feel about the baby initially

@thingymaboob

I've had a normal vaginal birth and a planned c section and there's absolutely no difference in bonding. I don't understand how this is even a debate. Just yet another thread to make women feel guilt / shame and doubt about their childbirth choices and / or necessary medical intervention. I despise threads like this. Oversimplification of a really complex issue. *@Needaholidayplease*

I'm sorry if I offended you. If you read my previous posts I explained that I had suffered a lot of trauma and I now I'm pregnant again I wanted to find out if others had had similar experiences, so I could make sense of my own. It wasn't intended to shame anyone (no one could feel more shame that I did not bonding with my own child). Part of my difficulty was that no one seems to talk honestly about bonding in real life so I have no frame of reference re my own experience. I thought I was the only one. I use Mumsnet because it helps me feel less alone.

I bonded much more quickly with my “controlled” EMCS baby than my traumatic delivery/huge PPH vaginal delivery baby.

It’s not the method of delivery but the skin to skin that impacts bonding. So if you were knocked out for any length of time it could definitely impact it. It’s why electives can be better when it comes to bonding.