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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Do you think a c-section affects bonding?

80 replies

Needaholidayplease · 03/03/2022 15:54

I had an emergency section with my first, and had terrible PND and difficulty bonding- probably for all sorts of reasons.

But one thing I struggled with was the 'clinical' nature of the section, and it took me ages to get my head around the fact that he was my baby and that he had come from me. I always felt like maybe I would have bonded better and felt more like his mum if I'd seen him physically come out of me.

Fast forward to now and I'm trying to decide whether to have vbac or elective section. Part of me is worried about having the same bonding issues/lack of 'rush of love' if I had a c section.

I know that a vaginal birth can be just as traumatic as a section, but in terms of the role hormones etc play, does anyone know if it is objectively harder to bond with a c section baby? I had no 'high' after his birth, it just felt like I'd been passed some random baby from somewhere.

Would be good to hear about other people's experiences - I'm probably attributing the lack of bonding to a section when actually it was just the trauma/PND

OP posts:
Original poster
Needaholidayplease · 03/03/2022 17:04

Thanks for all your comments, it seems like the c section in itself is a bit of a red herring for me then. I was really traumatised but that could have come from a vaginal delivery just as much.

It's good to hear everyone's experiences, as (even though I thought I was over it) I've realised I still carry a bit of residual disappointment and sadness over the birth and my lack of bond. I don't want that to colour my expectations and experiences of a second birth, so maybe counselling might be a good call.
Thanks mumsnetters

OP posts:
Original poster
Needaholidayplease · 03/03/2022 18:49

@Chasingaftermidnight

I think it’s trauma/PND that affects bonding rather than the procedure.

I had a traumatic vaginal birth first time and developed terrible PND. It took me months to bond with my son, despite having had skin to skin etc. I remember Googling ‘I hate my baby’ in the weeks after the birth. I just wanted to run away from him. It was awful, such a dark time, and I still feel guilty about it. (He’s the love of my life now).

Second time round I had a straightforward ELCS and I fell in love with him the second they dropped the drapes and I saw him. Like a PP, I had a ‘gentle’ c-section (or as my hospital called it ‘a family centred c-section’) and it was magical. No trauma, no PND.

The only thing I struggle with now is terrible guilt over the disparity between my first and second son - how I didn’t feel anything for my first son until he was about 3 months old but I adored my youngest from the second I saw him. But it is what it is.

Good luck with whatever you decide Smile

This is sort of what I fear too, that the experience actually might be a lot better and I'll feel guilty from that!
OP posts:
Okeydoky · 03/03/2022 18:58

My consultant told me that generally the difficulty bonding comes from emergency c-sections rather than elective ones. She said that they think it is to do with the shock of an emergency c-section, plus the fact that often by by the time you get to that point you may well have been labouring unsuccessfully for hours or days and already be exhausted.

It is one of the reasons that, once it became clear my induction was not going well, I had a semi elective c-section before I was exhausted and it became an emergency.

I had no trouble bonding thankfully after mine.

If I were to have a second I would try for a VBAC because I'd like to experience a natural birth, but I would have a low threshold for the point at which I switched to a c-section and if I was failing to progress I'd be tapping out.

elliejjtiny · 03/03/2022 19:05

I've had 3 vaginal births and 2 c-sections (one elective and one emergency). Bonding was about the same but I didn't get that high as a kite feeling with either c-section. I know everyone says an elective c-section is much better than an emergency one but I found them about the same. Only difference was with the emergency from getting to theatre to baby out was quicker but then my elective c-section baby was stuck so that might be at least partly why. They spent longer checking if I was numb with the elective as well, asking if I was sure I couldn't feel anything. With the emergency it was a quick "can you feel that?" before they just got on with it.

collieresponder88 · 03/03/2022 19:06

I've had both and there was no difference to the bonding I felt with the babies

stairgates · 03/03/2022 19:16

No difference here, but one of my older children (12yrs) found it hard to bond with my c/s baby as she was upset I'd been hurt. Loves him now :)

minniep · 03/03/2022 19:29

Three c sections and two babies in nicu and zero issues with bonding

urrrgh46 · 03/03/2022 19:48

No. I've had 1 emcs, 7 Vaginal deliveries and then another c section. I was extremely traumatised from my first emcs but it didn't affect bonding.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 03/03/2022 20:14

I had an ELCS and DS and I have the tightest bond. If anything I think it helped us bond because I was so chilled and well rested and relaxed when he arrived. I was just in a really, happy calm place.

TooManyPJs · 03/03/2022 20:21

I had a vaginal birth which I found traumatic. That and significant breast feeding issues led to difficulty bonding. As PPs have said I think it's the trauma.

lljkk · 03/03/2022 21:18

I did have highs each time after giving birth (vag'ly) -- I had no idea this was common, or due to hormones.

I recall wanting to give DC1 away when he was about a week old, omg, the sleep deprivation.... maybe it's just a different pathway to bonding, OP? Your pregnancy hormones have to be responsible for most of the bonding, not how the baby exits.

Slowdownandsee · 03/03/2022 21:28

No I don’t think c section affects bonding I had two floaty lovely water births (had gas n air obvs painful etc but all normal etc) then third birth an emcs and felt same in terms of bind with baby, ie same all three times I was relieved we were both safe, keen to have the tea n toast and a rest and get to know baby and then get home, the birth experience is just the small beginning of a long parenting journey and does not define your bond with the baby, in my personal experience. (Obvs feeling in charge of your decisions around birth and having the support you want is important in the day at the hour but I just mean it’s the very start and not the defining thing about the following hours days weeks
Months after you have the baby) sorry not sure I’ve explained that very well!

Angrymum22 · 03/03/2022 21:31

I’ve always thought that binding was more to do with the urge to protect your baby from anyone who comes near them. Love develops over time. Nature just can’t wait for you to love your baby it needs you to switch into nurturing mode so the baby survives. We are hard wired to nurture, feelings/emotions are a much later evolutionary development. As long as you feel the need to mother your baby love will develop.
The problem with trauma is that our other mammalian instinct can sometimes be triggered which is when we are under immense threat we may abandon or even kill our babies. It does happen although very rare.
I suspect that your pnd is a result of trauma and possibly difficult emotions you may have experienced as a result of a traumatic birth.
If you felt a strong urge to look after your baby then you bonded.

BigRedDuck · 03/03/2022 21:33

I think, like other PPs it depends on trauma IMO.
1st birth was vaginal but had a horrific haemorrhage afterwards. Undiagnosed PND etc and struggled to bond.
2nd was elective c section due to the horrific 1st time round and I bonded with baby immediately. Much more so than my first.

Freshoutofideas21 · 03/03/2022 21:38

No it doesn't. My EMCS DD clings to me like a rock and has done since week 1 😂😂😂❤❤❤ she's now 11 months old.

silkypillows · 03/03/2022 21:39

Definitely not for me.

My vaginal birth was so traumatic and I couldn't bond with DS1 for months and months.

Elective section with DS2 and I felt that 'rush of love' that I was convinced was mythical.

Freshoutofideas21 · 03/03/2022 21:42

Oh and it broke me, not the baby, but I got through it and life is wonderful again (excluding postage covid shit in the country, ww3 etc etc).....

Greentomatoes21 · 03/03/2022 21:42

100% agree with PP. First birth (vaginal) very traumatic. Harder to bond. Second ELCS, calm, no trauma, felt the magic.

Freshoutofideas21 · 03/03/2022 21:43

Post covid.....postage covid is apocalyptic horror of an unthinkable universe Confused

MsChatterbox · 03/03/2022 21:46

My emergency section bonded straight away, think starting labour naturally helped. My elective section it took me 24 hours to bond. I held her for 7 hours straight after she was born but it didn't feel real. However the next day it was all normal.

ukborn · 03/03/2022 22:19

No problem bonding with my babies after sections, and the second one was in NICU for four days with a tube up her nose but we still managed to breast feed. I never experienced this rush of love thing either. I just loved them, there was no euphoria or anything.

Bellabelloo · 03/03/2022 22:26

I had an elective c-section and couldn't imagine having bonded with or having loved my DS more. So I definitely don't think it affected our bonding.

Friendshipqn · 03/03/2022 22:27

@Needaholidayplease

I had an emergency section with my first, and had terrible PND and difficulty bonding- probably for all sorts of reasons.

But one thing I struggled with was the 'clinical' nature of the section, and it took me ages to get my head around the fact that he was my baby and that he had come from me. I always felt like maybe I would have bonded better and felt more like his mum if I'd seen him physically come out of me.

Fast forward to now and I'm trying to decide whether to have vbac or elective section. Part of me is worried about having the same bonding issues/lack of 'rush of love' if I had a c section.

I know that a vaginal birth can be just as traumatic as a section, but in terms of the role hormones etc play, does anyone know if it is objectively harder to bond with a c section baby? I had no 'high' after his birth, it just felt like I'd been passed some random baby from somewhere.

Would be good to hear about other people's experiences - I'm probably attributing the lack of bonding to a section when actually it was just the trauma/PND

I have three children and my youngest was an emergency c-section and a pretty traumatic birth. Other two non-stress - but still painful and not pleasant Grin - vaginal births.

While I would choose a vaginal birth over a c-section if I could, it didn’t affect eventual bonding. (But I did suffer from anxiety because the emergency birth was so traumatic.)

In fact, my youngest is more attached to me than the others were! We really get each other, I think. (Although I genuinely don’t have a favourite!)

If your doctor thinks that a v-bac would be possible, I found recovery so much easier with a vaginal birth. But then, I have heard planned c-sections are totally different to an emergency sections.

Go with whatever will make you feel less stressed about it beforehand. Good luck Flowers

optimistic40 · 03/03/2022 22:28

Vaginal delivery with both of mine but second one was induced: no "high" after the birth and trouble bonding, also PND. Don't know whether it was linked, but have always wondered.

superram · 03/03/2022 22:29

My first was an induced ventouse, so much more traumatic than my emergency csection-so no!

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