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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Do you think a c-section affects bonding?

80 replies

Needaholidayplease · 03/03/2022 15:54

I had an emergency section with my first, and had terrible PND and difficulty bonding- probably for all sorts of reasons.

But one thing I struggled with was the 'clinical' nature of the section, and it took me ages to get my head around the fact that he was my baby and that he had come from me. I always felt like maybe I would have bonded better and felt more like his mum if I'd seen him physically come out of me.

Fast forward to now and I'm trying to decide whether to have vbac or elective section. Part of me is worried about having the same bonding issues/lack of 'rush of love' if I had a c section.

I know that a vaginal birth can be just as traumatic as a section, but in terms of the role hormones etc play, does anyone know if it is objectively harder to bond with a c section baby? I had no 'high' after his birth, it just felt like I'd been passed some random baby from somewhere.

Would be good to hear about other people's experiences - I'm probably attributing the lack of bonding to a section when actually it was just the trauma/PND

OP posts:

Original poster

Needaholidayplease · 03/03/2022 16:18

bump

OP posts:

Namechangedforspooky · 03/03/2022 16:21

My VB was way more traumatic than my section (it was an elective section because of it). No difference in bonding between either of them from memory

helpmum2003 · 03/03/2022 16:23

I had 1st normal delivery and 2nd section with 48h notice and baby on SCBU. I had no problems bonding after the section despite not being with DC initially. In fact I think I had undiagnosed PND after my first.

I would make your decision based on pros and cons but wouldn't assume section causes bonding problems....

Grognonne · 03/03/2022 16:23

Personal experience only, but not at all. I was a c-section baby (my mum had to have me under general!), and we are so close, I speak to her every day. I also had to have a section (not under general), and have a great bond moth my baby. I think the PND is the issue, and this could happen no matter the delivery. I think it would be worth trying to get some counselling. Good luck.

ComDummings · 03/03/2022 16:24

It’s the trauma IMO. My first was an EMCS and I found it v traumatic and did struggle to bond. I think I was just in shock and like you say I did feel like it was difficult to comprehend it was my baby. However, I had an ELCS with my and didn’t find it traumatic in the slightest. I didn’t have any such struggles with bonding with baby 2. So I don’t think it’s the c-section it’s more relating to the mental state of the mother regarding the experience. I do not think an EMCS or ELCS are even comparable, they’re as different as night and day. So whatever you decide OP I wish you luck. If you still don’t feel a rush of love at the event then that’s totally normal for many women.

mishmased · 03/03/2022 16:26

I've had three c sections. With my first it was all new and I remember saying to asking my husband whose baby is crying and he said that's our baby. The shock of the emergency c section, the fact that I was hoping for a non medicated birth and the newness of everything meant it took me a while to take in everything. I was probably still in shock. I think it lasted a day and I took everything in my stride. With second and third babies, I already knew newborns were tiny, screamed a lot, c section possible etc so it wasn't a shock to the system.
One thing though I remember saying to DH for a while afterwards that I didn't birth the baby, as he was taken out of me. DH thought I'd lost my mind. I wanted to go through the whole experience and I felt cheated out of it. So for second time I pushed for a vbac and after a traumatic labour ending in another section, third time I had an elective section as I was done with the heroics of labour 🤣🤣

Notthatapple · 03/03/2022 16:26

I didn't have a C-section (but had forceps delivery) and I still didn't actually see baby come out. Like you, I basically had a baby held up for me to see, seemingly out of nowhere. I didn't see any particular family resemblance. I mean, I knew and accepted that this was my baby and I had a strong protective instinct, but not an overwhelming emotional bond on day 1. The bond and love has just grown and grown gradually every day since then, as that stranger of a baby has developed into an individual little person and part of the family. I think that's just the way I am, I've never thought a different birth experience would have made a difference.

octoegg · 03/03/2022 16:30

I had an emcs with my first, and was considering a vbac with second but then baby was breech so had a scheduled section. I had a lot of trouble bonding with my first, for months actually, but I put it down to trouble with breastfeeding him (which the section was probably also partly to blame for - stress etc). With my second I bonded perfectly even though he was a csection (and still couldn't ebf). I think for me the stress of the emcs had a lot to answer for, and I wouldn't hesitate going for a planned section again.

Jskfh837 · 03/03/2022 16:32

2 c sections and no issues bonding either time. The first time I did feel disappointed as wasn't expecting it but didn't affect bonding at all. Second was a planned and a lovely experience.

CornishGem1975 · 03/03/2022 16:33

No, not in my experience anyway.

Baby 1 - vaginal delivery (induction + ventouse) took me about a week or so to really settle into the fact I had a baby. No 'rush of love'

Baby 2 - vaginal delivery (ventouse + shoulder dystocia) bonded instantly, but suffered PND

Baby 3 - Induction + EMCS - bonded instantly, even though there was no skin to skin for a good hour after the birth.

JessicaPeach · 03/03/2022 16:33

I've had a traumatic vb and an elective section and my elective section was absolutely wonderful, healed a lot of stuff I was carrying round with me from my previous birth.

Purplestar826 · 03/03/2022 16:34

Sorry you had such a difficult first birth. Personally I don’t think it did affect bonding for me but I also didn’t like the clinical nature of my first section. I’d hoped for a vbac second round time round which didn’t work out, but in the end I loved my second section. It was a ‘gentle’ or ‘natural’ section, which I would definitely recommend looking into. They lowered the curtain so we watched her come out, they did delayed cord clamping and then I had immediate skin to skin. It was really amazing and I definitely had that high!

JustWonderingIfYou · 03/03/2022 16:34

Its definitely different in terms of hormone release, thats why your milk often comes in later.

Not sure there's any long lasting bonding issue though.

Rush of love is a bit of a myth. I had a natural, easy labour and my main emotion was surprise and general knackeredness.

Hugasauras · 03/03/2022 16:37

Not for me. I also still got the same hormone rush. I was absolutely awake and wired for about 48 hours after my EMCS and couldn't understand why DH was tired Having another elective section in June and really looking forward to it.

I think any traumatic labour can affect bonding though so it's more about whether you found or traumatic or not.

Purplestar826 · 03/03/2022 16:43

Also with my second my milk came in towards the end of day 2, so no delay there! Possibly due to the ‘high’.

duvetdayforeveryone · 03/03/2022 16:44

No.

QuiltedHippo · 03/03/2022 16:44

Get them to lower the drapes so you can see the birth, I found my unplanned section a wonderful birth with doing that so I imagine the emergency aspect didnt help you. Still didnt get instant love, and when I got infected it did impact bonding.

PermanentlyTired03 · 03/03/2022 16:45

As a PP said, ELCS is very different to EMCS. I had elective and they offered to play music, lowered the drape as soon as they could, we took photos and I could feed her immediately. Apart from the scrubs etc it didn't feel clinical at all. All very relaxed- only downside is due to nil by mouth beforehand I was STARVING!
Of course some people have bad experiences as it's surgery after all. But for me it was perfect.

StillUp · 03/03/2022 16:46

I had an emcs with my first, and did feel a bit underwhelmed for want of a better description, and like I’d been handed a random baby. I was exhausted after no sleep for over 48 hours and felt out of it. Definitely did not get the rush of love. She was also a difficult high needs baby. I worried about my lack of emotion initially (I knew I loved her but more in a “I have to look after you” sort of way) but the bond developed gradually over time. She’s 4 now and I love the bones of her. We are very close and she’s definitely a mummy’s girl. I remember talking about it with friends afterwards, both of them having had vaginal births. I thought my experience might have been down to the c section, but they both described exactly the same feeling as me.

I’ve recently had my second via elcs and it was amazing. So calm and I felt the rush of love as soon as I heard her cry, when she was first placed on me, and again when I first fed her.

So I don’t think a c section affects bonding but an emergency situation, traumatic delivery and/or PND certainly could. I also think it’s not unusual to not feel a strong bond at first but that doesn’t mean there won’t be in future.

Chasingaftermidnight · 03/03/2022 16:47

I think it’s trauma/PND that affects bonding rather than the procedure.

I had a traumatic vaginal birth first time and developed terrible PND. It took me months to bond with my son, despite having had skin to skin etc. I remember Googling ‘I hate my baby’ in the weeks after the birth. I just wanted to run away from him. It was awful, such a dark time, and I still feel guilty about it. (He’s the love of my life now).

Second time round I had a straightforward ELCS and I fell in love with him the second they dropped the drapes and I saw him. Like a PP, I had a ‘gentle’ c-section (or as my hospital called it ‘a family centred c-section’) and it was magical. No trauma, no PND.

The only thing I struggle with now is terrible guilt over the disparity between my first and second son - how I didn’t feel anything for my first son until he was about 3 months old but I adored my youngest from the second I saw him. But it is what it is.

Good luck with whatever you decide

BirdIsland · 03/03/2022 16:48

I agree with a PP that it's the trauma and/or PND that affects bonding. I didn't have PND but did have a traumatic EMCS, and despite my DD being 2.5 I still have this odd feeling that she's not 'mine', like I'm waiting for her proper mum to come and look after her. I love her to absolute pieces, but I think that trauma surrounding birth can have a long term effect. I suspect a planned C-section would be very different.

rifling · 03/03/2022 16:52

I found it very difficult after my c-section but I think it was compounded by the fact that I didn't see my babies for days as they were whisked off to special care and I was not allowed to see them. I remember crying when I was told that I could take dd home and the midwife thought I was emotional about finally getting her home but actually I just felt overwhelmed and wanted to run away! I did bond after about a week though so give it time if you decide on a c-section.

TulipsGarden · 03/03/2022 16:53

It's perfectly normal to not bond straight away, vbac or c section. The majority of women I've spoken to about this have said they didn't feel the 'rush of love' at first - either they were exhausted from labour, or traumatised, or high from the c section drugs. Or just plain bamboozled by delivering a baby!

I had an elective c section and I didn't feel I loved my child until around a week old I think - I didn't really feel he was 'mine' until then, I was just desperately worried about him.

BabyTurtIe · 03/03/2022 16:55

Not for me no, I’ve had two and didn’t affect my bond personally

Squidthing · 03/03/2022 16:57

I had both and if anything I think fact C section made for a slow recovery and a lot of bed rest helped with the bonding as I couldn't do much more than cuddle and feed my baby rather than worry re chores etc.

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