Terrified to get my vag out

[sbananas]

Hey! So I'm booked for my first s+s with a midwife next week. And honestly I am SO scared about getting my vag out and having her touch it lmao. I know it's kinda what I signed up for getting pregnant and it's all part of it, but it's making me so nervous! Any tips to give me less stage fright will help. Thank you!

A smear is different as you haven't spent 6-7 months building a relationship with someone!

Fwiw OP, I was worried about this with my first but ended up going into Labour hours before, but once you've done Labour and birth you won't care if anyone in your home town sees you naked 😂 Birthing is a very freeing experience, and I say that as someone who would only have sex in the dark pre birth!

Honestly, OP, it's no different (for her) from her looking at your arm or your throat. It's just another body part. Please try not to worry!

I apply the same approach to bikini waxes, smear tests and childbirth: mine won't be the worst one they've seen. It won't be the subject of anecdotes between midwives in the pub at the end of a busy week. But even if it is then I guess I'm not that bothered. Being a midwife sounds like a hard job so if I can give them some light relief by having a notably weird vag then that's cool with me.

Some of the ladies on my NCT course were on about having a full wax before their due date as they didn't want to be hairy for the midwife. Don't get me wrong, a wash and a trim seems sensible but WHY would anyone put themselves through the pain of a bikini wax while pregnant for someone who really doesn't give a shit?!

Anyway, I'm not criticising you op, I just encourage you to approach it from the same perspective. Good luck!

@kitkatsky as someone who makes their boyfriend who she's having a baby with turn around while she's getting changed still, I'm terrified 😂

@Stringervest my sister did the same!! I thought why on Earth are you getting a wax?
I guess mine won't be the first and won't be the last, so that's put my mind at ease a bit!

Im due in 10 days and this is the one thing i am not looking forward too. The labour itself isnt scaring me that much, i should be fine with the pain but the thought of someone looking down below is scary! My husband has enough trouble seeing me naked and we been together 11 years.

Just have to remember that it is part of their job and they see loads each week so they wont be bothered one bit.

It doesn’t have to be part of it. No one needs to see or touch you unless you are happy for them to do so.

Just because you are pregnant doesn’t mean you have to consent to medical examinations you do not want.

It’s important to know that!

If you are happy to have the procedure or examination just wear a nice long flowy skirt and/or ask for a sheet if that helps you to be more comfortable.

You can decline that service. You can actually decline any service the midwives or doctors offer you. Research it all so you can make your own decisions from an informed place.

When I gave birth to DS1 (23 years ago now!) I remember anxiously asking DH if I'd poo'ed myself while I was in labour - for some reason I was mortified at the thought of him seeing that. His reply was "honestly, there was so much stuff coming out of you I couldn't tell what was poo, the midwife was just scooping it off into a bucket at the side"

Weirdly this reassured me, and when I had DS2 I couldn't care less - lets face it OP all dignity is gone - once you've given birth you won't care at all. Best of luck with it all!

Tell her! Just be honest. She sees them daily.

Get used to it. I've had four kids and got my vagina out too many times to remember.

Yep I felt the same. You'll be ok though.
Once you've gone through labour and exposed your vag to several different people, and probably several other bodily fluids, you won't care anymore.

Trust me.

And I’ve had three kids, five pregnancies and have never got my “vagina out”. If it worries the OP which isn’t clearly does, telling to get used to it isn’t helpful.

I was nervous about this too. After I'd had the baby I wandered up to the midwives station and the midwife told me she'd like to see my stitches, in a bit of a exhaustion induced haze I started to turn around and bend over and she quickly ushered me down the corridor 'let's get you behind a curtain!' by that point so many people had seen it, getting it out on the reception desk seemed completely normal!

You won't even be able to see what she's doing over your bump.

PiesNotGuys

And I’ve had three kids, five pregnancies and have never got my “vagina out”. If it worries the OP which isn’t clearly does, telling to get used to it isn’t helpful.“

This. There just wasn’t any need 🤷‍♀️

@Nillynally

I was nervous about this too. After I'd had the baby I wandered up to the midwives station and the midwife told me she'd like to see my stitches, in a bit of a exhaustion induced haze I started to turn around and bend over and she quickly ushered me down the corridor 'let's get you behind a curtain!' by that point so many people had seen it, getting it out on the reception desk seemed completely normal!

😂😂😂

I now work on the same unit I gave birth on, so at least 5 of my colleagues and my boss have seen mine

[quote MattHancocksPrivateNurse]@sbananas I’m a nurse and work in gynae and honestly honestly honestly we couldn’t care less. When people get all shy and embarrassed it’s honestly such wasted energy and just makes it all take longer! Whip your vag our with wild abandon she will not care.[/quote]
Whip your vag our with wild abandon she will not care.

Brilliant 👏

She will look at your undercarriage in the same way a mechanic looks at a car, I found remembering that helped when I had some investigations recently that seemed to require the entire staff of my local hospital having a gawp!

You could always cancel the sweep.
You don't have to have one if you don't want one.
They can't give you one unless you consent.
Best of luck with your birth x

[quote sbananas]@MattHancocksPrivateNurse this made me feel so much better! Thank you [/quote]
There is a midwife who makes videos on tik tok. They are titled 'things you think I care about that I actually don't give a shit about'. How your vulva, vagina looks is of no consequence. Whether you have full 70s bush or are bald as a coot is of no consequence. It is just a body part that is central to her job. It's not any more interesting than that. She says she doesn't look at anyone after the birth and remember what their private parts look like.Try to relax about it Op.
My friend had a baby at the maternity unit in Stroud. Long labour and she fell asleep shortly afterwards through exhaustion. When she woke up the very good looking Dr Hilary from the telly was sitting between her legs ( legs in stirrups) stitching her up. Now that was embarrassing.

Honestly it can't be as bad as when my exH tried to tidy up down there for me before my stretch and sweep 🤣 that poor midwife must have been holding in a chuckle

But in all honestly midwives don't care, my friend is one and she says she doesn't even notice anymore. Their job is to bring a healthy baby into the world with a happy mum, they're not bothered what it looks like. They had to sew some stitches in mine after my DD was born and I honestly couldn't give to sh*ts in the end haha.

I had 2 s+s, the discomfort will take over the embarrassment

I have Tokophobia so can’t have children for this reason, I have CPTSD due to abuse in foster care, the SA I endured means I cannot have people touching me there. This got compounded by cruel gyne examinations where I was sobbing uncontrollably and the woman just kept going.

I can definitely understand your fear ☹️

Try to watch YouTube hypnosis videos on the topic, there’s hypnosis videos for everything on there. Try one for medical examination phobia

I wish you the best of luck x

@DoorWasAJar couldn’t help but respond. I too have Tokophobia (secondary) as I have children. Never actually heard of anyone that has it. Nice to meet you and I know how terrifying the condition is. X