What does your ‘ideal’ birth look like?

[Cheekypeach]

..and what did you get?

My ideal birth would be to go into labour naturally, have an epidural & baby born without pain or assistance. Maybe 4 hours start to finish?! Not too fast but relatively speedy.

What I got was a loooooong induction, failed epidural, long pushing stage & finally forceps. All good now but hoping number 2 will be easier!

I had 2 planned sections, went in a few hours before knowing when I'd have my baby. There was a woman there who'd been in labour for 24 hours when I arrived and her baby was born about 30 hours after my dd. Was pretty ideal to me. I know others don't feel the same.

@Choconuttolata

I wanted to give birth vaginally preferably with minimal intervention, minimal pain relief and possibly in water if I felt like it.

What I got was two EMCS after two relatively ok labours with gas and air and pethidine with the first and only TENS with the second. It all went wrong in the pushing stage when they both got stuck in different ways and attempts at ventouse and forceps failed.

Then finally to top it off a third complicated pregnancy with placenta praevia and placenta percreta culminating in a planned CS at 34 weeks with an emergency hysterectomy to save my life. This was followed by PTSD.

I find it hard to talk about my birth stories with people because none of them were good so I tend not to talk about them at all.

Oh Choco

It is luck of the draw and that sadly means for some people it’s very unfair

@joydivisionovengloves71

Opening the door to see the back end of a stork going down the path

Stork’s bum is the clear winner!

Planned c section... like I had!! ❤️

Does anyone else live out their ‘fantasy labour’ in their heads sometimes?

I don’t have birth trauma over DD, it was a long induction but the actual labour was less than 12 hours and the forceps delivery was quick and painless (thanks to an excellent spinal). Lucky to have very small blood loss and no infection etc.

But I sometimes daydream about my fantasy labour & what it would’ve been like!

My ideal birth was DC2. Got induced at 9am. At 11.30 i messaged the family chat saying nothings happening yet and it will probably be long again since i havent had any painful contractions yet. Was holding DC 30mins later

First child: wanted water birth at home with gas n air only, but got loooooong back to back first stage when baby was more than 2 weeks late (I wasn't induced before then as others with higher risk factors went ahead) then had to have induction drip to speed things up so got epidural. Second stage was relatively intervention free

Second child: wanted water birth in midwife led unit in hospital but fully expecting to transfer to main hospital (it's in same building) due to first birth experience, but this time baby not back to back, instead got in perfect position and arrived incredibly quickly. Contractions when to far apart to second stage in minutes so I gave birth at home with no medical assistance - midwife got there about 20 mins late. Had no pain relief at all from what I remember, in memory it really didn't hurt that much which I take to be difference between back to back & correct position. It was a bit frightening though, I'd have 'enjoyed it' more if I'd been in midwife unit or had midwife there. Also I pushed to hard too quick so tore more than I would have done if midwife there

So ideal experience would have been what I hat with my second but with a midwife present!

I only planned my first, I'm now in my 5th pregnancy and quite honestly pooping a brick.
My advice is don't plan it, births are all different and different problems can arise. Trust your body.

But for convo sake my ideal birth would be at home with my partner and midwife. Stress free and lovely.
What I actually got was 4 invasive births hooked upto machines and induced, unable to move freely and numerous complications between them all.

Mine would have been to hold them after they were born. Never got to experience this with either of them as they were premature I waited 2 days to hold my youngest and 5 days to hold my youngest

My second baby,waters went at 2am,took toddler to a friends house.

Arrived at the hospital about 3.30am,baby born an hour later,this was in Italy.I had a Leboyer birth,no pain relief just used the breathing technique I had learnt,delivery room was dark and quiet,it was fantastic.

My first baby also born in Italy with no pain relief but ended up forceps.My third was born in the U.K. and I had gas and air which I thought was the best thing ever.

I am also a midwife so lots of birth stories,but my second delivery has to be one of the best.

Happy Baby
Happy Me
Vagina and Anus to remain seperate.

@NewtoHolland

Happy Baby Happy Me Vagina and Anus to remain seperate.

😂 😂 😂

New to Holland 😂

Thanks CheekyPeach it is totally luck of the draw and I am lucky to be here. 100 years ago it might have been different. I try to focus on that and my three healthy children. 🤗

I wanted:

Not to go overdue ✅
To go into labour naturally ✅
To stay home as long as I could ✅
To use bath and TENS machine at home (alternately, obviously) ✅
To get into pool at hospital and have a water birth ❌ (couldn't due to meconium)
To use gas and air ✅
To avoid an epidural ideally ❌ had it at fully
To avoid an episiotomy and tear naturally ✅
I think I would have consented to a kiwi cup 'ventouse' delivery but not a forceps - wasn't an issue in the end
To listen to music ✅
To eat my special labour sweets ❌ (forgot all about them!!)

I was really happy with my labour and birth experience.

I just had it! A calm, 4-hour homebirth with minimal intervention. He arrived after a yoga class (haha) one evening in Jan at 40+5. I laboured a bit in the pool until I got out to move around (and encouraged my waters to break l, which they did) and then had him in the bed, on all fours. This was followed by immediate skin-to-skin, latching, optimum cord clamping and physiological birthing of the placenta. We couldn't have been happier ☺️

My first birth 12 years ago was a different story - induction at 39w due to questionable "borderline" GD diagnosis and many of the the interventions that risks being caught up in (drip...epidural...forceps...failure to latch etc).

With the second pregnancy / birth two years later, I fought the system the whole way (refused GTT and self monitored) and ended up with an unmedicated birth at a MLU. I did regret agreeing to my waters being broken and having an injection for the placenta as I now realise they were unnecessary interventions that were probably done for convenience.

This time I had a wonderful team of HB midwives who understood us and just let me get on with it - I am so grateful to them for helping us achieve this. And little man is amazing- super calm, healthy, alert and sweet. We are an extremely lucky and happy mum and dad!

Planned c section here too. I loved my birth. Lost blood but was bloody amazing. I was overwhelmed after it but only because I couldn't believe the amazingness of the team.

I wanted a calm water birth with gas and air, quick, no tears. A second boy at the end of it

That's what I got with my second, except she was a girl not a boy (we didn't know in advance)

I had the most beautiful birth with her. Under 3 hours and very easy. Had her first breastfeed at 45 mins old and got it straight away.

Pain free! .

My first birth was an emergency section and although it wasn’t painful it was stressful and I wouldn’t fancy repeating it.

Second (planned) c-section was amazing, no pain, totally serene, quick recovery. I’d do it again in a heartbeat if I wasn’t old and past my childbirth days!

I suppose a chilled water birth with no tearing, no intervention and a happy, healthy baby at the end would be lovely, but that wasn’t going to happen for me, so I’ll happily take my second birth.

No pain relief and a happy healthy baby.

Got the second part both times, but ended up with gas and air both times due to the midwife's insistence 😡 but it made me feel sick so just used the mouth piece to bite down on while pushing 😂

I agree with those who have said try not to plan!
With DD my aim was to labour on the MLU as I really didn't want to go on a postnatal ward afterwards. Which I did get however it was 20 hours from first contraction to giving birth and she was back to back, at on point i made the decision to move onto the consultant led unit to have an epidural but it was too late as I was 10cm. Then it took 4 hours to push her out, by the end I'd have let them chop my head off if it meant it would be over.
With DS again I wanted the MLU to avoid the postnatal ward. I also wanted to avoid a 20 hour labour and 4 hours pushing! Which I got this time, I don't mean to be smug but it was a dream. Woke up at 5am not knowing if I was in labour or not, after timing the pains I realised I was. He was facing the right way so wasn't as painful as last time, got to hospital at 7.30am, found out I was already 7cm, got in the pool, laboured for a bit before getting the urge to push which I thought was for a poo. First push was my waters breaking, second was his head and third push he was fully out just over an hour after arriving to hospital. No stitches and we were home in time for DD to come home from school to meet her brother.

Yes I didn’t plan anything at all for my first, I was of the opinion that as a FTM there was little point. Now I’ve had one VB it seems very likely I will have another so feel a few ‘preferences’ can’t hurt.

Will talk about my first as was pretty grateful over all.

I'll do ideal first and then what I got in brackets.

Go into labour naturally (did - 13 days early, but DC1 was a good size so no worries)

12 hours start to finish (29 hours - but really only the last 8 were too painful)

Birth Centre/pool (it was due to open at the hospital the same day - even followed the signs to the new unit - if I was 5 hours later I would've been in there - but was just in a room on a bed - but was fine)

No pain relief (had pethedine as in a lot of pain and only 3cm so it got me through a few hours of contractions - and then has and air at the end)

No tearing/stitches (hahaha but thankfully I was stitched well - even though it was a lot and healed well)

No cord clamping, instant skin to skin/BF, no anti D (got everything except the feeding as cord wasn't short enough for DC1 to reach my boob. So laid on my tummy looking around, barely cried, just so surreal and alert. Midwife was incredible checking the cord for a pulse and talking about it with us then cutting once we had lost colour. Then I fed the baby. Midwife also really enjoyed showing us my placenta. I think she liked having people who were interested.)

So overall I was very happy and I appreciate lucky with my first birth experience. And grateful for amazing nhs staff.

I dislike it when people say there is no point planning. It’s not planning, as such, it’s knowing you have options and choices and information gathering which is never a bad thing.

My ideal would be to give birth totally alone in my own bedroom with no one else around, to do everything myself without anyone knowing and certainly nobody ever, EVER touching me. I just cannot consent to any type of touch when I’m in pain. In my head it would be night time and I’d cuddle up for a sleep with the baby after the birth then ring relatives etc with the news in the morning, telling them myself not passing a message through some third party.

I guess I managed most of these things in a way but my babies births were still far from ideal. I did manage the at home bit and I also managed the no-touching bit thankfully, although I had to fight for it as the medical professionals I invited seemed to think they had the magical right to touch /examine me etc. I know it’s easier for them to just rummage around in there but it wouldn’t have been easier for me!

Interesting to read people’s ideals. I hope all with trauma heal physically and mentally

@NewtoHolland

Happy Baby Happy Me Vagina and Anus to remain seperate.

Agreed!

My only other real thing was:

Not to go overdue. They don't induce until 40+12 in my area despite scientific evidence that you shouldn't let people go more than a week overdue to minimise the risk of stillbirth.

I have a family history of very fast labours so was (rightly as it turns out) advised not to get too invested in what I wanted my labours to look like. Both were pretty speedy but DC2 arrived 15 minutes after we got to hospital!

I would have been up for a home birth with DC2 as we knew it was likely to be fast. But because of Covid lockdown the community midwives asked me to sign a form saying that I accepted that I might not get an ambulance in a timely manner if the home birth went wrong. Not a chance! We opted to dash for the hospital instead.

@PiesNotGuys maybe I should rephrase. Rather than saying don't plan I should've said don't have your heart set on a certain plan, if you have your heart set on it the majority of time you'll be disappointed or disheartened when it doesn't happen the way you wanted.