Tell me about your home birth as a FTM?

[Givemepickles]

I'm not due til August but seriously considering a home birth. However as I've never given birth before I have no idea how I'll find it. Home births appeal to me much more than being in a hospital.

If you had one can you tell me your experience? Did you use a pool? Did you have an NHS midwife with you? Did you use TENS, gas and air? How did you feel about it afterwards, especially as a FTM?

The risk of an adverse outcome to the baby is doubled for a FTM home birth. Just something to bear in mind. Personally I would choose an alongside hospital MLU for the best of both worlds.

I had a homebirth for my first and it was a beautiful experience. I had a TENS machine which I used until the midwives appeared (you get 2 NHS midwives dedicated just to you) and then used gas & air when they arrived. I didn’t manage to get a pool up and filled in time, but I had candles, music and honestly it was beautiful. The midwives were so supportive and afterwards stayed for about 2hrs before we were sat on our sofa with a cup of tea and breakfast all cuddled up with our baby! It felt amazing and relaxed to be in my own environment and I don’t think I would have felt the same in hospital.

Yes there are always risks of transfers etc but I think if you keep an open mind it’s the best way to be. Good luck and feel free to ask any other questions you do have! X

I love TENS too, unfortunately, I had placental abruption during birth and baby and I were very poorly for a few days. Luckily we were in a hospital environment and they were able to get him out quickly.

Our friend wasn't so lucky at home.

I really don't understand why anyone would risk it.

I had my first birth at home, if you are low risk it's a safe place to birth your baby (read the birth place study). Had a pool, little gas & air and it was beautiful.

There are a few HBers on MN but I find the threads tend to be full of other peoples anxieties which for me was quite stressful to read. It’s good to read up on the facts. Anyhoo with my first I had a go but had to transfer in due to failure to progress. Had been at home for 40 odd hours before we all agreed I’d better go in. I had a little cry but knew it had to happen. Blue light but not in a scary emergency way, just to avoid delay.

The bit that surprised me - I didn’t like the idea that contractions can slow as women arrive to hospital or feel scared - but this happened to me even at home! Every time a midwife appeared at the door labour all but stopped! And I was feeling all guilty about them hanging about, all inhibited. But they were lovely and it was so peaceful most of the time being at home. A lovely snowy day and lots of hot showers. I had a pool which DH emptied and refilled 3 times due to temperature loss and I never even got in it!

Anyhoo, second time I had a lovely home birth, no time to fill pool, total opposite, huge baby but out
In 2.5hrs, ‘golden hour’ afterwards with delayed cord clamping and feeding, the 3 of us cuddled up in bed. Making me broody thinking of it!

I had planned a home birth, for my first, with just gas and air. Body had other ideas, went overdue by 8 days then finally contractions started, called the midwife out but after 24 hours in labour, them breaking my waters and still nothing much happened. Poor midwife spent the night dozing on the sofa and intermittently checking on me while I slept between contractions! Sent me in to hospital in the morning when it was clear we weren't getting anywhere. Ended up having pethidine and an epidural as I was exhausted and I did discharge us at midnight as I wanted to be home in my bed.

2nd birth I did actually get at home, had gas and air and apart from DH forgetting to put the hot water on for my bath, it was lovely.

3rd planned home birth, noticed meconium in my waters shortly after calling midwife out so cancelled her and went to hospital. Lucky I did, as had shoulder dystocia and DD got quite stuck for a while. Room filled with people rather quickly! Was glad I wasn't at home...

I'm a lot older and more risk averse now (and a nurse!) and probably wouldn't choose a home birth now. But I was 20 when I had my first and thought I was invincible and knew everything!

@underneaththeash what happened with your friend?

For me it would depend on a few different factors.

1. what's happening in your pregnancy? If everything is 100% 'normal' then I'd feel more comfortable with it.
2. how far are you from the hospital incase transfer is necessary.

Personally, I'm a 7 min car ride to the hospital, less with lights and sirens obviously. As long as my pregnancy was nice and normal I'd certainly give it a whirl and transfer in if I wanted or needed to.

You're better off looking outside of mumsnet for positive homebirth experiences 😂 Honestly, most people here will just cause you anxiety as it's very anti homebirth.

Maybe speak to your midwife too?

@Lifeisnteasy

The risk of an adverse outcome to the baby is doubled for a FTM home birth. Just something to bear in mind. Personally I would choose an alongside hospital MLU for the best of both worlds.

This is misinformation @lifeisnteasy. This is what I mean about other peoples anxieties OP! Why would home birth for FTMs ever be a thing if the risks were this high. The risks to babies at HB for FTMs show a slight increase. For subsequent babies the risk of adverse outcomes is exactly the same as attending hospital.

www.guysandstthomas.nhs.uk/resources/patient-information/maternity/home-birth-why-not.pdf

The risk of adverse outcomes for babies nearly doubles for FTM homebirth. Here is the results of the Birthplace study.

I had all 4 of mine at home.
All went well, only issue was MW didn't have all the bits for gas and air for two of the births. Get them to check , and check again, to thier equipment when they arrive.

I would do it all again in a heart beat, gas or no gas !

@Heymumma29

I had a homebirth for my first and it was a beautiful experience. I had a TENS machine which I used until the midwives appeared (you get 2 NHS midwives dedicated just to you) and then used gas & air when they arrived. I didn’t manage to get a pool up and filled in time, but I had candles, music and honestly it was beautiful. The midwives were so supportive and afterwards stayed for about 2hrs before we were sat on our sofa with a cup of tea and breakfast all cuddled up with our baby! It felt amazing and relaxed to be in my own environment and I don’t think I would have felt the same in hospital.

Yes there are always risks of transfers etc but I think if you keep an open mind it’s the best way to be. Good luck and feel free to ask any other questions you do have! X

Due in 2 weeks and really hoping for this experience. Just picked up my tens machine today 🤞🏼 The homebirth team have been absolutely fantastic so far!

Spent much of labour at home with first. Transferred due to failure to progress plus meconium in waters. Glad I had much of it at home and gave it a go but right decision to go in to hospital. 2nd child born at home.

I'm not saying this just to pour cold water on the idea, but my experience was that I didn't get to have one! Was hoping for one, but various things happened and I had to give birth in hospital. Transfer rates are pretty high for FTM. That's not a reason not to do it, but I'd always advise to be ready practically (bag packed, etc) and emotionally that it might not happen.

I didn’t use a pool. I did have an NHS midwife (just one, there are supposed to be two). I didn’t use TENS, I didn’t use gas and air.

I wouldn’t say it was a beautiful experience, it was giving birth so it was bloody and hard and sometimes a bit fraught. Home birth gets a bad rep here as being all about the experience so I feel the need to say I didn’t have music, candles, fairy lights, all that stuff was not a feature (not saying it’s wrong to want these things but the experience was not my motivation). I didn’t even get dimmed lights as it was full daylight and sunny. What I did get was privacy, autonomy and control. It didn’t all go to plan, there were various issues during birth including baby having meconium and not being able to have pain relief.

After the birth I was simultaneously on a massive post birth high, feeling like I was a total badass and also utterly alone and abandoned by everyone, but I probably made that happen by insisting on privacy/autonomy. I guess I wanted to decide what happened to my own body but also have the support with my baby afterward but maybe you can’t have both.

Woke up at 4am with a contraction, which continued every 10 mins.

Dozed on and off for a while.
About 7 I couldn’t stay in bed, got up and had cup of tea and a shower.
Contractions getting slightly closer together, took co
Codamol and put TENS on.
Visit from homebirth midwife about 10, 3 cm dilated, she went away.
Got myself comfy on all fours on the sofa
She came back at 12, 5cm dilated, into the pool. Gas and air arrived at about 1, it was gorgeous and such relief.
About 4pm I had a cervical lip left? I’m a bit hazy but I had to get out and on to the sofa whilst they pushed it back, painful.
Back in the pool, now pushing like Billy o
Little fish slippy feeling and he was born just after 5
I lifted him out the water and fell in love

Out the pool, placenta and stitches done and I was on the shower by 8, couldn’t wee but they went home and I weed about 9.
Curled up in bed with and my husband blissfully feeding by 9pm

Best day of my life (bar birth of DS2).

I had my first at home and wouldn't change it for a thing. Two midwives to myself, comfortable setting, no visiting hours and a comfy bed. My third was at home too.

My second had to be hospital born, due to complications. It was necessary and I don't regret it, but it was much more painful and scary and frankly, deeply inconvenient when compared. What's more, despite the increased risk- the care was lesser. Three midwives between four of us it seemed. They were stressed and over worked. I suppose the reality is that my other two at home meant I had two midwives and those in hospital has less, but I'm selfish enough to say I'd have home births just for the extra care all to myself.

My advice don't get too hung up on any birth plan. They can change in an instant over the smallest of things.

I had planned to birth in a MLU with a pool, wound up having a planned c section. I never even got to experience contractions.

Signs of pre-eclampsia and a big baby - the medical advice was she needs to come out a week on x date. It was bizarre. Like turning up to a doctors appointment- not at all how I imagined!

Everything was fine but I'm glad I kept an open mind, while I didn't envision that happening - I tried to visual all the different scenarios I might end up in. I imagined being in an operating theatre, imagined birthing at home because I couldn't get to the hospital, imagined being in a pool etc etc. The only one I didn't imagine was that I'd need an appointment and it would be a planned c section. I imagined a dramatic c section with all alarms blaring.

A c section wasn't what I wanted at all but imaging myself in all the different scenarios really helped when I suddenly realised my options were narrowing over something beyond my control....

Personally, I'd go for MLU, because if something isn't going well, or you really need stronger pain relief - you're right there.

I think a home birth for a second baby is OK- once you've gone through it all and know what to expect.

P.s for my hospital you had to be within a certain radius of the hospital to be considered for a home birth, so before you get set on something make sure you're eligible purely from an address perspective.

Also to note - you can choose any hospital you want to birth in (within reason). Don't feel like you have to birth at the place nearest to you.

Of course, that's only my view - you're the Mama! So it's entirely up to you xx

[quote stmw123]@underneaththeash what happened with your friend?

For me it would depend on a few different factors.

1. what's happening in your pregnancy? If everything is 100% 'normal' then I'd feel more comfortable with it.
2. how far are you from the hospital incase transfer is necessary.

Personally, I'm a 7 min car ride to the hospital, less with lights and sirens obviously. As long as my pregnancy was nice and normal I'd certainly give it a whirl and transfer in if I wanted or needed to. [/quote]
Everything is normal and healthy so far. I have no risk factors except being 35+.
I'm one street from the hospital. It's a 2 min walk.

Thanks for the views everyone. Really great hearing positive stories and realistic ones too.

I'm not set on an experience as such. I'm actually quite an anxious person and never considered home birth. But I started reading about it and had a bit of a "ah ha" moment where I realised at least 50% of my anxiety around giving birth is about being in hospital. The other 50% is obviously the pain and the unknown. So now I figure I can remove 50% of my anxiety through home birth. I've done a lot of reading as I'm a data driven person and that started to convince me.

I had three HBs: all different, all great experiences in their own way. I never had a hospital birth so I can’t compare from experience but I can’t imagine how it would have felt to transfer in, as each time I was in early labour until suddenly I wasn’t, so I suspect I would have spent a lot of time being told to go home and come back later.

First baby was a very long slow labour. Several midwives came out over what turned into three days of contractions. They worked out the baby was slightly in the wrong position, so not putting pressure on the cervix. They gave me suggestions on random positions to take. I also had an acupuncturist come to the house that a friend organised for me in case it would help! On day four we’d all agreed that I’d go in to have my waters broken, as I was 42 weeks, but I managed to finally go into full labour, and the baby was born after about five hours with some gas and air (best thing ever). I had three midwives at the birth as one had arrived for a shift change. I later found out that they’d all thought I’d probably end up with a C section but as I was coping with the contractions and the baby wasn’t in any distress, they left it to see whether things changed, and luckily they did.

I tried to have a homebirth,we had a pool.

Transferred to hospital after 2 nights of contractions,I was exhausted being in pain for so long. I was only 4cm when I got to the hospital and even after going to the drip for 4 hours I was STILL 4cm! EMCS in the end…

I’d say go for a home birth if it’s what you want but be prepared to transfer for whatever reason. Many of my friends have had home births with their 1st.

I had the perfect pregnancy, literally had no problems at all and was classed as “low risk”.
I wanted to have a home birth however after reading lots of stories I decided to go into hospital and I’m so glad I did.
During labour my babies heart rate went very low as she became so distressed quite quickly although it wasn’t a “long” labour, they wanted to do an emergency section but it was too late as she was already in the birth canal so used a ventouse instead to get her out as quickly and safely as possible. I had a haemorrhage straight after birth which I immediately needed a blood transfusion for. I also needed antibiotics through an IV line. It went from 0 to 100 quite quickly and I’m really not trying to scare you or put you off but I’m SO thankful I did decide to give birth in hospital because I would hate to think what would of happened if they didn’t get her out quick enough.
I hope you have an amazing birth and do what feels right for you 💕

Can I ask (and it's more understanding and curiousity, not making judgements) and I think @kittenkipper touched on it. If you have a HB and get NHS MWs, does that mean there are less MWs in the hospital? How does it work? If there a dedicated HB team, or do all the MWs have to cover both so the more HBs there are, the less staff to cover hospital births (and potentially diluting care in hospitals)?

Where is your safe space OP? Where will you feel most relaxed? For many women this is hospital. For me it was home, where I was in control and had all my stuff. I was conscious that if something did go wrong, I could get to hospital quickly. I would not have chosen a home birth on a remote island, but for a 15 min drive, risk wasn’t so different to being in hospital I think. Even women who labour in hospital spend time getting transferred to surgery if they need it. Anyway, you asked how it went.

4pm: I feel odd, is today the day? Had my ‘show’ days ago, been leaking fluid for days.
6pm: pretty sure is today. Better have snack
6.30: Snack was bad idea. vomit up snack.
7pm: definitely labour. Alert midwives. Fill birth pool. Attempt to remove husband from zoom work calls.
7-9: contractions extremely close together. I feel stunned but not in major pain, no shouting or screaming or any of that nonsense you see on tv. I remember thinking it felt a bit like being punched in the stomach at the same time as being smacked over the head. Many times. Feels like baby will be here soon. Hurts much less in pool, I mostly stay in pool.
9: midwives arrive. Labour massively slows.
9-11. Everyone is staring at me. I dunno what to do. 🤷‍♀️ Walk round a bit, squat, try all the active birth positions I learned in NCT class. Listen to relaxing music, watch candle. Push a lot, in and out of pool. Nothing much happens. Midwives start doing very very frequent checks and then say with relief that baby is fine.
11pm: feel shaky and weak. Music has finished, candle burned out long ago. Very aware labour is all but stopped. Very hungry. Exhausted, now lying flat on back instead of in ‘active birth position’. Realise cannot actually lift my own leg cos so tired. Demand bowl of frosties with sugar. Puzzled husband brings huge bowl of Frosties. I eat it all and this time it stays down.
12pm: Frosties has given energy. Push really really hard. Much harder than expected from what I read. Recall is called Labour. Push very very hard. Am now lying flat on back how nct tells you not to but I have no energy for anything else. Body suddenly convulses, midwife tells me sharply not to push, but my body is now doing something on its own that I can’t stop. I feel a sharp burning sensation. Baby is out. We stare at each other. Baby looks extremely surprised.

Cuddles, feed baby, try to get the frickin placenta out, stiches from midwife, bed.

I can’t imagine trying to do it in hospital but if you do - take sugary snacks and listen to your instincts! I really think the sugar put my labour back on track.

I totally misunderstood.

Thought you were Female To Male 🙈