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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Tell me about your home birth as a FTM?

41 replies

Givemepickles · 12/01/2022 16:00

I'm not due til August but seriously considering a home birth. However as I've never given birth before I have no idea how I'll find it. Home births appeal to me much more than being in a hospital.

If you had one can you tell me your experience? Did you use a pool? Did you have an NHS midwife with you? Did you use TENS, gas and air? How did you feel about it afterwards, especially as a FTM?

OP posts:
Thirtytimesround · 14/01/2022 00:09

@GingerFigs no, having midwives attend a home birth does not remove midwives from hospital. There is a team of community midwives in each area who advise local pregnant women, take bloods / urine etc during pregnancy, and do baby checks. If a home birth happens, they also attend the birth, usually working through the night to do so. Community midwives do not work in hospitals.

AdviceNeeded367 · 14/01/2022 00:17

Of course! FTM is “first time mum”, not “female to male”! 🤦🏼‍♀️ I wondered why being trans made home birth more risky 😳

GingerFigs · 14/01/2022 00:27

Thank you @Thirtytimesround that's really helpful, I've always wondered how it works (maybe too much time watching Call the Midwife Blush)

Gardeningtipsneeded · 14/01/2022 01:01

@Thirtytimesround your story really reminds me of the first home birth I attended as a baby midwife… the community midwife did a VE then whilst looking at the woman’s perineum asked me to find some jam…: I did, fully expecting that my mentor would be spreading it on the labouring woman’s perineum. I don’t know why, it was the way she was calling for jam whilst doing this examination. I really thought I was going to learn some esoteric jam perineum technique…

Anyway, she actually fed this woman jam by the spoon for energy and she delivered soon after.

cloverleafy · 14/01/2022 04:26

I had my first and third at home. I don't like hospitals and it was the right choice for us.

With my first I felt twinges at lunchtime, 2 days overdue, driving home from aquanatal. Around 5 I called my husband and told him to quietly clear up, as I suspected he wouldn't be going back to work for a while. Contractions carried on intensifying gradually. Called the midwives at 9 or 10 and they were here by 11. We'd been setting up the pool in the meantime, pacing, bouncing on birth ball. The pool was at one end of the sitting room and the midwives spent lots of time on the sofa at the far end. My husband didn't get in the pool at all. Yes it hurt, I did have gas and air. No, it was never overwhelming or unbearable. Baby was born between 4 & 5. My placenta was slow to deliver and they got a bit twitchy, but it did appear after some syntometrin and making me move a bit. Having had more children, that seems to be a feature of my labours.

I would 100% recommend HB, as long as your risk levels are good and you truly understand what you're doing.

Slayduggee · 14/01/2022 06:54

I had my second at home in Lockdown 1. Contractions started at 5:30am and filled pool. Got in pool and called hospital. One midwife arrived flower by another with a student who bought gas and air. Babies heart beat was monitored every 15 minutes and then more closely when pushing. Pushing took a while as baby was big with a big head and back to back. Had baby and the midwife ran me a bubble bath so I could clean myself and then I went to bed and snuggled my newborn and 2 year old. I had a tear that required stitches but I had gas and air and I insisted on having a local anaesthetic!

Mumsnet is generally very anti home birth. This is an more up to date study than the Oxford study being quoted with a much bigger sample size. www.thelancet.com/journals/eclinm/article/PIIS2589-5370(20)30063-8/fulltext

stitchinguru · 14/01/2022 07:02

I had my third at home (at the age of 36) - absolutely lovely experience and I so wish I’d done the same with the first two.
2 midwives, just for us (who have to stay for 2 hours after the birth).
However, the big thing for me was knowing that our hospital is approx 10 mins away. I think that has to be a major factor in the decision.

Theregoesmyhomebirth · 17/01/2022 02:34

Had my first at home. Planned HB, but would have had one anyway as she came pretty quick. Waters went in the night, slight cramps (less than period) in the night and early morning. Rang midwives at 9am and MW visited around 10am for an hour. Left about 11am telling me that I'd have hours to go, probably that eve or the next day. We rang them back an hour and a half later to say we could see the head and could she come back Grin
Had I been booked for a hospital delivery I doubt they would have accepted me and I would have delivered her as an unplanned BBA at home or on the street trying to get there.
Currently pregnant with twins and dreading a hospital birth.

MimiDaisy11 · 17/01/2022 02:50

Some people have said to go elsewhere as mumsnet is anti home birth but I’m not sure where is best as lots of pro-home birth groups for it can end up going the other way and support ignoring doctors advice and free birthing etc.

Best of luck with whatever you choose. The high transfer rates put me off considering it.

YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators · 17/01/2022 03:12

DC1: tried for HB, lots of Ina May, hypno-birthing and pool, but elevated temp and waters broken for 24h+ necessitated transfer to hospital. There were unforeseen complications which would have meant I'd have needed to go to hospital in the end anyway (fused cranial sutures meaning DC1 was virtually undeliverable without serious intervention). The pain was like nothing I had experienced or expected; I had completely thought I'd breathe through it with a bit of Farm-style 'smoochin' with DP, so was glad to have made it to hospital.

DC2: easy homebirth, not much prep, 2h from start to finish, no need for pain relief, sutures on sofa with tea and biscuits, bath and bed.

bluemagicalsky · 20/01/2022 10:37

I'm a FTM and had a homebirth in September. When I made the decision, I felt instant relief and excitement for labour and delivery. All went perfectly. I felt happy, safe and relaxed in my own home which I'm sure only aided the process. Follow your gut and do what feels right for you

firstimemamma · 20/01/2022 10:47

My friend was very low risk and unexpectedly had a bad post partum haemorrhage. It was touch and go even in hospital, the doctors said had she have had a home birth she 100% wouldn't be alive today. It's just not worth the risk.

coraka · 20/01/2022 11:07

I considered a hone birth with DC2. Had an uncomplicated birth with DC1 and healthy pregnancy with DC2, no risk factors.

in the end I went with midwife unit at hospital. I had tens machine, gas and air, delivered in pool.

Dd2 stopped breathing after birth and I had a post partum haemorrhage. Emergency button push and doctors were there in seconds. I am so so glad we were in hospital.

DaisyWaldron · 20/01/2022 11:09

I had my first at home. My younger sister was born at home, so I always knew I wanted a home birth if possible, and the women I knew who had given birth in our local hospital had mostly had pretty horrendous experiences with a lot of interventions and "I almost died" stories which left a couple of them with PTSD, so I wanted to avoid hospital if possible.

In the end, it was all very straightforward. I went into labour a few days before my due date. Had my regular Saturday lunch with friends in early labour, went shopping for some last minute baby stuff while I was in town, went home, talked to my mum on the phone, had a nap, and then the contractions started coming closer together. I made some food (using the contractions to time the food - they were every 5 minutes at that point) and watched TV for a bit and called the midwives. I used a TENS machine, but didn't find it made all that much difference and the contractions didn't hurt all that much. Spent quite a lot of time on the phone to the hospital because they couldn't find a midwife, but agreed to send someone round in around an hour. The midwife showed up, I was fully dilated, but the disturbance of her arrival slowed the labour down and I spend ages pushing, but DD was born around 2 hours after the first midwife arrived. Then after everything was cleared away, I had a shower and went to bed with DH and our new baby. It was lovely, and the most straightforward birth of anyone I knew. I'm pretty certain that if I'd gone to hospital my labour would have followed a similar pattern to most of the other first time mothers I knew, with failure to progress,a baby in distress and an emergency caesarian/forceps.

I think that if I'd had the option of a stand alone midwife led unit I might have taken it, but there wasn't one locally at the time, so my choice was between a consultant led unit with very high rates of intervention and a home birth, and the home birth was by far the safest option for me.

Twizbe · 20/01/2022 11:30

I'd have loved a home birth but DH wasn't keen. I'm not planning any more but if I was I'd be HB as I'm quick!

Given you live so close to the hospital I'd give it a go. You're closer than a lot of MLUs are to labour wards so a transfer time would be minimal.

You can but try.

Peppaismyrolemodel · 20/01/2022 12:17

I was advised to have a ‘wait and see’ birth Grin
So like a pp poster, if it is a low risk pregnancy them plan to stay at home as long as comfortable- but also plan to go into hospital and get yourself comfortable with the idea of that, since it is a first birth and transfer rates are high (a good midwife will take less risks when the odds are unknown as in a first birth)
I lived two streets from the maternity ward entrance and this really influenced my decision

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