FTM and I'm terrified

[ccbt98]

Hi everyone

I've just found out I'm pregnant and we're still really early days so just deciding if we really want to go through with it. My OH is supportive either way but there is something holding me back from fully committing at the moment.

I think one of the only things holding me back is childbirth. I'm 23 (will be 24 at birth) and I've never really been in excruciating pain before.

Does anyone have any tips of how to help me overcome this?

Look into hypnobirthing, though go for one of the more sensible courses which doesn't make unrealistic promises. There are lots of online options - eg the birth-ed one for £40. You might find the hypnobirthing book by Hollie De Cruz helpful (can't remember the exact title) as she was about your age when she gave birth for the first time.

For alternative natural pain management methods check out the book Birth Skills by Australian writer JuJu Sundin.

Look into getting a TENS machine to help you in the early stages of labour.

Educate yourself about different pain relief options that will be available to you on the day (gas and air, pethidine, epidural etc) and keep an open mind. Don't rule anything out.

Read up on the the birth process and familiarise yourself with the different sorts of interventions that might be required (induction, C-section, forceps, ventouse, episiotomy) so you'll feel prepared once you're in the delivery room.

Finally, bear in mind that everyone has a different experience of birth. I spent my life terrified of childbirth but when the time came it was honestly fine. I appreciate I was lucky, but you never know - you might be the same.

Epidural
Best pain relief going, stopped all pain for me

You only ever hear the horror stories .
I was a lot older than you and was dreading the worst ! Tbh I've had worse periods

Also, it really is all worth it. I would do it twice for a healthy baby in the end

Oh, and check out the Fear Free Childbirth podcast with Alexia Leachman. She overcame tokophobia (fear of childbirth) in order to have her children and I found her podcast helpful.

If fear of childbirth is the only thing standing between you and having the baby, please know that there are ways to overcome the fear.

I found “Mindful Birthing” by Nance Bardacke great. Really helped me through early labour.

Then pethidine followed some hours later by an epidural did a smashing job of seeing me through the rest, right up to ultimately having a section😊.

Its really not as bad as people make out. Yes its painful, but its manageable in my opinion as it comes in waves usually and you do get some breaks from the pain right up until the end.

Also, epidurals are great.

By the time you get to the end of pregnancy you are desperate to get on with labour.
I found the peak terror weeks wete16-20. My first birth wasn’t great but I did have another!
Definitely swot up on the types of pain relief and in the early stages simple things like a hot water bottle helps.

It is totally normal to be afraid of the Labour when you find out you are pregnant. Totally normal.
As your pregnancy goes on it’s also totally normal to become more accepting.
But the end of it the idea of meeting your baby is so lovely and your hormones sort of takeover.
Yes Labour is painful but lots of things can help to make it more than manageable. Tens, hypno birthing, water birth, epidural etc etc.
And it isn’t constant pain. And I can’t be intense but it’s not horrific.
You will be fine. Your body will know what to do and you get a beautiful baby at the end.

Thanks everyone I really appreciate it!

There are lots of things that are scaring me but I want kids so bad so I just have to get over it 🤣

Not sure if an epidural will happen though, not sure what's scarier birth or giant needles 🤣🤣 (I'm a wimp I know haha)

Thank you all again, I already feel better xxx

I was the same age as you at the time of giving birth to DD. Honestly, I was one of the handful that actually enjoyed labour. I was lucky enough to have a pretty smooth birth with only a minor complication but the excitement of being so close to meeting my baby outweighed everything else. My midwife was amazing, the labour was quick, I managed to do it at with a bit of gas and air. You only ever hear horror stories because some people think it's some kind of competition to have the worst birth. Prepare as much as you can, it doesn't always have to be bad

The Positive birth book by Milli Hill has an excellent section on what labour is like and breaks it down for you. I don't think you can think pain away or anything but I liked the pragmatic approach to labour the chapter has and I felt that it really helped me realise that the "pain" would be fleeting in terms of the process. I've had two sections and a water home birth. The sections were not my cup of tea at all. The water birth was bloody amazing. I didn't find it painful- uncomfortable at times definitely but nothing compared to the section pain.

@CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood
Oh that's great to hear and has made me feel much better. Do you mind if I ask were you trying then? This was an unexpected surprise for us as we hadn't planed on kids for 2 years and as much as I do want it im also scared it's not the right time xx

@Teaandcakeordeath83 that's great thank you!

Honestly your hormones will take over. I was also so scared of an epidural but when I was in labour and going up the painkiller options as time passed (was induced) I cannot describe to you how happy I was to get a needle in my spine!! I never would have believed it ahahah.

It ran out by the time I was pushing so that was fun with only gas and air. Make sure you keep it topped up ahah! Still, you get through it. The exhilaration and determination that takes hold of you when birthing your baby is indescribable. Hormones are incredible things!

For me it was only very painful right towards the end. The pushing and crowning I was numb for so no pain, just pressure - lots and lots of pressure. It’s totally manageable, don’t be shy of using pain relief whatever works for you. - there is no prize for bravery. Research your options in advance so you know what each option entails without lengthy explanations in the moment. You’ll be ready when it comes to it - it must be the hormones. Congratulations 🙂

@PregnantAgainOhMy
Thank you, I'm sure I'll be booked up on painkillers haha!

@newstart1234 thank you!🥰 such a scary thought but I feel much more relaxed reading all these comments!

[quote ccbt98]@CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood
Oh that's great to hear and has made me feel much better. Do you mind if I ask were you trying then? This was an unexpected surprise for us as we hadn't planed on kids for 2 years and as much as I do want it im also scared it's not the right time xx[/quote]
Glad it's brought you a bit of comfort! We were trying but I'm currently 18 weeks PG with DC2 and this one was completely unplanned. I'm looking forward to labour and meeting baby though this time but I did cry when I first found out as it was such a shock. You always have a choice, don't feel pressured in to anything. But then then at the same time, I always think it never seems like the right time. DD was planned and I still panicked at first that it wasn't right or we weren't ready for a baby!

@CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood

Okay well that makes me feel better if it was planned and you were still nervous! Best of luck with this one! Thank you for your advice 🥰

Not sure if an epidural will happen though, not sure what's scarier birth or giant needles 🤣

Yeah I was the same, trust me if you need the epidural the needle issue is non existent . I always said I'd be open to an epidural but the needles freaked me out and it was a last last resort. 3 days of labour later I didn't even notice the needle and honestly almost proposed to the doctor doing it. That was a year ago and we're trying for another so it can't have been that bad even if it was long haha. Good luck with whatever you decide

@Theresamagicalplace haha brilliant I'm sure I will be the same at the moment!😖

Thank you so much, best of luck with ttc 🥰🥰

Hi OP. You sound exactly how I felt. I was 24 (now 43) when I had my DS. A total surprise. I was so upset because I was so scared. I even had a meltdown when I went in to give birth. The fear was immense.

I was in a lot of pain, as expected, but the whole situation takes over and you cope. And you feel like superwoman! Because you are at that moment. Just take any pain relief you can and you’ll be fine. You’ll be amazed with yourself.

Don’t be scared! Honestly, you’ll surprise yourself at what you’re capable of. Definitely try hypnobirthing, it’ll be a much better experience if you can go into it calm and positive rather than afraid. The positive birthing company digital pack is fantastic. Also seek out and read loads of positive birth stories, and ignore the people who tell you it’s ‘excruciating’, it really isn’t.

Honestly I stressed about giving birth so much! I've only ever heard horror stories, that's because the rest of them are boring.
Had my boy last year, I did soooooooo much prep in the lead up. The positive birth company course was excellent, I listened to birth story podcasts, spoke to lots of friends, did NCT and used an epino to help stretch.
In the end I managed it fine and came away enjoying my birth experience. I could cope with the contractions for 24hrs with a tens machine. Each contraction is manageable but obviously becomes a bit relentless. Then when I found I wasn't very dilated I opted for an epidural which was bliss. I chilled out chatted with my husband and the midwife, slept most of the night then woke up and pushed him out. Didn't feel a thing. No tearing or anything. Got up and had a shower about an hour later.
With the epidural you don't see the needle, just felt a prick in my back. You have so many blood tests and injections over the pregnancy period and birth what is one more!!
The really tough part I didnt put much study into was how to get the baby sleeping!!! Would recommend you do some research on that 🤣